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Yucks Digest V2 #7
Yucks Digest Wed, 29 Jan 92 Volume 2 : Issue 7
Today's Topics:
A Sad Life
Barriers To Entry
Belarus: licorice protects human organism from radiation
Check Disclaimer for Software Purchases
Computerized Chauvinism
First Aid Hints
From the LA Reader "News of the Weird" column
funnies
good evening ladies and germs
Guess I'll take a windbreaker to work...
I want my HDTV
No, thank YOU! (2 msgs)
Signature viruses
Survey of opinions regarding opinion surveys
There are a billion people in China...
Vacuum Sucks Prairie Dogs Out of Ground
Why Boston Drives Drivers Crazy
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 24 Jan 92 00:30:05 GMT
From: georgem@uhunix.uhcc.hawaii.edu (Georgy)
Subject: A Sad Life
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
You know you lead a sad life when a nymphomaniac comes up to you and
says, "Let's just be friends."
------------------------------
Date: 27 Jan 92 00:30:04 GMT
From: scs@lokkur.dexter.mi.us (Steve Simmons)
Subject: Barriers To Entry
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
The Economist is a wonderful magazine. Where Time and Newsweek beat
around the bush, The Economist calls a spade a spade. Here are a few
excerpts from the Nov. 30, 1991 article on condoms titled "Barriers
To Entry":
" . . . the share prices of the world's leading condom makers have
been rising fast . . .
"Strong brand loyalty [to Durham, Trojan and Ramses] and distribution
networks have made things hard for new brands. Those that have done
fairly well -- Stirling Cooper's "Jiffi" brand is one -- have used
adventuresome marketing strategies (slogans such as "Gotta stiffi?
Wear a Jiffi") . . .
" . . . Only in Europe, where condom sales are growing by almost
15% a year, are new barriers to entry being raised. Believe it or not,
the European Commission is trying to establish a standard size for
condoms sold in the single market after 1992. All sides agree on a
length of 152 millimetres (6 inches), but harmonizing girth is proving
yet another bone of contention among the governments. The Italians
argue that 54 millimetres is sufficient. The commission insists on 55."
Can't you see the jingles on TV? "Just a silly millimetre longer..."
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 26 Jan 92 12:39:30 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Belarus: licorice protects human organism from radiation
To: yucks-request
Minsk january 26 tass
by belta correspondent dmitry patyko -- tass: Researchers at
the belarus academy of sciences' institute of radiobiology, upon
examining chemical preparations that can reduce the effect of
radiation on the human organism and accelerate the discharge of
radionuclides from tissues, have arrived at a conclusion that the
by-effects of those drugs do notallow their permanent use. Therefore
the scientists chose biologically active vegetable compounds.
Licorice root, which has been used for ages as anti-phlogistic and
anti-allergic drug in folk medicine, contains a wide range of such
substances. Research has shown that licorice also protects the human
organism well from the effect of radiation. Together with the
belpishchepromtechnika scientific and production association,
biologists have worked out recipes of various foodstuffs containing
the curative extract. The production of a licorice-containing
non-alcohol beverage, the nadzeya, has already been mastered in
mogilev. Sozh beer is being produced in gomel and the production of a
bun containing licorice has been started in minsk.
------------------------------
Date: 29 Nov 91 00:30:04 GMT
From: someone...name deleted
Subject: Check Disclaimer for Software Purchases
This was circulated in and augmented by an MOIS class a few years
back.
Disclaimer to be used when purchasing software:
AGREEMENT AND LIMITED WARRANTY
This check is fully warranted against physical defects and poor
workmanship in its stationery. If the check is physically damaged,
return it to me and I will replace or repair it at my discretion. No
other warranty of any kind is made, neither express nor implied
including, but not limited to, the implied warranties of
Merchantability, Suitability for Purpose, and Validity of Currency.
Any and all risk concerning the actual value of this check is assumed
by you, the recipient. Even though I or my agents may have assured you
of its worth, either verbally or in written communication, we may have
had our fingers crossed, so don't come whimpering back to me if it
bounces.
The money, if any, represented by this instrument remains my property.
