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Yucks Digest V2 #25 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Thu, 16 Apr 92 Volume 2 : Issue 25
Today's Topics:
Administrivia
Windows?
Doctrine of divine stodginess
Emptying the bit bucket
Even Disneyland Has Critics
Geeks Anonymous
Israel returns Royal polo pony to Jordan via U.N. observer
MAJOR VIRUS ALERT!!
Microsoft - The Adventure Continues
Neon tubes add color to road scene
One hundred sows and bucks.
Our chief export
overly clever failsafe system
Postal Follies
Stuffed Gulls Win First Prize
Submitted without further comment...
Typographer's Twiddle
Tyson Sentence
Film Titles
Hair Loss Suggestion
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Thu Apr 16 09:19:51 EST 1992
From: spaf
Subject: Administrivia
To: yucks
Yucks hasn't been issued regularly of late. That's because I'm about
a month behind in my "real" work --- it's difficult to even find the
time to run the scripts I use to automatically package and mail this
digest!
There are some comments related to this:
1) Please continue to send me silly stuff. I will eventually dig
out from under and use what you send me.
2) If I'm particularly slow in responding to some mail you send me,
don't take it personally.
3) If I owe you something serious, keep your fingers crossed -- you
should see it in the next few weeks, barring any new disasters.
4) Expect to see about 6 digests in close succession once I get some
free time.
Easter is almost here, so let me repeat something from Yucks 2(4):
Date: 12 Dec 91 20:12:24 GMT
From: surfdog@master.Berkeley.EDU
Subject: MISC: Microwave Alien
Newsgroups: rec.food.recipes
EZ Microwave alien
1. Take a peppermint patty. Not the Peanuts character, the candy.
2. Put it on a napkin in a microwave. If it is someone else's microwave,
the napkin is optional.
3. Microwave until the alien is hatched.
Serves Two
[When Easter rolls around, be sure to get packages of little
marshmallow "Peeps" -- the little chicks & bunnies made of (basically)
sugar. Put them in the microwave on about 80% power and watch thru
the window. Once they warm up, they pulsate to the power. When the
microwave is on, they swell outwards, looking all the world like Bruce
Bannister turning into the Incredible Hulk. Then, when the power
lapses (for the 20% part), they almost revert to normal. When the
whole gory scene is played out, they collapse into a mass that cools
and becomes something you need to chisel out. Fun for all ages,
especially mine, whatever the heck that is. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: MON, 06 APR 92 09:30 CDT
Newsgroups: info-mac digest
From: Joel Cunningham <DBA0007%UABTUCC.BITNET@uga.cc.uga.edu>
Subject: "Windows?" (second attempt...)
I just saw this commercial on TV by a company called "Microsoft".
It was an ad for a product called "Windows" (I think). It said
that the average operation on a PC took twenty keystrokes, but
those could be replaced by one "point and click". BLEW ME AWAY!!!
Does anyone have any more information on this "point and click"
stuff? Is it for real? It's a great concept, but it really looks
like a toy, and I don't see how anyone could get any real work
done using it. How long can this "Microsoft" company survive
so far out on the cutting edge? Inquiring minds wanna know!
-- Joel "80 column" Cunnigham
P.S. Will this "Windows" thing run on my Sinclair Z-80?
------------------------------
Date: 8 Apr 92 23:30:05 GMT
From: rolfe@junior.dsu.edu (Timothy J. Rolfe)
Subject: Doctrine of divine stodginess
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Granted, this is something posted to another group . . . but then
I'm the one that posted it to that group.
In <Feb.1.14.56.17.1992.2377@dumas.rutgers.edu> bertsche@llnl.gov
(Kirk Bertsche) writes:
>Inerrancy is properly a theological conclusion based on one's view of the
>inspiration of the Bible. If one believes that the Bible is verbally
>(i.e. every word) and plenarily (i.e. in its entirety) inspired by God, it
>logically follows that the Bible is inerrant. If God's inspiration of
>Scripture is verbal and plenary, the Bible cannot teach falsehood or error.
