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Yucks Digest V2 #35 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Thu, 18 Jun 92 Volume 2 : Issue 35
Today's Topics:
1 joke
ANNOUNCEMENT: UFOs and The Secret Govt; A Public Symposium
While talking with my guru just now...
A note on "Elvis Nature"
At Least Murphy Brown Can Spell!
Barry's Bug
BONGS
Bush cites differences from Perot -- top ten differences
Cash won't work
congress on the net?
Cooking With Jeffrey
cutie
from the latest Desperado digest
Great Moments in Advertising
Joke posting of the day
Newly discovered Edgar Alan Poe work
News of the Weird
Ross Perot deals with the pubic
This doesn't concern you directly, but...
Top 12 Disappointments at Summer Usenix '92
Top Ten Ways To Be Offensive at a Funeral
USENET user's quiz
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 11 Jun 1992 16:34:47 -0500
From: One of our correspondents
Subject: 1 joke
To: spaf
A nice old-fashioned lady planned a camping trip to Florida so she
wrote to the Forestry Division about a certain state campground.
Uppermost in her mind were the toilet facilities but she could not
get herself to write the word 'toilet' in her letter.
After considerable deliberation she decided upon 'bathroom commode' but
when she wrote that down it still sounded too forward. Finally, she
decided to use the initials 'BC' meaning bathroom commode.
"Does the campground have its own BC?" she asked.
The ranger (supervisor) at the park was baffled by the initials and he
could not figure out exactly what they mean. He showed the letter to
several campers and they decided that she must referring to the
Baptist Church. So he sat down and wrote her the following reply message:
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter but now I take great
pleasure in informing you that a BC is located just 9 miles north of the
campground and it is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I'll admit that is a quite a distance if you are in the habit of going
regularly but, no doubt, you will be pleased to know that a great number
of people take their lunches along and make a day of it.
The last time my wife and I went was 6 months ago and it was so crowded
we had to stand up the whole time. It may interest you to know there is
a supper planned and the money raised will go toward buying more seats.
It pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but as my wife
and I grow older it seems to be more of an effort, especially in the
cold weather.
If you decide to stay at our campground perhaps I could go with you the
first time, sit with you, and introduce you to all the folks. Remember,
Florida is a very friendly state.
Sincerely,
Ranger Fred Muggs.
------------------------------
Date: 15 Jun 92 20:12:43 GMT
From: lpb@STRATUS.SWDC.STRATUS.COM (Len Bucuvalas)
Subject: ANNOUNCEMENT: UFOs and The Secret Govt; A Public Symposium
Newsgroups: alt.alien.visitors
*******
UFOs and The Secret Government
A Public Symposium
*******
This Saturday, June 20, 1992
10:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Berkeley Conference Center
Berkeley, CA
$25 Advance, $35 at the Door
With: Michael Lindemann
Author of "UFOs and the Alien Presence"
With: Ralph Steiner
Public Affarirs Producer, KPFA
Questions to be explored at a daylong event:
Are UFO's really "alien" craft?
Are "aliens" abducting humans?
How much does the Government know?
Is "alien" technology being tested in hidden desert bases?
Or could this be something else entirely?
Is there a convert agenda to manipulate what we believe,
and to keep us in the dark?
Berkeley Conference Center
2105 Bancroft Way (At Shattuck, close to the BART station)
2020 Group
PO Box 256
Berkeley, CA 94701
(510) 540-6038
(from their flyer postmarked June 13, 1992.)
[If any readers of this digest attend the lecture, I think the rest of
us would appreciate a trip report. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 17 Jun 92 15:17:31 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: While talking with my guru just now...
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
From: mo@gizmo.bellcore.com (Michael O'Dell)
Subject: while talking with my guru just now....
I asked him:
Oh Master, does MS-DOS have Buddha nature??
to which he replied:
No, my son, MS-DOS doesn't even have Elvis nature.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 18 Jun 92 08:36:00 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: A note on "Elvis Nature"
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
From: mo@gizmo.bellcore.com (Michael O'Dell)
Subject: A note on "Elvis Nature"
Elvis nature implies that something has been dead and gone for
a long time, but people keep swearing they have seen it out of
the corner of their eye, usually at an all-night quick-stop
at 3am or so.
