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Yucks Digest V5 #21 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Tue, 18 Jul 95 Volume 5 : Issue 21
Today's Topics:
... and older ornamented structures as tatooed bikers on acid.
... the parade was a bit off this year, didn't you think?
... will also consider equivilent SCSI in trade.
[YUCKS] Molly Ivins quote
abuse of technology
A Little Too Much to Drink
At Last, Britain's Screaming Lord Sutch Wins a Poll
Babies born: To Date 63; Goal 75
Braveheart:corporate infighting in all of its gory, beautiful detail.
Bucharest Police Arrest Striptease King
Chinese Consumers Hit By Exploding Beer Bottles
Computer support no-no's (or, The Motive Was Obvious).
Foreign phrases
Friday funnies (fwd)
How to backup your machine -- FedEx style
I Hate When That Happens...
It doesn't disappear!
I thought lumpy was the whole idea.
JOTD (2 msgs)
News of the Weird [385] - 23Jun95
Oh Plaeze...
On the other hand, Leslie seems to understand irony pretty well.
parrot heads
Releasing your inner senior citizen
Satire and Cleverness
Some people have too little free time on their hands
Stop Procrastinating Now!
Sunbather Bakes to Death in Britain, Police Say
Three Filipinos Find Frog A Fatal Appetiser
various & sundry spammings
What's long, hard, cylindrical and full of seamen?
Wow, that's a lot of data...
Yucks Digest V5 #19 (mixed nuts)
Yucks Digest V5 #20 (shorts)
Yucks submission (2 msgs)
Yucks submission...
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues can be obtained via Gopher as
gopher://gopher.cs.purdue.edu/11/Purdue_cs/Users/spaf/yucks/gopher
and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the
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Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 15:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: ... and older ornamented structures as tatooed bikers on acid.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: "Chuck Yerkes" <yerkes_chuck@jpmorgan.com>
Re: a QOTD from a few days ago about the evils of tattoing and such...
>From a well read Californian, a further perspective on the quotation:
BTW, the Adolf Loos quote is from "Ornament and Crime", a very famous
and influential art criticism tract that had a big impact on modern
architecture. It is not nearly as nutty as it appears out of its proper
context. The thesis is that ornamental styles of the past reflect a kind
of pagan human desire to ornament the body, a kind of atavistic
"criminality". The idea is taken way over the top, quite on purpose.
The context should be recalled -- turn-of-the-century modernism was very
"progressive", in the sense of a new and rapid and presumed-to-be very
positive jump in human evolution. The clean appearance of modern
architecture, more precisely, the "International Style", is exactly what
"Ornament and Crime" sought to achieve. In contemporary terms, it sees
clean buildings as clean, drug-free, trim bodies, and older ornamented
structures as tatooed bikers on acid. <g>
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 11 Jul 1995 19:05:04 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: ... the parade was a bit off this year, didn't you think?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Donn Seeley <donn@BSDI.COM>
[The original thread was a discussion about whether it was weird to
encounter someone passed out in a puddle of their vomit in a hotel
lobby during a science fiction convention... -- Donn]
From: wolf_359 <wolf_359@delphi.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written
Subject: Re: Harlan Ellison's Xenogenesis
Date: Fri, 30 Jun 95 23:49:16 -0500
X-To: Charles Platt <cp@panix.com>
cp@panix.com queried:
> I mean here I am in Greenwich Village, where we just had the
> annual Gay Pride festival, featuring a whole weekend of
> promiscuous debauchery, with people dressed in drag, couples
> screwing in doorways, public nudity, transsexuals, bikers, weird
> people of all descriptions ... and I don't think I stepped over
> a single drunk unconscious person lying in his or her vomit.
> What does it all mean?
They have the grace to lie in other people's vomit?
(BTW, the parade was a bit off this year, didn't you
think?)