Hidden premise --- God is restricted to writing history and is precluded
from such literary forms as the short story, outrageous overstatement,
myth, . . . Then there's the matter of literary forms that are NOT
current today, such as the apocalyptic form.
I'd rather not be too hasty in restricting what literary output might
come from the originator of the duck-billed platypus, the giraffe, and
human sexuality.
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 7 Mar 1992 15:33 EST
From: "Robert M. Hamer" <HAMER@zodiac.rutgers.edu>
Subject: Emptying the bit bucket
To: spaf
bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic) posted several things
one might do when one got a /dev/null full message. This included
such things as:
>THE TOP TEN WAYS TO EMPTY AN OVERFLOWING BIT BUCKET:
>
>10) Open the computer up. Look for the bit bucket, find the RED stopper
> at the bottom of it and open it up OVER a LARGE trashcan.
> 9) Stop using the computer for 6 months, let the bits compost and
> continue.
And so forth. (Several were quite good. They haven't worked here.
Just kidding...)
Anyway, back when I was a graduate student, one year my assistantship
consisted of standing behind a counter in the computer area at the
Institute for Research in the Social Sciences (IRSS) at the University
of North Carolina (UNC), helping all comers (faculty, students, etc)
with their FORTRAN/PLI/SAS/SPSS/BMDP etc programs. This was back in
1975 or so, and IRSS had a remote card reader / printer to the
University's mainframe (an IBM 370). The usual method of programming
the machine was to punch your program onto cards (remember them) and
give them to an operator who would feed them into the card reader
(remember them?)
One evening, a student taking an undergraduate sociology course in
which she was required to punch some SPSS program she didn't
understand onto cards in order to do an analysis she didn't
understand (typical sociology student) came to me for help.
She said, "How do I erase a mistake I made on the keypunch."
Now, that was too good an opportunity to miss. I told her:
"look under the keyboard of the keypunch, on the righthand front.
You will see a handle. Pull it out carefully. You will then
be holding the 'spare holes container.'" (This was the chip
bucket, in which the material from the holes that were punched
lived until someone emptied it into the garbage.) "Take the
spare holes container out, and look in it for a spare hole with
the same color and number as the hole in the card you have must
made, and push it back into the hole."
She tried for maybe 10 minutes before I took pity on her.
Today, I would have too much conscience to do that.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 6 Apr 92 22:02:43 PDT
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Even Disneyland Has Critics
To: yucks-request
PARIS (AP)
Not everyone's enchanted by the Magic Kingdom's latest outpost.
Despite such French touches as "La Belle Au Bois Dormant" Sleeping
Beauty critics complain that the theme park is nothing les than an
assault on French culture.
Mickey Mouse, Minnie, Tina Turner, Cher and the Temptations, will
be on hand this weekend to celebrate the inauguration of the new $2
billion-plus Euro Disneyland.
Max Gallo, a former spokesman of the Socialist government, told
the newspaper Le Figaro on Monday that Disney characters like Mickey
Mouse and Donald Duck "are to culture what fast food is to
gastronomy."
"It's not culture. It's commerce," he sniffed.
Saturday's private inaugural gala for 11,000 guests will be
televised live in France, Britain, Italy, Germany and Spain, and
shown on American television in a delayed broadcast. The park opens
to the public on Sunday.
Euro Disneyland the fourth and most ambitious Disney theme park,
about 40 minutes by rail east of Paris hopes to draw 11 million
visitors the first year from around Europe and beyond.
France hopes the complex, which will cover 4,900 acres when
completed in the 21st century, will help transform what once were
sugar-beet fields into a center of tourism and commerce.
Building a fantasyland has entailed some very real-world concerns,
from placating displaced farmers to fielding legal complaints from
unions upset with the strict employee dress code that forbids the
12,000 employees from wearing beards or excessive jewelry or makeup.
Transport workers have given notice that strikes may interrupt
service on the new suburban line from Paris to the park.
