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Yucks Digest V8 #12 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Thu, 15 Oct 98 Volume 8 : Issue 12
Today's Topics:
... a long ways in this business.
A Joke About A Duck.
And even then, don't forward it. We don't care.
Ben & Jerry's new flavors...
Careful how you reply
Dialogue.
From the Subscriber's Mail Pouch
FW: The President's Mail
Fwd: Performance evaluations
F Y I !
Hells Bells
How common is Rodan in Colorado?
Huh?
Internet Refrigerator
JOKE: Fwd: Clinton vs. Titanic
JOKE: Fwd: Mastercard commercial
looks like a great weekend to stay out of the office
Quote of the day
Sherlock Holmes
So young, yet so cynical
Swedish Food - Letter from Uppland #3
Thesaurus Games
This is bad....
Top5 - 10/12/98 - Planet Hollywood Appetizers
Top5 - 10/13/98 - Wrong Martial Arts School (Part I)
Top5 - 10/14/98 - Wrong Martial Arts School (Part II)
Top5 - 10/2/98 - Evil Forces are Out to Get You
Top5 - 10/7/98 - Sexual Sports Phrases
Yeah, and another thing...
Yucks Digest V8 #11
Yucks V8 #10 Re: herding cats
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
** Note that material in the Yucks Digest may contain offensive words,
may be considered politically incorrect, present partisan political
views, and/or question established authority. If you are afraid of any
of these side-effects, then unsubscribe. This list is not for the
humor-impaired or for those who believe speech should be free, but only
for themselves.
Items are printed as submitted. Every attempt is made to keep the
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immediately. No other copyright is claimed or asserted on submissions.
Back issues can be obtained via WWW as
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subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send mail to
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Problems should be addressed to <yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu>.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1998 14:05:01 -0400 (EDT)
From: nev@bostic.com
Subject: ... a long ways in this business.
To: nev@bostic.com (/dev/null)
From: CSH Little <cshl@compuserve.com>
Excerpted from an old friend of mine who's an biophysicist at
Northeastern:
My graduate student has left. Woe is me. I'm gonna miss the kid.
He could look at me doe-eyed for hours and patiently listen to my
advice about everything. Such discipline and duplicity will take
him a long ways in this business.
[To my current students: "No comment." --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 14:05:01 -0400 (EDT)
From: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
Subject: A Joke About A Duck.
To: nev@bostic.com (/dev/null)
Forwarded-by: Ray Shea <shea@jump.net>
This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks; one in each
hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few
drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced and has
learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar,
so he doesn't mention the ducks.
They chat for a few minutes, then the guy with the ducks goes the
restroom. The ducks are left on the bar. Mentally shrugging his
shoulders, the bartender decides to try to make some conversation:
"What's your name?" he says to the first duck.
"Huey," the duck replies.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day."
"That's nice," agrees the bartender.
"And what's your name?" he says to the second duck.
"Dewey," comes the answer.
"How's your day been, Dewey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball . Been in and out of puddles all day.
If I had the chance another day, I would do the same again."
He turns to the third duck and says, "I see, and you must be Louie!"
"No," growls the third duck, "my name is Puddles. And don't ask about
my fucking day."
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1998 14:05:00 -0400 (EDT)
From: nev@bostic.com
Subject: And even then, don't forward it. We don't care.
To: nev@bostic.com (/dev/null)
Forwarded-by: good@pixar.com (Craig Good)
Forwarded by: Jerome Strach <jerome@pixar.com>
Email Facts Of Life
1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not
giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There
is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax;
there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true". Furthermore,
just because someone said in the message, four generations back, that
"we checked it out and it's legit", does not actually make it true.
2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in
a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened
to their cousin. If you are hellbent on believing the kidney-theft ring
stories, please see:
http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm
http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm And I quote:
"The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for
actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories.
None have." That's "none" as in "zero". Not even your friend's cousin.
3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if
they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at:
http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html
http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html> Then, if you make the recipe,
decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.
4. We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate
co-workers gross out bathroom stall neighbors and creep out people on
an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students,
Usenet posters and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes
to change a lightbulb
5. Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium
that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think
this information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter?
6. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever,
ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first
confirm it at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals
with virii. Try: http://www.norton.com http://www.norton.com/. And
even then, don't forward it. We don't care.
7. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your
message, you're probably going to Hell.
8. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off
the "HTML encoding." Those of us on Unix shells can't read it, and
don't care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web
browser, since you're probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman
Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.
9. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message
from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of
headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months.
It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">" that begin each line.
Besides, if it has gone around that many times -- we've probably already
seen it.
10.Craig Shergold in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at
this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business
cards. He apparently is also no longer a "little boy" either.
Contributed by: Karen Fruhling
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 17:26:41 -0400
From: "Roberts, Robin" <rroberts@btg.com>
Subject: Ben & Jerry's new flavors...
