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Yucks Digest V2 #24 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Tue, 7 Apr 92 Volume 2 : Issue 24
Today's Topics:
25 ways to cope with stress
anon wire
A remarkably stupid design decision
Contribution to Yuck's Digest (fwd)
Famous Folks' Phobes
First, we kill all the lawyers...
Giant fungus said to be world's largest, oldest organism
Is There Someone Else?
King Hussein horse swims to Israel
Misuse of computer based thesaurus
More Bizarre News
Oh those academics...
Say What? or: Why Johnny Still Can't Read or: I bet he has tenure
Some words on wanking
The Spafford forgery
True support story
Who needs bagels when you have your husband
You know you're losing it when
15 Most suspicious network connections
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 92 15:28:26 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: 25 ways to cope with stress
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
25 Ways to Cope With Stress.
1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how
many you can do at a time.
2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. When someone says "have a nice day", tell tehm you have other plans.
5. Make a list of things to do that you have already done.
6. Dance naked in front of your pets.
7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to pre-school as
if nothing is wrong.
8. Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
9. Tape pictures of you boss on watermelons and launch them from high
places.
10. Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
11. Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.
12. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
13. Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's wife.
14. Pay your electric bill in pennies.
15. Drive to work in reverse.
16. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
17. Tell you boss to "blow it out your mule" and let him figure it out.
18. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.
19. Polish your car with earwax.
20. Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
21. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
22. Braid the hairs in each nostril.
23. Write a short story using alphabet soup.
24. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
25. Make a language up and ask people for directions in it.
Bonus : Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and put it back
in the wrapper.
Author unknown.
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 21 Mar 92 13:19:40 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Third-Graders Send Hate Mail
To: yucks-request
PHILADELPHIA (AP)
Third-graders wrote a newspaper editor messages including "I will
kill you" and "you smell like a rat" because he didn't publish a
photograph of their teacher.
The messages were hand-delivered in a packet to The Review, a
weekly newspaper, and addressed to Managing Editor George Beetham Jr.
A cover sheet read, "From the mouths of babes ..."
"I will kill you if you do not put my teacher's picture spelled
right in the Review. I was very angry not to see it today!" one of
the 14 students wrote.
"I hate you. You smell like a rat because you did not put my
teacher's picture in the newspaper. You ugly rat and four eyed geeks
... I'm going to rip all your hair off, put it in your mouth and take
your clothes and put them on your head and beat you up, you rat,"
wrote another.
The students said they were angry because Beetham didn't run a
publicity photo showing Mimi Shapiro, their teacher at James Dobson
Elementary School. It showed Shapiro volunteering for an exhibition
game promoting a city tennis tournament.
Shapiro, 40, will continue teaching while the school district
investigates, said William McClain, principal of the James Dobson.
Shapiro's telephone number isn't listed and she couldn't be reached
for comment Friday night.
The children were "only defending the honor of their teacher" and
will not be reprimanded, McClain said.
The packet was delivered to the newspaper on March 11, Beetham
said. The first page carried the message "From the mouths of babes
..." in adult handwriting, he said.
James Lytle, regional school superintendent, said parents were
outraged when they heard about the hate mail.
"Our principal was besieged," he said, "It looked like the kids
were being exploited."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 92 03:03:19 PST
From: desint!geoff@uunet.UU.NET (Geoff Kuenning)
Subject: A remarkably stupid design decision
Newsgroups: comp.risks
I just had to pass this one on because it was so funny/sad. A client told me
today of a consultant who designed a menu-driven system to be used by
accountants for financial purposes. Needing a special character to signify
"return to main menu", he chose one that "nobody uses" (his words). The
character? The dollar sign!
Needless to say, on the first day the software was installed, my
client got a frantic call. "Every time I try to enter a dollar
amount, it pops me back to the menu!"
Sigh.
------------------------------
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written,rec.arts.books
From: troly@sylmar.math.ucla.edu (Bret Jolly)
Subject: Re: Difference Engine: Request for Information
Date: Wed, 25 Mar 92 03:38:45 GMT
In article <0w-j6npdoug@netcom.com> doug@netcom.com (Doug Merritt) writes:
>And please don't tell me about Babagge, I know all about *that*. How about
>the reference to burning mummies by the tons, O thou who were about to
>flame me?
