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Yucks Digest V2 #34 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Sat, 13 Jun 92 Volume 2 : Issue 34
Today's Topics:
A yuck for you
Brainy Teen `Mathcounts' Champ
Bumpersticker that Phil Moyer should have
classic GWS
congress on the net?
eniac.reference
fromthe Atl journal/constitution
Fun with bug reports
latest news from Spumoni: Olson to croak, death of net prevented
Lawrence Welk: The Ultimate Evil.
Mailing label glitch
Math Geek Humor
MGU and Dianetics (fwd)
My God a joke in eunet.jokes !
Niklaus Wirth's latest instrument of psychic torture...
NOTW
phone peeves
Pwwt, pwwt. "Testing, testing..." Screeeoooop!!! Ptok. ".. and good
[removed at request of the author]
School, No Passing
Some `Tonight' Guests - List
The Evolution of Bumper Stickers........
Transplants
U.S. Snacks Popular Oversease
Woodchucks Attack War Shrines
Yucks Digest V2 #32
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 92 14:54:15 EDT
From: boykin%sol@gte.com (Joseph Boykin)
Subject: A yuck for you
To: Yucks-request
Heard on the radio this morning:
For the intellectual crowd: What does an existentialist sweet
potatoe say:
I think, therefore I yam.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 15 May 92 18:31:14 PDT
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Brainy Teen `Mathcounts' Champ
To: yucks-request
WASHINGTON (AP)
Quick as a Michael Jordan dunk, 13-year-old Andrei Gnepp of
Orange, Ohio, calculated the comeback odds involving a hypothetical
pro basketball playoff to win a national math contest on Friday.
Young Gnepp, whose father is a computer scientist and his mother a
math professor, blurted out a few of his answers faster than the
moderator could complete the questions during the final rounds of
Mathcounts, a sort of counterpart to the National Spelling Bee. The
competition was among 223 seventh- and eighth-graders.
"I like soccer and I like writing," said Gnepp, but math is what
he likes best.
It took him just seconds to come up with the solution to this
problem:
If the Bulls lead the Pistons three games to two in a seven-game
playoff, and assuming the probability of the Bulls winning any game
against the Pistons is three-fifths, what is the probability that the
Pistons will win the playoffs?
Four-twenty-fifths, the soft-spoken Gnepp correctly replied.
Jennifer Hoffman of Greenwich, Conn., won second place, the first
time in the competition's nine years that a girl has finished so high.
She was ranked No. 1 out of all the contestants after a written
test in the morning.
What about the notion that girls aren't as good in math as boys?
"Phooey!" she said with a big grin.
"She's disproved" the myth, said her coach, Margaret Wright.
Gnepp finished 21st last year. He said he was excited about
winning, but was upset at himself for his "stupid mistakes" in the
written portion, where he ranked second to Miss Hoffman. There, he
missed on only two questions out of 38.
Gnepp's father, Steven, is a computer scientist at the National
Aeronautics and Space Administration. His mother, Paula, is a math
professor at Cleveland State University.
"Sometimes he comes to me with questions, but I'm not pressuring
him," Mrs. Gnepp insisted as she stood smiling next to her son.
"Andrei's brilliant, but what makes him different is that he is so
thorough," said his math coach, Hugh Thompson.
[He'll be working his way through the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.
--spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 10 Jun 92 07:48:31 EDT
From: rsk@gynko.circ.upenn.edu (Richard Kulawiec)
Subject: Bumpersticker that Phil Moyer should have
To: bob
(seen on the Schuylkill Distressway at rush hour)
"If I had an F-16, I'd be home by now."
------------------------------
From: gsmith@concour.cs.concordia.ca (Gene Ward Smith)
Newsgroups: alt.activism,alt.flame,soc.singles,alt.sex,alt.politics.homosexuality
Subject: Inappropriate ad for mathematics
Date: 12 May 92 20:48:34 GMT
In article <gblklvf.onr@netcom.com> onr@netcom.com (D. Owen Rowley) writes:
>excuse me, the natural universe IS chaotic, some of us do not fear
>chaos, some of us have a deep and personal relationship with the
>chaotic nature of our universe. Chaos is not only describable, its is
>structured, it is NOT random.