[Some people have all the fun. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 18:05:01 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: ... will also consider equivilent SCSI in trade.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Golan Klinger <falco@io.org>
Newsgroups: tor.forsale,ont.forsale,comp.sys.sun.wanted,misc.forsale.computers.workstation
From: jim@reptiles.org (Jim Mercer)
Subject: FS: really, really, big hard drives
i have a selection of really big hard drives i would like to sell.
i'll take the best offer on the following:
4 - Fujitsu 2351 mini-disk drives, 65kg/143lbs, 60dBA
4 - NEC D2353 mini-disk drives, 37kg/81lbs
3 - Fujitsu 2333 mini-disk drives, 32kg/70lbs
2 - Fujitsu 2371 mini-disk drives, 23kg/50lbs
i will include a really big disk controller card, and some mondo cables
with each sale. i also have complete docs for the 2351 and 2353 drives
including schematics and all switch settings.
only offers above $1/kg ($0.45/lb) will be considered.
will also consider equivilent SCSI in trade.
really big enclosures also available for approximately $0.50/kg ($0.22/lb).
FOB exactly where they are now, a block and tackle would be a good idea.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 12 Jul 1995 13:32:25 -0400
From: Kevin Lahey <kml@mathcs.emory.edu>
Subject: [YUCKS] Molly Ivins quote
To: spaf (Gene "Chief Yuckster" Spafford)
That draft-dodging, dope-smoking, deadbeat dad who divorced his dying
wife, Newt...
-- [St.] Molly Ivins
[Who had a dying wife Newt? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 17:53:42 -0600
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Subject: abuse of technology
To: spaf
I edit a journal that requires submission of 4 copies of manuscripts.
Today, I found faxed to me six pages as follows:
1) A cover sheet
2) A cover letter apologizing for omitting a figure and enclosing
4 copies of the figure
3) A copy of the figure
4) A second copy of the figure
5) A third copy of the figure
6) A fourth copy of the figure
Maybe I'm a bit dense here, but why send me 4 copies of the figure?
I mean, isn't fax paper more expensive than copier paper?
Is there THAT MUCH LABOR in making 3 more copies?
How much more did they spend in long distance telephone time?
I'm reminded of the story (probably an urban legend) of a guy who
faxed his resume to a potential employer. A few hours later, he
received a fax (of his resume) from that company. When he called to
inquire, the secretary explained the company had received his resume,
made a copy for their records, and returned the original.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jul 95 19:30:03 EDT
From: mtburke@ix.netcom.com (Mike Burke)
Subject: A Little Too Much to Drink
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
I don't know where I heard this, but it was at least 20 years ago:
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays
until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When
he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his
shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he
falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have
been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back
pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks
terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he
checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut
up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could
under the circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he
was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when
his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered
last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning
and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 95 23:28 CDT
From: heiby@mcs.com (Ron Heiby)
Subject: At Last, Britain's Screaming Lord Sutch Wins a Poll
To: spaf
LONDON, July 10 (Reuter) - British eccentric Screaming Lord Sutch, whose
Monster Raving Loony Party regularly finishes last in elections, finally won
one on Monday -- a battle to keep his party leadership.
Sutch, who had been aping Prime Minister John Major's fight to keep
control of the ruling Conservative Party, claimed he had won "a virtually 99
percent vote."
"This is a great day for loonyism ... I'm proud to say I am still the UK's
longest-serving leader," he told reporters after fighting off low-profile
rival John Rowe.
Sutch denied it was a publicity stunt: "This was a serious bid because he
was upset with my proposals for passports for pets so they can go on holiday
with their owners if they've had rabies innoculations."
As an anti-rabies measure, Britain insists on quarantining all animals
arriving from abroad at airports and ports.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 11 Jul 1995 13:05:01 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Babies born: To Date 63; Goal 75
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: jim@Tadpole.COM (Jim Thompson)
From: np@tadpole.co.uk (Noel Poore)
Subject: Win 95 stats
Brad had several slides to this effect during the recent Reviewer's
Workshop. Here are the interesting stats:
We had a massive Stress Testing effort underway for quite some time.
By RTM we will have created:
13 billion windows
36 billion dialogs
250 million processes
601 million print jobs
200 million Microsoft Excel charts
What we are doing now: Testing!
