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Yucks Digest V5 #23 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Thu, 3 Aug 95 Volume 5 : Issue 23
Today's Topics:
administrivia
... all about before man began moving around.
... or just a single family wanting to get away from it all
A self-image problem at IBM?
But how does it compare to astro-turf?
Cheap Shots - I love it
Eating at the Y
Florida Home Has Nation's Worst Roaches
grad school confessional
Necrophilia on daytime TV
I've had the same problem!
JOTD (2 msgs)
Mastering Zen
My Grammar is a Dame?
QOTD (4 msgs)
Quel Letter!
Quote of the day
Radiation?
some interesting legal questions
sex on the web
So *that's* what causes those . . .
Sports O' The Day
Technology would be nice ...
There's a Jerry Jeff Walker tune I'd like to rig it to play...
The term 'and' includes 'or', and 'or' includes 'and'.
To all PC users DOS Tip-Of-The-Day #205....
Top ten ways the internet could get worse (fwd)
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA
What'S Right with America (36 of 61 things)
Yet another .signature for Yucks
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues can be obtained via Gopher as
gopher://gopher.cs.purdue.edu/11/Purdue_cs/Users/spaf/yucks/gopher
and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the
single word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: spaf
Subject: administrivia
To: yucksters
Yucks may be appearing a bit more sporadically over the next month or
so. I am way behind on my writing for the 2nd edition of "Practical
Unix Security," and the guilty feelings are now overwhelming. I'm
going to be shutting off the phone and email for days at a time to try
to crank out the text I'm supposed to write. So....Yucks will be one
of the things that will languish, although I may try to post an issue
or two to break the pace. If you don't get an issue for several weeks,
that doesn't mean you've been dropped from the list!
Speaking of dropping from the list, sometime in August we will be
switching Yucks over to the Majordomo list management software. My
mailer hack has worked well over the last few years, but it is a little
cranky and getting harder to maintain because I don't have the time.
I'll send out a note when that happens. However, if you don't see a
new Yucks issue by September 1, that means something may have gone
awry. In that case, drop a note to yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu and see
what kind of response you get.
That's all for now.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 25 Jul 1995 09:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: ... all about before man began moving around.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com
You might remember that Pete Sampras caused a stir at Wimbeldon when he
said there was "nothing to watch" on British television. Mitch Albom of
the Detroit Free Press says that wasn't entirely correct: "You can
randomly enter any British hotel room, flick on the TV, and have a
pretty good chance at: 1) a documentary on bugs, 2) a documentary on
shellfish, 3) cricket, which, historically will tell you, is what sports
were all about before man began moving around." -- (S.F. Chronicle)
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 21 Jul 1995 17:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: ... or just a single family wanting to get away from it all
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Chris Small <chris@eecs.harvard.edu>
From: schwartzt@delphi.com
Date: Fri Jul 21 13:55:31 EDT 1995
Organization: Delphi (info@delphi.com email, 800-695-4005 voice)
Huge underground homes are available in the form of de-commisioned
Nuclear Missile Bases! With over 15,000 square feet of floorspace, all
built to withstand nuclear blast and 30 or so acres of surrounding land,
the serious homesteader, the dedicated survivalist group, person needing
large storage, church or just a single family wanting to get away from it
all would be well served to investigate this special offering. Also of
mention is the fact that these structures require little heating and no
air conditioning, due to the earth over construction. Small industry is
possible due to a large drive in shop area. The shop area is joined to a
second building by a 100 foot long tunnel, so renting the shop end to a
business and living in the lower building would be possible.
Located in Kansas (close to Kansas City) where the cost of living
is low and the problems of the big city are far away, these properties
are being offered starting at about the price of two or three new cars.
The government only built so many of these and once they are gone, no
more will be built!
For more information about how you could own these magnificent
underground estates please call Tim at (913) 273-0452 or Ed at (913)
256-6029. Before 10pm Central Time! If you get an answering machine,
please leave your name, # and area code so we can respond as soon as
possible!!! RESPOND BY PHONE ONLY!! ALL E-MAIL IGNORED!!!
VIDEOS AND LITERATURE AVAILABLE!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO ALL MAILING LISTS and BBSs !! THANKS!!!
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 28 Jul 1995 18:02:57 -0500
From: young (Michal Young)
Subject: A self-image problem at IBM?