One of the things I am quietly proud of as a mathematician is the
ocaasional ability of the mathematics community to convince people
that words mean what *we* define them to mean. A few short years
ago, chaos meant chaos, an ordinary English word. *Now* it has
to to with dynamical systems! We've done a similar number on
topology, nobody even knows anymore what that used to mean.
I'm hoping that rational, irrational, trancendental, supernatural,
real, complex, group, ring, field, class, filter, ideal, sheaf,
scheme, clubs, hearts, diamonds and spades go the same way. When a
monster devours Tokyo, I want people to wonder if it was the Baby or
the Friendly Giant. Let flabbiness, Moonshine, and abstract nonsense
prevail!
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 3 Jun 92 11:55:47 CDT
From: Patricia O Tuama <rissa@cs.uchicago.edu>
Subject: congress on the net?
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
In Washington, the chairman of the House Administrative
Committee recently said that all House members will have,
by next year, full interactive access to users of the Internet
computer network
well, i'd rather have dan quayle online than the entire congress
but does this mean that we'll soon find john glenn in sci.astro,
henry hyde in talk.abortion or or jesse helms in rec.arts.fine?
ted kennedy in alt.sex.bondage?
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 10 Jun 92 10:51:08 MDT
From: Lazlo Nibble <lazlo@triton.unm.edu>
Subject: eniac.reference
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
Speaking of cousins (you can hear the subject changing from six blocks
away, can't you?), my friend Scott has this first cousin (mother's
sister's kid) who just happens to have the #4 pop album in the country
right now -- that Billy Ray Cyrus fella, with his single "Icky Sticky
Love", or whatever. Anyway, when Billy Ray was leaving the backwoods of
Kentucky to make it big in Hollywood, he paid Scott $20 for a fake rotted
corpse that Scott had made, and Billy Ray rigged it up in the passenger
seat of his car to wave at people when they drove by, and used to have it
on stage with him for shows sometimes. So if you just happen to meet
Billy Ray at a record-store signing or you're backstage at a concert
sometime, ask him whatever happened to his rotted corpse.
I'm Not Making This Up.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 5 Jun 92 12:56:05 EDT
From: goldsman@cc.gatech.edu (Mike Goldsman)
Subject: fromthe Atl journal/constitution
To: yucks
>From the Atlanta Journal/Constitution , June 5 1992
--- The 5-foot-one, 103 pound Soleil Moon Frye -she was television's
"Punky Brewster" - recently underwent breast reduction surgery in
hopes of easing back problems. Soleil, soon to be 16, now wears a 36-C
bra, down from a D.
[Maybe now that show might be able to get decent ratings!]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 92 17:54:04 PDT
From: oleg@veritas.com (Oleg Kiselev)
Subject: Fun with bug reports
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us (Trish's Social Club)
This is an exerpt of a real bug report:
>ABSTRACT:
> Incorrect language.
>DESCRIPTION:
> The file "......." has a check to
> see if
> a call to realloc returns NULL. If it does, the line:
>
> Perror("VM sucks!");
>
> is executed.
>
> To avoid the use of potentially scatological language, this message
> should
> probably be changed to (as defined by Webster):
>
> Perror("VM is extremely objectionable or inadequate").
>
> (or some other phrase).
