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Yucks Digest V2 #10
Yucks Digest Thu, 6 Feb 92 Volume 2 : Issue 10
Today's Topics:
Bush Encounters the Supermarket, Amazed
GNU announced GNU GNURM!
HOLLYWOOD, ETC. Dennis Miller adds to talk-show gridlock
Institute of Fuzzy Science and the Hubble Space Telescope
Objectionable Cobol
Review of good TBL book
Some minor mother-tongue conundra...
Soviet McDonald's Said Elitist
UNIX in trouble? (was Solaris 2.0 and C libraries)
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
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Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 5 Feb 92 11:44:26 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Bush Encounters the Supermarket, Amazed
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
BUSH ENCOUNTERS THE SUPERMARKET, AMAZED
As President Bush travels the country in search of re-election, he
seems unable to escape a central problem: This career politician,
who has lived the cloistered life of a top Washington bureaucrat for
decades, is having trouble presenting himself to the electorate as a
man in touch with middle-class life.
Today, for instance, he emerged from 11 years in Washington's
choicest executive mansions to confront the modern supermarket.
Visiting the exhibition hall of the National Grocers Associate
convention here, Mr. Bush lingered at the mock-up of a checkout
lane. He signed his name on the electronic pad used to detect check
forgeries.
"If some guy came in and spelled George Bush differently, could you
catch it?" the President asked. "Yes," he was told, and he shook
his head in wonder.
Then he grabbed a quart of mild, a light bulb and a bag of candy and
ran them over an electronic scanner. The look of wonder flickered
across his face again as he saw the item and price registered on the
cash register screen.
"This is for checking out?" asked Mr. Bush. "I just took a tour
through the exhibits here," he told the grocers later. "Amazed by
some of the technology."
Marlin Fitzwater, the White House spokesman, assured reporters that
he had seen the President in a grocery store. A year or so ago.
In Kennebunkport.
-- The New York Times, Feb 5, 1992
------------------------------
Date: 2 Feb 92 09:30:03 GMT
From: trebor@foretune.co.jp (Robert J Woodhead)
Subject: GNU announced GNU GNURM!
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Free Software Folks FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Somewhere near MIT April 1, 1992
FSF announces GNU GNURM, the new, improved network worm!
Tired of old, outdated, buggy worms clogging up your system? Then
be happy to know that FSF, the people who've done more to destroy
intellectual property that anyone else, are proud to announce the
release of GNURM 1.0. Even better, GNURM is being released into
the public domain (and the public data networks), so it's
absolutely free. You don't have to go and get GNURM, GNURM will
come and get you!
What GNURM does:
Using advanced techniques that could only be programmed by people
who have grants, trust funds, or other means by which they don't
have to work for a living, GNURM roams the networks, using little
known bugs, stupid errors by sysadms, and other methods that you
couldn't possibly understand to ensconce itself in your system.
Once there, GNURM provides your system with the many benefits that
the FSF has decided you need!
* GNURM updates all your old, tired utilities to the
brand-new, shiny, GNU versions!
* GNURM's advanced AI frees your software from the bondage
of copyright laws by seeking out and destroying any
copyright statements in the code or source (thus saving
valuable disc space). GNURM's special GNUTRON BOMB
feature destroys intellectual property rights, while
leaving the code standing!
* Best of all, when GNURM has finished, it moves itself
onto your friends computer, spreading goodwill and
copylefts everywhere it goes.
Don't waste time, get GNU'd today!
Processor cycles are precious things, and it takes a lot of them to
crack your root password. This could result in some slowdowns for
your friends as GNURM tries to access your system. Don't be impolite.
Change your root password to GNU today! You'll be glad you did
tomorrow!
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 4 Feb 92 16:32:53 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: HOLLYWOOD, ETC. Dennis Miller adds to talk-show gridlock
To: yucks-request
ATTN: Laurence has run certain words together for a comic effect.This
is not a mistake.
By Robert P. Laurence Copley News Service
Thankyouthankyouthankyou very much ladies and gentlemen. My next
guest is one of my dearest, closest friends and a giant of show
business....
