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Yucks Digest V2 #14 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Thu, 20 Feb 92 Volume 2 : Issue 14
Today's Topics:
-- NWS ADVISORY -- TO CITY AND PHOTO EDITORS:
bumper sticker of the week
Buying houses
Dow implants, topical, original
Netnews chucklehead-of-the-week award goes to...
smart computer, nerdy user
Toys Backward-R Us
Was My Face Red!
You know you're old when...
Yucks Digest V2 #13 (shorts)
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
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Date: Tue, 18 Feb 92 21:18:02 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: -- NWS ADVISORY -- TO CITY AND PHOTO EDITORS:
To: yucks-request
FRED FLINTSTONE GOES `CAR SHOPPING' WEDNESDAY
AT THE ACADEMY OF NATURAL SCIENCES
What: Fred Flintstone goes "car shopping" at The Academy of
Natural Sciences: Tired of using his feet, Fred hunts
for the right dinosaur to use as pedal power.
When: Wednesday, Feb. 19, 10 a.m.
Where: The Academy of Natural Sciences, 1900 Benjamin Franklin
Parkway, Philadelphia.
Details:
Ouch! Fred Flintstone's feet are killing him after years of wear
and tear powering his car, so he's going to spur the sluggish economy
with the purchase of a dinosaur to power his Stone Age auto. Will he
buy a compact dino or splurge -- like Lee Iacocca"stone" -- on a state-
of-the-art Tyrannosaurus rex? The Academy welcomes Fred Flintstone and
the Ice Capades to the Spectrum for 10 performances Wednesday, Feb. 26,
through Sunday, March 1. Tickets are on sale now at all Ticketmaster
locations.
CONTACT: Chris McMullen of the Academy of Natural Sciences,
215-299-1150, or Spencer Chambers of the Spectrum, 215-336-3600.
[Nothing like some entertaining good science from the Academy, eh?
--spaf]
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Date: Mon, 17 Feb 92 10:34:48 -0800
From: Patty Winter <winter@apple.com>
Subject: bumper sticker of the week
On a car at Apple:
Picard/Riker '92
[Yes!! By far better than any of the current candidates. Can
anybody out there in Granola land find any campaign buttons? :-)
--spaf]
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Date: 19 Feb 92 00:30:06 GMT
From: nazgul@alfalfa.com (Kee Hinckley)
Subject: Buying houses
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
I have a friend in Maine who lives out in the country in a house he and
his wife built. One day he was talking to his nephew and the following
conversation ensued.
"Uncle, do people _buy_ houses?"
"Yes."
"How do they get them home?"
------------------------------
Date: 19 Feb 92 08:20:07 GMT
From: LAFORCE@xenon.arc.nasa.gov (Soren)
Subject: Dow implants, topical, original
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
With all the attention that the Dow breast implants have been getting lately,
I wondered why no one else has been manufacturing these "devices" except
Dow.
Then I realized that everyone else was probably afraid of a "look and
feel" lawsuit...
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 18 Feb 92 08:21:41 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Netnews chucklehead-of-the-week award goes to...
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
From: mao@postgres.Berkeley.EDU (Mike Olson)
... James Choi, for the following remarkable submission (edited for brevity):
From: phantom@casbah.acns.nwu.edu (James Choi)
Newsgroups: misc.jobs.offered,alt.sex
Subject: U.S. postage stamp printing.
Does anyone know anything about the postage stamp printing process in
the U.S.?
I could not find any news group that has to do with "stamps". So, I
went for the two most-read forums.
What do you suppose all those alt.sex readers thought when they saw that
subject line?
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 19 Feb 92 17:41:40 PST
From: jeffw@or.credence.COM
Subject: smart computer, nerdy user
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
I typed this at my machine:
"hi there computer, which is noisier, rock music or history?"
and it came back with
"history: Too many arguments."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 20 Feb 92 16:14:36 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Toys Backward-R Us
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
In a Toys Backward-R Us store this gentleman was buying a Barbie Doll
for his daughter.
He asks, "Does Barbie come with Ken?"
The saleswoman says, "Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes
it with Ken."
[Rude, but not necessarily bizarre enough. Suggesting one of the
Ninja Turtles, a Transformer, or the Toxic Avenger Doll would have
been more thought-provoking. Of course, this may be why they don't
let me design or sell toys, either. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 19 Feb 1992 16:24:17 -0800 (PST)
From: Barbara Hlavin <twain@u.washington.edu>
Subject: Was My Face Red!
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
>From an interview with Sociology Professor Edward Gross on the subject of
handing embarrassing moments, in the February 6 "University Week"
"On the lighter side, people's two biggest sources of embarrassment are
the body and sex, Gross claims. 'Sex is a huge game of coordination--and
often it doesn't work right. The timing must be just so and something you
did 10 minutes ago wouldn't be right now. Sometimes I'm amazed that
anybody ever gets born at all.'"
On the *lighter side*??
*Often* it doesn't work right??
[One does wonder about Professor Gross. And, is that his real name?
Doesn't that seem a little too convenient? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 20 Feb 92 20:27:26 -0500
From: dls@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
Subject: You know you're old when...
To: bob
You know you're old when you have owned an album for 3 or more
decades in 4 different formats.
In 1978, I bought an 8-track tape. Yes, an 8-track tape.
In 1983, I bought a cassette tape.
In 1987, I bought vinyl.
Yesterday, I bought a CD.
[Depends on the album. If it's the Chipmunk's Greatest Hits, or
Lawrence Welk plays the Beatles, you have more of a problem than just
age. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 18 Feb 92 17:04:23 CST
From: brennan@hal.com (Dave Brennan)
Subject: Yucks Digest V2 #13 (shorts)
To: Yucks-request
> [Compare to Yucks v1#43 where the Marines used handgrenades. Any
> of you Yuckster's done in a computer in some spectacular manner? --spaf]
At a Data General employee meeting they did in a Sun workstation with a
sledge hammer. The monitor tube was remove (probably for safety reasons)
but the keycaps went everywhere. I was far enough away where they could
have left the monitor in -- now that would have been interesting.
[Was this a regular event or a special occasion? Was it
well-received? And, did Sun reciprocate? --spaf]
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End of Yucks Digest
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