>
> Note the opinion of VM expressed by this message is not necessarily
> shared
> by the submitter of this MR.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 92 9:15:15 CDT
From: meo@pencom.com (Miles O'Neal)
Subject: latest news from Spumoni: Olson to croak, death of net prevented
To: spaf (Gene Spafford)
T H E S P U M O N I B E L C H
SPECIAL NOON EDITION June 9, 1992
All the news we would like to read
OLSON TO FRY LIKE A FISH
(DGN, Boston) Ken Olson was sentenced to death by electrocution today
y a jury of his peers. The jury, composed primarily of VAX system
architects and out-of-work BLISS programmers, convicted Olson of selling
snake oil to unsuspecting consumers. Tickets will be sold to Olson's
impending demise, and the proceeds will be used to pay for reeducation
of thousands of suddenly useless VMS system administrators.
VIRUS DESTROYS NET
(ANO, Atlantis) The new U.S. Androidics Sphincter modem, advertised as
having "the world's best flow control", has been hit by a particularly
nasty virus. Originally thought to be a mutation of the Telebit Trail-
blazer Control register Virus which struck Usenet several years ago, it
was discovered instead to be an intentional side effect of the X Protocol
added by a disgruntled NeWS programmer infiltrated into the X Consortium
by the Jobs Boys, a terrorist arm of the Closed Software Foundation.
The X-Lax virus, which modifies 1 bit in the PROMs of the Sphincter's
undocumented control software (known internally as The Nether Regions),
results in random streams of data being pumped through the modem at full
speed, disrupting normal operations. Specialists at U.S. Androidics have
announced that a cure for "the Squirts" has been effected. This cure,
known as Malox, is being distributed to all customers via the net. Acting
as a benign virus to restore the original program and guard against future
bugs, Malox has a nasty side effect, though; as it passes through Telebits,
they tend to get the Squirts, themselves. "Not my problem", the
president of U.S. Androidics noted when asked about the side effect.
------------------------------
Date: 7 Jun 92 05:46:03 GMT
From: gecko@zooid.guild.org (GECKO)
Subject: Lawrence Welk: The Ultimate Evil.
Newsgroups: alt.evil
For days now, I have communicated with the spirit of the
late, and dare I say great, Lawrence Welk. Master
Lawrence wants all the Devil-worshipping evil-doers out
there to know what horrors await them in the very depths
of Hell. Twenty-four hours a day, every day, for the rest
of Eternity, you will be subjected to evil Champagne Music
until your ears bleed and yea, even Bette Midler's unholy
wailing shall seem merciful in comparison. Soap bubbles
will burst ceaselessly against your bare skin, until you
BEG to be sent to the fire-pits! You will be forced to waltz
with unspeakably horrific beehived Demons with evil grimaces
frozen on their poreless, cosmetic-caked faces. And who
do you think will be orchestrating this most vile and
unnatural circus of despair? Who will be conducting
the infamous and Hellishly mellow Champagne Band? It
will be the Vapid One Himself, The Waltz Lord, the Prince
of Champagne: Lawrence Welk!!!
LAWRENCE WELK IS SATAN! JOIN THE WELKISTS!
WALTZ BEFORE THE VAPID ONE!
- GECKO,
Illustrious Servant of Welk
[Indeed, there seems to be a newsgroup for everything. --spaf]
------------------------------
From: spaf
Subject: Mailing label glitch
Newsgroups: comp.risks
I'm on the mailing list for the International Computer Security
Association. I'm also on the editorial board of one of their
publications. For a year or so, I've been getting their regular
mailings at my home address. However, other business correspondance
from them has been going to my address at Purdue.
So, to make things a little more orderly, I sent them a short letter
and asked them to send all of further mailings for me to Purdue.
So, this week I received mail from them addressed to "Purdue Spafford"
at my home address.... I'd love to know how they got that into their
computer-generated mailing list!
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 10 Jun 92 15:46:37 PDT
From: akin@tuolumne.asd.sgi.com
Subject: Math Geek Humor
To: dain@pawsun.ece.uc.edu, jmd@cs.princeton.edu, drewry@gain.com, tdn@tuolumne.asd.sgi.com, Michelle.Arden@eng.sun.com, spaf
Seen on rec.backcountry:
Q: What do you get when you cross an Aedes mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scalar.