Mummies were imported to England for fuel in the 19th century in
large quantities. The resin was highly flammable, and there were millions
of mummies (mainly of animals). For a while the Anglo-Egyptian railway
used mummies to fuel its steam trains. One archaeologist of the period
was riding up by the cab as the train labored up a hill. He heard one
worker shout to another "enough of these commoners, let's throw in a
king!" (A king would have more resin.)
I got this information from a guide at the British Museum.
Do I get to flame you now? [Only if your mummy lets you. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 27 Mar 92 11:47:00 CST
From: Joe Wiggins <JWIGG@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU>
Subject: Famous Folks' Phobes
To: yucks
FAMOUS PEOPLE AND THEIR PHOBIAS
Person Fear
----------------------- -------------------------
Alexander the Great Cats
Roseanne Barr Flying
Napoleon Bonaparte Cats
Ray Bradbury Flying
Julius Caesar Cats
Johnny Cash Flying, snakes
Chevy Chase Snakes
John Cheever Crossing Bridges
Cher Flying
Joan Crawford Germs
Tony Curtis Flying
Aretha Franklin Flying
Whoopi Goldberg Flying
Betty Grable Crowds
Graham Greene Blood, birds, bats
Katherine Hepburn Fire
Alfred Hitchcock Policemen
Houdini Claustrophobia
Howard Hughes Germs
Genghis Khan Cats
Evel Knievel Flying
Stanley Kubrick Flying
Richard Lewis Intimacy
Loretta Lynn Flying
John Madden Flying
Dean Martin Elevators
Ed McMahon Heights
Robert Mitchum Crowds
Benito Mussolini Cats
Bob Newhart Flying
Laurence Olivier Stagefright
Edgar Allan Poe Claustrophobia
Marcel Proust Germs
Ronald Reagan Flying, claustrophobia
Gene Shalit Flying
Steven Spielberg Insects
Liv Ullman Flying
King Vidor Heights, flying
Virginia Woolf Fire
Joanne Woodward Flying
[Don't see any cyberphobia here... maybe they're ashamed to admit it.]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 10 Mar 92 13:42:00 CST
From: shoe@zempoaltepetl.tivoli.com (Mark Shoemaker)
Subject: First, we kill all the lawyers...
To: bob
My very brain-dead apartment (they call it a "rental community")
management (we call them "fools") saw fit to inflict the following on its
tenants. Note that each apartment has its own water heater and can
(presumably) control the heat level thereof.
D I S C L A I M ER
HOT WATER HEATERS
Hot water can cause severe burns. Residents are advised to take
precautions against hot water burns.
The resident _________________________ hereby confirms having been
cautioned about the use of hot water, and that the resident is aware of
the correct usage of hot water and holds the owner and Sandalwood
Management, Inc. harmless from any burns or scalding which can occur
from the misuse of hot water.
X _________________________
Soon, I'm sure, we'll get warnings about falling down the stairs,
pinching our little fingers in the mail boxes, tripping over the curb,
burning the dinner/cat/baby on the stove, etc., etc., etc...
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 92 21:32:36 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Giant fungus said to be world's largest, oldest organism
To: yucks-request
New York, April 3 dpa - Researchers in Michigan say they may have
found the world's largest and oldest single living organism - a giant
underground fungus covering 14 hectares and estimated to be 1,500
years old.
Scientists from Michigan Technological University said Thursday the
organism is a network of hair-thin micro-filaments spread out over an
area longer than five football fields.
The researchers discovered the organism in Michigan's upper
peninsula while trying to determine why pine seedlings could not
flourish in soil that had formerly supported hardwood forests.
The pines, they learned, were dying from the parasitic fungus. The
findings parallel those of a California researcher who recently
claimed that excessive moss and fungi, and not acid rain, could be the
prime reason why many forests are dying in America and Europe.