- 50,000 site beta program
- 70,000 MSDN Level II subscribers
- 10,000 tracked Windows 3.x upgrades
- 400,000 preview kits (>1,000,000 user since each disc grants
a license for 5 users)
- Install fairs, 10K upgrade program, home install tests
- Over 293 person-years of internal testing
Key Milestones:
Item To Date Goal
--------------------------------------------------
Coffee (cups) 2,283,600 1,096,850
Trips to Starbucks 102,360 98,340
Donuts 13,800 14,900
Popcorn (lbs) 4,850 5,100
Meals provided 503 552
Babies born 63 75
[Uh, just what kind of testing are they doing? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 11 Jul 1995 18:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Braveheart:corporate infighting in all of its gory, beautiful detail.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: anneli@sybase.com (Anneli Meyer)
From: cuccia@motherhouse.Talamasca.COM Wed Jul 5 10:07:17 1995
This week's SysAdmin at the Movies:
"Braveheart", starring and directed by Mel Gibson
Braveheart is a touching and heartwarming story about a renegade IS
manager at a large multinational organization. Bill, a user suffering
from the trauma of having his parent and peer processes terminated (with
extreme prejudice), is taken under the wing of Argyll, who teaches him
the fine points of system administration.
Once his apprenticeship has completed, he returns home, and after some
preliminary tests of his skills, is generally welcomed by both his
customers and fellow systems administrators. Soon, however, one of his
best customers was mercilessly sacked, forcing Bill to challenge the
corporate hierarchy. Bill finds that he's wildly successful, ultimately
winning the admiration of his division's users and his fellow
administrators, and the grudging respect of the senior management of his
division, even succeeding at gaining the support of IS groups in other
divisions.
When senior management fails to address the grievances he and his
colleagues have raised, he and his colleagues take their issues directly
to corporate, with some success. However, his activities distract the
CEO from his merger and acquisition efforts and cause him to worry about
the post-retirement chain-of-command. The CEO, troubled by the chaotic
state of affairs, ultimately has Bill escorted to his office, finally
terminating him. Unfortunately for the CEO, his actions come too late;
Bill has sown the seeds of reform amongst his supporters at corporate,
and his divisional senior management finally realize that their fortunes
are best sought by splintering off of corporate and striking out on their
own.
Mel Gibson is brilliant as Bill, and the images he directs show the
corporate infighting in all of its gory, beautiful detail.
Nick-Bob Gives Braveheart four root-prompts.
Next week on SysAdmin at the Movies:
Luc Besson's La Femme Nikita, starring Anne Parillaud.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 9 Jul 95 16:47 CDT
From: heiby@mcs.com (Ron Heiby)
Subject: Bucharest Police Arrest Striptease King
To: spaf
[I don't think the first half of this is all that amusing, but it provides
background for the second half. RWH.]
BUCHAREST, June 27 (Reuter) - Constantin Constantin, a Bucharest
nightclub owner who tried to make striptease a national art form, has
been arrested on charges of pimping and robbery, police said on Tuesday.
A police statement said 37-year-old Constantin, proprietor of the Sexy
Club (motto: "The only one in Bucharest"), was accused of forcing his
dancers to have sex with clients for between $400 and $1,000 a time -- a
small fortune in Romania.
The robbery charge alleged he took the money from the women.
A police spokesman said women who refused to have sex with clients were
locked up and beaten in a "a specially designed room at the club basement".
Any who escaped were brought back by the burly bodyguards who are a trademark
of the club.
The Sexy Club is a tawdry landmark in Bucharest, with full-frontal
illuminated pictures of exotic dancers a stone's throw from executed dictator
Nicolae Ceausescu's even more gaudy People's Palace -- one of the world's
largest buildings.
Constantin liked to portray the club as the centre of a post-communist
art form and last year organised a national striptease contest -- won by
one of the club's own dancers.
Only last month the club's self-promotion reached new heights with
dancers billed as making a bid for a new world record in outdoor mountain
striptease on skis.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 95 23:28 CDT
From: heiby@mcs.com (Ron Heiby)
Subject: Chinese Consumers Hit By Exploding Beer Bottles
To: spaf
Beijing, July 11 (Reuter) - Increasing numbers of Chinese
consumers are being blinded and injured by shards from
exploding beer bottles, with 6,000 such cases reported in
1994, the People's Daily newspaper said on tuesday.
Most of the explosions were caused by bottles that were
badly made, had been reused too often or were roughly handled
during distribution, the newspaper said.
One middle-aged man identified only as Liu was blinded in
one eye and lost part of his sight in the other when a beer
bottle blew up in his face last year, it said.
About 70 percent of beer bottles in circulation have been
used at least once before, with some 10 years old and others
recycled from soya sauce or vinegar bottles, it said.
Official quality inspections in 1994 passed only 37
percent of new beer bottles and no recycled ones, it said.