Since 1987, when France and Disney signed the contract for the
resort, Euro Disney officials have waged an aggressive public
relations campaign to try to live down epithets like "cultural
Chernobyl."
In 1989, when Euro Disney President Robert Fitzpatrick arrived at
the Paris stock exchange for the first public offering of the
project's stock, he had to dodge eggs hurled at him.
Euro Disney officials emphasize the European roots of Disney
characters from Pinnochio to Snow White. They have been careful to
make French the second official language, after English, and to
accent the French aspects.
Sleeping Beauty's castle, different from its counterparts at the
other Disney three parks, is based on a drawing in a 15th century
French manuscript.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 13:12 CDT
From: gadfly@ihlpa.att.com (K R Perlow +1 708 979 8042)
Subject: Geeks Anonymous
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
I was sure that *I* wasn't a geek. No, not me. *I* after all once upon a
time read Hegel. And Aquinas, too. And of course Aristotle. So there was
no way that *I* could possibly be one of those pointy-head/eared, pocket-
protectored, you know, technotwits we so love to, well, badger. Anyway,
I guess it's true about first having to admit that you really have a problem,
like all those self-help modulo twelve methods. Anyway, so there I was
a few weeks ago off to meetings in NJ, and there I was in the hotel, and
I go to use the sink, and there's these 2 faucets, one with a little red
spot on it, and one with a little blue spot on it. And so I think, well,
gee, blue radiation is higher frequency than red, so it has higher energy,
and therefore--logically--when I turn on the blue faucet I'll get hotter
water. I waited several minutes for it to get hot, too, and nearly called
the front desk about it. Oh god I'm so ashamed. My name is Ken, and I am
a geek.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 92 19:18:50 PDT
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Israel returns Royal polo pony to Jordan via U.N. observer
To: yucks-request
Jerusalem, April 9 - Israel Thursday returned a polo pony which
deserted from the Royal Jordanian stables of King Hussein and swam
across a bay in the Red Sea to the Israeli resort city of Eilat.
The horse, owned by the king's brother, Crown Prince Hassan, was
handed over to a United Nations observer at the Yotvata border check
point, Israel Radio reported.
Jordan is in an official state of war with Israel and has no
contacts with the country.
The saddled grey stallion two days ago threw its rider while on a
training run on the beach in Aqaba, plunged into the sea and swam a
few hundred metres west to the shore at Eilat.
Israeli police were quick to examine the animal for possible bombs
or booby traps before handing it over to the city veterinarian who
pronounced it in good shape.
The horse spent its two day outing in Elot Kibbutz, near Eilat,
where it was fed well and twice examined by veterinarians, kibbutz
member Dan Stronga said Thursday. The kibbutz children had given the
pony a letter for King Hussein, expressing their hope for peace
between the two neighbours, he added.
The Royal horse also hit the newspaper headlines in Israel. "Fit
for the prince," read the title of Thursday's photograph in The
Jerusalem Post, depicting the enemy horse and its rider, Israeli army
Sergeant Ya'acov Cohen.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 09 Apr 92 11:17:13 -0700
From: lsefton@apple.com
To: spaf
Subject: MAJOR VIRUS ALERT!! :-)
> -----> M A J O R V I R U S A L E R T <-----
>
>* George Bush Virus - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it
> until November
>* Ted Kennedy Virus - Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened
>* Warren Commission Virus - Won't allow you to open your files for
> 75 years
>* Jerry Brown Virus - Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800
> number
>* David Duke Virus - Makes your screen go completely white
>* Congress Virus - Overdraws your disk space
>* Paul Tsongas Virus - Pops up on Dec. 25 and says "I'm Not Santa Claus"
>* Pat Buchanan Virus - Shifts all output to the extreme right of the
> screen
>* Dan Quayle Virus - Forces your computer to play "PGA TOUR" from 10am
> to 4pm 6 days a week
>* Bill Clinton Virus - This virus mutates from region to region. We're
> not exactly sure what it does.
>* Richard Nixon Virus - aka the "Tricky Dick Virus" you can wipe it out,
> but it always makes a comeback.