------------------------------
Date: 18 Jun 92 07:20:03 GMT
From: (null)
Subject: At Least Murphy Brown Can Spell!
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
[This report was compiled from various broadcast news sources.]
Wednesday, June 17, 1992
TRENTON, NJ (API)-Vice President Dan Quayle yesterday visited an elementary
school classroom in this industrial city. During his photo-opportunity, he
asked a twelve-year-old student to spell the word "potato" on the chalkboard.
The student wrote "potato" on the board and looked to Quayle for his approval.
Quayle coached the child, "Add one little bit on the end... Think of 'potato,'
how's it spelled? You're right phonetically, but what else...?" At this
point, the child added an "e" to the end of the word, spelling "potatoe."
The Vice President said, "There ya go...alright!" and he and his aides
applauded the child.
Vice President Quayle later explained that he was reading from an incorrect
flashcard. A teacher at the school told us that the flashcard was misspelled
deliberately so it could be used as a class exercise. She said the cards are
used to test the spelling ability of the fourth-graders, who tell her whether
or not the word is spelled correctly.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 18 Jun 92 07:49:41 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Barry's Bug
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
>From Communications of the ACM, June 1992 (vol.35, no.6), page 10:
Barry's Bug...
Viruses, as we all know, can play strange and frightening games with
computer-based data. Now, "Computing" magazine has reported a new strain
that plays some strange, and yes, frightening music. It's called the
Barry Manilow Virus - a phantom bug that's infiltrating a growing number
of computer systems, scaring users with such tunes as "Mandy" and
"Copacabana." The virus is a collection from the singer's "Greatest Hits"
album. Once detonated, the virus spins out a continuous stream of
Manilow's million sellers. Experts are working feverishly on an antidote
for this plague.
------------------------------
Date: 17 Jun 92 17:13:39 GMT
From: don@ANZIO.GATECH.EDU
Subject: BONGS
Newsgroups: alt.psychoactives
does anybody on this board use BONGS? some of my friends have BONGS and they
look real neat, also real powerfel. i got one freind with a
huge knd of BONGS that is so real powerful
that he does two BONGS and he can hardly stand up wandering around the
whole bilding bumping into things and i like get like that which is
why i am am interested in BONGS. the problem is that when i went to by
som BONGS i couldnt find anyplae because the place where my friends
got BONGS donte sell them anymore. they said there was some kind of new
law about BONGS in georgia and i thought that was reallly bad because i
was all set to try BONGS. is there some kind of mail order place where i
could get BONGS or someplace i could drive that would be real close which
i might be able to get BONGS. this is a real important and urgane because
i got a party next week and i got to have BONGS befor then.
--
Kent Williams | "Do you see your cerebellum as a lightbulb or a cog? I
williams@cs.uiowa.edu | saw mine as gristle so I fed it to the dog. But it
Quote: Bevis Frond | taste so bad, that she left it in the bowl ..."
[I left the signature in, because it doesn't match the header. I know
the person referenced in the header, and I seriously doubt he was the
one who posted this. However, the rest of the posting seems to
comment on itself in a twisted sort of way... --spaf
------------------------------
Date: 14 Jun 92 23:30:03 GMT
From: herbison@erlang.enet.dec.com (B.J. 05-Jun-1992 1144)
Subject: Bush cites differences from Perot -- top ten differences
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
[This is original. B.J.]
The top headline of The Boston Globe on Friday 5 June 1992:
Bush cites differences from Perot
So, here are my top ten differences between George H. W. Bush,
the current U.S. President, and H. Ross Perot, a businessman who
is leading the 1992 presidential polls mostly because he hasn't
officially entered the race:
10. Perot doesn't have a dog more popular that he is.
9. Bush knows which political party he belongs to.
8. Perot doesn't have friends and relatives that profit at
the expense of the U.S. taxpayers, he does it himself.
7. Perot has submitted balanced budgets.
6. Bush has been elected to office.
5. Perot won't choose Quail as a running mate.
4. All of Perot's military operations have been successful.
3. Bush claims to have a domestic policy.
2. Perot has narrowed his potential cabinet selections to
twenty people, solely on moral grounds.