It quoted unnamed experts as calling for government action
to improve beer industry standards and protect consumers.
[Well, at least they don't have Zima to worry about... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 10 Jul 1995 09:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Computer support no-no's (or, The Motive Was Obvious).
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: matthew green <Matthew.Green@fulcrum.com.au>
Forwarded-by: Rik Harris <Rik.Harris@fulcrum.com.au>
Forwarded-by: Zik Saleeba <zik@zikzak.net>
The Providence Journal-Bulletin Tuesday, July 4:
Newport - A civilian employee of the Naval Education and
Training Center shot another civilian worker in the neck
yesterday morning after she asked him to fix her computer,
authorities said.
...
The motive for the shooting was unclear.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 19:19:31 -0700
From: "Dave Brennan (Exchange)" <dbrennan@microsoft.com>
Subject: Foreign phrases
To: "'spaf@cs.purdue.edu'" <spaf>
A New York magazine competition asked competitors to change ONE letter in a
familiar non-English phrase and redefine it. These are the entries:
HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS? - Can you drive a French motorcycle?
EX POST FUCTO - Lost in the mail
IDIOS AMIGOS - We're wild and crazy guys!
VENI, VIPI, VICI - I came; I'm a very important person; I conquered
J'Y SUIS, J'Y PESTES - I can stay for the weekend
COGITO EGGO SUM - I think; therefore, I am a waffle
RIGOR MORRIS - The cat is dead
RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID - Honk if you're Scots
QUE SERA SERF - Life is feudal
LE ROI EST MORT. JIVE LE ROI - The King is dead. No kidding.
POSH MORTEM - Death styles of the rich and famous
PRO BOZO PUBLICO - Support your local clown
MONAGE A TROIS - I am three years old
PARDONNEZ-MOT - That wasn't funny. Sorry.
FELIX NAVIDAD - Our cat has a boat
HASTE CUISINE - Fast French food
VENI, VIDI, VICE - I came, I saw, I partied.
QUIP PRO QUO - A fast retort
ALOHA OY - Love; greetings; farewell; from such a pain you should never
know
MAZEL TON - Lots of luck
APRES MOE LE DELUGE - Larry and Curly get wet
PORTE-KOCHERE - Sacramental wine
ICH LIEBE RICH - I'm really crazy about having dough
FUI GENERIS - What's mine is mine
VISA LA FRANCE - Don't leave chateau without it
CA VA SANS DIRT - And that's not gossip
MERCI RIEN - Thanks for nothin'.
AMICUS PURIAE - Platonic friend
L'ETAT, C'EST MOO - I'm bossy around here
L'ETAT, C'EST MOE - All the world's a stooge
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 08:31:17 -0400 (EDT)
From: mtn@aisinc.com (Michael T. Nieters)
Subject: Friday funnies (fwd)
To: bdingman@lfs.loral.com (Brad Dingman), spaf (Gene Spafford), lindley@sequent.com (Greg Lindley)
Q: - How many Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: - Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 12 Jul 1995 19:22:20 -0500
From: K S Braunsdorf <ksbrauns@fedex.com>
Subject: How to backup your machine -- FedEx style
To: bob
We had a (highly paid) contractor come in and spend a whole month
writing a report on the _BEST_ way to backup our remote hosts.
Here is a shell command from his final report (I'm serious):
find / -mtime "n" | ./gzip -rv9 | xargs tar cv
If you do not find this amusing you need to read some manual pages.
[So did he-- now he needs a job.]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 12 Jul 95 19:08:46 -0700
From: Peter Langston <pud!psl@bellcore.bellcore.com>
Subject: I Hate When That Happens...
To: Fun_People@bellcore.bellcore.com
Forwarded-by: Saul Feldman <sdf@well.com>
From: michelle.campbell@stonebow.otago.ac.nz (Miche)
Newsgroups: alt.wedding
Subject: Re: Blue Pubic Dilemma
jmh@anser.pdial.interpath.net (Jeanne Hinds) writes:
> <Gina@khphilli.pdial.interpath.net> wrote:
>>Help! my pubic hairs are blue! I was washing my dog, and I like do it
>>nude in the bath tub. I used Hi-white shampoo on him and it
>>turned my red pubes blue! My wedding nite is the 1st of july. Nothing
>>seems to get it out. My gynecologist said not to use hair coloring
>>because it could inflame my labia majora and labia minora. I also tried
>>food coloring but it wasn't permanent. Any suggestions on how
>>not to spoil my night?