You know the rest of the routine, ladies and gentlemen. And so does
Dennis Miller.
Oh, he'd like you to think he's above all that schlock showbiz
schmaltz, all that smiley smalltalk, that he's really a hip, modern
mocker of Johnny and Ed and Jay and Steve and Jack and Merv and
Arsenio and all those other guys who have sat behind desks over the
millenia while their Hollywood pals nattered on about their
sweethearts and their children and their latest albums, books and
movies.
But no, he fits right in with the most ancient tradition. And he
makes a crowd where there wasn't one already.
Miller, for the last several years the "Weekend Update" guy on
"Saturday Night Live," recently started his new syndicated
late-night talk show, and so far Miller does not appear to be doing
anything substantially different from his predecessors.
He's even joined them in ganging up on Vice President Dan Quayle, a
phenomenon he himself mentioned recently: "That's all Dan Quayle
needs, is another punk taking shots at him night after night."
Hearing the gags, one had to wonder whether the national appetite
for Dan Quayle lines was at last getting as overstuffed as one of
those geese the French force-feed to make foie gras.
The Quayle lines were symbolic, in a way, emphasizing the
congestive effect Miller might have on the late-night talk show
supply.
When he was asked whether his show would get lost in a crowded
field, Miller objected, saying there were really only two other shows
in his time slot, Arsenio's and Johnny's, and he was already tired of
being asked, "What about the gridlock?"
Well, it can take only one more car in an intersection to create
gridlock, and it takes just one more talk show just like the others on
the dial at 11:30.
If Miller's show were different from the rest in any substantial
way, it would be a welcome addition to the scene. So far, though, it's
only different in Miller's penchant for jokes with obscure references,
which he proudly mentions a couple of times a night. He seems to be
saying that if the folks in the audience don't laugh, it's because the
jokes are over their heads.
Not so. Most of the time, the references are smug, self-indulgent
and strained, and the gags just aren't funny.
Miller was predictably and forgivably nervous during his first
show, but able to quip after one gag fell flat that he still hadn't
"mastered that Carson-slash-Houdini-like ability to extricate myself
from the bad joke." That line, as Carson's own follow-ups to flop
jokes often do, got his first solid laugh of the night.
As he was wont to do on "SNL," Miller delivered himself of an
editorial of sorts, declaring that Pete Rose should indeed be in the
Baseball Hall of Fame, because he got more hits than anybody else in
baseball "and he did it with the worst haircut in the history of the
world."
His first guest, actor Tom Hanks, set the theme with his opening
remarks, which were not entirely tongue-in-cheek: "I'm here loaded
with self-serving patter to inaugurate this, your own talk show."
Other than a hilarious send-up of the apparently unintelligible
conversational style of Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, Hanks
made good on his promise of patter, and for most of their talk he and
Miller lurched desperately from movies to rock bands to the Japanese
parliament.
Then along came Bonnie Raitt to sing a song or two, and Miller
turned on the talk-show flattery: "I've been watching you for years,
and I've always loved you."
Merv couldn't have said it better.
By the time actor Christian Slater arrived to talk about his new
movie and the play he's directing in Los Angeles, Miller was reduced
to asking if the child actor in the stage show is indeed the younger
brother of Fred Savage.
"Yeah, he's Ben Savage," said Slater.
"He's great."
"Yeah, I love the little guy. He's great."
Didn't Mike Douglas say that about Mickey Rooney?
Not so great was the second show, which Miller opened with unfunny
references to Carlos Castaneda, John Tower and James Joyce, and a
slightly funnier routine on statistics. His guests were comic Bob
Saget, a dearclosepersonalfriend, singer Kenny Loggins, and "SNL"
utility bimbo Victoria Jackson, who sang a song of social protest that
sounded like Bob Dylan on some sort of controlled substance.
[She looked better than Dylan but sounded much worse. --spaf]
From beginning to end, one waited in vain for Miller to make good
on his promise that he wouldn't just "lob" easy questions at his
celebrity guests, that his humor was going to be sharper and tougher
than that of his competitors.