To: spaf
Infosec news, March/April 95, pg. 8:
"IBM denies the deed was done by an insider at IBM, saying that is was
the work of a top-notch Internet hacker."
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 24 Jul 1995 08:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: But how does it compare to astro-turf?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Chris Torek <torek@bsdi.com>
Excerpted from Science News, 8 July 1995, Vol. 148 No 2.
There's a tremendous need out there for transplantable tissues
and organs," says Gail K. Naughton, chief scientist for Advanced
Tissue Sciences in La Jolla, Calif. ...
To generate enough [skin] tissue to treat several hundred thousand
people a year, the researchers have filled stacks of bioreactors
and tissue banks. The seed cells for the skin grafts come from
discarded foreskins following "routine circumcisions," Naughton
says. In the laboratory, those hearty infant tissues grow readily
into patches.
How much skin have they harvested?
"About 250,000 square feet," says Naughton. "That's roughly
the equivalent of six football fields.
"I know," she hastens to add. "We've heard all the jokes."
[Well, get her to post them to Yucks! --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 22 Jul 1995 19:45:43 -0500 (CDT)
From: meo@schoneal.com (Miles O'Neal)
Subject: Cheap Shots - I love it
To: spaf (Gene Spafford)
(from t.b)
John Woods writes:
|gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley) writes:
|>I hate the newsreader I have for my PPP connection. I hate every
|>winsock Windows newsreader I've tried. That's why I keep this netcom
|>account. (The ISP STILL won't carry talk.* groups, also. Next
|>month I switch to his competitor in town.)
|
|>I want rn. Anybody ported it?
|
|rn runs under BSD.
|
|nn runs under BSD.
|
|tin runs under BSD.
|
|You can get anything you want under BSD.
|
|Windows is Bill Gates' way of telling you you shouldn't have bought a computer.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 28 Jul 1995 16:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Eating at the Y
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
Forwarded-by: funny@clari.net (Jim Griffith)
From: ads@netcom.com (Anthony Spataro)
Subject: Do we *really* need to know that?
Two months ago, there was an article in the Food section of our local
paper entitled "Lesbians Eat Their Way To Friendship."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Jul 95 23:53 CDT
From: heiby@mcs.com (Ron Heiby)
Subject: Florida Home Has Nation's Worst Roaches
To: spaf
Jacksonville, Florida (Reuter) - A Florida woman has won
the dubious honour of living in the home with the nation's
worst infestation of cockroaches, a company that sponsored the
contest said.
"We have to shake the shower curtains free from roaches to
take a shower, we have to hold our plates at dinner so they
won't eat the food and we have to sleep sitting up so roaches
won't crawl on us at night," said winner Rebecca Lynn.
Lynn's prize is a visit from Austin Frishman, a nationally
recognised entomologist who treated her home, $1,000 in cash
and a year's supply of roach-fighting products.
------------------------------
From: Olin Shivers <shivers@clark.lcs.mit.edu>
Date: Tue, 1 Aug 95 02:45:34 -0400
To: silent-tristero
Subject: Digital confessions
Date: Sun, 30 Jul 95 22:03:38 EDT
From: bhyde@gensym.com (Ben Hyde)
Precedence: bulk
Reply-To: bhyde@gensym.com (Ben Hyde)
Forwards protected by the seal of the confessional...
The following item is reprinted in its entirety from _Episcopal Life_
July/August '95. Honest!
***
The Diocese of Pittsburgh is leading the Roman Catholic Church and
the Internet community into new territory with an "electronic
confessional" that allows people to admit their sins and receive penance
online.
[...]
The 24-hour interactive service, hosted at Carnegie-Mellon University,
is reachable at the home page http://mea.culpa.cmu.edu on the World Wide
Web.
[...]
I don't think this is for real. The CSD confessional was a gag web
page. The confessions were made available (anonymously) on the "scroll
of sin." It was a fabulous hack. Here's an example confession, which I
would say fairly captures my grad student memories of the place.
Or, maybe someone took the gag and made it real. But it seems unlikely.
-Olin
................
Public Confession from the Booth
================================
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 0 days since my last
confession. I have committed the sin of Pride.
All these years, I believed my graduate students really enjoyed their
daily thrashings. How can you blame me - they looked so beautiful,
with their backs stretched and their naked asses arched up and
blushing from the whip. As I brought down the lash, time and time
again, their faces would glow brightly with rapture, lips tensed with
enthusiasm. Or so I believed.