>
>
> I hope this person posts back with the results. I just hate it when we
> give good advice to people and we never hear how it went. :-P
Well at least now all she needs to worry about is something old,
something new and something borrowed! ;-)
[I am curious about how things went, but I am more intrigued at her
method of washing the dog. i wonder about flea dip... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 10 Jul 1995 14:05:01 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: It doesn't disappear!
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Daniel Carosone <dan@anarres.mame.mu.oz.au>
Samba is a free unix-based SMB server for windows-for-workgroups/
LANManager style networks, developed by the author of the forwarded
message.
Date: Wed, 5 Jul 1995 11:32:07 +1000
From: "Andrew.Tridgell" <tridge@arvidsjaur.anu.edu.au>
To: samba@anugpo.anu.edu.au
Subject: cute win95 bug
I thought people would appreciate this cute little bug in win95.
I create a file called "\\server\c\*.*" on a Samba drive. Note I
mean the filename literally, including all the \ and * chars directly
in the filename. Say I put this file in /tmp on the unix box.
The administrator then comes along with win95 and sees the weird
filenames. He thinks "I better delete these". He starts win95
"Explorer", or "My Computer" or "File manager" or whatever. He clicks
on the file and says to delete it. It doesn't disappear! Then he
notices he's deleted everything on the C drive of \\server and has a
heart attack.
Cute bug :-)
Andrew
PS: You can do the same thing with filenames like "c:\*.*"
PPS: yes, I have reported this to Microsoft.
[It's a feature, not a bug. Simply make certain all the Win95 code is also
on the c: drive. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 08:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: I thought lumpy was the whole idea.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: dfitzpat@interserv.com
Frederick's of Hollywood is about to introduce the Capitivator II, a new
improved version of of the original Captivator seamless push-up bra, the
company's most popular bra with cheerleaders (and) theme park employees.
And what's it in for them? Boosting cleavage "without that seamed and
lumpy look under T-shirts and knit tops," says a news release from
Frederick's of Hollywood.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 Jul 1995 18:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: JOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com
"To call the Simpson trial a circus is to
insult trapeze artists and bearded ladies
everywhere."
"This trial has gone on so long, Robert
Shapiro and Johnnie Cochran have each
shed three skins."
"The pace of this trial is beginning to
make me yearn for a PBS pledge break."
-- Dennis Miller
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 20:05:04 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: JOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com
Comic Argus Hamilton, on the GOP getting $12 million in tax dollars for
its 1996 convention: "The Republicans have a very important message to
deliver. They want government off their backs."
Paul Ryan on Bosnia: "I don't understand it. We have Serb jets in the
'no fly zone,' firing on 'safe havens' during 'cease-fires.' Why don't
we just make the whole place a war zone where no one gets hurt?"
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 8 Jul 1995 12:13:38 -0600
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Subject: News of the Weird [385] - 23Jun95
To: notw-request@nine.org
> Subject: News of the Weird [385] - 23Jun95
> To: notw@nine.org (News of the Weird)
> Date: Sat, 8 Jul 1995 08:18:21 -0400 (EDT)
> From: notw-request@nine.org (NotW List Admin)
>
> WEIRDNUZ.385 (News of the Weird, June 23, 1995)
> by Chuck Shepherd
>
> * Among cities in which "mile high club" entrepreneurs were
> reported operating recently were Hayward, Calif., Santa Monica,
> Calif., Meriden, Conn., and Cincinnati. For fees ranging from
> $199 to $279, a pilot will fly a couple around for an hour so that
> they can have sexual intercourse while airborne. [San Francisco
> Chronicle, 2-13-95; Cincinnati Enquirer, 11-14-94; Chicago
> Tribune, 5-5-94]
Gee, they could move to denver, or many other places, and join the
club without ever leaving the ground. Other clubs available here are
Gondola Clubs and chairlift clubs.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 13:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Oh Plaeze...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Wendell Craig Forwarded-by: <wbaker@splat.baker.com>
From: EDUPAGE 7/6/95
ST. AUGUSTINE ON COMPUTING
A scientist at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratories thinks St. Augustine of
Hippo might have been onto something when he described God in terms of
the Holy Trinity (circa 400 A.D.), and believes the concept might be
translated to computing, in terms of multiple processing and shared work.