To: yucks
>Ben & Jerry's new presidential flavors:
>
>Slick Willie
>Double Nut Joy
>Impeach-Mint
>Subpoenas 'n' Cream
>Chocolate Chip Doughboy
>Chubby Cheatin' Hubby
>Candy Pants
>Chilly Hillbilly
>Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl Vanilla
>Pants-offio Pistachio
>Subpoena Colada
>Biscuits 'n' Gravy
>Horny Bubba Crunch
>Arkansas Peach
>Subpoena Butter Cup
>Peppermint Fatty
>Captain Cream
>Tubby Bubba
>Hillary Chiller
>Fundraising Coffee
>Oval Office Surprise
>Arkansas Smoothie
>Hyperactive Nuts
>Scandalberry
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 00:16:19
From: Mike Monahan <mmonahan@mindspring.com>
Subject: Careful how you reply
To: yucks@cs.purdue.edu
Can't verify the origin of this. Twern't me.
Many Universities, colleges, and businesses tend to strip the last
name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either
the beginning or end to make up an E-Mail address.
(i.e. Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml).
They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may cause.
Some examples:
Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University): eatonsht@dku.edu
Martha Elizabeth Cummins (Fresno University): cumminme@fu.edu
George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.):
blowmegd@dropdrawers.com
Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania):
dickinme@iup.edu
Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University): kissinfk@lvu.edu
Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating): beeranbj@myplace.com
Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University): aspicker@pu.edu
Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University): ibballin@bsu.edu
Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division,
Overton, Canada): btkisser@bendover.com
Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us): ihadcock@tru.com
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1998 16:52:57 -0400 (EDT)
From: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
Subject: Dialogue.
To: nev@bostic.com (/dev/null)
Forwarded-by: chuck <chuck@Yerkes.com>
Forwarded-by: Evan Marcus <evan@carroll.com>
Dialogue while Moses is at the top of Sinai....
God: And remember Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a
calf in its mother's milk. It is cruel.
Moses:
Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat
together.
G: No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.
M: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we
should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two
are not in our stomachs.
G: No, Moses, what I'm saying is, don't cook a calf in its mother's
milk!!!
M: Oh, Lord! Please don't strike me down for my stupidity! What you
mean is we should have a separate set of dishes for milk and a
separate set for meat and if we make a mistake we have to bury
that dish outside....
G: Moses, do whatever the hell you want....
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1998 18:03:13 -0700
From: ksullivan@nish.org
Subject: From the Subscriber's Mail Pouch
To: "Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List" <McHawlist@mail.otherwhen.com>
SECRETS ABOUT MEN & WOMEN
What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who
will just love them for who they are.
What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only
because no other woman wants him.
What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee
Anderson; Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome off a flag
pole.
What men get: Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extra lbs
the moment after she says "I Do," beginning with the wedding cake!
What women want in bed: A passionate lover who takes the time to kiss and
gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experience
together.
What they get: "Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!," Belch, Fart, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
What men expect out of a marriage: 3 loving children who honor their
parents.
What they get: 3 hellions who are a combination of their parents every
fault and make their life a living hell.
1st anniversary card from husband to wife: "My sweet loving wife.... I
hope this first year is a reflection of the next 60 years, you are my heart
and soul, I am forever yours."
5th anniversary card: "I love you so much honey... words cannot describe."
10th anniversary card: "Hey, how's it hangin'? Love Ya'!!"
15th anniversary card: "Ummmmmmmmm...... 'sup?"
16th anniversary card from wife to husband: "You are hereby summoned to
divorce proceedings..."
<QB1dAMaN@aol.com>
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
COWBOY IDENTITY CRISIS
An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and
chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his
whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink,
she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"
To which he replied, "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch,
herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences, so I guess I am."
After a short while he asked her about herself. She replied, "I've never
been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole
day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of
women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of
women."
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A
couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm
a lesbian."
David <dspahr3d@aol.com>
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1998 08:51:17 -0400
From: "Roberts, Robin" <rroberts@btg.com>
Subject: FW: The President's Mail
To: spaf
> From: NortunI@aol.com[SMTP:NortunI@aol.com]
>
> Subject: Bill's Mail
>
> From the president's mailbag...
> Dear Bill:
> As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize
> with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted
> in
> my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust
> might
> have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time
> of
> trial.
> Jimmy Carter
> ----------------------
> Dear Bill:
> OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a babe!
> Gary Hart
> ----------------------
> My Dear Chap:
> This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were
> you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through.
> Pop
> onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be
> forgiven.
> Hugh Grant
> ----------------------
> Bill:
> They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with
> drugs and
> a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!
> Mayor Marion Berry
> ----------------------
> Dear Bill:
> Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's
> thong
> underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV
> for the
> fall.
> Marv Albert
> ----------------------
> Dear Mr. President:
> You may have noticed that I'm not jumping on the
> impeachment bandwagon (note: this was written a week ago). Let me
> assure
> you, you're not the only one in Congress who thinks oral sex isn't
> really sex.
> Warm personal regards,
> Newt
> ----------------------------
> Dear Bill:
> Hang in there, pal! By the way, Kathie Lee sends Hillary her regards
> and
> invites her to come on her show anytime.