1. Perot is a Texan.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 17 Jun 1992 11:05:40 PDT
From: PMcAfee.El_Segundo@xerox.com
Subject: Cash won't work
To: spaf
I received this "Important Message" today
>Sender:
>Date: 17 Jun 92 10:43:10 PDT (Wednesday)
>Subject: Important Message from Employee Services
>From:
>To: EmployeeServices
June 17, 1992
ATTENTION,
Due to unforeseen circumstances, our electronic cash register is inoperable.
Please note that Employee Services will be unable to accept cash. Until
further notice we are only able to accept checks.
Service has been called and we apologize for any inconvenience.
Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.
//////// Health, Fitness and Employee Services
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 15 Jun 92 10:55:25 PDT
From: megatek!fritzz@UCSD.EDU (Friedrich Knauss)
Subject: congress on the net?
To: Yucks-request
> [ Congress planning on having internet access ]
>
> does this mean that we'll soon find john glenn in sci.astro,
> henry hyde in talk.abortion or or jesse helms in rec.arts.fine?
> ted kennedy in alt.sex.bondage?
Please. a.s.b. is for discussion of _consensual_ alternative sexual play.
(As for JH, he's still using both of his hands to look for his derriere
and won't be able to type with them for a while...)
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 17 Jun 92 16:05:14 -0700
From: brian@UCSD.EDU (Brian Kantor)
Subject: Cooking With Jeffrey
To: spaf
From: "Jeff Angus" <jangus@skyld.UUCP>
Organization: Grendel's Lair
"Cooking with Jeffrey"
Jeffrey Dahmer's Home Cooking Cookbook on sale for a limited time....
just $19.95! Make the finest in old-Wisconsin style foods.
Among Jeff's favorite recipies:
* Icebox Surprise Pie * Screamin' Sammy Sausage
* Head Cheese * Filet O' Fred
* Terry Aki * Bill's Boiling In The Bag Stew
* Beans and Frank * Big Mac
* Shish-K Bob * Sloppy Joe
* Bobby's Bratwurst * Manwitch
* Leg O' Sam * Rice-O-Ronny
* Chuck Roast * Mixed Nuts
* Rump Roast * Hot Cross Buns
* Scrambled Legs * Peter Bread
* Baked Alaskan * Brownknees
* Paul Pot Pie * Eyesburg Lettuce
* Finger Sandwitches * Liver Pate
* Head Lettuce * Kidney Pie
* Elbow Macaroni * Hoppin' John
* Vince Meat Pie * Tongue Sandwitch
* Handburger * Spaghetti and Pete's Balls
* Bob-B-Que * Art's Choked Heart
* Barry's Back Ribs * Chocolate Covered Nuts
* Moo Goo Guy In A Pan * ...and many' many more!
(Old chinese recipe)
The book to have when you have a friend FOR dinner
The latest work from the author whose other credits include "A Farewell
to arms," "How to Get Ahead in Refrigeration," "Short Cuts in Becoming
Head Chef," "How To Cook With a Heart and Sole," ... and the new off-
Broadway play, "There's Head and SHoulders In My Shower."
Expect possible delays in shipment as Dahmer is under investigation for
shipping arms to Iraq....
------------------------------
Date: 15 Jun 92 04:38:21 EDT (Mon)
From: dscatl!lindsay@gatech.edu (Lindsay Cleveland)
Subject: cutie
To: spaf
Contributed by: gcegb!wegdcb
There's the bacteria that built up
an immunity to antibiotics and took
a giant strep forward.
----Shelby Friedman, WSJ, 5/27/83
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 92 15:03:39 EDT
From: jfw@ksr.com (John F. Woods)
Subject: from the latest Desperado digest
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
The Irish Times apparently has a Weekly Competition, and number 1185 was
"Dan Quayle as President of the United States. Comment in verse."