The notion of a computer being both one thing and several things at the
same time might lead the way to radically different computer designs in
the future. "There may be some real substance there that one could milk
out," says the scientist. (Business Week 7/10/95 p.8)
[Sounds like someone ought to bring this guy in out of the heat. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 10 Jul 1995 19:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: On the other hand, Leslie seems to understand irony pretty well.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Forwarded-by: John Breakwell <johnbrea@microsoft.com>
Irony is not something that we Americans do well.
-- Leslie Moonves, president of Warner Brothers Television, on
excising the sex, drugs and expletives from the British show
"Absolutely Fabulous" for the US market.
[Fortunately, this program airs on Canadian television uncut
and hilarious. -- Ed.]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 17:24:29 -0500 (CDT)
From: meo@pencom.com (Miles O'Neal)
Subject: parrot heads
To: spaf (Yucks List)
Canadian World Parrot Trust
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
A conservation organization devoted exclusively to the survival
of parrot species in the wild, as well as the welfare of every
individual parrot.
http://wchat.on.ca/parrot/cwparrot.htm
Parrots on welfare. Canada must be out to
out-bankrupt the USA.
Maybe if we told Jimmy Buffet, he'd take care
of them. Dedicate a book or song or margarita
to them or something.
I'd pledge a lot if he'd promise to never sing
again, and even more if he'd withdraw radio
rights to his songs.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 10:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Releasing your inner senior citizen
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Forwarded-by: dweinste@carl.org (Dave Weinstein)
Seen in the backpage classifieds of the 1/23/91 Denver WestWord:
Releasing your inner senior citizen:
To heck with that inner child, let's work on discovering and releasing
that cantankerous senior that lives in us all. Get seats on the bus!
Hit people in the shins with your cane! Pretend you can't hear people
when they are talking to you. Group forming soon.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 21:04:22 -0700
From: shade@crl.com (Roy Murphy)
Subject: Satire and Cleverness
To: spaf
Dear Mr. spaf,
I enjoy your electronic "rag" and have often wished to contribute....no
third-hand, warmed-over yuks....but Pristine, newly minted wierdness
that melts in your mouth not in yer knickers! Viola!!
I've come up with a catchy phrase to label the infamous Exon Bill as well
as any others which seek to stem the free flow of, "Erotic images" on the
Net. Henceforth, Exon and its ilk should be referred to as, "Three Strokes
and Your Out" bills. The Cognosetti will apprehend the connection
rightaway. The Congress may need a picture pamphlet.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 11:16:49 -0600 (MDT)
From: Carlos I McEvilly <cim@c3serve.c3.lanl.gov>
Subject: Some people have too little free time on their hands
To: Gene Spafford <spaf>
This looks like it would fit right in to YUCKS:
On Thu, 13 Jul 1995, Gene Spafford wrote:
> This is a recording.
> ... [spaf is very busy] ...
> As he scrambles to catch up, e-mail and some other tasks may fall victim
> to some delay.
>
> For instance, starting this summer, the following were due or overdue:
> 19 conference/journal papers in need of rewriting/editing
> 9 of which are accepted pending those revisions
> [7 finished as of July 8]
> 3 book chapters being written/edited
> 1 book undergoing rewrite
> 1 book undergoing final edit
> [finished as of June 28]
> 1 book being compiled and written
> [postponed until August]
> 1 book section (25 chapters) being edited
> 9 reviews of papers submitted to journals
> [8 finished as of July 8]
> 3 reviews of proposals submitted to funding agencies
> [all 3 finished as of June 27]
> 2 tutorials to be prepared
> [both completed as of July 10]
> 2 graduate theses to be reviewed/edited
> [1 completed as of June 27]
...
Maybe we should recruit some of those people coding up Web-linked
coffee pots to help this guy out.
[I need more than coffee to keep up. Thanks heavens most of
Yucks is automated, or you wouldn't be seeing much of it. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 09:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Stop Procrastinating Now!
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Forwarded-by: funny@clari.net.
Forwarded-by: fullmer@owlnet.rice.edu (Robert Fullmer)
This is taken from a review article in the Times Literary Supplement
printed on January 22, 1982, by George Steiner, on the life and work of
Hungarian radical Georg Lukacs:
When I first called on him, in the winter on 1957-8, in a house still
pockmarked with shellbursts and grenade splinters, I stood speechless
before the armada of his printed works, as it crowded the bookshelves.