> Frank Gifford
> ---------------------------
> Dear Mr. President:
> Now I'm on the Supreme Court. I'm here for life! And there's nothing
> anyone
> can do about it! So there!
> Justice Clarence (Long Dong) Thomas
> --------------------------
> Dear Former Worthy Opponent:
> Whoo, Boy! All I can say is, Bob Dole would never have gotten himself
> into
> this mess. Not Bob Dole! Not before Viagra, anyway!
> Bob Dole
> -------------------------
> Dear Mr. President:
> I think it's terrible what they are doing to
> you, and I want you to know that if you need to get away from it all,
> you're welcome to bring Buddy and stay with me on my Wonderland Ranch
> for as long as you want. I'll move the Cub Scout Pack to a tent on
> the
> lawn and you can have their room.
> Michael Jackson
> --------------------------
> Dear Fellow Sinner:
> Jesus forgives you and so do I.
> Rev. Jimmy Swaggart
> -------------------------
> Dear Bill:
> Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
> Jim Bakker
> P.S. Jessica sends regards and wants to get together with you
> sometime.
> -------------------------
> Dear Bill:
> Next time (if there is a next time), don't let them get you on tape.
> Big
> mistake!!
> With sympathy,
> Rob Lowe
> -------------------------
> Dear Bill:
> If I survived being a tampon, you can survive
> the cigar bit. Things were grim for a while, but now it looks like I
> might actually manage to marry my darling Camilla, and someday I'll be
> King! Funny how life turns out. So keep a stiff upper lip! (And relax
> everything else, haha! And they say I don't have a sense of humor)
> HRH Charles Windsor, Prince of Wales
> ------------------------
> Dear Mr. President,
> We invite you to be the cover subject of our next issue.
> The editors, Cigar magazine
>
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1998 13:58:21 +0100 (GMT)
From: nlfm@catless.ncl.ac.uk
Subject: Fwd: Performance evaluations
To: netagere@limitless.co.uk, pmarshall.gone@go-regions.gov.uk
THESE USEFUL QUOTES WERE REPORTEDLY TAKEN FROM ACTUAL
FEDERAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS:
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and
has started to dig."
2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid
curiosity."
3. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
4. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."
5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
in a trap."
6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change
feet."
7. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
8. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
9. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."
10. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
11. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the
better."
12. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all
together."
13. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary
ignoramus."
14. "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
15. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
16. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
17. "He's been working with glue too much."
18. "He would argue with a signpost."
19. "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
20. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
21. "When his IQ. reaches 50, he should sell."
22. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the
other one."
23. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
25. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
26. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming."
27. "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
28. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a
week."
29. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
30. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
31. "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm and
made it to conception."
32. "One neuron short of a synapse."
33. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
34. "Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
35. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1998 18:16:32 -0400
From: dahl.gerberick@us.pwcglobal.com
Subject: F Y I !
To: spaf
A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every
day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round
and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is
a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact,
she's very attractive. He's interested and suggests that they
play the rest of the round together. She agrees and a very close
match ensues. She turns out also to be a very talented golfer
and she wins their little competition on the last hole.
He congratulates her in the car park then offers to give her a lift
when he sees she doesn't have a car. All in all it's been a highly
enjoyable morning.
On the way to her place, she thanks him for the morning's
company and competition and says she hasn't enjoyed herself
so much on the course for a long time. "In fact," she says, "I'd
like you to pull over so I can show you how much I appreciated
everything." He pulls over, they kiss and she shows him her
appreciation...
The next morning he spies her at the first tee and suggests
they play together again. He's actually quite competitive and
slightly peeved that she beat him the previous day. Again they
have a magnificent day, enjoying each other's company and
playing a tight, competitive round of golf. Again she pips him at
the last, again he drives her home and again she shows her
appreciation.
This goes on all week, with her beating him narrowly every day.
This is a sore point for his male ego but, nevertheless, in the
car home from their Friday afternoon round, he tells her that he
has had such a fine week that he has a surprise planned: dinner
for two at a fancy candle-lit restaurant followed by a night of
passion in the penthouse apartment of a posh hotel.
Surprisingly, she bursts into tears and says she can't agree to
this. He can't work out what the fuss is about but eventually she
admits the reason.
"You see," she tearfully sobs, "I'm a transvestite."
He is aghast. He swerves violently off the road, pulls the car to
a screeching halt and curses madly, overcome with emotion.
"I'm sorry," she repeats.
"You bastard," he screams, red in the face, "You cheating
bastard. You've been playing off the red tees all week!!"
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1998 09:05:01 -0400 (EDT)
From: nev@bostic.com
Subject: Hells Bells
To: nev@bostic.com (/dev/null)
Forwarded-by: mwm@contessa.phone.net (Mike Meyer)
From: "donna inches" <ladyleeza@hotmail.com>
The beautiful eighteen-year-old girl sobbed hysterically at the funeral
service of her seventy-five-year-old husband. She confided in a friend,
"We had such a happy marriage for the three months it lasted. Every
Sunday morning he would make love to me, keeping time with the rhythm of
the church bells."