>* H. Ross Perot Virus - same as the Jerry Brown virus, only nicer fonts
> are used, and it appears to have had a lot more money put into its
> development.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 92 13:28:35 CDT
From: meo@netmail.austin.ibm.com (Miles E O'Neal (Contractor))
Subject: Microsoft - The Adventure Continues
To: spaf (Gene Spafford)
[No idea who originally sent this - it was pretty anonymous
by the time it got to me. It apparently originated in Seattle.]
Almost Live (local comedy show, 11:30 Saturday night) did a
sketch on Microsoft's "management style" b/c of the recent
Business Week article.
Employee of the month gets a gold watch and a small
Mediterranean island.
At board meetings, all members must dress like their
favorite Star Trek character. Bill always gets to be Spock.
Corner offices with a view are awarded to programmers who
can make Mountain Dew come out of their noses at lunch meetings.
At Christmas time, everyone gets presents from their "Secret Geek."
Promotions are guaranteed for all executives who pick Bill first for
their softball team.
Each afternoon, everyone runs over to IBM, rings the doorbell, and
hides.
Best idea of the week gets you an hour alone with Bill's money.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 20 Mar 92 02:11:03 GMT
From: gkn@Sdsc.Edu (Gerard K. Newman)
Subject: Neon tubes add color to road scene
To: spaf
[Swiped without permission from AutoWeek, March 16 1992]:
So, you think your car, with its metallic paint, tinted windows and mag
wheels, is the ultimate attention-grabber. Think again.
Actually, you're likely to blink again -- and again -- when you see the
newest thing on the auto accessory market: neon lights.
Installed under the chassis to create a futuristic underglow, the lights
give the illusion the vehicle is hovering over the roadway like a spaceship.
"Back in the '60s and '70s, everybody thought that by the year 2000 we would
see cars flying," said Efrain Rodriguez, 39, who with his brother Roberto,
30, developed the lights under the trademark Motion Neon name. "This is the
closest thing to the future."
The brothers, Peruvian immigrants who live in Miami, knew they were on to
something when they began experimenting with color under cars at their neon
sign business. The brothers first brought Roberto's 1987 Audi into the
warehouse and installed purple neon tubes under the chassis.
The effect was startling. The car looked as if it was floating on a cloud
of purple. The brothers realized others might plunk down between $259 and
$439 for a neon shadow that shouts, 'Look at me!" All they had to do was
come up with a way to protect the fragile neon tubes.
Together, Roberto, a business graduate, and Efrain, an industrial engineer,
devloped high-impact resistant acrylic covers that withstand vibration,
rocks, water, and other road hazards.
More than 2000 Motion Neon Standard System 6K kits -- available in red,
blue, pink, purple, aqua, green, yellow, and peach -- have been sold in
the last eight months. Orders are comming in from such divergent destinations
as California and Kuwait, Texas and Japan, New Jersey and the Netherlands.
But a word of caution: Neon is making some cops color blind. As long as
the lights are not red or blue -- colors reserved for police and emergency
vehicles -- they are legal in most states. But what's pink or purple to
Motion Neon is red or blue to some cops. Arguments over the color spectrum
have earned some Florida motorists $32 tickets.
The Rodriguez's next bright idea: neon frames for license plates.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 92 12:00:16 CDT
From: Joe Wiggins <JWIGG@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU>
Subject: One hundred sows and bucks.
To: yucks
I'm told these are oronyms (not in my Random House unabridged).
Only mildly amusing until you look at them in the context of
voice recognition software/hardware.
The stuffy nose can lead to problems.
The stuff he knows can lead to problems.
Where is the spice center?
Where is the spy center?
Are you aware of the words you have just uttered?
Are you aware of the words you have just stuttered?
That's the biggest hurdle I've ever seen!
That's the biggest turtle I've ever seen!
I'm taking a nice cold shower.
I'm taking an ice cold shower.
He would kill Hamlet for that reason.
He would kill Hamlet for that treason.
You'd be surprised to see a mince pie in your bank.