I don't know if you can comprehend the intense feelings that pulsed
through my body yesterday when, in front of the dean in the hallway
outside Sharon's office, one of my students briefly lost his
inhibitions so completely as I tightened his nipple clamps that he
admitted that he had faked every orgasm. Dear Digital Priest, you
can't know the humiliation; I was so shocked, I dropped his leash.
Well, I'm sure I don't have to tell you the professional injury I
expect to suffer as a result. This revelation invalidates some of my
best recent publications, and in front of the dean no less; but what
really haunts me is knowing that, all these years, the times I thought
I was giving so much pleasure, my student was silently enduring.
Those erotic memories have become shameful nightmares. Perhaps if I
were more perceptive, I would have noticed a telltale grimace or
flicker in his eyes. Perhaps if I had been more communicative, I
would have been able to satisfy him. I remember how Kung would pummel
his students, and they always came back begging for more. I remember
how Perlis' students would line up outside naked in the snow, they
loved the man so. Why can't I be like that?
Oh Digital Priest, I swear I'm a changed man. I'm getting in touch
with my inner sensitive pervert, and taking the first steps toward
achieving true intimacy with my students, through a series of intense
interrogations. Dammit, I'm going to be the kind of advisor they'll
be proud to call Imperial Master. I hope that every SCS faculty
member will follow my example and take the following advice.
- Entrust your students with a little responsibility. They're
mature enough to occasionally administer their own piercings.
- Don't be afraid to let your students find a little pleasure on the
side. After all, it's you they'll be crawling home to.
- Remember that deep inside, all your students are beautiful, and
it's up to you to wield the scalpel that unlocks that potential.
- Students need positive affirmations to lift their self-esteem. So
consider occasionally stealing their bad results, too.
- If you loosen your student's straps, and the student doesn't
return, it was never really yours.
I hope that, with this philosophy ever in mind, I can amend my sins.
I am truly sorry.
[Now this is someone who knows how to treat graduate students... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 24 Jul 1995 09:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Necrophilia on daytime TV
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: mwm@contessa.phone.net (Mike Meyer)
This week on Days of Our Lives:
As John bent to give Marlena one last kiss at the morgue, he detected
signs of life. But his joy turned to horror when she opened her eyes and
they were yellow. The devil challenged John to a fight for Marlena's soul.
Celeste was upsett when she learned Peter and Jennifer planned to wed in
Aremid, a place where terrible things can happen. Just as John was about
to lose, he prayed for new strength and rallied to beat the devil, who
left Marlena's body.
[And people compain about Geraldo? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 24 Jul 1995 16:05:03 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: I've had the same problem!
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: The Terminator rAT <rat@nas.nasa.gov>
From: nomad@wopr.UUCP (Nomad of Norad (David C. Hall))
chucky@spray.ct.se (Chucky) writes:
> I got an 2024 monitor attached to my
> BBS computer, when this monitor have been turned on for some hours it
> starts to jump sideways. Is there anyone who knows how to fix this? it
> is quite annoying and I does NOT want to use any other kind of monitor (if
> it isn't any 2024 compatible monitor out)
By criminy! I've had the same problem! My monitor just likes to jump
all over the desk, bouncing about like a prize-fighter. One time it
actually knocked my stereo system off the desk, purely by accident, and
the stereo got up and immediately struck the monitor across the chops and
then came in swinging! The CD player jumped up and went scampering out
of the room, not wanting to get caught in the middle of this struggle.
The TV set just sort of sat back and watched, looking somewhat amuzed.
It then laid down wagers with my modem and my printer as to which of the
two would win.
To put a stop to this, I finally *bolted* the monitor to the desk. After
giving it a real good scolding, that is.
BTW, the stereo won the fight. The monitor was humiliated.
[Sounds like it could fit in the "Days of Our Lives" plotline. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 25 Jul 1995 18:05:01 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: JOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: "G.O.G." <GGRAYLEE@alexandria.lib.utah.edu>
Forwarded-by: aber@caere.com (Dave Abercrombie)
Forwarded-by: mklenk@awesome.coronacorp.com
Forwarded-by: "Alan Klenk" <Alan_Klenk@qmgate.arc.nasa.gov>
Seems that there was this koala bear strolling through the wrong
part of town, when he approached a lady of the evening. She
was willing, koala bears being slightly cuter than anything else
in the world, and they spent the night together engaged in a
variety of lustful pursuits.