She sobbed again. "If that fire engine hadn't clanged by, he'd be alive
today."
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1998 11:54:32 -0400 (EDT)
From: nev@bostic.com
Subject: How common is Rodan in Colorado?
To: nev@bostic.com (/dev/null)
Forwarded-by: Joe Ilacqua <spike@indra.com>
[Someone was trying to ask how common Radon is on Colorado, when things
got out of hand.]
>From: hamelk@rintintin.Colorado.EDU (Ken Hamel)
Subject: Re: how common is Rodan in Colorado?
The larger question is: How common is Godzilla in Colorado? What are the
chances that prehistoric reptiles from below the sea will rise up and
trample Denver? Can I get insurance to protect myself from this threat?
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
>From: alek@den.mmc.com (Alek O. Komarnitsky)
Subject: Re: how common is Rodan in Colorado?
Actually, it's extremely probable this year ... since the Snow Pack is
200% of normal, and we may have flooding in Boulder Creek this year. But
it's questionable if Godzilla will make an appearance, since I recall that
he usually starts out in the South Pacific after a Nuke test. So maybe
we *will* see Rodan?!?
alek
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
>From: bboyer@rmii.com (Bill Boyer)
Subject: Re: how common is Rodan in Colorado?
Also you can get little "Rodan" detectors at most hardware stores. They
cost about $10-20 and a small indicator will show a red plus sign if
"Rodan" gets within 50 miles of your house. Wait a sec, I think I'm
confused. This tester is only good if "Rodan" is pregnant....never mind.
smart alek
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
>From: randyh@kentek.com (Randy Hinds)
Subject: Re: how common is Rodan in Colorado?
If you don't want to spend that kind of money, you can go to many of the
stores (Safeway, K-mart, Target) and get the 'Rodan Repellant'. Simply
spray around your house once a week and your set.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
>From: car377@drintl3.dr.att.com (131AA0000-RogersC(DR8926)273)
Subject: Re: how common is Rodan in Colorado?
This is a rip-off scam perpetrated by conscienceless con-artists! Don't
buy this stuff. I *know* it's 1/10th the price of "Rodan-B-Gon(tm)", but
it doesn't work, and you'll just end up wishing you'd purchased the real
thing. I tried the cheap imitation stuff last Sunday, and I came home
Monday evening to find my house completely flattened, and Rodan poop all
over the back yard. Why, oh why didn't I stick with a proven product!?!
Forwarned is forarmed!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
>From: jsloan@brando.scd.ucar.edu (John Sloan)
Subject: Re: how common is Rodan in Colorado?
I have some Mothra Balls, if anyone is interested. You'll need a pickup
truck, though. These are easily available from any monster vet clinic in
Toyko. Remember: have your giant Japanese monsters neutered; stop the
senseless reproduction of giant Japanese monsters!
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1998 08:32:25 -0500
From: Gene Spafford <spaf@cs.purdue.edu>
Subject: Huh?
To: the-usual-suspects@cs.purdue.edu, bob@cs.purdue.edu
This is so bizarre, I simply have to share it.
Can any of you explain to me what it is about my WWW homepage that might
have prompted this mail?
And does anyone know what "Neville Winter Acid" is? Does it dissolve only
instances of (the former) Neville Winston?
>From: marketing@millionlink.com
>Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1998 14:10:42 +0800
>To: <spaf@cs.purdue.edu>
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>
>
>
> Dear Sirs/Madam:
>
> We got the honor to know you from your internet homepage and suggest
> we could serve you hereafter.
> We are a seven years old trading company with a very professional
> attitude specializing in China origin chemicals/metals and iron
> raw materials' export. The following is our products list.
> If you need more details or other raw materials concerned, don't
> hesitate to contact us.
