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Yucks Digest V2 #6
Yucks Digest Wed, 22 Jan 92 Volume 2 : Issue 6
Today's Topics:
"Silicone Valley"
1991 Buzzword Of The Year - what a lexigrammatic wimp!
animal testing at our house
Bush Upchuck Digest
car for sale
Elvis Stamp
FWIW
Hints on using your Stereo - original
is ain't 42
Isn't that Un-American?
It was a dark and stormy night...
spaf's list: Click & Clack
The Seven Deadly sins in the Modern World
you be the judge
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Sat, 18 Jan 92 11:44:54 -0500
From: dls@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
Subject: "Silicone Valley"
To: bob
I just saw a story on HNN about a guy arested for killing people in
a "Silicone Valley" computer company. I didn't think there were many computer
companies in Hollywood...
"Excuse me ma'm, but I was wondering just how many MIPS you get from
those dual processors."
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 17 Jan 92 13:50:01 CST
From: meo@netmail.austin.ibm.com (Miles E O'Neal (Contractor))
Subject: 1991 Buzzword Of The Year - what a lexigrammatic wimp!
To: spaf
First of all, I can't believe some of the BOTYs of the past.
Vaporware in 1986??? Is this some sort of CICS-head still
playing with COBOL on a pre-360 architecture? And automagical
was a common word in the EE/CS world in the 70s, at least at
Ga Tech (done automatically, either by a process I don't
understand, or don't care about).
Some of this year's BOTWs were ok. But Ombudsperson? Surely
in this day of waitpersons, waitrons and servers, this is no
big deal. I've been hearing prepend since the csh escaped into
the unix world. Stiction has been used in reference to
motorcycle fork seals (if nothing else) for 3 or 4 years at
least. Workalike has been in my vocabulary since the IBM PC
was first spewed onto the market.
SO, I vote for compulation, but not until he quotes the correct
definition: "how computers reproduce".
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 92 13:38:09 PST
From: jeffw@nile.credence.com
Subject: animal testing at our house
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
We do a fair amount of testing on cats at our house, mostly in the area of
chaotic systems. A small perturbation in the position of some insignificant
object, for example, the disappearance of a piece of plastic cork wrapping
around the corner of a sofa, can lead by various hard to predict stages to
three furry missiles careening through two stairwells and several doorways.
The block dog (like "block party") also does cat testing, but he seems to be
more interested in linear systems.
What was that?
------------------------------
Date: 18 Jan 92 08:20:07 GMT
From: funny-request@looking.on.ca
Subject: Bush Upchuck Digest
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
[I've edited this to preserve the ones *I* liked best. Sort of. --spaf]
Here it is, a digest of the lesser jokes about George Bush's gift
to the Japanese.
= = = = = = =
Subject: Bush illness
From: dbrooks@osf.org
At a dinner in Japan yesterday, President Bush threw up and passed
out. This was caused by a mixup in the kitchens; that plate had been
intended for Lee Iacocca.
= = = = = = =
Subject: Bush gets Japanese flu...
From: trebor@foretune.co.jp (Robert J Woodhead)
When asked why President Bush collapsed (allegedly with gastroenteritis)
at a state dinner in Tokyo, a spokesman for the Japanese foreign
ministry is alleged to have said:
"We urged him not to eat that California rice!"
= = = = = = =
Subject: Bush's diplomacy
From: pacdata!jimh@ucsd.edu (Jim Harkins)
George Bush didn't really have the flu the other day. A GM executive had
promised a campaign contribution if he would puke on the Japanese Prime
Minister's carpet.
= = = = = = =
Subject: Barfing Bush
Subject: What Bush heard last?
From: prb@access.digex.com (Pat)
What was the Last thing Miizawa said to Bush?
Try the Fugu, IT's delicious.
[Authors note. For those who are not aware, fugu is a highly toxic
blowfish the japanese eat as a delicacy. 1-2 people every year
fugu out of this planet. I made this up while discussing japanese
culture with a friend of mine]
= = = = = = =
Subject: Bush's collapse
From: u1238@jsp.umontreal.ca (Duperval Laurent)
Credit Doug Camilli of the Montreal Gazette:
What were Bush's first words after his collapse?
"I _told you_, I don't like broccoli."