------------------------------
From: pdunn@wpi.WPI.EDU (Patrick P. Dunn)
Newsgroups: talk.politics.soviet,soc.culture.soviet
Subject: MGU and Dianetics
Date: 10 Jun 92 22:37:03 GMT
The issue of The Nation [yes, I confess I still subscribe to this "radi
cal" left journal] (dated June 22, 1992) contains the following item:
MOSCOW -- Russia's oldest and largest university, Moscow State, has for
the first time dedicated a building to an author who is not Russian. [I
thought maybe Jack London, or Hemingway, even George Fenimore Cooper, all
popular in the xUSSR.] L. Ron Hubbard not only has had a building named
after him but he has posthumously received an honorary degree of Doctor of
Literature. A large printing of *Dianetics* in Russian will follow.
------
NOW I understand the prediction in *Dianetetics* that a spruce tree will
lead the evil empire over the hump. For non-Russian speakers, hump in
Russian is "gorb" and spruce is "yelok". Son of spruce, another spruce,
is yelka syn. The Marx is dead, long live L. Ron!
------------------------------
Date: 3 Jun 92 15:46:17 GMT
From: graham@visionware.co.uk (Graham Porter)
Subject: My God a joke in eunet.jokes !
Newsgroups: eunet.jokes
The 7 dwarves go off to the mine and leave Snow White at home. Some time later
there's a huge
explosion and Snow White goes rushing off to see what's happened. When she gets
there all she can hear
is this squeaky voice coming from down the mineshaft saying "OS/2 is the
Operating System of the
future".Thank God she says - at least Dopey is still alive !
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 10 Jun 92 09:45:45 CDT
From: rutgers!iqsc.com!rex (Rex Black)
Subject: Niklaus Wirth's latest instrument of psychic torture...
To: yucks
Remember Pascal? Modula? Well, Mr. Wirth, the Torquemada of Computer
Science, is at it again. His latest adventure is called Oberon. (You
can catch the fatuous advertisement on page 4 of this month's CACM.)
Webster's defines Oberon as "king of the fairies in medieval folklore."
Gee, I can't wait. Let's re-engineer all our code in Oberon so that
we can keep up with the latest pronouncements from the Ivory Tower,
shall we?
[Do I detect a bit of resentment in this post? Nah.... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 5 Jun 92 09:21:57 PDT
From: Bill.Wisner@EBay.Sun.COM (Bill Wisner)
Subject: NOTW
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
The offician Iran news agency announced in March that men who left the
country before 1989, and feared returning because they would be drafted,
could buy a military exemption for about $16,000 (about 30 years' work
at the minimum wage in Iran). Officials promise that if a man pays and
then volunteers to serve, he'll get the money back.
--
The Manitoba, Canada, Natural Resources Minister apologized in February
when news got out that the government had saved $1,800 in postage by mailing
a fishing survey through the U.S. mails rather than through Canada's. Clerks
had gone to Grand Forks, N.D., about 100 miles from the border, to mail the
surveys to several thousand U.S. anglers who use Manitoba waters.
--
In April, Richard Dickinson, 25, got out of prison in Hobart, Australia,
on an evening pass with two chaperons to attend a concert by his idol,
Bob Dylan. Dickinson is in a prison for the criminally insane because in
1987 he stomped his mother to death to the tune of Dylan's song, "One More
Cup of Coffee for the Road," after she told him to turn down the music.
--
A federal magistrate ruled in November that the Alabama prison policy of
allowing female guards to oversee showers by male prisoners is not "cruel
and unusual punishment" for the men but a reasonably policy for security and
equal employement opportunities for female guards.