You are licensed to use it, however you are not allowed to copy the
original check except for your personal records, nor are you permitted
to give the money itself to anyone else. Neither may you allow any
other person to use the money. Remember, you may have it in your
possession, but it still belongs to me, and I'm going to call on you
from time to time just to keep tabs on it.
This agreement supersedes all others between us, including the equally
ridiculous one you have undoubtedly pasted on the back of your
packaging, or concealed somewhere in the middle of it. The location of
your version of this or any other covenant between us is irrelevant to
its inapplicability here. Only this one pertains, and I really mean
it. In fact, this one supersedes yours even though yours may say that
it supersedes mine. Why, even if yours said it would supersede mine
even if mine said it would supersede yours even if yours said... Oh
well. You get the idea.
You may decline this agreement by returning the uncashed check to me
within twenty-four hours. If you attempt to cash it, however, you have
implicitly accepted these terms. You may also implicitly accept these
terms by:
1) Calling my bank to inquire about the status of my account;
2) Thanking me at the conclusion of our business transaction;
3) Going to bed at the end of this or any other day; or
4) Using any toilet or rest room.
Please be advised that I have adopted a strict rubber-glue policy.
Any nasty thing that your lawyers say bounces off of me and sticks
back to you. Be further advised that you agree to pay my legal
expenses if I decide to sue you for violating this agreement or for
any other reason that might strike my fancy. Violations will be
punishable by fine, imprisonment, death, any two of the above, or
all three.
Thank you and have a nice day!
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 92 18:10:47 GMT
From: Brian.Randell@newcastle.ac.uk
Subject: Computerized Chauvinism
Newsgroups: comp.risks
This brief item appeared in the Jan 19 issue of The Observer, one of the
"quality" national Sunday newspapers here in the UK. As a Welshman, though to
my regret not Welsh-speaking, I take particular and personal exception to this
example of what I would term computerized chauvinism, though I am sure that
many similar examples have been perpetrated elsewhere.
Brian Randell
DoT HANDICAP
The Department of Transport has explained that applicants wanting driving
tests in the Welsh language have been labelled 'disabled' because the
computer system only has space at present under that heading. In a letter
to Gwyneth County Council from its Manchester base, the Department said:
'In no way does the Department consider any person whose first language is
not English as disabled.'
------------------------------
Date: 24 Jan 92 11:30:03 GMT
From: SWELTON@ESOC.bitnet
Subject: First Aid Hints
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
FIRST AID FOR NON-MEDICALLY MINDED PERSONS
==========================================
Electrocution
=============
Is he/she still connected to the power supply? If so, SWITCH OFF THE
POWER IMMEDIATELY. Electricity costs an absolute fortune, and it
would be going to waste.
Check the victims pulse, (if you can find their wrist amongst the stack
of charred bones and greasy, bubbling flesh that was once a human
being). And do try not to be squeamish about it.
Drive the victim to the nearest casualty ward. You can use him/her to
jumpstart the engine as well if need be.
Treating burns and scalds
=========================
Run the affected area under a cold tap as soon as possible. (N.B. If
the victims entire body is a swirling mass of flames it may a little
too late for this).
If the victim has spilt hot liquid over his/her clothes, then REMOVE
CLOTHING IMMEDIATELY. You can never tell, the sight of you parading
around naked may cheer them up and take their mind off their injury.
Remind the victim that worse things happen at sea. Cite drowning as
an example.
Fractures and broken limbs
==========================
Check the injured area to see if the break or fracture has resulted in
a tubular shard of shearing white bone jutting outwards through the
bloody mass of flesh. If it has, then tell the victim that they are
going to die. That always puts the wind up them.
Tie a splint to the victims leg and ask them to walk up and down for
a few minutes. They will probably fall down unconscious, making the
rest of your job easier.
Do not move the broken or fractured limb as this may result in an
abnormal position. However, if you're feeling daring, try pointing
legs in the wrong direction, bending wrists through 180 degrees, etc.
It really is amazing the number of fascinating contortions you can
produce. Far better than Play-Doh.
Choking On Food
===============
Try to dislodge the article blocking the victims windpipe by punching
them hard in the stomach. Do remember to duck before the particles of
food hit you in the eye, however.