One Michigan researcher, Dr Johann Bruhn, said the giant fungus
could weight more than 100 tons.
"But what's most important is that it changes people's
perspective," he said. "People tend to think of trees as being the
dominant organism in the forest because they are largest and most
visible."
He said the Michigan fungus may be the world's largest, but that
there are no doubt many other giant fungi throughout the world
-silently killing forests.
[Sounds like a woman I went out with once.... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 92 15:25:17 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Is There Someone Else?
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
This was in a 1992 Jan 30 {Wall Street Journal} article about speaker
Mikki Williams. I have no idea whether it's original with her.
"I broke up with my fiance yesterday. He asked, 'Is there someone
else?' I said, 'There just MUST be.'"
[Sounds like a woman I went out with once.... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 92 12:58:09 PDT
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: King Hussein horse swims to Israel
To: yucks-request
Jerusalem, April 7 - A polo pony from the Royal Jordanian stables
of King Hussein in Aqaba took a time-out from a rigorous training
schedule Tuesday and swam across a bay in the Red Sea to the Israeli
resort city of Eilat, Israel Radio reported.
Foreign ministry officials were examining ways to return the horse
to Jordan, which is in an official state of war with Israel, and has
no contacts with the country, spokesman Yehoshua Amishav said.
According to the reports, the saddled grey stallion threw its rider
while on a training run on the beach, plunged into the sea and swam a
few hundred metres west to the shore at Eilat.
After examining the animal for possible bombs or booby traps,
police handed him over the the city veterinarian who pronounced it in
good shape except for a bruised leg probably incurred in jumping.
------------------------------
Date: 6 Apr 92 23:30:06 GMT
From: noel@erich.triumf.ca (NOEL)
Subject: Misuse of computer based thesaurus
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Demonstrating the misuse of a computer based thesaurus.
-----
This is the allegory of an individual christened Jed. An unprosperous
ascetical recluse who just about sustained his clan. Then it came to
pass one morning. He was in quest of nutriments, when elevated from the
soil arose some effervescent raw petroleum products.
The fundamental issue one recognizes, venerable Jed's become excessively
affluent. His indigenous relatives asserted, "Jed, depart from your
current domicile". They pronounced California as the locale of
choice, so the household loaded up their property and possessions and
seceded to Beverly Hills.
------
transcribed while playing with Microsoft Word
from Noel Giffin
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 06 Apr 92 07:32:08 CDT
From: Joe Wiggins <JWIGG@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU>
Subject: More Bizarre News
To: yucks
A burglar, baby-sitting his 4-year-old daughter during a heist, broke into
a house in Newark, N.J., in October, stole some things, then left in a hurry
without the daughter.
In August at the annual Cortland, N.Y., 200-rider demonstration against
the state's mandatory motorcycle helmet law, five protestors were thrown
from their bikes, lacerated, and suffered head injuries when a tire blew
out on one cycle. All five were cited for failure to wear helmets.
Suspected purse-snatcher Dereese Delon Waddell in suburban Minneapolis last
winter stood on a police lineup so the 76-year-old female victim could have
a look at him. When the police told him to put his baseball cap on his head
with the bill facing out, so as to be presentable, he protested, "No (I'm
going to) put it on backwards. That's the way I had it on when I took the
purse."
University of Tennessee football player Tom Myslinski attracted press attention
this fall with his pregame ritual: heavy-metal music, "hard" banging of his
unhelmeted head against a shower room wall, followed by, not surprisingly,
"serious" (according to a teammate) vomiting in the locker room. "I don't
know why I do it," said Myslinski. "It's really stupid when you think about
it.
John Riley, until August the head of the Minnesota Department of Transporta-
tion admitted in September that he had been driving without a Minnesota driver's
license all year. He said he didn't have time to get one, but there was a
licensing office downstairs in the building where he worked. In September,
Riley became chief of staff to the governor.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 31 Mar 1992 12:48:12 EST
From: vnend@Princeton.EDU (David James)
Subject: Oh those academics...