Lukacs seized on my puerile wonder and blazed out of his chair in a motion
at once vulnerable and amused: `You want to know how one gets work done?
It's easy. House arrest, Steiner, house arrest!'
[Maybe that's what I need to get caught up on my writing... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 9 Jul 95 16:47 CDT
From: heiby@mcs.com (Ron Heiby)
Subject: Sunbather Bakes to Death in Britain, Police Say
To: spaf
LONDON, June 29 (Reuter) - A man baked himself to death while sunbathing
on a remote British beach during a heatwave, police said on Thursday.
The man, in his 40s and wearing shoes and shorts, was found in "severe
distress" on a remote nudist beach near Hastings, in southern England, on
Wednesday.
"A post mortem examination will be carried out today to establish the
exact cause of the death," a police spokesman in Hastings said. "The
indication is that he died of severe sunburn and there are not thought
to be any suspicious circumstances."
Temperatures have soared above 80 degrees F (27 Celsius) this week
across Britain, which is above the average and far warmer than recent cool,
cloudy weather.
The man, who has not been named, was dead on arrival at hospital.
[I think this raises several questions, not least of these is, "What was
the fellow doing with shorts on at a nudist beach?". RWH]
[Over 80F and they bake to death? This is what happens from not having
central heat! --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 95 23:29 CDT
From: heiby@mcs.com (Ron Heiby)
Subject: Three Filipinos Find Frog A Fatal Appetiser
To: spaf
Manila, July 11 (Reuter) - Three Filipinos on a drinking
bout died of poisoning after eating a frog they saw jumping out
of a canal, thinking it was a delicacy, police said on tuesday.
Two others were in serious condition in a Manila hospital
after sharing the same amphibian which they did not know
belonged to a species of poisonous bullfrog.
Filipinos love appetisers when drinking and eat just about
anything to go with their beers, usually those with supposedly
aphrodisiac powers - such as dogs, frogs, beetles, snakes,
lizards and crickets, usually fried. Some prefer rotten eggs
made into pies.
Police said the frog had jumped out of a murky canal on
Sunday night when the five drinking companions saw it, chased it
and fried it.
They quickly began convulsing and three died on reaching the
hospital.
[This wasn't one of those Budweiser frogs, was it? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 11 Jul 1995 11:09:12 -0500 (CDT)
From: meo@pencom.com (Miles O'Neal)
Subject: various & sundry spammings
To: spaf (Yucks List)
|[Anyhow, if any of you Yuckster's know about invisible anti-gravity
|devices, please contact Ibrahim. Also, please clue him in about lower
|case letters. --spaf]
It's probably just Carasso.
|A TYPICAL DAILY PBS SCHEDULE IF THE PUBLIC BROADCASTING LEADERS CATER
|TO REPUBLICAN PRESSURE
OK, so yeah, it'd probably be really, really lame.
But at least it would be *different* lameness. At
least it wouldn't be ``the exciting sex life of an
AIDS virus'' or ``Spam - alternative to cotton for
clothing?''...
|noring@netcom.com (Jon Noring) writes:
|>If newsgroups had the same rights as U.S.
|>citizens, a.r.s would be innocent until proven guilty in a court of law!
|
|However, alt.drugs would be banned outright, rec.guns would be moderated
But I wouldn't have discussions of Political Correctness in
talk.bizarre, trisexual welfare mothers' rights to free knitting
lessons in rec.music.christian, and ``Spam - alternative to cotton
for clothing?'' in comp.infosystems.www.providers .
Dogbert for President.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 17:05:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: What's long, hard, cylindrical and full of seamen?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Forwarded-by: funny@clari.net.
From: beshers@division.cs.columbia.edu (Clifford Beshers)
The TV listings in a local paper recently printed this description
of the film "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea":
The mad Captain Nemo shows people his submarine.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 08:57:26 -0600 (MDT)
From: Carlos I McEvilly <cim@c3serve.c3.lanl.gov>
Subject: Wow, that's a lot of data...
To: spaf
Lycos: News
...
1,015,129 documents fetched totaling 8,099,449,230 gigabytes
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wow, so that would be, let's see, 8,099,449,230,000,000,000 bytes!