--
A court in Versailles, France, overturned an order banning dwarf-tossing,
permitting 3-foot, 11-inch Manuel Wackenheim, 24, to return to work at the
Eclipse nightclub in Morsang-sur-Orge, from which he had been banned by the
mayor in October. The French interior minister had called such exhibitions
"an intolerable attack on human dignity," but later acquiesced because the
ban would deny a "physically different" person a livelihood.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 92 00:16:23 -0700
From: Tom Maddox <tmaddox@u.washington.edu>
Subject: phone peeves
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
[Note in the following: JW are Jehovah's Witnesses. --spaf]
I may have been naughty as the Divine Trish suggests to go to the
door starkers to meet the JWs, but I don't care. The fuckers wouldn't respond
to ordinary courtesy and in fact took advantage of my wife's shyness to
walk all over her (metaphorically speaking, I hasten to add), and while no
doubt she should have rushed off to an assertiveness training school, in the
meantime I went to the door naked (I also had Very Large Hair at that time,
which I think added to the effect).
And in response to the Amazing B. Hlavin's query as to how I knew
the JWs were at the door--they were habitual offenders, recidivists, or
what have you.
Mormon missionaries I simply shoot in the face and then drag their
corpses to the neighbor's porch, then rush home to call 911 and report
having heard a shot.
Bible salespersons I smother with kisses whatever their gender or
grooming or hygiene.
Hare Krishnas I join in a hearty round of chanting until they fall
over knackered , then I strip them of their robes and spraypaint them
saffron. Some of them are quite charmed when they wake up.
Catholic priests in full regalia swinging censers I find oddly
charming and so ask them in for tea, which I spike with soporific herbs
and then drink the wrong cup myself, so achieving unexpected unconsciousness.
Southern Baptists I ask if they wish to dance or have a strong
drink and a game of strip poker.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse I step out with in order to
watch as they lay waste to disco dance floors and other hellpockets.
Otherwise I am tolerant to a fault with unexpected visitors, with
the sometime exception of those whose middle initials are "G."
Tom "Etiquette Still 'R Us" Maddox
------------------------------
Date: 6 Jun 92 23:13:25 GMT
From: nevyn@nacjack.gen.nz (Nevyn)
Subject: Pwwt, pwwt. "Testing, testing..." Screeeoooop!!! Ptok. ".. and good
Newsgroups: alt.sex.bestiality
Should I re-format 'Guide to sex with dogs' and re-upload here, or
should I just accept that those who want it can handle their own
word-processers?
Spocher, Nevyn. (Still in the flesh, but with winter down here, I'm
usually only in the flesh now on special occassions)
[There is indeed a newsgroup for everything. Sigh. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 92 23:47:18 -0400
From: Patrick Tufts <zippy@filbert.cs.brandeis.edu>
Subject: [removed at request of the author]
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 6 Jun 1992 16:30:38 GMT
From: jsb@panix.com (J. S. B'ach)
Subject: School, No Passing
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
So we've all seen the cute ways in which trucks an busses try to tell you
not to pass on the right. Coming to mind just now are "Passing Side" on
the left rear and "Suicide" on the right, or "Overtaker" left and "Under-
taker" right. But yesterday, there was this big bus in front of me and
it was called Mr. Bill's Transit. So what did it have on its rear? One
side said "Oh No!" the other "Oh Yes". Only thing, was the "Oh Yes" was
on the right side. I think Sluggo must have been driving the bus.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 10 May 92 14:42:50 PDT
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Some `Tonight' Guests - List
To: yucks-request
By The Associated Press
More than 22,000 guests have appeared on "The Tonight Show" since
Johnny Carson debuted as host on Oct. 1, 1962. If they all appeared
on one show, it would take a couch about eight miles long.
Here is just a sampling of names:
Movies
Gregory Peck, Sidney Poitier, Charlton Heston, Bette Davis,
Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Harrison, Joan Crawford, Sean Connery, Henry
Fonda, Lillian Gish, Rock Hudson, John Wayne, Fred Astaire, James
Stewart, Burt Lancaster, Natalie Wood, Gene Hackman, William Holden,
Anthony Hopkins, Kirk Douglas, Woody Allen, Clint Eastwood, Dustin
Hoffman, Glenn Close, Judy Garland, Orson Welles, Marlon Brando, Faye
Dunaway, Gene Kelly, Tony Curtis, Lauren Bacall, Walter Matthau, Jack
Lemmon, Robert Mitchum, Kevin Costner, Cher, Tom Hanks, Warren
Beatty, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Douglas, Tom Cruise, Robin
Williams, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, Chevy Chase, Billy Crystal.