So far, he fawns over the stars more obsequiously than Arsenio
Hall, and he's less funny than Johnny Carson or Jay Leno.
Looks like talk-show gridlock to me.
------------------------------
Date: 3 Feb 92 09:30:05 GMT
From: brun@cco.caltech.edu (Todd A. Brun)
Subject: Institute of Fuzzy Science and the Hubble Space Telescope
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Here is my third Institute of Fuzzy Science bulletin. I wrote it shortly
after The Bad News came out about Hubble...
IFS and the Hubble Space Telescope
There has been a great furor recently over the realization that
the Hubble Space Telescope is a very sick optical instrument.
Amidst finger-pointing and name-calling, it has become clear that
the optics involved were not tested adequately.
"We goofed," admitted one high-ranking NASA official, who
asked to remain anonymous. "I mean, what with one thing and
another, the space shuttle blowing up, bad weather in Washington,
and the rising price of dairy products...well, we were years behind
schedule. Years and years. Years and years and years. Who ever
thought we'd actually get around to launching the damned thing?
Then, you know, you let things slide for a while, then all of a
sudden, blammo, you've got to stuff the thing into the cargo bay,
and you suddently remember all the stuff you've been putting off,
like not taking down the storm windows at home, or filling out
your income tax returns, or testing the mirror with collimated
light. It could happen to anyone."
Yet in the cross-fire of accusations and bureaucratic
posterior-covering, the dedicated thinkers at the Institute of Fuzzy
Science have been quietly working to correct the problem. While
conventional scientific techniques look dubious at best, the bolder
approach of IFS may soon bear fruit.
"At JPL," commented Institute scientist Hier O. Nymous,
"they're talking about putting additional optics in the camera to
correct the problem. That's just giving the telescope a crutch to
lean on; it doesn't get at the root of the problem." Nymous's
solution is to boost into orbit a copy of See Without Glasses by
Ralph MacFayden. "With the proper exercises and the right mental
attitude, it should be able to correct the problem without artificial
aid. The paperback version of MacFayden's book could be purchased
and launched at very low cost."
Dr. Nymous, one of the Institute's most distinguished
scientists, is the author of numerous theories on almost as many
subjects. One of his most controversial ideas is that mass
extinctions have occured periodically throughout the history of
life, due to infections caused by the dumping of garbage from an
alien restaurant. This restaurant normally orbits the sun at a
distance too great to be noticed. Periodically, though, its highly
eccentric orbit brings it near the Earth, where it dumps the trash
that has accumulated in the previous several million years. For
evidence, he cites the much debated discovery of hamburger
wrappings in a layer of Jurassic rock. Detractors suggest that the
wrappings might have become mixed in with the other fossils by a
careless field worker, who'd been eating on the job. Nymous
dismisses these criticisms. His co-workers have suggested the
name "Nymous's" for the alien restaurant, and the theory is
commonly known as the '"Nymous's" hypothesis'.
Another Institute worker, Simon Earnest, questions the need
for the HST at all. "My radical new optical theory permits us to
make images here on the ground that are sharper than anything the
Hubble could provide, even if it were functioning perfectly," he
declares.
In proof of this he has produced a number of photographs of
distant galaxies. Individual stars stand out with remarkable
clarity against the darkness of the sky. No blurring at all is
observed, though Earnest claims that the shots are well beyond the
range of any telescope in use today.
"These stars," he says, "are so far away it just makes my head
swim. You know Timbuktu? It's like the corner store, compared to
this. I mean, we're talking far, here. Andromeda is in the next
room, by comparison. Mucho distant, do you get what I'm saying?"
On being shown the photographs, this reporter was surprised to
notice the presence of a watermark in the middle of the sky. When
asked whether these stars were not in fact just pinholes in a sheet
of black construction paper with a light behind it, Dr. Earnest
answered easily:
"Well, maybe a little. But it doesn't really make any
difference. You've seen one star, you've seen them all."
-- Anon E. Muss
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 30 Jan 92 21:10:02 -0500
From: sif@lachesis.bellcore.com (Stuart I Feldman)
Subject: Objectionable Cobol
To: ....