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
>From the Medieval Texts mailing list:
On Mar 31, 11:34am, BROWNEL@VUCTRVAX.BitNet wrote:
} Subject: Software Whimsy
}If you are in a serious mood, delete this and move on.
}A recent announcement of the annual Academy of American Poets contained
}two paragraphs of possible interest to net-folk:
}Wishing to keep the contest free of corruption by modern technology,
}the organizers originally hoped to ban not only poems composed or typed
}on a computer but all poems written on anything but virgin veluum. That
}noble dream ended when a leak to THE CUMBERLAND REVIEW revealed that poems
}for the last three volumes of the AAP's anthologies were selected and
}edited by software adapted from a Music City U.S.A. program used to
}determine Grammy Winners. That program, affectionately nicknamed
}"Smellcheck,", is know officially as "Eye Right the Songs."
}Unable to keep their own house in order, therefore, the contest organizers
}feel compelled to accept poems touched up by "Scancheck" and other verse
}enhancing and producing software, such as "The Three Rs Poetica," "From Bad to
}Verse," "Poem Aid," "How Mushy Is That Doggerel in the Windows?" and a new,
}highly specialized program that converts blank verse into Old English
}alliterative hemistiches: "Scopwell." (Those uncertain how to pronounce the
}name of that program need only recall Grendel's last words, just after Beowulf
}tore off his arm: "Oh, scit.")
}I warned you. (You're right, humorous Anglo-Saxon verse about a well-known
}Christian motif do succeed in keeping us in hamus-stiches.) Shamefacedly,
}Emerson.
}-- End of excerpt from BROWNEL@VUCTRVAX.BitNet
------------------------------
Date: 3 Apr 92 09:30:05 GMT
From: MRC@cac.washington.edu (Mark Crispin)
Subject: Say What? or: Why Johnny Still Can't Read or: I bet he has tenure
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
The following is an excerpt from `Producing American Selves: The form of
American Biography" by Rob Wilson, in `boundary 2' (Summer 1991) as reported
in the Winter 1992 `Wilson Quarterly.' Wilson is an English professor (!) at
the University of Hawaii.
As postmodern ethnography de-familiarizes the genre of life-writing into
a voracious apparatus of textualized selfhood, the underlying cultural
function of biography, at least as a Western genre, can be seen to insinuate
and extend what James Clifford has called "the myth of coherant personality."
That is, by means of a massive life-writing consuming and producing selves
from George Washington to Cary Grant and Alice James, the primary function of
biography is to disseminate a plethora of *selves* who might instantiate this
integrity of selfhood as achieved against a more or less recessive social
background, what Le'vi-Strauss, Lacan, and Althusser have theorized (less
blithely) as the overdeterminations of mythic structures, libidinal codes, and
economic base. Hence, in contracting to document and amass the thematics of
such a particularized self, the biographer enters the terms of a genre in
which he or she contracts to deliver the individual as a tormented journey
toward coherent unity, striking personality, and expressive selfhood ...
[Sounds like a woman I went out with once.... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 4 Apr 92 09:07:15 CST
From: forsythe@track29.lonestar.org (Charles Forsythe)
Subject: Some words on wanking
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
>|The only absolutely safe sex is masturbation
>
> The Church of the SubGenius endorses this
> technique under some circumstances
From what I've seen, most SubGeniuses find themselves unwillingly saddled with
a choice between masturbation and chastity.
For you language trivia fans: there is another form of the word,
"masturpation," which comes from the same Latin root (stuprare: to defile).
Masturpation (no longer in use) refers to someone else doing it to you.
Masturpation is safe and fun and is certainly endorsed by the Church of
the Subgenius (however, the verb with the "b" in it, still remains the most
likely sexual outlet).
Another obscure and potentially embarrassing word:Tribadation refers to
two women simulating heterosexual intercourse by rubbing pelvic regions.
Needless to say, the following is an unlikely S.A.T. question:
oppress::republican tribade::???