The Desperado digest lists the winner and runners-up; my favorite (which
wasn't the winner) was:
A horse was made a Consul
By the Emperor Caligula
Historians may agree this shows
He wasn't too particular
But there are those Americans
Who argue with some force
You gotta give him credit
For using the whole horse
James McKeon
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 16 Jun 92 08:50:35 EDT
From: rsk@gynko.circ.upenn.edu (Richard Kulawiec)
Subject: Great Moments in Advertising
To: yucks-request
> From: yau@upenn5.hep.upenn.edu (INVINOVERITAS)
> Newsgroups: phl.forsale
> Subject: Re: For Sale: 1979 Mercury Marquis Brougham
> Summary: Misc Items for sale
> Date: 16 Jun 92 01:26:21 GMT
> Organization: University of Pennsylvania
>
> The followings are for sale:
>
> Furniture Price
>
> 1) Full size extra thick futon w/ frame $120
> 2) Ikea Wardrobe $120
> 3) Sealy Posturepedic Single-size Mattress w/ box & frame $120
> 4) Cock Board $ 5
>
> Electronics & Games
>
> 5) Emerson 13" color TV (remote not working) $ 80
> 6) Sony Radio Alarm Clock $ 10
> 7) Telephone $ 10
> 8) Nintendo Action Set w/ duck hunt, mario brothers,
> Dragon Warrior, Stealth and Ice Hockey $ 70
>
>
> Appliance
>
> 9) 3 speed fan $ 9
> 10) DeLonghi Oil-filled Electric Heater $ 30
> 11) Iron $ 5
> 12) rick cooker $ 12
>
> Some of the items are negotiable. If interested please call 387-6517.
[I won't speculate on what a "cock board" is used for, and why this
one is only $5. However, I worry about the "rick cooker" -- is
this something used with the Dahmer cookbook mentioned in a previous
item? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 18 Jun 92 15:34:23 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Joke posting of the day
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
From: guy@auspex.com (Guy Harris)
He's *not* serious. He can't *possibly* be serious. After all, he
*did* post it to "talk.bizarre"....
From: dansak@spuddy.uucp (Ian Wild)
Newsgroups: comp.unix.misc,comp.unix.shell,comp.lang.misc,talk.bizarre
Subject: JCL to sh
Date: 17 Jun 92 19:55:57 GMT
Organization: Spuddy's Public Usenet Domain
Yes, I think that's an appropriate collection of newsgroups.
I'm looking for a piece of software that'll translate IBM mainframe-style
JCL scripts (of which we have more than enough) into a decent language to
run on a Unix box. Bourne shell preferably, but most anything that I
can run on Unix would do. Now, I don't want to sit down and do this by
hand, so I was wondering if anyone has already done it? I might even be
tempted to pay, if the program isn't PD. Any takers? HELP!!
Since I can't see this being a highly interesting topic for many folk,
replies by email are probably best.
------------------------------
From: Warren Usui <apple!snap.la.locus.com!aardvark
Subject: Newly discovered Edgar Alan Poe work
To: cultcha@snap.la.locus.com
What if "Casey at the Bat" were written by Edgar Alan Poe?
Once upon a final inning, with the other ball-team winning,
and my Mudville teammates trailing
by a score of two to four,
with two outs my fate it beckoned, for with men on third and second
I could win the game, I reckoned, or at least tie up the score.
Crazed was I that final inning, just to win or tie the score -
only that, and nothing more.
Ghastly, gaunt and grim I stood there
gripping my great bat of wood there;
in my brain dark ugly demons danced a dirge from days of yore.
Then the fast ball came by flying and inside my soul was dying,
as I heard the umpire crying words from baseball's ancient lore.
"Strike one!" were the words he hollered, out of baseball's ancient lore.
Just "Strike one!", and nothing more.
Once again I stood there, quaking,
while a curve ball whizzed by, breaking.
How I wished that awful aching in my soul I could ignore.
But, alas, my fear grew colder and the bat stayed on my shoulder,
while the ump, his voice now bolder, called out "Strike two!" with a roar.
Wretched was the dread within me as I heard his awful roar.
Just "Strike two!", and nothing more.
Praying for some god to guide me, hope, I feared, would be denied me
while the tell-tale heart inside me beat upon a distant shore.
Then the change-up came by, looming, and I swung! my fate it dooming
while the umpire's call came booming, chilling me right to the core.