You'd be surprised to see a mint spy in your bank.
Some other's I've seen...
Some mothers I've seen...
Reading in the library is sometimes allowed.
Reading in the library is sometimes aloud.
A politician's fate often hangs in a delicate balance.
A politician's fate often hangs in a delegate balance.
White shoes: the trademark of Pat Boone.
Why choose the trademark of Pat Boone?
The secretariat's sphere of competence.
The secretariat's fear of competence.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 92 16:52:15 EDT
From: bhahn@oldno7.sw.stratus.com (Bill Hahn)
Subject: Our chief export
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
>From today's (Thursday) Boston Globe:
"America's chief export is intellectual activity."
-Robert Fitzpatrick
President, Euro Disney
pictured in front of the new Disneyland in France....
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 30 Mar 92 13:27:00 EST
From: Mark Bartelt <sysmark@orca.cita.utoronto.ca>
Subject: overly clever failsafe system
Newsgroups: comp.risks
The following appeared in my mailbox. (Don't know the name
of the person who originally sent it; I was at the end of a
moderate-sized forwarding chain.)
On Peter Ross's ABC-TV arts show on Sunday Afternoon,
the avant garde composer John Cage was featured
performing his 4'33". It consists of the performer(s),
armed with a stopwatch, sitting silently on stage for
four minutes 33 seconds, with the music consisting of
whatever noises come from the audience or outside the
auditorium. The TV performance went well, but the ABC
was caught out by technology - a fail-safe device turns
off studio transmission if there's more than 90 seconds
of silence, and puts up a test pattern. It went into
operation three times during the performance.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 13 Apr 92 18:31:29 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Postal Follies
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
[found on the WELL]
/ \ \ / \
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
UNITED STAT/ \P/S\ /F\I/E\ / \ / \ /
San Francisc/,\C/.\ /4\8/-\9/7\ / \ /
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
DEAR POSTAL CUSTOMER: / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
The enclosed has been damage/ \n/h\n/l\n/ \n/t\e/P\s/al Service.
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
We realize your mail is im/o\t/n\ /o\y/u\a/d\y/u\h/ve every right to
expect it to be delivered/i\t/c\ /n\ /n\g/o\ /o\d/tion. The Postal
Service makes every effo/t\t/ \r/p\r/y\h/n\l/ \h/ mail entrusted to
it but, due to the larg/ \o/u\e/ \c/a\i/n\l/d\m/ge may occur.
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
When a Post Office ha/d\e/ \n/e\c/s\ /f\7/m\l/ion pieces of mail
daily, it is imperat/v\ /h\t/m\c/a\i/a\ /e\h/ds be used to maintain
production and insu/e\p/o\p/ \e/i\e/y\o/ \h/ mails. It is also a
fact that modern p/o\u/t\o/ \e/h\d/ \o/n\t/permit personal attention
to individual pie/e\ /f\m/i\./ \a/a\e/c\n/occur if mail is insecurely
enveloped or bul/y\c/n\e/t\ /r\ /n\l/s\d/ When this occurs and our
machinery is ja/m\d/ \t/o\t/n\c/u\e/ \a/age to other mail that was
properly prepa/e\./ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
We are const/n\l/ \t/i\i/g\t/ \m/r\v/ our our processing methods to
assure that/a\ /c\u/a\c/ \u/h\a/ \h/ enclosed can be eliminated. We
appreciate/y\u/ \o/c\r/ \v/r\t/e\h/ndling of your mail and sincerely
regret th/ \n/o\v/n\e/c\ /o\ /a\e/experienced.
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
DIRECTO/,\C/T\ /P\R/T\O/S\ / \ /
SAN FR/N\I/C\,/C\ /9\1/8\9/9\ /
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
/ / \ \ / / \ \ /
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 92 00:42:40 PDT
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Stuffed Gulls Win First Prize
To: yucks-request
LEIDEN, Netherlands (AP)
Two seagulls edged out a camel, a buffalo, assorted lizards and a
bulldog to win the top prize in the first European Taxidermy
Championships.
