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Yucks Digest V5 #16 (shorts)




Yucks Digest                Tue, 27 Jun 95       Volume 5 : Issue  16 

Today's Topics:
"I believe the alien culture should start flying on a regular basis."
           "In America, they haven't spoken it for years."
        "Unless you take an E, you won't understand the vibe."
                       An oldie, but a goodie.
                               Bad SMF
  because ... it keeps his staff alert without making them nervous.
                But having got that out of the way...
                          Can Detroit Drive?
                                cutie
                        Don't make a scene, Og
        Don't run from a marketing manager or turn your back.
                Fear and Loathing in the Machine Room
                      Forwarded Without Comment.
                       Guess that showed them.
                http://wwwnt.thegroup.net/flowers.htm
                 Internet Coke machine status reports
                            JOTD (3 msgs)
 Just when you thought you know how [they] use the OPAC terminals...
                       Less Music by Dead Guys
                  Magic Touch Angers Soccer Players
                       McDonald's goes native.
                 Move over Barbie -- for Feral Cheryl
                          Netscape for free
                       Now, repeat after me...
           Politics is just show business for ugly people.
                            QOTD (4 msgs)
              QOTD (The paper title's pretty good, too.)
              So, what's the real story behind hotjava?
               The better question is, where to start?
            Well, it's better than the laying on of hands.
        when in the joint, watch out for the guys in pink....
                Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
                           WWW grammer page
          Yes, there's something for EVERYONE on the Net...
                     Yucks Digest V5 #13 (shorts)
                     Yucks Digest V5 #14 (shorts)
                     Yucks Digest V5 #15 (shorts)

The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.

Back issues can be obtained via Gopher as
gopher://gopher.cs.purdue.edu/11/Purdue_cs/Users/spaf/yucks/gopher
and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server.  Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the
single word "help" for instructions.

Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 18 May 1995 11:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: "I believe the alien culture should start flying on a regular basis."
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: Donn Seeley <donn@BSDI.COM>

From: jec4@Ra.MsState.Edu (Joseph E. Ckarke)
Newsgroups: alt.alien.visitors
Subject: Alienating our nutrients. Not conspiracy, just stupidity.
Date: 16 May 1995 15:09:01 -0500
Organization: Mississippi State University

I've experienced hyperspace travel several times with the aid of
psychedelic nutrients. Along these journeys, learning and intergrating
has taken place with success. Just as carotene helps our eye function, I
believe lsd can help expand concioussness. I believe the ban on these
psychedelics is a horrible example of how primitive law makers hinder the
exploration for other intelligent energies in our world. I think many of
these alien energies we seem to be experiencing can be explained with
further research and experimentation on lsd, psilocybin, and DMT. I
believe the alien culture should start flying on a regular basis.

[Some people have entirely.....  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 25 May 1995 11:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: "In America, they haven't spoken it for years."
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: mwm@contessa.phone.net (Mike Meyer)

Posted to comp.sys.psion by Richard Todd Perry (perryrt@clark.net):

hee hee
Thanks, I'm glad you explained that. That's almost as funny as the time
I was sitting in a pub in London, on a trip to the UK.  A nice looking
gal sat down next to me.  We talked for a few minutes, and she made a
polite pass at me. I turned her down, and she accepted gracefully.  She
then said the following words:

"Would you like a fag?"


By the time she explained that...  I was calling for the check.  8^)

Good for a good laugh, though.

[For those of you not familiar with Brit slang, a "fag" is probably
a cigarette.  Thus, the lady, rejected and quietly despondent, decides 
to get even by offering Mr. Perry an incremental dose of carcinogens.
The British are subtle, but nasty when provoked.  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 30 May 1995 17:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: "Unless you take an E, you won't understand the vibe."
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Forwarded-by: meta@harlequin.co.uk (mathew)

'Unless you take an E,' explains the boy crouched on the floor in front
of me, 'you won't understand the vibe.'