When he kissed her goodbye and headed for the door the next
morning, she called after him, "Hey! What about my money?" The
koala turned, gave her a puzzled look and shrugged his
shoulders. She pulled a dictionary from her purse, pointed to
the word prostitute, and in particular to the phrase "for sexual
hire".
Finally understanding, the koala borrowed her dictionary, turned to
the word "koala", and showed her: "A furry, tree-dwelling Australian
marsupial. Eats bush, and leaves."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 12:35:01 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: JOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com
In the News: Jay Leno, on the University of California regents doing
away with affirmative action: "Gov. Wilson says it's time we based
college on the right criteria -- such as how well you can shoot a
basketball and how much your dad gives to the alumni association."
Comedy writer Paul Ryan, on the Argentine religious sect that preaches
sex for salvation: "It's good to see Jimmy Swaggart back in the
pulpit."
Leno, on Charlie Sheen paying more than $50,000 to Heidi Fleiss for
hookers: "He said he had learned a lesson: don't pay by check."
Adds Leno: "If he had put it on his Discover card, he would be getting
girls back now."
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 26 Jul 1995 08:48:51 CDT
From: Michael Cook <mlc@iberia.cca.rockwell.com>
Subject: Mastering Zen
To: SPAF
How much Zen would a Zen master master if a Zen master could
master Zen? A Zen master would master what a Zen master could
master if a Zen master could master Zen.
[Uh, they probably don't have this much free time .... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 14:35:02 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: My Grammar is a Dame?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: "Daniel V. Klein" <dvk@lonewolf.com>
Forwarded by zimmerma@tartan.com (Rob Zimmermann)
The New Yorker issue of 10 Jul 1995 has a cute squib on page 33, quoting
the output from the grammar checker in Microsoft Word for Windows in
response to the sentence, "I graduated from the University of Notre Dame."
Sexist expression. Avoid using Dame except as a British title.
The New Yorker's traditional retort was quite worthy:
They don't call them P.C.s for nothing.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 13:35:01 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Forwarded-by: "D. Joseph Creighton" <djc@cc.UManitoba.CA>
Use the word "cybernetics," Norbert, because nobody knows what it means.
This will always put you at an advantage in arguments.
-- Claude Shannon (the Father of Information Theory) in a
letter to Norbert Weiner of M.I.T., in the 40's. (Wiener's
book _Cybernetics_ was published in 1961.)
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 28 Jul 1995 18:05:01 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: mwm@contessa.phone.net (Mike Meyer)
There are only two industries that refer to their customers as "users".
-- Edward Tufte
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 31 Jul 1995 19:05:01 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: joeha@microsoft.com
I feel great tonight. I feel like Capt. Scott O'Grady with a bug
zapper and a bottle of A-1 Sauce.
-- David Letterman
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 1 Aug 1995 08:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: joeha@microsoft.com
Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no
known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
-- Dave Barry
Make no mistake: the weeds will win. Nature bats last.
-- Robert Pyle
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Jul 95 7:39:26 PDT
From: Tracy LaQuey Parker <tparker@cisco.com>
Subject: Quel Letter!
To: spaf
Tres amusing...
--Tracy
From: Des Young <des@irvin
Subject: Australian letter to French President
Here's the open letter published in an Australian newspaper:
An open letter to M. Jacques Chirac:
Mon cher Jack
Je suis a bit fromaged off avec votre decision to blow up La
Pacifique avec le Frog bombes nuclears. Je reckon vous must
have un spot in La Belle France itself pour les explosions.
Le Massive Central? Le Quay d'Orsay? Le Champs Elysees?
Votre own back yard, peut etre?
Frappez le crows avec stones, Sport! La guerre cold est fini!
Votres forces militaire need la bombe atomique about as
beacoup as poisson need les bicyclettes.
Un autre point, cobber. Votre histoire militaire isn't tres flash,
consisting, n'est-ce pas, of battailles the likes of Crecy,
Agincourt, Poitiers, Trafalgar, Borodino, Waterloo, Sedan, et
Dien Bien Phu. Un bombe won't change le tradition. Je/mon pere/
mon grand pere/le cousing third avec ma grandmere/la plume de ma tante
fought avec votre soldats against Le Boche in WWI (le Big One).