= = = = = = =
From: matchmaker@houston.relay.ucm.org
This letter was forwarded Mon 9:39pm, 13 Jan 1992 CST by JON@BODEDO:
Bush took the leaders of the big-three automakers to Japan to help revive
the U.S. economy.
For a while the economy was doing very very well.
Then he brought them back.
= = = = = = =
Subject: Sick humor #1
From: RICH@suhep.phy.syr.edu (Richard S. Holmes)
Q. What did George Bush discuss with the Japanese during lunch?
A. The same thing he brought up at dinner.
= = = = = = =
Subject: Bush's Queasy Stomach
From: scotbri@rosevax.rosemount.com (Scott Brigham)
An original by yours truly (as far as I know):
While the Japanese are over here eating our lunch,
Bush is over there blowing his!
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 92 23:33:43 -0500
From: genek@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (Gene Kim)
Subject: car for sale
To: bob, dls@mentor.cc.purdue.edu, rsk@gynko.circ.upenn.edu
[This is the result of my car for sale posting here and elsewhere. :-)
--spaf]
>From: asm (Ellen A. Spoonamore)
>Subject: Re: car for sale (fwd)
>To: genek (Gene Kim)
>Date: Mon, 13 Jan 92 17:41:32 EST
>
>Hello Gene,
>
>I thought you would find this interesting :)
>
>-Ellen
>
>------
>Forwarded message:
>> From: rsk@gynko.circ.upenn.edu (Richard Kulawiec)
>> Subject: Re: car for sale
>> To: spaf@cs.purdue.edu (Gene Spafford)
>> Date: Sun, 12 Jan 92 21:16:42 EST
>> Cc: rsk@gynko.circ.upenn.edu, dls@mentor.cc.purdue.edu, bob@cs.purdue.edu
>>
>> >Hey, if you want a classic american car, still running, I'm still
>> >trying to sell my green Olds. I posted an advertisement to the local
>> >forsale group but didn't get any takers. Maybe you'd like to buy it?
>>
>> I'm tempted -- really tempted. It would come in handy when dealing with
>> rush-hour traffic here, and I miss that old Ford wagon somethin' fierce.
>> (The fact that it's green makes it especially tempting.)
>> But I probably can't offer you what it's worth, so I think I'll leave
>> it to some local gearhead.
Haha! You're too late! *I* bought the car! :) After years of
driving small under-endowed Japanese cars, after years of being cut off
by other cars on the freeway, after years of being terrified of games
of highway-chicken, I am finally driving a car that exudes (and DEMANDS)
RESPECT.
Yes, it's payback time! After only two days, my driving habits
have changed beyond recognition. Not a shred of timidity remains.
Now I never check my blind spot. I now pull out halfway into
intersections with complete disregard for other cars. I don't even
bother staying in my own lane! For fun, I even plow into shopping
carts.
The feeling of invulnerability is convincing. A hood almost the
size of the entire Celica I drove back at home is conspicuously present
and is ever-reassuring. I didn't even wince earlier tonight when a
woman driving the opposite direction pulled straight into my lane. My
casual (and maybe somewhat maniacal) grin quickly convinced her to back
up and scurry towards the other side of the median. Ah, yes, *that* is
respect.
However, I'm not so sure if I enjoy carrying on the great American
tradition of consumption. This morning, I poured over 17 gallons of
unleaded gas into the tank. (!!) (I think that's as much gas as I
used during the entirety of my Winter Break!) I then watched with
complete amazement as the fuel meter needle slowly inched its way back
down the scale while scooting around town.
> But if nobody wants it, and it's me or the scrapyard...there's a highway
> on the New Jersey shoreline...that would be fun to cruise...
No, I'm sorry. It's *mine*.
> In the day we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream,
> At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines...
> Sprung from cages out on Highway 9,
> Chrome-wheeled fuel-injected,
> And steppin' out over the line!
Actually, right now, it's more like...
The big, glorious V-8 to make my life complete,
A glimpse back to those glory-days of yore.
(But winter palls, and there is frigid ice replete,
Delaying my dream for at least three months more...)
> ---Rsk
------------------------------
From: bixenman@groucho.ocpt.ccur.com (news admin)
Subject: Elvis Stamp
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.games.trivia
I just heard that the USPS has approved the issuing of a commemorative
postage stamp "honoring" Elvis.
Will this be for First class postage or Bulk Rate?