Call the waiter and ask for a 20 percent reduction on the bill.
Make a mental note to order soup next time.
Cuts And Wounds
===============
Dress the wound, whatever that means.
Try and limit the blood loss by tying a tourniquet tightly around the
victims throat unit they experience difficulty in breathing.
Ha ha, only kidding. Tie the tourniquet just above the wound. Just my
little joke.
Stitch up the wound with aluminium wire.
Ha ha! Caught you again! Outsmarted you! Still, I am an expert, you know.
Objects Stuck In The Eye
========================
Rinse the victims eye in lukewarm water. DO NOT USE SOAP AS WELL, IDIOT.
Offer to pick the object out of the victims eye with your teeth. This
usually results in the object mysteriously "going away" and not bothering
the victim any more before you can get to it.
Concussion
==========
When the victim comes round, ask them what day it is, who the Prime
Minister is, how many fingers you are holding up. To make it more
difficult, hold the fingers up behind your back. Then tot up the
victims score and send it to me at this address:- Dr. Brain D'Eath,
Concussion Quiz, P.O.Box 312, London, the highest score wins a
mystery prize.
Talk in Swahili to disorientate the victim a bit more. Yes, there's a
whole bundle of laughs when it comes to concussion.
Here's a good one: before the victim comes round, switch off all the
lights. When he/she regains consciousness, shout "Thank God! We thought
you might be dead, or blinded or something.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 27 Jan 92 03:22:00 -0800
From: brian@UCSD.EDU (Brian Kantor)
Subject: From the LA Reader "News of the Weird" column
To: spaf
"Legally, corporations are considered entities separate from their
owners, even when only one person owns basically all of the corporation,
as in the case of Peter E Maxwell, employee and 95% owner (with his
wife) of Hi Life Products of Chino, Calif. Last summer, the U.S. Tax
Court ruled Maxwell could keep the $122,000 settlement he won from his
firm for negligence when he was injured at work in a 1977 accident. He
had hired a lawyer to represent himself as an employee, then hired a
lawyer to represent the firm, then worked with the two lawyers to
arrange a settlement satisfactory to both Maxwell the corporate owner
(which got a tax deduction) and Maxwell the employee (who received his
money tax-free)."
"In October, Memphis judge Joe B. Brown gave burglar Carlos Haley a
choice: a prison term or three years' probation and restitution. Haley
took the latter, and Brown authorized Haley's victim, Prentiss Robbins,
to visit Haley's home and take any five items of his choice."
"In England, the House of Lords rejected the appeal last year by a
Canadian oil company, which had been ordered to return "The Nataraja,"
a twelfth-century Hindu statue it had come to possess after it had been
stolen. As a matter of legal tactics, the plaintiffs had included as a
party to the lawsuit a phallic symbol representing the Hindu god Shiva,
marking the first time a god had been given standing to sue in England."
"Richard Stowell was arrested in Syracuse in November after robbing a
bank and attempting to escape on a municipal bus. Stowell was on parole
at the time for a 1988 bank robbery, in which he unsuccessfully
attempted to escape on a municipal bus."
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 27 Jan 92 15:30:43 EST
From: D. W. James <vnend@Princeton.EDU>
Subject: funnies
Newsgroups: rec.org.sca
From the 27 January New Yorker Magazine, titled "Most Disappointing
Correction of the Week", and quoted from Blockbuster Magazine:
Trustworthy Olives
Dear Editor:
In the May issue of your magazine, the article J. P. Faber wrote called
"Bring On the Dragons" refers to John Phillip Law having a line which
reads: "There is an old proverb I choose to believe: trust an olive, but
tie up your camel." I believe that that line is supposed to be: "Trust in
Allah, but tie up your camel."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 23 Jan 92 10:21:39 PST
From: Monica Waldman <mlw@cisco.com>
Subject: good evening ladies and germs
All I can say is, I'm glad we sold out and got cable yesterday.
Reprinted without permission from the Jan. 23rd "San Fran. Cronicle"
"Comedy Channel To Broadcast Presiden't Speech
President Bush's State of the Union address Tues. will be carried live on
an unlikely TV outlet: The Comedy Channel.