>
> 1) 2,3 acid sodium nitrite
> 2) 4-bromo-2-fuorobenzyl bromide
> 3) 4-fluorophenol
> 4) aluminium floride
> 5) aluminium hydroxide
> 6) ammonium chloridete
> 7) anthraquinone
> 8) BARIUM CARBONATE
> 9) barium chloride
> 10) benzadine yellow gg
> 11) benzotrifluoride
> 12) BETA NAPHTHOL
> 13) CALCIUM CHLORIDE
> 14) calcium hypochlorite
> 15) calcium carbide
> 16) camphor
> 17) Caustic Soda
> 18) chrome oxide green
> 19) CHROMIC ACID
> 20) citric acid
> 21) cobalt sulfate
> 22) cobalt oxide
> 23) coumarin
> 24) CYANURIC CHLORIDE
> 25) direct red 23
> 26) disperse dyestuffs
> 27) dyes intermediates
> 28) fast orange rn
> 29) fluorobenzoic acid
> 30) fluorobenzene
> 31) FORMIC ACID
> 32) furfural
> 33) hexamine
> 34) hypnone
> 35) ice dyestuffs
> 36) LITHIUM HYDROXIDE MONOHYDRATE
> 37) lithopone
> 38) manganese dioxide
> 39) manganesium sulfate
> 40) melamine
> 41) metals and iron raw materials
> 42) NEVILLE WINTER ACID
> 43) Nickel Sulphate
> 44) OXALIC ACID
> 45) p-fluorophenol
> 46) potassium chloride
> 47) phosphoric acid
> 48) potassium chlorate
> 49) pharmaciutical intermediates
> 50) pigments
> 51) reactive blue
> 52) RESORCINOL
> 53) salicylic acid
> 54) salicylal
> 55) soda ash
> 56) Sodium Benzoate BP93
> 57) SODIUM BICARBONATE
> 58) sodium citrate
> 59) sodium formate
> 60) Sodium hydrosulphite
> 61) sodium hexametaphosphate
> 62) sodium metabisulfite
> 63) Sodium Molybdate Dihydra
> 64) Sodium Molybdate Dihydra
> 65) Sodium Molybdate Dihydra
> 66) sodium sulfide
> 67) Sodium Sulphate
> 68) sodium tripolyphosphate-stpp
> 69) sulphur black br522salicylal
> 70) THIOREA
> 71) Titanium dioxide
> 72) TOBIAS ACID
> 73) vat dyestuffs
> 74) zinc oxide
> 75) Zinc sulfate
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 23 Sep 1998 14:47:53 -0700
From: Berry Kercheval <berry@kerch.com>
Subject: Internet Refrigerator
To: rhaines@dnai.com
Date: Tue, 22 Sep 1998 15:04:48 -0700
From: Vicki Brown <vlb@cfcl.com>
Also mentioned (confirmed :-) at http://www.digital.com/rcfoc/980518.htm
and http://www.nikkeibp.asiabiztech.com/Database/98_Apr/30/Mor.04.gwif.html
"The prototype runs Windows 95, but the experimental model is due
to adopt Linux, a UNIX operating system."
--- Begin Forward ---
3. "Internet Refrigerator" Seen as Futuristic Home Server
Japan-based V Sync Technology has recently built a prototype
refrigerator that incorporates an Internet Net terminal. A
bizarre novelty at first glance, the "Internet Refrigerator"
embodies design features that anticipate how the digital
revolution may transform homes in the future. Source: Company
press release August 13, 1998
Dataquest Analysis
This announcement adds a whimsical side to the oft-bandied
about term "Internet appliance." But the idea is based on some
sound principles: the refrigerator and the bathroom are usually
the most trafficked areas in a household. Most family members
go to the message board affixed by magnets to the refrigerator
for family communique--phone messages, event invites, and such.
The first model of Internet fridge will offer voice recognition
and touch panel display. Subjects such as community news can be
brought up via voice or touch command. A personal handy-phone
system (PHS) is built into the fridge for IP address
acquisition, automatic set-up and maintenance requirements. Fax
capabilities are also offered through the PHS function. It will
come with videophone capabilities that allow a user to click on
a picture of the person they want to call on the on-screen map.
A built-in GPS receiver provides this mapping ability. With
connectivity to set-top boxes as a part of overall
functionality, the household refrigerator would be positioned
as the nexus within the home and capable of providing an outlet
for a service provider. This "home server" could run mission-
critical household emergencies such as fire, or earthquake
(auto shut-off of gas lines), or smaller daily chores such as
yard watering and electricity control. Ultimately, the
appliance would be inconsequential: the fridge was merely
chosen for it's ample extra space. Having so much space to work
with means no redesign of chips, which translates to a
reasonable cost. Tentative pricing is $340 (without fridge),
and expect to see delivery in mid-1999. The only question is
how much control to give to Hal the refrigerator.
By Stefan Smith (stefan.smith@dataquest.com)
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 15:24:36 -0400
From: Rex Black <rexblack@ix.netcom.com>
Subject: JOKE: Fwd: Clinton vs. Titanic
To: spaf
>From: jim_magdich@bcmgvc.com
>X-Mailer: ccMail Link to SMTP R8.11.00.3
>Date: Tue, 13 Oct 98 09:38:13 -0800
>Subject: Clinton vs. Titanic
>
>
>Similarities between the Titanic video and the Clinton grand jury testimony
>video:
>
> Titanic: $9.99 on the Internet
> Clinton: $9.99 on the Internet
>
> Titanic: over 3 hours long
> Clinton: over 3 hours long
>
> Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, a subsequent
>catastrophe
> Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, a subsequent
>catastrophe
>
> Titanic: villain - White Star Line
> Clinton: villain - Ken Starr
>
> Titanic: Jack is a starving artist
> Clinton: Bill is a B.S. artist
>
> Titanic: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar
> Clinton: Ditto for Bill
>
> Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
> Clinton: Ditto for Monica
>
> Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit
> Clinton: Let's not go there...
>
> Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
> Clinton: Monica forced to return her gifts
>
> Titanic: Behind the scenes, Leonardo DiCaprio is wildly popular
> Clinton: Behind the scenes, Bill has a 70% approval rating
>
> Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death
> Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary
>
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1998 16:11:38 -0400
From: Rex Black <rexblack@ix.netcom.com>
Subject: JOKE: Fwd: Mastercard commercial
To: yucks
There's a little male chauvinist pig in all of us, and your own inner pig
will find this funny...