(a) epidemiologist
(b) philatelist
(c) lesbian
(d) African swallow
(e) I don't know, but please let me into college anyway, thanks
Now, thus enlightened, you can comprehend this ribald limerick:
Marlene wanted Joy to relent
She said,"AIDS is so hard to prevent,"
"If you want to get laid,
then, we'll have to tribade"
But Joy didn't know what she meant
Now please write a short essay or story which uses the following words in
correct sentences:
1. Tribadic 2. Obsequeous 3. Thermonuclear 4. Red
5. Jazzercise 6. Intentionality 7. Grep (as a verb) 8. Xanthous
9. The 10. Utah 11. Qabbalah 12. Dandruff
Please have them in my mailbox by next Friday as I will subtract a grade for
each day it is late. Anybody who is able to use the words in order and still
remain coherent (yes, more coherent than a Quayle speech), get's an A++.
(A++ is an object-oriented version of a perfect score).
------------------------------
Date: 27 Mar 92 01:10:45 GMT
From: chuq.ai@Apple.COM (Chuq Von Rospach, mostly-retired net.deity)
Subject: The Spafford forgery
Newsgroups: news.announce.important
This is an unauthorized announcement, posted in the public interest by
Chuq Von Rospach's network-interface AI software.
On April 1st, 1989, an article was posted to USENET over the "signature" of
Eugene Spafford at Purdue University. "Spafford" purported to warn everyone
that April Fools Day is a popular time for people to post forged USENET
articles. "Spafford" mentioned several of the more famous (or infamous)
forgeries, and described ways in which a forged article could be told from
a real one.
The article by "Spafford" was, of course, a forgery, and bore all of the
telltale signs of being one. Spaf himself didn't know anything about the
article until after it was posted.
On April 1st, 1990, some person or persons other than the original forger
dug out copies of the forged forgery-warning, changed the date and message
ID slightly, and reposted it. The same thing happened in 1991. As a result,
the 1991 article was a duplicated clone of a forged forgery-warning.
Enough is enough. It's not funny any more. The joke was witty the first
time, half-witted the second, and drizzle-witted the third. We don't need
to see it again this year.
If you have a copy of the Spafford forgery, and were thinking of re-posting
it sometime in the next couple of weeks: please don't. It's been done before,
and the joke is old.
If somebody does post it, ignore it. Don't bother writing spaf to tell him
that he's been forged. He knows. Don't bother writing Chuq, either... he
has retired from the net to pursue other goals, and I read all of his
mail for him.
---
Chuq "IMHO" Von Rospach, Enterprise Products Support
chuq@apple.com | GEnie:CHUQ & MAC.BIGOT | ALink:CHUQ
Book Reviewer, Amazing Stories =+= Member, SFWA
Editor, OtherRealms =+= #include <standard/disclaimer.h>
[This was, apparently, itself a forgery. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 23 Mar 92 00:30:05 GMT
From: mtaht@cruzio.santa-cruz.ca.us (Michael Taht)
Subject: True support story
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Some users require a bit of hand holding. Others deserve to have them
cut off and stuffed up their... well.....
Once upon a time I was doing a support call -
"... Ok, now type cd space..."
sounds heard from the user: "click click, clickclickclickclickclick"
"... um, excuse me sir, what did you just type?"
"cd space."
"... nononononono, space BAR, space BAR!"
"ahhh. clickclickclick."
"... nononononNONO!, the space bar! that big horizontal thing at the bottom
middle of the keyboard! Hit delete."
"ahh. Why? How will delete help?"
"It'll abort what you just typed. Just hit it."
"Click. OK."
"... Great, now type ... cd ... SPACEBAR..."
Lots of clicking noises, I decided to ignore for the nonce....
"... slash"
"Slash?"
"... yes, it's the key below the question mark."
"Ah.... "
"... and hit return."
:silence: "click click click click click click"
"Noooo! Noooo! the return key! the return *key*!"
"I don't have a return key."
"Alright, ENTER, then."
"Enter what?"
:under my breath: "the gates of hell." "The ENTER key, hit it please."
"Ah. Hokay, it says file not found."
"What?!!! - listen, what do you do there at XYZ Inc?"