The broadcast will be accompanied by comments from comedians Richard Belzer,
Joe Queenan, Al Franken, Will Durst and sportscaster Bob Costas.
"We'll be focusing in on whether his microphone is made in Japan and looking for
signs that he might throw up again" a news release says. "Unlike the wimpy
network anchors who hold their personal opinions in check, our panel of hard-
hitting commentators will spew forth humorous critique while the speech is
actually going on."
The majority of networks providing pool coverage of Bush's speech had refused
to make the live adio and video feed available to the all-comedy channel,
which reaches 22 million cable subscribers. But the comedy folks complained
to Congress and the networks relented.
"We'd like to think they looked into the Constitution and found a sense of
humor," said Comedy Central legal director Steven Paul Mark."
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 92 23:15:32 EST
From: rsk@gynko.circ.upenn.edu (Rich Kulawiec)
Subject: Guess I'll take a windbreaker to work...
To: bob
PHILADELPHIA AND VICINITY FORECAST
NATIONAL WEATHERR SERVICE PHILADELPHIA PA
"weatherr" is about right.
1000 PM EST WED JAN 22 1992
OVERNIGHT...CLOUDY. A 50 PERCENT CHANCE RAIN WELL AFTER DAYBREAK...
WITH A BRIEF PERIOD OF SLEET EARLY. TEMPERATURES IN THE MID TO UPPER
30S. SOUTHEAST WINDS 5 TO 10 MPH.
THURSDAY...RAIN...POSSIBLY HEAVY AT TIMES. AN AFTERNOON THUNDERSTORM
ALSO POSSIBLE. MILDER WITHIGHS 45 TO 50. SOUTH WINDS 15 TO 220 MPH.
POP NEAR 100.
"220 mph", eh? Wait, let me get Toto...
I leave the interpretation of "withighs" as an exercise for the reader.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 27 Jan 92 09:56:03 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: I want my HDTV
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
Attributed to 23/30-Dec-1991 Electronic Engineering Times, pp. 1,34
I want my HDTV
Russian engineers have a proposal to build an HDTV network around Moscow in
time for the 1992 Barcelona games.
R. L. van Oostenbrugge of Philips and Oleg G. Nosov of the Russian All-union
Research Institute for TV and Radio Broadcasting were talking about the
proposal.
van Oostenbrugge: "Wouldn't you need something more practical than HDTV in
your country now? Like food?"
Nosov: "No, no. You see, we are engineers. We don't care about
food. We want HDTVs."
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 25 Jan 92 12:17:38 -0500
From: dls@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
Subject: No, thank YOU!
To: bob
Ok, so, I'm at the drive-through at Burger King and in my order
is a large order of fries. Before handing me the bag, she asks me if I
want any salt or ketchup. I say "yes, some salt, please."
Now I get home and there are, get this, *18* packages of salt in
the bottom of the bag.
She must have confused me with a buffalo, or some other large
game animal. Clearly.
So, if anyone is short of salt, I have about a year's supply. :-)
Maybe I'll go throw some on the sidewalks...
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 27 Jan 92 09:12:49 -0500
From: ad2@expert.cc.purdue.edu (Bill Bormann)
Subject: No, thank YOU!
To: dls@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
Date: Sat, 25 Jan 92 12:17:38 -0500
From: dls@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
Ok, so, I'm at the drive-through at Burger King and in my order
is a large order of fries. Before handing me the bag, she asks me if I
want any salt or ketchup. I say "yes, some salt, please."
Now I get home and there are, get this, *18* packages of salt in
the bottom of the bag.
She must have confused me with a buffalo, or some other large
game animal. Clearly.
Modern fast-food restaurants are a kind of bovine salt lick for the
human race. Psychologists report that a thirsty person, upon
receiving a drink, receives an imperceptable but real "attaboy, Dave"
response from the pleasure centers of the brain. I would not be
surprised if fast-food research centers have discovered the same thing
about salt.
------------------------------
Date: 24 Jan 92 00:32:38 GMT
From: mcafee@netcom.netcom.com (Morgan Schweers)
Subject: Signature viruses
Newsgroups: comp.virus
Some time ago willimsa@unix1.tcd.ie (alastair gavi williams) happily mumbled:
>
> So, what's a signature virus? Does it require the file to be
>written to an acc before it will infect it?