"They were absolutely immaculate. They scored full marks," said
Pieter Staffeleu, one of the event's organizers.
The Dutch Association of Taxidermists organized the competition
and a two-week exhibition to "demonstrate that if you stuff animals
well you really should be considered an artist," Staffeleu said.
The black-headed gulls, the handiwork of Danish taxidermist Erling
Morch, competed against a menagerie of 330 mounted birds, mammals,
reptiles, fish and skeletons from 13 countries.
A long-tailed duck, also by Morch, placed second.
Other entrants that impressed the judges included a 3 1/2-foot
salmon, a shark and a hyena, Staffeleu said.
The Lille Museum in France paid hommage to the movie "Dances With
Wolves" with a buffalo goring a horse ridden by an Indian figure
fashioned out of plastic.
Stuffed animals are growing in popularity in Europe despite
increasing pressure by environmentalists to cut back on hunting and
shooting, traditionally the main sources of carcasses for
taxidermists, Staffeleu said.
"In Holland, for example, 2 million birds are killed flying into
overhead power lines every year. More and more people want to have
one stuffed for their home," he said.
[Too bad politicians and lawyers don't fly.... --spaf]
------------------------------
From: ISSCCK@BYUVM.BITNET (Casper C. Knies)
Newsgroups: alt.mcdonalds,rec.food.cooking
Subject: McD's Special Sauce Exposed
Date: 10 Mar 92 12:28:27 GMT
As an Environmental Science major, and being required to take several mcbio
oriented classes (like MCBIO 361 "food and dairy microbiology" and ZOOL 536
"comparative toxicology"), I have come closer to understand the actual cause
why quite a few people experience stomach cramps and "sloppy wet excreta"
(see my earlier posting "Shitting In A Big Mac Way") after indulging in McD's
gourmet burgers.
For those who would like to repeat my experiments: try a 5-10% normal agar agar
solution/standard incubation time/temp./85% humidity etc. (petri dish) & evenly
apply a 0.05 mL quantity in your petri dish. (Maintaining sterile conditions
/avoiding cross-contaminations obviously) After one day incubation at 37
degrees Celcius you may witness various interesting bacteria colonies, some
of which may be causally linked to the above mentioned health symptoms...
And if this sampling technique hasn't yet convinced the sceptical reader, we
also tried a reverse causative technique by "nuking" Special Sauce (irridating
with alpha radiation to ensure complete sterility of the substance), and thus
preparing this product as a feeding medium for E. Coli and Enterobacter aero-
genus (common "indicator" bacteria). We found that the Special Sauce medium
increased bacteria growth/expansion by approximately 31 to 33 percent...(using
"normal" agar agar solution as comparative medium). What this has to say in
terms of epidemiology, is that unless McD's food handlers apply proper hygiene
(and there is reason to complain), Special Sauce can be a terrific "breeding
ground" for pathogenic organisms causing bowel problems...
------------------------------
Date: 9 Apr 92 08:30:05 GMT
From: goldstein@arecibo.aero.org (SAMUEL GOLDSTEIN)
Subject: Typographer's Twiddle
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
OK, it all started when my semi-mythical and nonexistant friend Ikiru
decided to teach karate on campus. He went through the whole process of
getting room permits and all, and decided to put together a poster to
advertise the class. So he read all those old Charles Atlas ads and those
endless ju-jitsu and hopkido blurbs in the back of the comic books, and he
came up with the following poster:
/----------------------------------------------------------------\
| M A R T I A L A R T S |
| |
| - Learn Ancient Asian Techniques |
| - Develop Impressive Skills |
| - Learn the Art of Control |
| - Build Self-Confidence |
| - Protect Yourself |
| - Train with exotic Impliments |
| - Achieve your Maximum Potential |
| |
| New Class meets on Tuesday and Thursday, 7:00 PM |
| |
\----------------------------------------------------------------/
The poster was adorned with a large script Japanese character, which Ikiru
admitted to me was the character for nori, the seaweed that one uses for
wrapping sushi. But nevertheless, the poster was pretty impressive.