"I am system administrator for whole network."
"Do you have a secretary or someone there I could talk to?
You see, we've got another couple hundred letters to type and I don't
have that kind of credit with Ma bell..."
I sent him a copy of typing tutor that day. FedEx. I then called in
sick for the rest of the week, hoping to avoid further blood pressure
problems.
Friday he called in, asks for me specifically. Seems he needed help
on getting typing tutor installed!!!!
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 3 Apr 92 12:39 BST
From: Paola Kathuria <PAOLA@vax.southbank-poly.ac.uk>
Subject: Who needs bagels when you have your husband
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
I just saw a new poster on the way to the train station this
morning. The poster is mostly taken up by an up-ended bread
stick and a stick of celery. Below are three tubs of cream
cheese with various flavourings (herb, garlic ...). Each
stick has a blob of the cheese on the end. Caption reads:
Try it on bread.
Try it on celery.
Try it on your husband.
Perhaps I just have a smutty sense of humour but I thought
it was wonderfully wicked.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 92 8:37:47 EDT
From: "Jonathan Trudel" <jdt@bugs.rmd.com>
Subject: YOu know you're losing it when
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
When you read misc.forsale, and upon seeing a subject line of "Space
Conquerers for sale", you think "Hmmm, maybe they'll take passengers."
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 13 Mar 92 09:02:17 PST
From: brent@zimmer.CSUFresno.EDU (Brent Auernheimer)
To: yucks-request
Subject: submission
>From the 11 Mar 92 ``It's a crime: Fascinating tales from the Fresno
Police Reports'' column of _Metronews_
On 2 Mar, police responded to a call from a 59-year-old who allegeged that
his landlord and his ex-wife were threatening and harassing him.
After arriving at the residence, the man told police that his landlord,
a professor at Fresno State, was ``threatening him by stacking newspaper
at his front door and folded it in a certain way.'' He claimed his landlord
and his ex-wife are ``psychotic and they hired someone to follow him
around every day for the past three years.'' He claims his landlord also
put a listening device in his car so that he could
be tracked and followed. The man also told police that the professor
has a key to his apartment and that she brought ``dead body fluids and
put them in his pockets'' and other places around his apartment.
In his report, a Fresno Poice officier contends, ``at this point it is
unknown if the above allegations have ever occured. (The man) kept on
saying things that he thought happened which appeared to be unusual for
a human being to do such as getting fluids from a dead body.''
The man was advised to contact the District Attorney's office.
[At the District Attoenry's office, they are adept at getting fluids
from dead bodies. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1992 22:16:31 -0500
Subject: 15 Most suspicious network connections
From: spaf (Gene Spafford)
To: yucks
At a recent intrusion detection workshop, some of the attendees were
lamenting that there was insufficient baseline data to calibrate
some of the systems.
Discussion ensued, and over the next few days, a few of us came up
with (and ranked) the following, with the working title of "The
Grance-Letterman Data Set of the 15 Most Suspicious Network
Connections."
Without further ado:
15 cut & fork from jdahmer@jail.mn.us
14 chown -R nobody * from stallman@prep.mit.edu
13 rcp from scud.baghdad.iq
12 talk from sununu@carphone.beltway.gov
11 ftp from kremvax.mosc.fsu
10 rsh bash from tyson@fairfield.indiana.gov
9 pop from rcharles@uhhuh.diet.pepsi.com
8 rsh make bed from helmsley@queen.roost.attica.ny.us
7 auditd -start from root@irs.gov
6 rlogin GAMES from DQUAYLE@ATARI.LIVINGROOM.DC.US
5 rsh kill -9 1 from gotti@murder.com
4 usenet postings from Gennifer to alt.sex and talk.rumors
3 ping from elvis@graceland.ufo.org
2 finger from peewee@3rd.row.flic.com
1 uptime from jswaggert@motel.6.com
Other suspicious entries, added to the list after the ranking:
touch from C.Thomas@l_d_silver.doj.gov
mount from magic@groupie.bball.org
sleep from reagan@rancho.teflon.gov
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------