A .signature virus is a voluntary self-inflicted virus, requiring
the consent of the to-be-infected to spread.
It's a Usenet joke. (IMHO, a pretty funny one.) After all, it's
non-destructive, clearly announced, and requires user intervention to
become "infected". It's easy to scan for, as well! *grin*
Removal of a .signature virus under Unix requires the use of an
extensively technical Unix virus-removal program, such as 'emacs' or
'vi'. Less technical methods may be used ('ed', or 'ex'), and in the
worst case a low level format of your .signature file may be required.
('cat > .signature').
.signature viruses are unique in that they can spread to
non-similar file systems. (The only requirement for spreading is a
similar user mindset, across which the virus has ease spreading.)
Removal under other file systems may require different techniques than
under Unix. For example, VMS comes with a easy-to-use .signature
virus removal program named EDIT. Even old MS-DOS systems have the
easy capacity to remove this virus through the use of the arcane
'EDLIN' command. Modern versions of the MS-DOS .signature virus
remover contain a full screen visual interface.
I'm not certain as to its efficacy spreading to non-text-oriented
brainsets (such as Amiga and Mac users), but I'm sure that with a
sufficiently interested and consenting user, something could be
arranged...
Enjoy!
-- Morgan Schweers
- --
Hacker, Furry, SF reader, gamer, art collector, writer. 24 hours isn't enough.
mrs@netcom.com | I'm a practicing furry! Some day I hope all the practice
Freela @ Furry | will pay off, and I'll grow fur! -- me
K_Balore @ Furry |___________________ CLEAN C:\USR\SPOOL\*.* [SigVir] /SUB
Hi! I'm a .signature virus! Add me to your .signature and join in the fun!
[signature included to show a signature virus. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 26 Jan 92 00:30:04 GMT
From: p1@arkham.wimsey.bc.ca (Rob Slade)
Subject: Survey of opinions regarding opinion surveys
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Recently, the Computers and Society Digest has been, well, less
moderated than it used to be. The following is my reaction to,
and based upon, the seventeenth "opinion survey" that came
through this month.
==================
NETWORK SURVEY OPINIONS (takes about 5 minutes)
This is a survey of persons employed in wasting time by reading
rec.humour.funny when they should be doing research or attending
to more important business. Results, if any, will be startling.
You may use a text editor to answer the questions in the survey
itself, or you may provide your answers separately. If you
answer separately, please be aware that everyone on the net will
know that you are a goof who doesn't even know how to use
his/her/its own system, especially if you reply on the newsgroup
and everyone has to read it, probably three times because you
haven't set your mailer up right, have you?
If you wish to omit a question, please write the word OMITTED
after the question. Spelling counts.
When a survey is received, information that could identify the
sender and the sender's organization will be immediately
deleted. However, if you wish to return your survey
anonymously, there are several options. You may use a false ID,
such as GUEST. Or, you may use a real GUEST ID. Alternatively,
you may print out the survey and return it via the U.S. postal
service. You do realize, of course, that we have access to a
beta copy of Lotus Marketplace, the FBI fingerprint files, and
the optical document files of every bank, life insurance company
and courier service in the world, so as to be able to identify
any typewheels, balls, or defective laser printers.
The act of returning this survey means that you have given your
consent to participate in this survey, that you understand the
purpose of the research, that you understand the purpose for
which the research results will be used, and that you accept the
procedures outlined above to guarantee your anonymity and that
of your employer. This is legal type stuff. Don't worry about
it. It can't hurt you. Hey, would we lie?
If at any time during this study you feel your rights have been
violated, you may list your complaint, along with detailed
specifics of your identity and sexual orientation, in
talk.bizarre and alt.flame.
The survey is being conducted as part of the requirements for a
first year psych course. Our computer science instructor said
that the net was a good place to get information.
1. What is your GENDER? Why? Why not?
1a. Have you found alt.sex to be helpful in answering this
question?
2. Do you feel that during your career in computing, persons
with access to rec.humor.dave.barry have had a significant
advantage or disadvantage compared to you?