------------------------------
Date: 20 Jan 92 16:23:05 EST
From: <D.RHEE@CSI.compuserve.com>
Subject: FWIW
To: <eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us>
Subj: Baby boomers: When I was young ...
NEW YORK (UPI) -- Members of the rapidly graying baby boomer generation are
getting very nostalgic and mellow about their childhood and teenage years.
A questionaire poll of 504 men and women between the ages of 27 and 45 for
PF Flyers by ACF research didn't turn up many rebels without a cause or Vietnam
dropouts.
Asked who they most admired when they were growing up, 35 percent said mom
and dad. Fifteen percent of the older boomers from 36 to 45 put John F. Kennedy
second. Second choice of the 27 to 35 younger was a favorite teacher.
What was their favorite TV show? The older bunch chose "Bonanza;" the
younger "The Brady Bunch."
Their "most memorable romantic or make-out music" as a teenager? The younger
boomers picked Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" and Chicago's "Color My
World," while the older bunch picked "Color My World," and Elvis Presley's
"Love Me Tender."
Their favorite group? The Beatles were first, Elvis second and the Beach
Boys third.
Asked to pick any age from childhood to teen years they would like to be, 44
percent said 15.
Where did they get their first kiss? Fifteen percent said a school prom or
dance, 11 percent said the front door. Only 4 per cent said Spin the Bottle.
Their pick for the "coolest car?" Twenty six percent said Corvette, 24
percent said Mustang, with 14 percent of the older boomers voting for the '57
Chevy.
What new product do they remember best? Color TV was first, microwave ovens
second and 8-track audio-cassettes third.
Asked if they could relive a childhood experience, the top three picks were
vacation and travel, sports-hunting-fishing, and family gatherings. Only 7
percent picked romance and dating.
And what do they miss the least? Curfew and discipline, homework, tests,
reports cards -- and school in general.
Their favorite childhood prank? Crank calls, toilet papering homes and
schools and ringing doorbells and running away.
Their favorite fantasy figures? The top three were Santa Claus, the Tooth
Fairy -- and the Boogeyman.
------------------------------
Date: 22 Jan 92 11:30:04 GMT
From: jn@ukc.ac.uk (Jarod Nash)
Subject: Hints on using your Stereo - original
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Troubleshooting Your New Stereo
Phil Harris
Problem Probable Cause Remedy
===========================================================================
Does not work Power plug in hand Place plug in socket
and turn socket on
Not turned on Turned off Turn on.
Still does not work Bought it from Tandy Take it back and get
a real stereo.
Lights up but no No speakers Buy some speakers.
sound
Still no sound Volume set to zero Set volume to ten.
Too much sound Volume set to ten Set volume to three.
Raucous hiss Radio turned on and Turn radio off, place
no aerial record on deck, place
stylus on record.
Sounds too slow HMV 78 written on record Discard record, replace
with `Hells Bells' by
ACDC set volume to
ten, place stylus
on record.
Can't hear anything Gone deaf turn stereo off and
or learn to say `eh?'
Don't understand Stupidity Turn stereo off, buy
what all the lights gramophone and retrieve
are for HMV 78.
Record a little Record is a CD If it cost over 10
small and hole too pound send it to me
big for spindle else check for CD player
on stereo if there is
one, insert into CD
player and set volume
to ten.
No CD player Not buying a CD player Buy a CD player or
stop buying CDs.
Too noisy CD playing and volume Set volume to three.
set to ten
CDs don't fit in Haven't got a car CD player Buy car CD player,
car stereo place CD in player and
set volume to ten.
Car speakers broken Volume of car CD player Take CD player back
set too high to shop - it would
have been stolen
anyway!
CDs don't fit in car Car stereo only plays tapes Tape CDs.
stereo
Don't understand the a) Stupid Turn stereo off, buy
automatic sequencing gramophone and
compact disk, magnetic retrieve HMV 78.
media instant audio
transposition mega b) Normal Nor does anyone else
wacko editing just do it by hand
commands like you used to.
Reel to reel tapes You're still wearing Remove flares and
don't fit in tape purple flares reel to reel tape.
deck Attatch sign saying
`Outdated Hippy' to
forehead, place
Tchaikovsky's 1812
overture in CD player
skip first 6 minutes
place head between
speakers and set
volume to ten.