Too close to truth for comfort
stu
Article 18688 of alt.folklore.computers:
Nondisclosure agreements limit the amount of precice information I can
give, but object oriented CoBOL will have the following enhancements
on procedural CoBOL:
1. There will be 3 new DIVISIONS:
The CLASS Division where object classes will be declared
The MESSAGE Division where all messages which may be used are declared
The METHOD Division which associates MESSAGES with CLASSES.
2. All existing verbs are deleted from the language. Gone are ADD SUBTRACT
COMPUTE (Which should never have been there in the first place, it
makes CoBOL too much like ForTran) READ WRITE OPEN CLOSE. There is only
one remaining verb SEND which sends messages to objects.
3. Programmers must be careful to avoid using any of the reserved MESSAGE
names: ADD SUBTRACT MULTIPLY DIVIDE READ WRITE OPEN CLOSE etc. These
are only permitted with built-in object types.
4. The data division has OD declarations to define Object storage.
The following is a brief example of an ADD ONE TO COBOL program:
IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
PROGRAM ID. SAMPLE.
AUTHOR. BRUCE.
SOURCE COMPUTER. INTEL-386-REAL.
OBJECT COMPUTER. INTEL-386-PROTECTED.
REMARKS. (C) 1992, Diversity enhancements.
CLASS DIVISION.
DEFINE CLASS NUMBER.
DEFINE CLASS INTEGER EXPANDS NUMBER.
MESSAGE DIVISION.
VIRTUAL MESSAGE SORT-OF-ADD APPLIES TO NUMBER INTEGER.
VIRTUAL MESSAGE KIND-OF-PRINT APPLIES TO NUMBER INTEGER.
ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
DATA DIVISION.
OBJECT SECTION.
OD NUMBER.
* An empty definition, one byte minimum.
01 FILLER PICTURE X.
OD INTEGER.
01 I-VAL PICTURE S9(9) COMP.
WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.
77 A-NUMBER CLASS INTEGER.
LINKAGE SECTION.
77 VALUE-IN PIC S9(9) COMP.
METHOD DIVISION.
MD CLASS NUMBER.
SORT-OF-ADD MESSAGE USING VALUE-IN.
EXIT METHOD.
KIND-OF-PRINT MESSAGE.
SEND DISPLAY "Number: " TO SYS-PRINT.
EXIT METHOD.
MD CLASS NUMBER.
SORT-OF-ADD MESSAGE USING VALUE-IN.
SEND ADD VALUE-IN TO I-VAL.
EXIT METHOD.
KIND-OF-PRINT MESSAGE.
* Note the power of inheritence of parent methods
SEND KIND-OF-PRINT OF NUMBER TO SELF.
SEND DISPLAY I-VAL TO SYS-PRINT.
EXIT METHOD.
PROCEDURE DIVISION.
ONLY SECTION.
SEND MOVE 1 TO I-VAL OF A-NUMBER.
SEND SORT-OF-ADD 1 TO A-NUMBER.
SEND KIND-OF-PRINT TO A-NUMBER.
STOP RUN.
I hope that this simple example of an ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL
program suffices to show something of the power of the language, and
demonstrates the true utility of a modern Business orientated object
orientated language.
[Bruce Clement claims to be the original author of this piece, and
points to SIGPLAN Notices 27(4):90-91 (Apr 1992) as a publication
showing this. He asserts copyright on the piece, and this
reproduction is with his permission.]
------------------------------
Date: 25 Jan 92 20:11:49 GMT
From: tut@cairo.Eng.Sun.COM (Bill "Bill" Tuthill)
Subject: Review of good TBL book
Newsgroups: comp.text
Review of McGilton & McNabb's
Typesetting Tables on the Unix System
Gordon P. Leffadinger
Obsolete Software Foundation
As we're fond of saying at the OSF, by the time software works,
it is obsolete. Certainly the X window system is no exception to
this rule. However, tbl may be the first program to become
obsolete before it completely worked. Therefore, we had the
source code bronzed and put on display at the Software Hall of
Fame in Aluuminumstown, New Jersey. We also commissioned a book
on tbl, Typesetting Tables on the Unix System, by giving the
authors - Henry McGilton and Mary McNabb - a generous endowment
composed of half a salami and one light beer.