Have vous forgotten?
Reconsider, mon ami, otherwise in le hotels et estaminets de
l'Australie le curse anciens d'Angleterre - "Damnation to the French" -
will be heard un autre temps.
Votre chums don't want that.
Millo.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 24 Jul 1995 10:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Quote of the day
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: thorntn@cc.umanitoba.ca (Duncan Thornton)
Forwarded-by: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Today's quote is from _The New Yorker_. The article profiles the famous
black gospel group the Southernaires, who are lucky enough to have their
own tour bus:
Sometimes the bus becomes a source of problems... One night, in the
middle of Ohio, a tire blew out and they ran out of gas at the same
moment. A farmer heard the commotion and came out of his house, then went
into his barn, found a tire that fitted the wheel, filled a can of gas,
jacked up the bus, replaced the tire, filled the gas tank, pulled them
back onto the road with his tractor, and then showed them his Ku Klux Klan
membership card and asked them to be on their way.
[After much thought, the Quote for the Day discussion group topic
committee has decided on: "Are people basically evil creatures who
struggle to do good, or is it the other way around?"]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 19 Jul 95 4:30:01 EDT
From: eong20@vax7.curtin.EDU.AU
Subject: Radiation?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
To who it may concern
I hope you like this. I got this joke off an old show from England called
"Not the Nine O'Clock News". It was originally a skit, but telling it as
a joke has worked well between friends and fellow students.
A truck driver who has been delivering radio-active waste for the local
reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job.
He then seeks to be compensated for this ailment.
Appearing at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by
an assesor. The assesor asks several questions in relation to the claim.
Assesor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim
compensation.
Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick.
Assesor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you
from radiation poisoning?
Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job.
Assesor: And what about the cabin in which you drive?
Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined.
Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept?
Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead.
Assesor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in
a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead
container.
Trucker: Yeah, thats right all lead
Assesor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation
poisoning.
Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 21 Jul 1995 22:07:29 -0700
From: matthew p moore <mpmoore@halcyon.com>
Subject: some interesting legal questions
To: spaf
Article in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 7/21/94, page C10:
NOTE: Enumclaw is a small town in rural south-western King County.
Enumclaw is often satirized by (self-describedly) more sophisticated
people as having provided the extras for the movie "Deliverance".
PROSECUTORS PERPLEXED BY ALLEGED BESTIALITY CASE
King County prosecutors expect to decide next week if charges will be
filed in an Enumclaw case involving pygmy goats and sex.
The difficult questions the prosecutors face:
Should a 29-year-old man who allegedly had sex with the goats be charged
with a crime - perhaps burglary - for breaking into the goat barn?
And should the angry 48-year-old goat owner, who blasted the intruder
with a shotgun, be charged with assault?
"It's definitely one of the most bizarre cases we've seen in a long
time," said Dan Donohoe, a spokesman for the prosecutor's office.
County police had been called to the Enumclaw-area home at 3 a.m. June
28 by the homeowner, who said he was awakened by commotion in the goat
barn and found the suspect there.
The goat owner told police the suspect had molested the goats several
times before, Donohoe said.
Neither man was arrested. The suspect was taken to a hospital, for
removal of shotgun pellets imbedded in his knees.
A veterinarian hwo examined the goats found that several "had a trauma
to the genital areas," Donohoe said.
The homeowner had obtained an anti-harassment order from Aukeen District
Court Feb. 28. He complained that he and his daughter had found the
suspect in the goat pen on two previous occasions.
The court document ordered the suspect not to come within one-quarter
of a mile of the homeowner's property.
The suspect, who has worked as a dishwasher in the Enumclaw area, has
two previous burglary convictions.
In 1985 he was sentenced to 60 days in jail for stealing two rifles
from an Enumclaw residence. Two years later, he got a 90-day sentence
for stealing computer equipment from an Enumclaw business.
END OF QUOTED ARTICLE
First, please notice that the suspect was not charged with bestiality.
Appearently having sex with goats is not a crime anymore (thank you, ACLU).
Nonetheless, I think that having sex with *someone else's* goats still
should not be legal, unless you get permission beforehand.
Second, I don't think the suspect is guilty of burglary because
he doesn't seem to have intended to steal the goats - just to borrow
them for a while.