3. How do you define "ROGER CARASSO"? "KIBO"?
4. What year were you BORN? (Well, if you can't remember,
what's the oldest file creation date on your hard disk?)
5. What is your highest level of HACKING and in what FIELD?
6. What is your current job or POSITION title? SALARY?
Really?
7. In what city and state (or city, country) (oh, all right,
city, PROVINCE. Geez. Touchy Canucks.) is your current job
LOCATED? Have you checked lately?
8. Do you have any HEALTH problems that are related to your
work? (Programmers need not detail pizza and diet coke
dependencies.)
9. Do you feel that your work has an effect, either positive or
negative, on your HOME or SOCIAL life? If you *have* a HOME or
SOCIAL life, please describe. If you know what a HOME or SOCIAL
life is, please let us know immediately.
10. What is your opinion of PROFESSIONAL associations, such as
a Society of Engineers or a Medical Association? (Please
remember, this is a FAMILY newsgroup.)
11. Have you been a MEMBER of any professional association?
Would you admit this in public?
12. What is your opinion of UNIONS generally? What is your
opinion of INTERSECTIONS majorly? What is your opinion of DOT
PRODUCTS corporally?
13. Have you been a MEMBER of any union? How do you know?
14. Do you think that computing occupations should be
CERTIFIED? Should you be? Prove it.
15. What are the ATTRIBUTES of a professional? Have you
checked the file descriptors?
16. Do you consider YOURSELF a professional? Do you have an "I
think, therefore I am paid" poster or T-shirt? Do you consider
"T-shirt" to be a blue collar spelling?
17. What is your opinion of computing-related associations such
as CPSR (Computer Professionals for Social Responsibility) or
EFF (Electronic Frontier Foundation)? How long did it take you
to stop laughing?
18. Do you get to use your SKILLS on the job as much as you'd
like? Have you ever used any COMPUTER-RELATED SKILLS on any of
your previous jobs. How much furniture did you move last week?
(Be honest.)
19. Do you generally PREFER to work as a member of a team or
solo? Yeah, don't we all!
20. If you were working as part of a TEAM, would you prefer to
have a position of leadership or to be member? Well,
hypothetically. No, look, I mean, pretend there was a TEAM ...
21. What is your RACE or ETHNIC background? How can you tell?
Have you ever run a multi-site access recursive search of
national birth registry data bases to try and prove it?
22. What is your religious background, and how important is
RELIGION to your life presently? (No, FRISBEETERIANISM and
KIBOISM don't count. No, not that one either.)
23. What social CLASSES do you think exist in your country
today? Have you ever attended a social class? Do you even know
who "Miss Manners" is?
24. In deciding what social class a person belongs to, what
would be the most IMPORTANT thing you'd have to know? Why did
you answer "student number"? Did anyone around you answer
"whether or not it is NP-complete?"
25. What social class are YOU in? What grade did you get?
26. Would you say your PARENTS are in the same social class as
you are? They DON'T use MS-DOS, do they?
27. What was the total of your SALARY and/or WAGES in 1990?
What method would you use to transfer all of it to
thief@con-artist.embezzler.con?
28. Some people (well, a lot of the people that *I* talk to)
say that it would be better, or at least more efficient and
technically viable if more government or political (that is,
legislative as opposed to purely technological or procedural)
decisions, rulings, judgements or decrees were made by technical
EXPERTS (or at least those who are trained in the specific field
or discipline, and have, in addition, definite decision making
training, or at least decision support systems) -- sort of the
way that people in computer-related occupations do their jobs.
What do you think about this? Do you remember what THIS is?
29. Would you say that rapid TECHNOLOGICAL developments are all
to the good, or are mostly good, or do you have any
reservations, or can you think of examples where this isn't the
case, or are you REALLY peeved at the bank again this month?
Did you get your answer from RISKS-Forum?
30. People who break into COMPUTER systems sometimes say that
they serve a useful purpose by showing where security weaknesses
are or by demonstrating how privacy is being invaded. What is
your opinion of this? How long did it take you to hack into our
system and change your previous answer?
31. If someone created a new, faster method of sorting data, do
you think that person should be able to PATENT the method, or do
you think they should share it, with no expectation of
compensation? What are you, some sort of Commie? How much
faster is that method than ours?