The first thing that strikes the reader about this book is its
handsomely designed cover, with magenta tables and chairs set
against a heliotrope background. The second (and third) things
that strike the reader are the authors: how can they get away with
those names without a lawsuit from McDonald's? We at OSF are
still sweating this one out.
The book design itself is elegant and functional. I assumed it
could not have been produced with troff because it employs fine
drop-caps, is not set in Times Roman, and just looks too swank.
After all, troff books by Gehani and Emerson sure didn't look very
good, so why should this one be any different? I believed it must
have been produced with one of them new-fangled wussy-wig publish-
ing systems like Framerleaf or NuclearWrite. But no, the Colophon
on page 283 asserts that this book was produced with device-
independent [sic] troff.
Evidently McGilton and McNabb are keeping secret their tech-
niques for drop caps, grayed-out text, Optima heads, and shrunken
PostScript, in case they need bargaining chips for the McDonald's
lawsuit. So far bribery has been ineffective in prying these
secrets loose.
Since I have a morbid curiosity concerning obsolete software, I
read the whole book. Other reviewers, who just scan the pictures,
will be pleased that sample tables depict Caribbean vacation
spots, rather than 1970 Federal tax receipts and outlays, as in
the original Bell Labs manual. After the first hundred pages, I
became convinced that learning tbl was somehow my ticket to a
relaxing Caribbean vacation.
McGilton and McNabb must know more about tbl than its author,
whoever he is. (I believe this was mentioned in the book, but I
forgot the name, and there's no entry for ``author'' in the
index.) They are able to explain all those obscure format options
that I've only vaguely understood until now.
McGilton and McNabb enumerate bug after bug, especially those
involving the ``a'' (alphabetic) format. One might wonder why
they spent so much time documenting all these bugs, rather than
simply fixing them, which would have been easier. The answer, of
course, is that the book will certainly receive wider distribution
than any bug fix could have.
The principal joy of using tbl is that everyone fixes the same
bugs over and over again, each time AT&T comes out with a new
release! As this book so kindly puts it:
``An unfortunate fact of life is that TBL has what are euphem-
istically known as bugs in the computer trade. Most of the
problems seem to revolve around alphabetic columns.''
That must be why I've always avoided using alphabetic columns.
This book is not so much an introduction to tbl as a complete
grammar. By that I mean it fully describes all formats and
options, even ones that are redundant. For instance, you can draw
lines between rows using either the _ format, or using _ inside
the data. Furthermore, you can vertically span part of a column
across multiple rows using either the v format, or using \^ inside
the data. There's no compelling reason for doing it one way or
the other, besides as a matter of style. The book actually asks
this embarrassing question:
``So if typing a \^ sequence in the data is equivalent to
using a ^ character in the column formats, why do you need one
in favor of the other?''
Because this software wasn't designed, it was hacked, that's why!
Whenever McGilton and McNabb found mistakes in previously pub-
lished books or papers, they identify it with a note in the margin
saying ``Misleading Information''. There are at least seven such
notes, many pointing the finger at the original Bell Labs docu-
ment. It's amazing that people have been able to use tbl at all
over the years, considering all its bugs and the inaccuracy of its
documentation.
I did have two complaints related to this book's accuracy.
First, misleading information identified on page 34 was not
indexed. Second, the book makes no mention that text blocks with
T{ and T} are ignored after the 250th data line of a table.
What did I learn from this book? Since I've been a tbl abuser
for over ten years now, that's a reasonable question. First, I
learned that zero-width columns have a use after all - to span
numeric columns, which don't span with an ``s'' format. Second, I
learned how to produce staggered columns with the ``u'' modifier,
which should come in handy next time I need a table of differ-
ences. Finally, I discovered that I should continue to avoid the
``a'' format, which was a pleasing and worthwhile lesson.