Profound deafness Placing head between None.
with persistent speakers with volume set
tinilus to ten whilst listening
cannon detonations.
Other Problems
Does not show Not a television Buy sex pistols album
Coronation Street place on deck, place
stylus on record and
set volume to ten.
Neighbour beats head Constant annoyance with Go to hospital and
in with a brick loud music learn to eat through
a straw.
Stereo not where Stereo has been stolen Call Police and or
you left it or repossesed by bailiffs pay Poll tax demand.
Records, tapes and Stereo is a microwave Place egg in microwave
CDs melt during play, rip glass and metal
only a buzz comes grille from door look
from stereo inside and turn on.
Egg on face Stupidity None.
Stereo not good Stereo not girlfriend Unplug girlfriend
in bed from mains and take
tape from her lips.
Plug in Stereo and
turn on girlfriend.
Pressing space bar Bought typewriter Slam head in fridge
causes a little door.
click, but does
not play recently
purchased Paul
Simon album
Light in fridge Door not shutting Slam Harder!
does not go out completely
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 18 Jan 92 15:37:05 CST
From: meo@pencom.com (Miles O'Neal)
Subject: is ain't 42
To: spaf
CONGRESS, n:
from the US "CONG", the sound made when hit in the head
with a gold-plated tax bill, the latin "RE", meaning
[infrequently, but applying here] regardless, and the
WW II German SS, an abbreviation referring to an elite
band of murderers, pillagers, and rapists.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 20 Jan 92 14:00:13 CST
From: Tracy LaQuey Parker <T.LaQuey@utexas.edu>
Subject: Isn't that Un-American?
To: spaf
>From the Austin American Spaceman (whoops, that's Statesman), January 8,
1992:
Oreo cookies finally have become popular in Japan (where a 5-ounce box
costs $1.50). But to please the Japanese palate, two changes had to be
made: The amount of sugar in the wafers was reduced to play up the
bitterness, and the cream filling was removed althogether.
[Hmmm, now it sounds vaguely like English pizza. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 92 15:31:40 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: It was a dark and stormy night...
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
A passage quoted from a review, in the January 19, 1992 New York Times
book review section, of Shirley Conran's *Crimson*:
It was not only as if Adam were playing her like a fine violin
but as if the entire Philharmonic string section were playing
arpeggios over every quivering inch of her body.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 20 Jan 92 11:42 EST
From: Richard Welty <welty@skipper.balltown.cma.com>
Subject: spaf's list: Click & Clack
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
From: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
Ray of Click and Clack said in a newspaper article:
"We have no business trying to sell them cars. They have no use
for our cars because they don't even fit on their roads. They're too
big," said Ray Magliozzi, who teams with fellow
mechanic-philosopher-brother Tom on the popular National Public Radio
show.
my favorite example of this is the classic ford screwup: they
spontaneously decided to try and sell Pintos in Japan (this was
before it was universally acknowledged that the Pinto was a piece
of shit only slightly to be prefered to a Chevette or a Vega),
and failed miserably, Ford having never done enough market research
to find out that there was a tax on excessive car width in Japan,
and that the Pinto was just an inch over the width limit.
of course, even if the Pinto had been narrower, it'd still have been
left hand drive in a right hand drive country.
[I find it interesting to note the repeated news articles stating how
the Japanese won't buy US autos, as if it is simply a matter of
national chauvanism. It is never mentioned that the Japanese have to
pay extra tax for big cars, and that they drive on the left (like the
Brits) -- thus, American cars have the steering wheels on the wrong
side! No wonder they don't want to buy more of our Caddies...
--spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 21 Jan 92 00:30:05 GMT
From: warwick@cs.uq.oz.au (Warwick Allison)
Subject: The Seven Deadly sins in the Modern World
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Times are changing, and things are not as they once were...
The Old | The New
-----------------------
|
Pride | Self Esteem
Anger | Assertiveness
Envy | Appreciation
Greed | Enterprise
Lust | Libido
Gluttony | Appetite
Sloth | Stress Management
|
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 20 Jan 92 18:21:45 GMT
From: smith@canon.co.uk (Mark Smith)
Subject: you be the judge
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
Usually, I think I'm reasonably good at separating the serious from
the sarcastic; not for me those nudgy winky little punctuation marks
meant to remove any trace of doubt in the lumbering brains of the
humour-deficient. And then, every once in a while, I run across
something that leaves me really wondering. The following article
concerns a court case in Guelph, Ontario about a woman who decided
to take off her top during one of the hottest days of last summer,
and was subsequently arrested.