32. What sorts of benefits do you derive from reading or
participating in NETWORK discussions? Well, why do you do it
then? When was the last time you SPOKE to anyone? I mean,
VERBALLY.
_______________________________________________________
END OF SURVEY - Please mail to dev_null@cloud.ether.edu
_______________________________________________________
copyright Robert M. Slade, 1991
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 25 Jan 92 14:29:03 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: There are a billion people in China...
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be in a crowd of
more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a *billion* people.
That means that even if you are a one-in-a-million type of guy, there
are still a thousand guys just like you.
[I doubt it. We can only hope not. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 25 Jan 92 13:41:29 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Vacuum Sucks Prairie Dogs Out of Ground
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
[I'm not sure what it means, but I got 6 copies of this from
various people. --spaf]
Vacuum Sucks Prairie Dogs Out of Ground
Associated Press
Cortez Co.
The idea came to Gay Balfour in a dream: Build a vacuum system
powerful enough to suck prairie dogs from their burrows and the
business would come.
He did and it has.
Balfour vacuums prairie dogs from their holes in urban areas or on
farms. The animals are deposited alive ``but somewhat confused'' in a
large tank in his truck.
``It causes them no harm,'' Balfour said from his southwestern
Colorado home. ``There's no poisons or gas used, strictly vacuum. It
takes the little critter up and puts him in a tank, and there he can
either be relocated or dispatched, whatever's necessary to do.''
He said the animals go up a tube 4 inches in diameter and about 50
feet long and then slide along a padded deflector plate and down into
the tank.
By the time workers stop the suction device to check the holding tank,
the animals are already beginning to play and colonize in the dirt
that gets sucked up with them.
``They are not too disturbed by it,'' Balfour said. ``It's quite a
ride.''
His business began operating early last summer. His first job was to
remove a colony of prairie dogs from a plot of land the Ute Mountain
Indian tribe planned to use for experimental corn crops.
``It was really successful,'' Balfour said. ``We got about 53 dogs in
an hour and 23 minutes.''
Since then, Dog-Gone has caught on quickly and has been used
throughout the Southwest.
The vacuum system offers an alternative to the mass killings of prairie
dogs that have long angered animal rights campaigners.
``We're all for it if its used for altruistic purposes, such as
relocation,'' said Robin Duxbury, national director of the
Denver-based Animal Rights Mobilization. ``But if its used by
exterminators, then we would not approve it.''
Balfour said the prairie dogs captured by his vacuum may have to be
killed if there is no place to relocate them. He said he is trying to
avoid that by developing a market to send them to Japan to be used as pets.
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Date: Thu, 23 Jan 92 20:31 GMT
From: Sanford Sherizen <0003965782@mcimail.com>
Subject: Why Boston Drives Drivers Crazy
To: Gene Spafford <spaf>
An addition to your recent post about driving in Boston. I just got a copy of
*SmartRoutes*, which gives alternative routes to major highways if they are
blocked by traffic. Here is how they explain I-93, which is a major highway
that runs through downtown Boston.
"For the first six exits, this highway is simultaneously called I-93 and Route
128. What is unique about this section of the roadway is that you can
simultaneously be going north on I-93 and south on Route 128, which is actually
running east to west.
This confusion ends at Exit 6 when Route 128 ends but that's where Route 3 joins
in. Just to add another name to this mess, this section of the road is commonly
referred to as the Southeast Expressway. As a bit of trivia, on some maps this
section of the road is labeled the Pulaski Skyway.
That, of course, is until you hit Exit 16 where the name changes to the John
Fitzgerald Expressway. Now you're into Boston where most people refer to the
road as the Central Artery. It's not until Exit 22 that Route 3 goes off and
the road is plain and simply I-93."
I hope that this clears up any confusion. Please do not read this clarification
while driving your car on I-93, although you may see other who are reading their
newspapers or magazines while driving. They already know that I-93 does not
actually exist but is only an imaginary analytical model useful as a negative
case to discuss in engineering classes and public policy seminars.
If you plan to visit from out of town, please let me know in advance so that I
can move my car out of the way.
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End of Yucks Digest
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