Ghostly was the call he thundered, chilling me right to the core.
Just "Strike three!"
and nothing more.
Frank Jacobs, 1969
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 25 May 1992 19:40:21 -0700
From: Bill Wisner <wisner@wiretap.Spies.COM>
Subject: News of the Weird
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
The United States Tax Couty ruled in favor of the Internal Revenue Service's
claim that Irwin Schiff would have to pay $92,000 in back taxes and penalties.
Schiff is the author of "How Anyone Can Stop Paying Income Taxes," the
now-failed thesis that the IRS lacked the authority to tax anyone who did
not file a return, a strategy he had employed since 1973.
In Milwaukee in January, Dawne Hamblin, 25, a driver of a shuttle bus for
the elderly and disabled, was fired for violating company policy when she
stopped the bus in order to assist a young girl who had been hit by a car.
She chose to remain with the girl, directing traffic, until the ambulance
arrived, contrary to instructions from her dispatcher.
Carlos Carrasco, 24, was sentenced to 10 years probation for a bungled
burglary of a liquor store in 1991. According to court records, Carrasco:
cut his hand when he broke through the roof of the store; tried to throw
a bottle of whiskey out through the hole he had created but missed, causing
the bottle to fall to the floor, shatter, and set off a burglar alarm; fell
onto the broken bottle, cutting himself again; left his wallet in the store;
once on the roof for his getaway, fell off; left a trail of blood from the
store to his home.
Singapore's environmental ministry banned chewing gum earlier this year.
Tourists will be permitted "a few sticks." Packs will be confiscated, and
a fine of up to $6,000 imposed on importers.
In January, William Powell was named deputy director of the North Carolina
state agency that ensures compliance with federal and state Medicaid and
Medicare regulations. Powell, a pharmacist and longtime Republican
officeholder and activist, pleaded guilty in 1984 to felony Medicaid fraud.
He also had his pharmacist's license suspended on two other occasions for
violating state law.
A year after Onandaga Couty, New York took her then-3-year-old child away
for alleged abuse, Denise Perrigo got the daughter back, and told reporters
she would sue the county. The baby was taken from Perrigo after she called
a local hot line for breast-feeding advice. When she told the hot line
volunteer that she wanted to know whether it was normal to be sexually aroused
when breast-feeding (it is), the volunteer reported her to authorities, who
immediately took the baby away.
------------------------------
Date: 14 Jun 92 16:20:04 GMT
From: larrabee@cse.ucsc.edu
Subject: Ross Perot deals with the pubic
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
A friend from Texas reports:
This morning (June 11) I was watching a morning news program wherein a
fluffy blonde (quite possibly Joan London) was tossing beach-ball type
questions to Ross Perot. They opened up the lines for television
audience questions, and the first caller (a seemingly normal-sounding
taxpayer) posed the following two part question:
I have two questions, the first is as an outsider not affiliated
with either party, how effective do you feel you will be in
dealing with a partisan congress? And the second is, have you
ever done a mind-meld with Howard Stern's penis?
Joan London, looking like the she had just bitten into a quince,
turned to Ross Perot and said:
Well, perhaps you can answer the first part.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 92 17:25:43 CDT
From: ibmpa!jc28.austin.ibm.com!meo@ibminet.awdpa.ibm.com (Miles ONeal)
Subject: This doesn't concern you directly, but...
To: pvt@jc28.austin.ibm.com, dinah@tivoli.com (System Admazon), spaf (Gene Spafford)
According to Rogers L Hellman...
|
|I've noticed something that concerns me greatly in regards to the
|proposed dental plan. Namely the insurance carrier will be
|Prudential. Why is this a concern you may ask? Have you forgotten
|your High School latin?
|
|Pru (derived from the Latin word for providence)
|Dent (Latin for teeth)
|ial (suffix, modifying a noun into an adjective)
|
|
|Prudential: By providence we will have teeth.
|
|Just one more thing to worry about.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 16 Jun 1992 15:09:29 GMT
From: tal@Warren.MENTORG.COM (Tom Limoncelli)
Subject: Top 12 Disappointments at Summer Usenix '92
12. alt.mind-control prank worked too well and imaginary flash
flood resulted in moving the reception to new location.