>From: QAkita@symantec.com
>
>Finally, a Mastercard commercial for men.
>Cover charge: $15.00
>Round of drinks: $23.00
>Table dance: $30.00
>Another round of drinks: $23.00
>Couch dance and tips: $50.00
>A round of shots: $34.00
>Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00
>Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: ...priceless!!!
>There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's
>Mastercard.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1998 15:54:13 -0400 (EDT)
From: Larry Auton <lda@research.bell-labs.com>
Subject: looks like a great weekend to stay out of the office
To: spaf@cs.purdue.edu
To: "'All Murray Hill'" <loc=nj9620/all=y@lucent.com>
Subject: Steam to Murray Hill
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1998 14:27:45 -0400
The steam will be off to the entire Murray Hill complex on Saturday,
October 17, 1998. The Boiler House software is being upgraded to
be Y2K (Year 2000) compliant. If you have any questions call
the Shift Supervisor x2553.
Murray Hill - Property Management
[What I want to know is, how do you make steam Y2K compliant? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 24 Jul 1998 09:05:00 -0400 (EDT)
From: nev@bostic.com
Subject: Quote of the day
To: nev@bostic.com (/dev/null)
Forwarded-by: Duncan Thornton
Forwarded-by: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
I've written a commercial for Apple Computer. It goes like this:
"Macintosh -- we might not get everything right, but at least we
knew the century was going to end."
-- Author Douglas Adams, on the Y2K problem.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1998 22:05:12 -0700
From: "Keith E. Sullivan" <KSullivan@worldnet.att.net>
Subject: Sherlock Holmes
To: "Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List" <McHawlist@mail.otherwhen.com>
CAMPING
Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.
They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes
said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What
does it mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
Nancy Carson <JMFS19A@prodigy.com>
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 98 12:23:28 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl@langston.com>
Subject: So young, yet so cynical
To: Fun_People@langston.com
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: "Jack D. Doyle" <doylej@PEAK.ORG>
Forwarded-by: Kevin Johnsrude <kevinj@roguewave.com>
Forwarded-by: miller@psy.otago.ac.nz
From: the Sy & Phil show, 98MOR-FM radio, Dunedin, New Zealand.
Overheard at the daycare center:
1st little girl: Do you believe in the tooth fairy?
2nd little girl: No, I used to, but now I don't. I think it's just a regular
fairy who gets dressed up.
[I didn't used to believe in the tooth fairy...until I met my previous
dentist. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 98 20:17:31 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl@langston.com>
Subject: Swedish Food - Letter from Uppland #3
To: Fun_People@langston.com
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: Daniel Lockshon <lockshon@u.washington.edu>
Letter from Uppland #3
I have before me the week's menu of specials at the Sven Duva Restaurant,
near my location at the BMC. For an experienced world-traveller like
myself, with a smattering of several foreign languages and a sharp eye for
English cognates, these exotic Swedish dishes hold no terrors. For example,
<I>"Tonsfisksallad med Sardeller och Oliver"</i> is obviously tunafish salad
with sardines and olives, unless reference is being made to someone named
Oliver. <i> "Spansk Bondomelett"</i> is obviously Spanish omelette with
Bondo. And <i>"Pelotas en Salsa Roja"</i> is without a doubt baseballs in
red sauce, although I am at a loss to explain what it is doing on a Swedish
menu.
A few cases present graver difficulties. What, for example, does one
make of <i> "Faersfylld R@djursbog med Sky och Hoestpytt"</i>? Rendering
it as Farfelled Roger's Bog with Sky and Hot Spit may be just a teeny bit
off the mark. Then we have <i>"Ugnsstekt Afrikansk Mal, Tomat- och
Spiskummin"</i>, which could mean unstuck African badness (as in mal de
mer), tomatoes and spies coming in, but that doesn't really help either.
Ultimately, one must have recourse to the dictionary. In the present case,
unfortunately, one discovers that <i>mal</i> in Swedish means "moth", which
does not make the Afrikansk dish sound a lot more tempting, to tell the
truth. Then there is <i>"Helstekt Kalkonbroest med R@tgraedd@ss"</i>. The
hell with it.
Trying to decode Swedish from English cognates works in many cases (my
favorite being <i<hackad biff</i>, which is hamburger) but there are hidden
pitfalls. For example, <i>gris</i> means not grease but pig, while
<i>pigg</i> means not pig but the adjective brisk, and <i>piggvar</i> is a
type of fish.
Cognate words sometimes reflect a twisted historical path. "Svamp"
means mushroom in Swedish, reflecting, perhaps, the kind of ground you can
find mushrooms in. The Swedish word for the Autumn season is "hoest", and
that has its English cognate too, but it is not immediately obvious. In
Scots dialect, the word for the same season is "hairst", which makes the
relationship a little clearer: HARVEST, what the farmer does at that time
of year. Which brings us back to that dish above with <i>hoestpytt</i>.
Whatever it is, it includes some seasonal Autumn creature.