Television
Lucille Ball, Dean Martin, Burt Reynolds, Mary Tyler Moore, Roy
Rogers, Sammy Davis Jr., Ozzie and Harriet Nelson, Michael Landon,
Jackie Gleason, Angela Lansbury, Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, Jack Benny,
Bill Cosby, Arsenio Hall, Steve Allen, Sid Caesar, Danny Thomas,
Groucho Marx, Milton Berle, Red Skelton, Bob Hope, Phil Silvers,
Danny Kaye, Don Rickles, Pee-wee Herman, Roseanne Arnold, Ed
Sullivan, Jack Parr, Walter Cronkite.
Music
Benny Goodman, Tony Bennett, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, the
Carpenters, Jimi Hendrix, Ray Charles, Madonna, Frank Sinatra,
Lawrence Welk, Liberace, Luciano Pavarotti, the Supremes, David
Bowie, Bing Crosby, Louis Armstrong, Lena Horne, Liza Minnelli, Ella
Fitzgerald, the Beach Boys, Jefferson Airplane, James Brown, Little
Richard, Stevie Wonder, Johnny Mathis, ZZ Top, Clint Black, Paul
Anka, Placido Domingo, Paul Simon, Bette Midler.
Sports
Muhammed Ali, Magic Johnson, Joe Namath, Mickey Mantle, Arthur
Ashe, Wilt Chamberlain, Wayne Gretzky, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Pete
Rose, Sugar Ray Leonard, Billie Jean King.
Politics
Robert Kennedy, George Wallace, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan,
Nancy Reagan, Martin Luther King Jr.
[Sniff. His staff never invited me! --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 28 May 92 14:01:05 GMT
From: adam@concour.cs.concordia.ca (Adam Steele)
Subject: The Evolution of Bumper Stickers........
Newsgroups: alt.best.of.internet
In alt.tasteless,alt.peeves,talk.origins <3787@equinox.unr.edu>
malc@pyramid.unr.edu (Malcolm L. Carlock) writes:
>>>2. People who have those little fish badges on the back of their car. [..]
>>
>>I have one here in my office that says "DARWIN" instead of "JESUS." It
>>has little feet on it, too.
>
>I saw a reference to one of these on the net a while back, and have wanted
>one ever since.
>
Send $5 to Darwinners, 6671 Sunset Blvd., Ste. 1525, L.A., CA 90028.
According to the ad (I've never sent away for one) it's 5" long, black
and gold, self-adhesive plastic. "Perfect for car, bike... Wherever
you want to spread good news!"
Word has it it's actually six bucks.......
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 18 May 92 11:33:17 -0400
From: Joel B Levin <levin@BBN.COM>
Subject: Transplants
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
There is an ongoing discussion between a couple doctors and other
reasonable people and the head (Henson) of an outfit in California
that freezes people until technology exists to restore them to life
and cure their ills. I couldn't resist passing on in its entirety
this little aside.
From: geb@dsl.pitt.edu (gordon e. banks)
Newsgroups: sci.med
Subject: Re: Concerning a cryonics newsgroup
Date: 18 May 92 13:55:19 GMT
In article <59202@cup.portal.com> hkhenson@cup.portal.com (H Keith Henson) writes:
>
>One time sig line. "Don't forget: in a brain transplant operation,
>you want to be the *donor*."