I have another theory: being off your face on a drug that induces
artificial happiness is the only way such an appalling experience can be
made tolerable.  But my thesis is flawed.  Outside, in the main hall, the
rave thuds and grinds.  Timothy Leary spoke of the inalienable correlation
between environment and state of mind: the inherent dangers of taking LSD
at Reading Station surrounded by soldiers.  But compared to tonight, that
scenario seems as delightful as sitting in a cotton wool field hugging a
giant kitten.  I can't understand why *everyone* here isn't having a bad
trip.  I am having a bad trip and I haven't taken anything.

	-- Jon Ronson, The Guardian, March 11th 1995, on not enjoying raves

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 24 May 1995 09:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: An oldie, but a goodie.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: Steve Simmons <scs@lokkur.dexter.mi.us>

> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
> Source: usenet: utastro!nather, May 21, 1983.
>
> A recent article devoted to the *macho* side of programming made the
> bald and unvarnished statement:
>
>                Real Programmers write in Fortran.
>
> Maybe they do now, in this decadent era of Lite beer, hand calculators
> and "user-friendly" software . . .

This has always been one of my favorite pieces of netalia, but as
posted isn't quite in original form.  The original, by Ed Nather
(nather@astro.as.utexas.edu), was in the form:

>                Real Programmers write in Fortran.
>
>     Maybe they do now,
>     in this decadent era of
>     Lite beer, hand calculators and "user-friendly" software
>     but back in the Good Old Days,
>     when the term "software" sounded funny
>     and Real Computers were made out of drums and vacuum tubes,
>     Real Programmers wrote in machine code.

As such, it can be `sung' to the tune of `Alice's Restaurant'.  
Unfortunately most audiences are signularly unreceptive, but one
of these day's it'll be committed to tape with full orchestration,
five part haromony, etc, etc.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 24 May 95 01:10
From: -MaiSer-.PSA1@pc.gcs.litton.com (MHS Mail Server)
Subject: Bad SMF
To: spaf (Yucks Daemon)

MHS reports a delivery problem for your message:

Error # -7140: Unknown error

Original recipient: YDaemon . SMTP @ SMTP (Yucks Daemon) {spaf@cs.purdue.edu}


---- Original text of message follows:

A message was found with an invalid date specified in its
"Date" field:

	"P-d:%--0 1"""


Please inform the developer of the application that sent
the message that this condition was detected.


[I think the folks at Litton have been soaking up a few too
many microwaves.... --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 30 May 1995 11:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: because ... it keeps his staff alert without making them nervous.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: joeha@microsoft.com

Los Angeles, California:

What's the drink of choice for growing numbers of the Harley-Davidson set?
Would you guess an herbal soda?

Skeleteens, a line of natural soft drinks that come in such downbeat
flavors as Brain Wash, Black Lemonade and DOA, is developing a loyal
following among bikers in southern California.

James "Grizzly" Watkins, a 28-year-old biker from Newport Beach says he
likes the drink as an alternative to beer because of its rebellious image
and high caffeine content.  "The coolest of the cool people drink this,"
he says.

Skeleteens sell for about $2 a bottle in coffee shops, small grocery
stores and a few clothing boutiques.  The drinks come in black, yellow
and purple; drinkers of the Brain Wash flavor will find that their teeth
and lips turn blue.  What has made the drink popular among bikers and some
teenagers, though, are the images of skulls and crossbones on the labels.

But the drink crosses cultural boundaries also.

David Hobbs, who runs a computer programming company in Long Beach says
he heard about the beverage on the Internet.  He likes it because he says
it keeps his staff alert without making them nervous.  "It's not just
about being awake.  You're on the cutting edge with an attitude," he says.

In fact, the brands' creators say their product has several social
benefits.  "Everyone's trying to impress each other, but when your mouth
is bright blue," Steve Corri says, "everyone seems equal."

[We need to start shipping this over to Bosnia and the Middle East
and....Congress.  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 23 May 1995 14:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: But having got that out of the way...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: joeha@microsoft.com

London, England:

An Anglican bishop says churches should be more understanding when people
commit adultery because humans have a God-given urge to "propagate as
widely as possible."

"God has given us our promiscuous genes, so I think it would be wrong for
the church to condemn people who have followed their instincts," the Most
Reverend Richard Holloway said in a published interview.