Finally, Washington State now has a "3-strikes" law. This means that if
the suspect is convicted of burglary, then that plus his two previous
felony convictions results in a mandatory sentence of life without parole.
Probably the suspect should be charged with cruelty to animals (unless
he can show that the goats consented). Anyway, the legal issues raised
here are fascinating, and we are all looking forward to following this
case as it unfolds.
------------------------------
Date: 20 Jul 1995 00:57:32 GMT
From: marsha <marsha@theden.farout>
Subject: sex on the web
Newsgroups: alt.censorship,alt.security,alt.security.pgp,alt.conspiracy,alt.drugs,alt.politics.sex
peter and i think it is quite alright to have sex withing the family.
carol always told us, incest is best. in terms of netsex, all the
better, i mean now we can have sex with people in other countries and
like from the desk. say hi to bobby if you see him. tell him i miss
him. thank you all,
love,
marsha
[And their pygmy goats walk funny... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Jul 95 14:46:03 EDT
From: "Mark J. Reed" <mark.reed@sware.com>
Subject: So *that's* what causes those . . .
To: spaf
From a brochure for an unnamed company's integrated software
development/testing product:
"No other tool makes it so easy to automatically identify and
correct run-time errors: the primary source of application crashes."
I always wondered what caused those . . .
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 28 Jul 1995 11:05:01 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Sports O' The Day
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com
William Floyd of the San Francisco 49ers was nicknamed "Bar None" by
teammate Ken Norton Jr. after Floyd's agent said, before he had ever
played a down, he was "the best fullback in the NFL 'bar none.'" By the
end of last season, Floyd was calling Steve Young "Bar Young," Jerry
Rice "Bar Rice," and for offensive tackle Harris Barton, who's Jewish,
Floyd came up with "Bar Mitzvah." (SF Chronicle)
A recent comment by Ted Turner about his baseball team, the Atlanta
Braves, made it obvious someone else counts his money. Speaking about
how his team got its big lead in the National League East he said,
"We've had some help from the Phillies. Haven't they lost nine of their
last eight?" (SF Chronicle)
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 19 Jul 95 3:20:11 EDT
From: DementDJ@ccip.perkin-elmer.com (DementDJ)
Subject: Technology would be nice ...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Heard this morning on WEBE-108, Bridgeport Connecticut:
"Politicians are discussing the mandate of a V-chip in all new
televisions. This chip would allow parents to block all violent
programming. Hence the 'V' for violent."
"What they should consider is a chip to block all political
campaigning commercials. They could all it the B-chip. "
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 28 Jul 1995 10:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: There's a Jerry Jeff Walker tune I'd like to rig it to play...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
...namely "Pissing in the Wind".
At:
http://www.parentsplace.com/shopping/potty/index.html
we find:
HOP ON!(TM)
Musical Potty
Make Toilet Training Fast, Easy and Fun with this Unique Musical Potty
What is the HOP ON!TM Musical Potty?
HOP ON!(TM) Musical Potty sings your toddler's praises when
toilet training meets with success. Gold-plated sensors
register moisture in the potty, triggering the 16 cheerful
tunes. Simple. Honest. Fun. And what's fun comes easy!
...
Plays 16 cheerful melodies kids love -- instantly rewarding your
child's success. Tunes include Yankee Doodle, Little Brown Jug,
Chim-Chim-Cheree, Mary Had a Little Lamb, and 12 more.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 15:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@bsdi.com (Keith Bostic)
Subject: The term 'and' includes 'or', and 'or' includes 'and'.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: rob@plan9.att.com
Excerpted from a subpoena issued by Packard Bell to Apple:
The past tense includes the present tense, and the present
tense includes the past tense ....
The term 'person' means natural persons ....
The singular form of a noun or pronoun shall be considered
to include within its meaning the plural form of the noun
or pronoun and vice versa ....
The term 'and' includes 'or', and 'or' includes 'and'.
-- From Computerworld, July 24, 1995
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Subpoena, n.:
From the root "sub", below, and the Latin "poena" for male
organ or penis. Therefore, "below the penis" or "by the balls."
[And lawyers wonder why we make up jokes about them? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 26 Jul 1995 11:02:46 -0700
From: tanner_rich <rtanner@everest.tandem.com>
Subject: To all PC users DOS Tip-Of-The-Day #205....