Probably potatoes, even if <i>potatis</i> is not named explicitly.
Every second Swedish dish involves potatoes. And onions. And herring.
There are dozens of dishes based on this mighty trio, differing only in the
order in which they are assembled, and the time of day that one does it.
These various dishes are all exactly alike, although my personal favorite
is <i>Janssons frestelse</i>, because of its delicious name.
One cannot discuss Swedish cuisine without some mention of herring,
which is the national bird. There is a particularly refined type in the
Baltic called <i>stroemming</i>, which swim in <i>gymnasia</i> rather than
ordinary schools, and speak French among themselves. The more common form
of the noble creature is called <i>sill</i> in Swedish. It comes in six
species called <loek sill, inlagd sill, maatjes sill, sill med senaps@s</i>,
and so on. Each one is better than the last. When I leave this country,
I am going to make a profound, existentialist movie about a hitherto unknown
species of herring and the meaning of life. It will be called "The Seventh
Sill".
Jon Gallant
Genetics Department
University of Washington
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 16:09:45 EDT
From: DanaScot@aol.com
Subject: Thesaurus Games
To: yucks@cs.purdue.edu
Spaf:
Here are a few more amusing phrases for your readers to run through the MS
Word's Thesaurus (highlight phrase, shift-F7).
White house
sleep with the president
safe sex
congressional action
lacking a penis
big breasts
big dick
little dicks
golfers
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 11:04:48 -0500
From: daniels@cs.purdue.edu (Tom Daniels)
Subject: This is bad....
To: spaf@cs.purdue.edu
From: Ed Cates <Ed@Cates.net>
Jerry was hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he was
excited. He was especially thrilled because he got to take two long solos.
After the sessions, which went wonderfully, Jerry couldn't wait to see the
finished product. He asked the producer where and when he could catch the
film.
A little embarrassed, the producer explained that the music was for a
porno flick that would be out in a month, and he told Jerry where he could
go to see it.
A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing glasses, went to the
theatre where the picture was playing. He walked in and sat way in the
back, next to an elderly couple who also seem to be disguised and hiding.
The movie started, and it was the filthiest, most perverse porno flick
ever...group sex, S&M, golden showers...and then, halfway through, a dog
got in on the action.
Before anyone could blink an eye, the dog has had sex with all the women,
in every orifice; and most of the men. Embarrassed, Jerry turned to the
old couple and whispered, "I'm only here for the music."
The woman turned to Jerry and whispered back, "That's okay, we're just
here to see our dog."
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1998 13:16:58
From: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
Subject: Top5 - 10/12/98 - Planet Hollywood Appetizers
To: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
The Top 13 Rejected Planet Hollywood Appetizers
13> Eddie Murphy's Sausage Surprise
12> The Full Monty Cristo
11> Forrest Gumbo
10> Hugh Grant's Whore d'Oeuvres
9> A Fish Called Sushi
8> Tom Arnold's Cocktail Weenies
7> Cindy Crawford's Chicken Mole
6> Die Hard Twice-Boiled Lobster
5> Arnold's "It'll Be Back" Bean Soup
4> Demi's Implant Parmigiana
3> Calista Flockheart's All-You-Can-Puke-Back-Up Salad Bar
2> Sharon Stone's "Glimpse O' Clam" Chowder
and Top5's Number 1 Rejected Planet Hollywood Appetizer...
1> Just Eat It, Ya Starry-Eyed Loser!
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
[ You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. ]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 12:28:24
From: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
Subject: Top5 - 10/13/98 - Wrong Martial Arts School (Part I)
To: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
The Top 12 Signs You've Joined
the Wrong Martial Arts School
(Part I)
12> Lesson 1: A guy who looks and sounds like Danny DeVito in a
bathrobe points to a pile of concrete blocks and says "Knock
yourselves out, Grasshoppers."
11> All the trophies in the display case appear to be altered
bowling trophies.
10> Due to a misspelling of "Martial Arts" on the door, half the
class shows up with vibrators and lotions.
9> Other students show up with sketchbooks.
8> Instead of belts, levels of prowess are denoted by colorful
suspenders and co-ordinating ascots.
7> Although the Grandmaster's hands "move faster than the eye ca
see", you can still detect a fair amount of nose picking goin
on.
6> The lesson keeps getting interrupted while the Master swaps
french fry baskets.
5> As a student is wheeled out by paramedics, the instructor say
"Class, name 3 things Alan did wrong."
4> You're pretty sure "Monkey Style" does not involve masturbati
and throwing feces at your attacker.
3> You practice kicks on a stage while sweaty men stuff dollar
bills in your g-string.
2> Spent the first eight lessons learning to talk while moving
your lips in a seemingly unrelated manner.
and Top5's Number 1 Sign You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts Sch
1> At the end of every class, your instructor says, "...or you
could just buy a friggin' gun."
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
[ You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. ]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 1998 14:11:1
From: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
Subject: Top5 - 10/14/98 - Wrong Martial Arts School (Part II)
To: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
The Top 13 Signs You've
Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School
(Part II)
13> Your dojo's symbol is a bullseye target.