A front-page headline in The Guardian read, "Bishop tells audience to sow
seed and scatter."  The Daily Telegraph, also on Page One said, "Adultery
not a sin, says bishop."

Holloway later said his point had been misconstrued.  Adultery is wrong,
he told the British Broadcasting Corporation.

"But having got that out of the way, we have to ask why people go on
committing it," he said.

[If he has to ask why, he wouldn't understand the answer.  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 29 May 1995 11:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Can Detroit Drive?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

From: "Daniel V. Klein" <dvk@lonewolf.com>

When in Detroit earlier this month, I chanced to look in the Yellow Pages,
and gained an interesting insight.

In the Motor City, Auto Dealers (Used, New, New Parts and Rebuilt Parts)
fill 63 pages of the Yellow Pages.

Attorneys, on the other hand, fill 84 pages.

Maybe people from Detroit get in a lot of accidents.  Maybe they sue each
other a lot.  Maybe we just have too damn many lawyers.

[That, and entirely too much free time on their hands.  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: 24 May 95 04:31:41 EDT (Wed)
From: lindsay%dscatl.UUCP@mathcs.emory.edu (Lindsay Cleveland)
Subject: cutie
To: spaf

Last summer my wife and I met a couple at a restaurant.  After an
enjoyable lunch, the women decided to go shopping, and I invited
the man to go sailing.

Later, while we were on the water, a storm blew up.  The tide had
gone out, and we were downwind trying to work our way back through
a narrow channel.  At one point the boat grounded and we had to
climb overboard and shove with all our might to get it back into
deeper water.  As my new friend stood there, ankle deep in muck,
the wind blowing his hair wildly, rain streaming down his face, he
grinned at me, and with unmistakable sincerity said, "Sure beats
shopping!"

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 29 May 1995 17:05:08 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Don't make a scene, Og
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)

>From a recent *What's New With Youknowwhat*:

	Anthropoetics: The Electronic Journal of Generative Anthropology
	Anthropoetics Editorial Board, Los Angeles, CA, US Generative
	anthropology (GA) begins from the "originary hypothesis" that
	human representation originated in a public event or scene that
	was the origin of humanity as a species.  It provides a basis for
	rethinking every aspect of human interaction.
	http://www.humnet.ucla.edu/humnet/anthropoetics/home.html

A sample from the journal:

				GA News & Views

                	         Ask the GAlist

	As a "new way of thinking," GA offers a new perspective on all
	human activities.  Although originary thinking is not a
	"technique," the rearticulation of all human categories with
	respect to the originary scene allows for a striking
	simplification of the models of cultural analysis.  Not the least
	value of GA is in pointing up the fallacy of the various forms of
	intellectual utopianism that would substitute a static order based
	on the expulsion of violence for the dynamic structure of deferral
	that is human culture.

------------------------------

Date: Sat, 20 May 1995 18:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Don't run from a marketing manager or turn your back.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: harry@starbase.sj.unisys.com

A friend's father just sent him a newspaper clipping from the U.S.
Department of Fish and Game that lists their tips for dealing with
mountain lions.  Greg and I noticed that if you substitute the word
"marketing manager" for "mountain lion" that most still are very
actionable.  So don't be surprised if you see us adopting some of
these tactics in future meetings!

What To Do When Confronted By A Marketing Manager:

1. Don't run from a marketing manager or turn your back.  Marketing
   managers usually attack from the back.  Instead, face towards the
   marketing manager.