> Newsgroups: can.general,can.politics,soc.culture.canada,rec.nude
> Subject: Re: The Guelph court case concerning I believe Gwen Jacobs.
> Date: 20 Jan 92 06:31:01 GMT
>
> davecb@nexus.yorku.ca (David Collier-Brown) writes:
> > She is also being discriminated against for being ``uppity'': the
> > judge is quoted as saying that he would have given an absolute
> > discharge (guilty but not worth punishment) had she not argued
> > inappropriaaely for her position in interviews with the newspapers...
>
> I heard that she was fined for being "arrogant" in the court, which could
> be interpreted as contempt of court.
>
> Much of Europe condones bare female breasts in public, although I only saw
> such on beaches, and never on city streets as with Ms Jacobs.
>
> Now, don't flame me. This is only a suggestion. Perhaps the reason this
> activity is discouraged in our society is because nursing mothers
> might spray passing pedestrians with milk.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 16 Jan 1992 21:23:29 -0500
From: spaf (Gene Spafford)
To: spaf
This came from Renee Gelblat, who works for the EPA here in Philly. It's
a memo to some of the EPA's lawyers that contains a partial transcript
of a case in Michigan. Almost makes me want to consider law school again.
The only thing you probably need to know is that "NCP" is "national
contingency plan".
---Rsk
Memorandum
Subject: Continuing Legal Education (Consistent with the NCP)
Date: March 14, 1991
To: Trial Attorneys
Kelly's Heroes
From: Beverlee DeStein
Attached for your edification, *education*, enlightenment and enjoyment is the
transcript of a deposition recently taken by Bill Beck, outside litigation
counsel for BFI. Bill says that he doubts he will ever have another
experience quite as gratifying as that reflected on the following pages.
United States District Court, Eastern District of Michigan, Southern Division
Frank J. Kelly, ex rel, State of Michigan and Michigan Department of
Natural Resources, plaintiffs,
vs.
E.I DuPont De Nemours and Company, Browning-Ferris Industries of Ohio and
Michigan, Inc., and Andrew Stevens.
Civil Action No. 90CV72028DT, Judge Rosen, Volume II
Continuing deposition of GARY HOFFMASTER, a witness called by Defendant
Browning-Ferris Industries, taken before Tamara Staley Heckaman, Certified
Shorthand Reporter and Notary Public, at 4572 South Hagadorn, Suite 1E,
East Lansing, Michigan, on Thursday, December 20, 1990, noticed for the
hour of 10:00 a.m.
BY MR. BECK:
Q. Mr. Hoffmaster, I want to go back for just a minute to a few of
the costs on the site. Before I do that I want to establish a
little bit of groundwork. Were the project manager responsible
for the conduct of the RI/FS at this site?
A. Yes, I was the project manager for the conduct of the RI/FS at
Stevens.
Q. That puts you as the person in charge for Michigan DNR of the
specific activity?
A. Yes.
Q. Did you have some familiarity with the national contingency plan
at that time?
A. Yes, some overall familiarity, yes.
Q. Can you explain what the national contingency plan is?
A. Basically it's a document that outlines the responsibilities
and the roles of the Superfund law, CERCLA.
Q. Are you familiar with the phrase consistent with the NCP or
not -- inconsistent with the NCP?
A. Yes.
Q. Did you contemplate the possibility of cost recovery for the
Stevens Landfill expenses at the time RI/FS was going on?
A. Yes.
Q. Was there an attempt on your part to determine that Michigan
DNR would, in fact, incur expenses consistent with the NCP --
A. Yes, I believe so.
Q. -- to facilitate cost recovery?
A. Yes, I believe so.
Q. Going back to Exhibit 12, the category of expenses, I just want
to get down to a couple specific expenses. You've told us that
Exhibit 12 lists, at least up to the time of its preparation, those
expenses for which the State of Michigan is now suing DuPont and
BFI of Ohio and Michigan; is that right?
A. Yes, that's correct.
Q. One of the categories of expenses that our clients are being sued
for is this miscellaneous expenses category; is that right?