So Ikiru sent the design to the printer, got two hundred copies, and put
them up around campus.
Tuesday night comes, and he arrives at the gym at a quarter of seven. To his
amazement, there are already around two hundred students there! Now, based
on his beautiful poster, he had expected a decent-sized group, but this was
extraordinary!
He glanced at his poster, and discovered why. The printer had evidently
reversed two letters when typesetting the poster: the "T" and the "I" in the
title had been transposed...
------------------------------
Date: 15 Apr 92 08:30:09 GMT
From: andys@ulysses.att.com (Andy Sherman)
Subject: Tyson Sentence
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Told by Larry Josephson in the closing credits of his public radio
show "Modern Times."
Q: Why did they send Mike Tyson to prison?
A: There were no more vacancies on the Supreme Court.
------------------------------
From: fzjaffe@othello.ucdavis.edu (Rory Jaffe)
Newsgroups: sci.med
Subject: Re: Flatulance
Date: 15 Apr 92 04:42:33 GMT
In article <92104.141515RFLOOD@ESOC.BITNET> RFLOOD@ESOC.BITNET writes:
>Is there an accepted (perhaps socially acceptable) level for flatulance,
>and does exceeding this depend on frequency, duration, or content ?
The acceptable level is when V/d is less than 100
where V = volume (Liters)
and d = distance to an open flame (meters)
------------------------------
From: cam@castle.ed.ac.uk (Chris Malcolm)
Newsgroups: sci.med
Subject: Re: Hair Loss suggestions
Date: 10 Apr 92 14:43:01 GMT
In article <14283@pitt.UUCP> geb@dsl.pitt.edu (gordon e. banks) writes:
>In article <1992Apr6.183046.8636@news.larc.nasa.gov> bandwen@eagle.larc.nasa.gov (bando) writes:
>> Does anybody have any suggestions on how to prevent hair loss (baldness)?
>If you are talking about male pattern baldness, castration is the
>only preventative that really works.
Yes, but then your beard falls off :-)
The spectacle of men who are so worried about having hairy faces that
they shave their faces and so worried about not having hairy heads
that they wear wigs, spend fortunes on magic grease, etc., leaves this
bearded baldy open-mouthed with amazement. I thought men were supposed
to be the natural rulers of the known Universe? Where does all this
cringing vanity come from? Do these guys live in some kind of, ahem,
_matriarchy_?
[This may only be amusing to those of us with beards and receding
hairlines. That, and significant others we like to tease. --spaf]
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Date: Thu, 16 Apr 92 06:49:14 CDT
From: JWIGG@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU
To: Film titles
Literal computer translations of some films
recently shown in Paris:
REMEMBRANCES OF A SMALL OX-RUMP
ANAL INDULGENCES FOR VORACIOUS HORSE
BUTTOCKS
SODOMIZE ME UP TO THE SWORD HILT
PIGLIKE LADIES-IN-WAITING WHO ARE EXPERT IN
SODOMY
THE NURSE IS GOOD AT SEX
SMALL BOURGEOIS HOLES TO BE DEFLOWERED
SWEET FELLATIONS AND ANAL EXCAVATIONS
TRENDY SECRETARIES BY DAY, PERVERSE
BITCHES BY NIGHT
HIP YOUNG BOURGEOIS FEMALES, SODOMIZED
HUMID LIPS
THE LARGE CUDGEL
VIRGIN BUTTOCKS TO BE TESTED IN THE
CARIBBEAN ISLANDS
THE LARGE POMPOUS FEMALES
THE LARGE VICIOUS FEMALES
ANAL ENJOYMENTS FOR FEMALE ADOLESCENTS IN
HEAT
VOLUPTUOUSNESSES FOR INSATIABLE BITCHES
SODOMISTIC CAPRICES FOR BITCHES OF PLEASURE
THE LADY DOCTOR HAS LARGE BREASTS
[from SPY]
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End of Yucks Digest
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