All in all, this is the best document on tbl that has ever been
published. Rush right on down to the store and buy a copy! The
authors prefer champagne to beer - in fact they haven't even fin-
ished that light beer we gave them last year - so they could
really use the money.
In conclusion, I'd like to point out that this book verifies the
first corollary of what we're fond of saying at the old OSF. By
the time software is well documented, it is obsolete. I'd even
like to go out on a limb. Now that tbl is certified obsolete, can
wussy-wig * table packages be far behind?
(Gordon Leffadinger is Executive CEO for the Obsolete Software
Foundation, a company located near the freeway in California.
Its facilities are attractive, and there is a variety of canned
sodas available on the premises.)
_________________________
* Wussy-wig is an acronym indicating that only
toupee-wearing wimps use this kind of software.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 4 Feb 92 09:11:53 PDT
From: robkp@microsoft.COM
Subject: Some minor mother-tongue conundra...
To: his list
>From danmo Tue Feb 4 08:29:34 1992
| [Forwards deleted]
|
|
| OUR CRAZY LANGUAGE
| Condensed from "Crazy English" by Richard Lederer
|
| "IF PRO AND CON ARE OPPOSITES, IS CONGRESS THE OPPOSITE OF
| PROGRESS?"
|
| English is the most widely used language in the history of our
| planet. One in every seven human beings can speak it. More than
| half of the world's books and three-quarters of international
| mail are in English. Of all languages, English has the largest
| vocabulary - perhaps as many as TWO MILLION words - and one of
| the noblest bodies of literature.
|
| Nonetheless, let's face it: English is a crazy language. There
| is no egg in eggplant, neither pine nor apple in pineapple and no
| ham in a hamburger. English muffins weren't invented in England
| or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candy, while sweetbreads,
| which aren't sweet, are meat.
|
| We take English for granted. But when we explore its paradoxes, we
| find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, public
| bathrooms have no baths and a guinea pig is neither a pig nor from
| Guinea.
|
| And why is it that a writer writes, but fingers don't fing, grocers
| don't groce, humdingers don't hum and hammers don't ham? If the
| plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
| One goose, two geese - so one moose, two meese? One index, two
| indices - one Kleenex, two Kleenices?
|
| Doesn't it seem loopy that you can make amends but not just one
| amend, that you comb through the annals of history but not just
| one annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid
| of all but one, what do you call it?
|
| If the teacher taught, why isn't it true that the preacher praught?
| If a horsehair mat is made from the hair of horses and a camel's-hair
| coat from the hair of camels, from what is a mohair coat made? If a
| vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you
| wrote a letter, perhaps you also bote your tongue?
|
| Sometimes I wonder if all English speakers should be committed to
| an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people
| drive on a parkway and park in a driveway? Recite at a play and play
| at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that
| run and feet that smell?
|
| How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
| man and a wise guy are opposites? How can OVERLOOK and OVERSEE be
| opposites, while QUITE A LOT and QUITE A FEW are alike? How can
| the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the next?
|
| Did you ever notice that we talk about certain things only when they
| are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful
| gown, met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever
| run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?
|
| And where are the people who ARE spring chickens or who actually
| WOULD hurt a fly? I meet individuals who CAN cut the mustard and
| whom I WOULD touch with a ten-foot pole, but I cannot talk about
| them in English.
|
| You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
| house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
| filling it out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
|
| English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
| creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't really a race
| at all). That is why, when stars are out they are visible, but when
| the lights are out they are invisible. Any why, when I wind up my
| watch I start it, but when I wind up this essay I end it.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 31 Jan 92 23:19:50 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Soviet McDonald's Said Elitist
To: yucks-request
MOSCOW (AP)
As McDonald's celebrated its second anniversary in Moscow Friday,
a leading newspaper accused the country's first Western fast-food
establishment of catering to only a tiny elite that has money to burn.
Prices have jumped more than 1,400 percent since Moscow-McDonald's
opened its doors, primarily due to rising costs of local food
products, according to the management of the Canadian-Soviet owned
restaurant. In the same period, average wages have risen about 300
percent.