A. Yes, I believe so.
Q. And within that miscellaneous expenses category, Exhibit 16,
those are what the expenses are, that is right?
A. Yes, that's correct.
Q. So if it's on Exhibit 16 it translates onto Exhibit 12 and it's
part of what we're being sued for?
A. Yes, I believe so.
Q. I want to identify a couple specific things that are on
Exhibit 16, if I could. I'll just mark these. I'm going to
do these together.
(Whereupon Defendant's Deposition Exhibits 24 through 27
marked for identification.)
BY MR BECK:
Q. Mr. Hoffmaster, can you tell me what Exhibits 24, 25, 26, and
27 now are?
A. They appear to be phone bills, phone bill costs incurred from
the Stevens Landfill project, and as the account number appears
it appears that these are costs associated with the RI/FS work
done at Stevens.
Q. So Exhibits 24, 25, 26, and 27 are copies of the actual phone
bills for the trailer at the landfill together with the vouchers
for their payment?
A. That's correct.
Q. Okay. And these appear to be genuine copies?
A. Yes, they do.
Q. Okay. And the expenses that are set out in these phone bills and
paid through these vouchers are part of the expenses for which the
State of Michigan is suing DuPont and Browning-Ferris Industries
of Ohio and Michigan?
A. Yes, I believe so.
Q. Just to try to determine what some of these expenses are for,
do you see on Exhibit 24 on the fourth page there's some long
distance communications.
A. Yes.
Q. Are you able to identify what any of those numbers are for?
A. I know what the first two numbers -- well, the first number is an
office call back to -- 8166 is my secretary's phone number in Lansing.
Q. Okay. What about these numbers to this 900 exchange, are you able
to identify those?
A. I'm not aware of what the 900 numbers would be to.
Q. These phone call were made in October of 1986; is that correct?
A. That appears to be such, yes.
Q. Let me mark as an exhibit and hand you a magazine which is now
marked as Exhibit 28.
(Whereupon Defendant's Deposition Exhibit 28 marked
for identification.)
BY MR BECK:
Q. Does that appear to be a copy of the October 1986 issue
of Penthouse magazine?
A. It says October 1986, yes.
Q. Can you turn in the inside back cover a couple of pages and
see if there are some phone numbers listed? Right here.
A. Yes, there are several phone numbers listed.
Q. And do you find that any of the phone numbers that are listed
on the inside of the October 1986 issue of Penthouse are some of
the same phone numbers that appear on this bill for the expenses
that you're suing -- that the state is suing BFI of Ohio and
Michigan to recover?
A. That appears to be some of the same numbers, yes.
Q. One of the numbers is 1-900-410-9999; is that right?
A. Yes.
Q. Can you tell me what Penthouse says you get when you call
1-900-410-9999?
A. I can't tell you, no.
Q. Does it say, Intimate sexual pleasure of Emmanuelle X?
A. Yes.
Q. The next number is 1-900-410-7000; is that right?
A. yes.
MR. FIRESTONE: Can we go off the record?
MR. BECK: In a few minutes. I want to go ahead and get these on
the record.
MR. FIRESTONE: I just meant -- I think the state would be willing to
stipulate that these costs would not be consistent with the NCP,
if that will speed things up and prevent us from having to leaf
through Penthouse after Penthouse.
MR. BECK: There's only one Penthouse.
BY MR. BECK:
Q. Let's just go ahead and describe what some of these numbers
are for. There is a call on this bill that our clients are being
sued for to 1-900-410-7777?
A. Yes, that's correct.
Q. And what does Penthouse say that's for?
A. The caption reads, Hypatia Lee -- Sizzling, sultry sex star
of the silver screen.
Q. And 1-900-410-7000, what's that?
A. It says, caption reads, Secret sex techniques - Advice on
how to fulfill your ultimate sexuality.
Q. And then there's one for 1-900-410-3000. Can you tell
us what that call is for according to Penthouse?
A. According to this it says, Forbidden fantasies of Alexis C -
a seductive nymph.
Q. I trust, sir, that you will agree that the, Forbidden fantasies
of Alexis C - a seductive nymph, were probably not consistent
with the NCP?
A. I would not think they would be, no.
MR. BECK: Your witness.
MR. FIRESTONE: Actually I believe it's my witness.
MR. BECK: You can have the witness.
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------