To: tannerr@peak.org, gdr@hooked.net, jackr@loc3.tandem.com
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
| DOS tip #205: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS |
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
(Caezar)
The above came from an anon account posting.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 24 Jul 1995 20:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Top ten ways the internet could get worse (fwd)
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: whorfin@pixar.com (Rick Sayre)
Forwarded-by: Kane Hunter <kane@ghost.uunet.ca>
Forwarded-by: keith (Keith Aitken)
TOP TEN WAYS THE INTERNET COULD GET WORSE:
------------------------------------------
10. Rigorous user screening process abolished by America On-Line.
9. "MAKE MONEY FAST" posts protected by 1st amendment, declare internet
lawyers Canter & Siegel.
8. Home shopping "network".
7. Netrek corporate sponsorships. Out: Orion, Pollux, Klingus.
In: Planet Bud, Toyota Prime, Intelworld.
6. Sun internet servers replaced with pentiums.
5. Dan Quayle appointed head of "bandwidth expansion tiger team".
4. Free netcom account with purchase of big mac.
3. Gameboy web browsers.
2. Tipper Gore cancelbot unleashed onto the net.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THE INTERNET CAN GET WORSE:
1. Two words: "Microsoft Network".
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 26 Jul 95 14:44:00 -0600
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA
To: spaf
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIGHTBULB JOKES
How many UC San Diego students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to mix the margaritas and one to call the electrician.
How many UC Santa Cruz students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
How many UC Davis students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Davis doesn't have electricity.
How many UC San Francisco students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many UC Santa Barbara students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.
How many UC Berkeley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six: One to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the
lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a
counter-protest.
How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Irvine looks better in the dark (ditto Riverside).
How many UCLA students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One: She just holds the bulb and lets the world revolve around her.
How many UC Regents does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Lightbulbs were cut from the budget.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 17 Jul 95 16:06:12 -0700
Subject: What'S Right with America (36 of 61 things)
To: Fun_People@bellcore.bellcore.com
Forwarded-by: elshaw@MIT.EDU (Libby Shaw)
From: lyle@world.std.com (Lyle Hodgson)
in case you missed this week's Sunday N.Y. Times, the sunday magazine's
endpaper, titled "What's Right With America (61 Things)", was funny enough,
imho, to forward, excerpted without permission from its authors, Sam
Johnson and Chris Marcil:
"
2. the best movie violence and the best deplorations of movie violence.
3. refreshing body spray.
4. world leader in alien abductions.
5. disposable panorama cameras.
6. the sophisticated irrigation systems of our corporate parks.
8. satellite dishes along quiet country roads.
10. metric, schmetric.
11. color-coded memorial lapel ribbons.
12. basketball on rollerblades.
13. most parking in the developed world.
14. soothing white-noise generators.
15. teal as a respectable professional-sports-team color.
17. seasoned curly fries.
19. colorless beers.
20. "gold" colorless malt beverages.
21. motivation as a commercial product.
24. snake-handling religions and couples-therapy weekends.
27. the free toy in every Happy Meal.
28. outstanding home-cleaning products.
29. creek-spanning bridges named after local officials.
32. brave vegetarian attempts to simulate hot dogs and hamburgers.
33. persistent efforts to make soccer popular.
34. "quilted" toilet paper.
37. color-coded post-it pads.
38. college-football bowl games named after instruments of financial security.
39. "I Wanna Sex You Up" -- the song, the t-shirt, the statement.
41. cartoon-shaped vitamins.
44. hiking boots as urban style element.
45. mixed-race tv-police partnerships.
48. marxist graduate students in sleepy college towns.
49. comic books that promote safe sex.
52. fresh breath as a priority.
54. yard-specific Wiffle-ball rules.
57. bars with year-round christmas lights.
60. frozen-margarita extruders.
61. the Monte Carlo, the Lincoln Continental, the Seville.
"
lyle, who only left out the ones she personally didn't find funny enough
(hey, what exactly is so humorous about easy-access weather info
and the ballroom-dancing craze??) [especially compared to real
rib-ticklers like color-coded post-it pads or comic books that
promote safe sex... -psl]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 28 Jul 1995 06:38:57 -0400 (EDT)
From: "C. T. (Tom) Wilkes" <ctw0@gte.com>
Subject: Yet another .signature for Yucks
To: Gene Spafford <spaf>
Seen on a mailing list:
Sig files are God's way of telling you you have too much time.
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------