11. talk.bizzare plan to ask, "What's better, vi or emacs?" at the
end of every paper stymied by lack of organization.
10. Saying "I thought you'd be taller" to everyone I met wasn't as
funny as hoped.
9. Felt peer pressure to always order ice tea.
8. No guarantee that bribes to Brad Templeton will increase chances of
jokes getting accepted to rec.humor.funny. (even this one)
7. VMS BoF under-attended AGAIN.
6. Texans didn't appreciate my attempt to be "just like one of them" by
saying "Howdy, partner" all the time.
5. Pencom not visible enough.
4. X-rated GIF BoF cancelled due to lack of disk space.
3. On Tuesday I bet against "some guy name Kirk" about the fate of
CSRG; hindsight proved it wasn't a smart investment.
2. Usenet BoF didn't vote to adopt Kibo's "HappyNet" proposal.
AND THE NUMBER ONE DISAPPOINTMENT AT SUMMER USENIX '92:
1. Never did figure out how AT&T is responsible for the decline of
Cathedral architecture.
------------------------------
Date: 15 Jun 92 08:30:03 GMT
From: MCGARRAH%CITADEL.BITNET@ncsuvm.cc.ncsu.edu
Subject: Top Ten Ways To Be Offensive at a Funeral
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
(BY David Halfacre ,HALFACRED@CITADEL.EDU)
TOP TEN WAYS TO BE OFFENSIVE AT A FUNERAL
10. During the eulogy, do a banzai charge on the coffin with a can of
gasoline and a Zippo and "bury" the deceased "Viking Style."
9. Ask the widow if her husband's job has been filled yet and leave
your business card with her.
8. Attach a beeper to the deceased and call it as the casket is being lowered
in the grave.
7. Bury the deceased with his cellular phone on and last dialed to someone
in Borneo.(This works well everywhere except Borneo.)
6. Get three of your female friends to show up at the church all claiming
to be married to the deceased.
5. Get Prince or 2 Live Crew to play with the church choir.
4. Set up a hidden speaker system in the church and play GOD!
3. Scream out from the back of the church to the widow, "GOOD NEWS!
Your test results are back and you're pregnant!"
2. Dress the deceased up like a pharaoh and bury him with his mummified cat.
(Then serve the pickled cat organs at the widow's house after the
funeral.)
AND ...
THE NUMBER ONE OTHER WAY TO BE OFFENSIVE AT A FUNERAL ...
1. Take the deceased bungee jumping one last time!!!
------------------------------
Date: 12 May 92 08:30:03 GMT
From: ajd@itl.itd.umich.edu (Arthur Delano)
Subject: USENET user's quiz
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
This is original.
Test yourself:
1) How busy have you been today?
a> Not at all busy; in fact, I just spent three hours reading USENET.
b> Somewhat busy, but I still had about three hours free for
reading USENET.
c> Never been so busy in my life! Why, I barely had three hours to
spare for reading USENET!
2) Which of the following sentences most closely resembles your day?
a> Wake up, go to ,work/school, crank up the computer/terminal and
read USENET, go to meetings/classes, go home, log-in, go to sleep.
b> Wake up, make a pot of coffee, crank up the computer/terminal
and start reading USENET in the den/basement/bedroom, watch
TV, go to sleep.
c> Read USENET, don't sleep.
3) Which sentence best summarizes your actions when you see the
following message on your terminal?
******** End of newsgroups--what next? [npq]
a> Press "n" frantically, looking for any newsgroups you may have
skipped over, while fighting off a plummeting sensation in the
pit of the stomach.
b> Subscribe to more newsgroups, while fighting off the growing
sense of emptiness in your life.
c> Crosspost your opinions on horticulture to five newsgroups and
send a copy to rec.humor.funny, while fighting off a chilling
sense of unease.
Scoring:
Score any number of points for any question circled.
<0 At least you have a means for channeling your anti-social urges.
0 Close to well-adjusted, but be careful!
>0 Cheer up while considering for a moment what you would have to do
if there was no USENET.
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------