As many as 60,000 customers a day were served in the gleaming
chrome-and-steel restaurant's heyday, making it famous for lines so
long that riot rails were installed. The number now has dropped to
about 30,000, said operations manager Glen Steeves.
"McDonald's has its two-year birthday today. Great! It has the
same interior, the same service, the same happy smiles. And the
prices are such that lunch is equivalent to a minimum (monthly)
salary," the Moskovsky Komsomolets newspaper reported.
"They promised to create their own restaurants in Moscow to feed a
lot of people cheaply, but McDonald's has quickly fallen into our own
market pattern: taking care of only a few expensively," it said.
"We want McDonald's to be affordable to the man or woman on the
street, not to the new breed of Russian millionaire," said George A.
Cohon, CEO of McDonald's Restaurants of Canada, Ltd., and vice
chairman of Moscow-McDonald's.
But he told The Associated Press that McDonald's has had to
contend with soaring prices for everything from flour to meat, which
he said have shot up 50 times in the past two years.
Moscow-McDonald's announced at Friday's anniversary celebration
where 500 orphans were treated to hamburgers, fries and free
entertainment that it would help Russians get through the difficult
winter by temporarily not charging the government-imposed 28 percent
value-added tax. The price drop begins Saturday.
But that will hardly pacify hungry Muscovites, who have seen the
price of a Big Mac go from 3.75 rubles two years ago to 59 rubles.
Prices are so high that some Russians eager to experience a "taste of
the West" resort to bringing their own sandwiches to eat along with
McDonald's soft drinks.
The ruble is worth one cent at the tourist exchange rate. The
average Russian salary is only about 960 rubles monthly, according to
statistics provided by the Russian Labor Ministry.
The lowest-paid McDonald's worker earns 2,400 rubles a month, the
company says.
McDonald's gets most of its food from local sources and processes
it at "McComplex," its own suburban plant that employs more than 400
Russians who clean potatoes, process hamburger buns and flash-freeze
hamburger patties.
[The concept of McDonalds as an elitist eatery is laughable from one
point of view, and tragic from another. The tragedy is that we cannot
comprehend how difficult life must be for people in the former Soviet
Union; $9.60 per month as a average wage?. I wonder what they would
call McDonalds if it actually served meat? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 24 Jan 92 23:55:52 GMT
From: hdnea@chevron.com (David Neal)
Subject: UNIX in trouble? (was Solaris 2.0 and C libraries)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.sun.misc,comp.sys.sun.admin,comp.unix.admin
In article <a722756.695686038@pan.mc.ti.com>, a722756@pan.mc.ti.com (W. D. Rolph) writes:
> I have to agree that UNIX is in trouble.
> [blah blah blah]
> Regards.
>
> Don Rolph a722756@pan.mc.ti.com WD3 MS10-13 (508)-699-1263
Imminent Death of UNIX(TM) Predicted.
I've been hearing it for at least 10 years.
UNIX _owns_ you. UNIX _controls_ you. UNIX's only purpose in life
is to make yours difficult. Any attempts to make it easier to use
only causes UNIX to kernel bloat and run slower. UNIX is still very
upset about some horrid machinations perpetrated at Berkeley during
the late 70's. Bill Joy hasn't logged into a UNIX workstation
in the last 10 years for fear of his life. Ozalp Babaoglu was quietly
killed in a rain forest; he was found with the note "Page Thisp, Franz"
pinned to his shirt. Chris Torek is in an insane asylum in upstate
New York, and has been simulated by an AI for the last several years.
You don't even want to know what happened to Henry Spencer.
And you're going to tie down UNIX? GUI UNIX? Turn UNIX into pap
for the computer masses? Have you any doubt that X11 is so evil
and twisted it could only be concieved by pitiless silicon logic?
NFS??!? OSI???? Paganistic hedonistic shared memory? Zombies?
Clogged pipes and Dead CHILDREN? 666 = Free access? X/OPEN?1?!
POSIX?
Yeah, go ahead. You go tame UNIX. I'll wait here and keep posting
from my VIC-20.
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End of Yucks Digest
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