Pretty impressive. Typo? Naaaah, it's been updated five times
in the last month, so someone would have caught it by now if it
had been a typo. Maybe that's why they're applying for a patent --
I would too if my search engine could process that much data! :-)
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 11 Jul 1995 10:34:09 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Nathan J. Mehl" <nmehl@bbnplanet.com>
Subject: Yucks Digest V5 #19 (mixed nuts)
To: spaf
In the immortal words of Gene "Chief Yuckster" Spafford:
>
> ["Well Mr. President, it's the bees and spiders again." How many of
> you know where *that* cam from? Now I'm really overdue for my
> medication. --spaf]
"I Think We're All Bozos on This Bus" by the immortal Firesign Theater.
"Hey man, you broke the President!"
[Nathan was the first to respond with the correct answer. Sadly, of
nearly 1000 Yucks subscribers, only about 4 others recognized the
line. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 17:23:03 -0600
From: mulligan@future.incog.com
Subject: Yucks Digest V5 #20 (shorts)
To: yucks
> Forwarded-by: mwm@contessa.phone.net (Mike Meyer)
>
> This week on Days of Our Lives:
>
> After fighting off another demonic temptation, a tired John and
> Kristen fell asleep next to each other on the sofa. The devil,
> meanwhile, sent Tony an image of John and Kristen making love. The
> devil later told Kristen about Tony switching her birth control pills
> with placebos. Bobby Lee told Billie the inscription on "Gina's"
> bracelet read, "To Hope, with all my love, Bo." Jack was sure of a
> link between Peter and Daniel. Despite Mike's eforts, Marlena died
> and was zipped up in a body bag. Gina overlooked the puzzle box Jack
> accidently dropped on the pier.
Actually it wasn't the actual puzzle box, but a picture of it.
[You mean you actually *watch* this stuff? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 12 Jul 95 12:40:58 EDT
From: kclark@koan (Kevin D. Clark)
Subject: yucks submission
To: spaf
From: paulp@nic.cerf.net (Paul Phillips)
Newsgroups: comp.unix.programmer,alt.rock-n-roll,alt.religion.kibology
Subject: Cranberries and Unix
Date: 9 Jul 1995 19:22:12 GMT
Did you know that the Cranberries are also Unix programmers? It's true!
Let's look at a couple of their more popular songs, and I'll tell you
the stories of how they came about.
Linger: o/~ Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let
it linger... o/~
The Hogans were working on client/server system and didn't understand
network programming very well. They were arguing over whether to use
SO_LINGER as a socket option when O'Riordan walked in and was inspired
by their conversation.
Zombie: o/~ In your head... in your head... zombie, zombie... o/~
The Hogans were beta testing the server on SunOS 4.1.3 and it kept
generating zombies. They puzzled over the problem for hours but were
unable to track it down, so they mailed it to O'Riordan to try on
her machine. As it happened, she was running Solaris, and because
of a subtle OS difference the zombies were not generated. She called
the Hogans to tell them, but the Hogans insisted that zombies were
being generated, and nobody thought to ask the other about the OS.
Finally O'Riordan snapped "It's all in your head!" and was inspired
by her own words.
There you have it -- the behind the scenes truth about the Cranberries.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 12 Jul 95 18:45 BST-1
From: nikb@cix.compulink.co.uk (Nick Barron)
Subject: Yucks submission
To: spaf
While preparing for my holiday to Corfu, I bought one of those X-ray
screened bags for transporting photographic film.
For some reason, it has "Not suitable for food!" in big letters on the
instructions. I have to wonder what sort of food needs that sort of
protection...
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 11 Jul 1995 18:28:45 -0500
From: mcrosbie (Mark Joseph Crosbie)
Subject: Yucks submission...
To: spaf
A yucks submission. Good thing the poor chap hadn't had a chicken
vindaloo curry after 16 pints of bitter. The cloud of gas might
have poisoned a whole city...
RYDE, England (Reuter) - A Briton was electrocuted and died
after using a toilet where vandals had electrified a stainless
steel cubicle by wiring it to the overhead light, police said
Monday.
Glen Pelmear, 33, collapsed after touching a ``live''
partition wall Saturday. Emergency services could not approach
him until the mains supply to the public toilets at Ryde, on the
Isle of Wight, was switched off.
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------