I saw a brain dead patient once (he'd arrested after shooting
amphetamines) whose family didn't want him turned off because
they wanted a brain transplant. The intern told them the only
brains currently available were from foreigners, and they wouldn't
want one of those, since then they wouldn't be able to understand
him anymore. Cruel.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 9 Jun 92 13:07:46 PDT
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: U.S. Snacks Popular Oversease
To: yucks-request
WASHINGTON (AP)
America's between-meal eating habits are catching on abroad as the
U.S. snack food industry pursues a booming overseas business in
candy, salted peanuts and corn chips.
Sweets seem to be the world's favorite snack. Since 1986, U.S.
exports of candy, cakes and cookies grew nearly fourfold, from $116
million to $454 million in 1991, according to the June issue of the
Agriculture Department's AgExporter magazine.
International tastes for potato chips, pretzels, peanuts and
popcorn also are growing rapidly. The $20.4 million spent on such
treats in the last quarter of 1991 is a 23 percent increase over the
same months a year earlier, said the magazine.
Foreign Agricultural Service analysts predict that snack food is
catching on so fast worldwide that it could be a billion-dollar
export industry for the United States by mid-decade.
Canada is the best customer, followed by Mexico, Japan and South
Korea.
Companies are experimenting with new flavors, product themes and
brighter packaging to appeal to the tastes of various cultures.
They're also pushing traditionally American snacking holidays on
other countries.
Think what it would mean for U.S. snack manufacturers if Halloween
caught on across the globe. "AgExporter" says American snack
companies have influenced the Japanese to pick up on it.
[Hmm, we might be able to slow down the Japanese computer industry if
we stopped exporting Ho-Hos and Snickers. This is the problem with
not having a unified trade policy. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 30 May 92 16:13:38 PDT
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Woodchucks Attack War Shrines
To: yucks-request
SHARPSBURG, Md. (AP)
The battlefield where more than 20,000 Union and Confederate
soldiers fell on the Civil War's bloodiest day is now under attack
from woodchucks.
The rodents are burrowing through hallowed ground at Antietam
National Battlefield and gnawing on Civil War-era buildings, and the
National Park Service has begun a two-year, $25,000 study to find out
how to keep them from destroying history.
"It's not like we're trying to rid ourselves of the woodchuck.
They have a place here," said Richard Rambur, superintendent of the
battlefield 60 miles northwest of Washington.
The woodchucks, also known as ground hogs and whistle pigs, chew
through doors of historic buildings and have burrowed under
foundations.
Rambur said he did not know how many woodchucks had taken up
residence at the battlefield or the value of the damage they have
caused.
He said caskets buried at Antietam's national cemetery since about
World War I were probably secure, but the woodchucks could be
burrowing through older graves.
The researchers plan to monitor burrows and woodchuck activity at
the battlefield, especially near buildings, fence lines, the edges of
fields and monuments.
"Woodchucks do a tremendous amount of burrowing and the old
foundations of barns and houses get undermined," said one of the
researchers, Larry W. VanDruff, professor of wildlife ecology at the
State University of New York's College of Environmental Science and
Forestry in Syracuse, N.Y.
"It can be fixed in some situations. In others, it's permanent
damage," VanDruff said in a telephone interview. "The undermining of
the walls and foundations is particularly insidious. Just one
woodchuck in one season can create a lot of damage."
Antietam was the site of a Sept. 17, 1862, battle between Union
forces led by Gen. George B. McClellan and the Confederate army of
Gen. Robert E. Lee.
The inconclusive battle left 23,000 soldiers on both sides dead,
wounded or missing. It was the Civil War's bloodiest one-day battle.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 Jun 92 11:56:33 PDT
From: Bill.Wisner@EBay.Sun.COM (Bill Wisner)
Subject: Yucks Digest V2 #32
To: Yucks-request
You gather right. Scott McNealy and Curt Wozniak (VP for engineering) are
both quite fond of hockey. When they got lured onto the ice with the rest
of the Sun hockey team, they discovered they were playing the San Jose
Sharks.
[This is in response to my musing about the hockey teams in the April
Fool's Day posting from Sun. --spaf]
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End of Yucks Digest
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