12> First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling
into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.
11> Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his
spilled pocket protector.
10> The "gees" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars"
are just slices of old cheese.
9> The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.
8> The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of
the Three Stooges.
7> Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop
quizzes" in dark alleys.
6> Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor.
5> Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to
end.
4> Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does
not exist in this dojo!"
3> You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying
to tie your belt on.
2> Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the
neighbors when he moved in.
and Top5's Number 1 Sign You've
Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School...
1> Did Confucius ever really say he was "going to open up a
can of whoop-ass" on someone?
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
[ You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. ]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1998 8:24:51
From: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
Subject: Top5 - 10/2/98 - Evil Forces are Out to Get You
To: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
The Top 13 Signs That Evil Forces are Out to Get You
13> Only job you can get: Post Office Employee Grievance
Counselor.
12> All the videotapes in your house have been recorded over
with "Ally McBeal" and "Dawson's Creek" re-runs.
11> Whenever you get to the punchline, all you can think of
are funny hurricane names.
10> Every morning, a huge black raven lands on your window
sill, and then tries to sign you up to a record club.
9> AT&T, Sprint and MCI all STOP calling for fear of
association with you.
8> 36D, blonde, and you've decided the best way to cope with
the gruesome murders of your sorority sisters is with a
hot, relaxing shower.
7> Channel 1 -- The WB.
Channel 2 -- The WB.
Channel 3 -- The WB.
AAAAAAAAAH!!!
6> Every day another email mocking you and calling you
"Chester."
5> Another night, another bat symbol in the sky... I NEED
SATURDAY NIGHT OFF, YOU BASTARDS!!!
4> At the DUI checkpoint, you hear one officer say to another,
"These are not the 'droids we're looking for."
3> Three words: Tang price fixing!!
2> Roommate's note on fridge: "Evil Forces called. Will try
back later."
and Top5's Number 1 Sign That Evil Forces are Out to Get You...
1> Mimes... everywhere you look: MIMES!!!
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
[ You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. ]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1998 12:36:54
From: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
Subject: Top5 - 10/7/98 - Sexual Sports Phrases
To: "The Top 5 List" <top5@gmbweb.com>
Top 14 Sports Phrases Used During the Sex Championships
14> It's gonna take a minute for him to reload the chamber.
13> He's bound to land in the Penalty Box for hooking.
12> She's going for a new record in the clean and jerk.
11> Looks like he's been spending too much time "choking the coach."
10> He appeared to come out of nowhere.
9> And there's the two-minute warning!
8> Now he's got three balls on 'im.
7> Ooh -- that's gonna leave a mark!
6> Now they're gonna go man-to-man.
5> Time out while he dons the protective gear.
4> Unbelievable! Cox has gone to the mound eleven times tonight!
That's gotta be a record!
3> Looks like he's a couple of inches short.
2> They're bringing out the chains.
and Top5's Number 1 Sports Phrase Used During the Sex Championships
1> GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!
GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!
GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
[ You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. ]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Oct 98 16:32:58 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl@langston.com>
Subject: Yeah, and another thing...
To: Fun_People@langston.com
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
[Rework of a classic... -psl]
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course,
perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their
perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed
someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they
stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded
Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along
delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only
one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for
the answer.)
The perfect woman. She's the only one who really existed in the first
place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing
as a perfect man.
Women, end e-mail here. Men, keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must
have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this brings up
another point: women never follow directions either.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Oct 1998 11:12:06 -0500 (EST)
From: LaMont Jones <lamont@cranston.fc.hp.com>
Subject: Yucks Digest V8 #11
To: Yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu
> Date: Wed, 7 Oct 98 14:03:53 -0700
> From: Peter Langston <psl@langston.com>
> Subject: To the meek: Watch Out!
> To: Fun_People@langston.com
>
> X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
> Forwarded-by: elshaw@MIT.EDU (Libby Shaw)
> Forwarded-by: stephenk@ciis.edu (Stephen Kagan)
> Forwarded-by: crazed.reb@juno.com
>
> CHURCH UPSCALES: MEEK ARE OUT
>
> VATICAN CITY--In a historic reversal of its nearly 2,000-year-old pro-meek
> stance, the Catholic Church announced Tuesday that it is permanently
> rescinding the traditional "blessed" status of the world's meek.
I first read this in the Onion (www.theonion.com) - right up there with
the neck belt recall...
[Thanks for the correction. I like to keep author and submitter
credits with the material for others to appreciate. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 2 Oct 1998 12:55:44 -0500 (CDT)
From: "D. Joseph Creighton" <djc@cc.UManitoba.CA>
Subject: Yucks V8 #10 Re: herding cats
To: yucks@cs.purdue.edu
In reference to one cat quip offered to Yucksters, to wit:
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." --Dave Platt
I have a very old reference laying about which may have spawned the
above quotation and would like to offer it to you and (should you
include it) other readers of Yucks as well.
"At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a
managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats."
-- The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985
Here ends my pedantic mood.
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------