2. Do not crouch or bend over.  Instead, wave your arms above your head.  
   This helps make you look bigger.

3. Shout or make some other kind of noise.

4. Throw rocks.

5. Try to make eye contact with the marketing manager.

6. If attacked, fight back.

7. Don't hike or jog alone in marketing areas.  Go in pairs.

8.  Avoid hiking or jogging at dawn or dusk when marketing managers
    are looking for food.

9.  Small children are especially vulnerable.  Pick them up to protect
    them.

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 18 May 1995 12:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Fear and Loathing in the Machine Room
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Every now and then when your code gets complicated and the bugs start
closing in, the only real cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then
hack like a bastard from midnight to dawn.  To relax, as it were, in the
womb of the machine.  Just bring up the kernel debugger and leave it
running, bury yourself in old printouts and conjure on with the music at
top volume, and at least a pound of chocolate.
		-- Ramon Caceres, with apologies to Hunter S. Thompson

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 22 May 1995 12:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Forwarded Without Comment.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com

G. Gordon Liddy, criticized for telling his talk show listeners how to
gun down home invading federal agents, Wednesday was named winner of the
1995 Freedom of Speech Award by the National Association of Talk Show
Hosts. -- Hollywood Reporter

[Save this with your article about Object Cobol.  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 30 May 1995 09:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Guess that showed them.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: Kaye-Ailsa Rowan <KAYE-AILSA_ROWAN@Novell.COM>
Forwarded-by: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)

The real reason Milton went blind was to avoid reading unsolicited
manuscripts.
		-- Rita Mae Brown (in a radio interview)

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 18 May 1995 13:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: http://wwwnt.thegroup.net/flowers.htm
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: mlinksva@netcom.com (Mike Linksvayer)

Flackery is creeping into the Internet.  Gennifer Flowers
(Gennifer@ix.netcom.com) posted, "Hi, this is Gennifer Flowers.  If you
want to know the real story of what happened between Bill Clinton and
myself, read 'Passion & Betrayal,' available at bookstores everywhere.
I promise you won't be disappointed!  To sneak a peek at the book, meet
me at: http://wwwnt.thegroup.net/flowers.htm"
     (The row of gibberish represents the address of a hypertext home
page.)
     Ms. Flowers also quotes Jay Leno, prominent book reviewer, saying,
"Finally, something that Clinton can brag about, and he has to deny it!"

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 29 May 1995 10:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Internet Coke machine status reports
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: "Geoffrey S. Knauth" <gsk@marble.com>

[from The World, world.std.com]

INTERNET COKE MACHINE STATUS REPORTS

finger coke@cs.wisc.edu              (Coke machine at U of Wisconsin)
finger drink@csh.rit.edu             (Rochester Institute of Technology)
finger info@drink.csh.rit.edu         - soda machine stock details
finger graph@drink.csh.rit.edu        - graphical display and can temperatures
finger coke@gu.uwa.edu.au            (University of Western Australia)
finger @coke.elab.cs.cmu.edu         (Coke machine at Carnegie-Mellon U)
finger mnm@coke.elab.cs.cmu.edu      (M&M machine at Carnegie-Mellon U)
finger bargraph@coke.elab.cs.cmu.edu (Visual map of CMU coke machine)
finger mingulay@aiai.ed.ac.uk        (Edcastle microwave)

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 22 May 1995 14:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: JOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com

Jay Leno, on the transsexual who ran in the Oil City, PA Democratic
primary for county commissioner:  "You've got to admire her. Think about
how much courage it takes to come forward and publicly admit you're a
Democrat.

Adds comedy writer Paul Ryan: "She went from a man to a woman to a
politician.  Talk about a vicious cycle."

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The NRA has apologized for describing some federal agents as "jack-
booted thugs."  [Like an organization with millions of gun-carrying
members had to apologize.] -- InterPrep(tm)

"The NRA convention will be held this week in Phoenix.  They'll show off
some of the most sophisticated ammo and weaponry around.  It's part of
their 'Stay In School promotion.'" (Ray)

The NRA convention is being held this weekend in Phoenix. There'll be
demonstrations on how to hunt their favorite target. The spotted federal
agent." (Ray)

Mills, on a new law allowing Texans to carry concealed weapons: "Great!
Before we had to listen to their ridiculous exaggerations. Now we have
to pretend that we believe them."

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 22 May 1995 18:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: JOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com

In New York City this week, the Fashion Cafe opened. It's a new restaurant
owned by models Claudia Schiffer, Naomi Campbell and Elle Macpherson.
The entire menu is specially prepared to taste as good on the way up as
it does on the way down.

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 23 May 1995 10:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: JOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com

Le Cirque d'O.J.

"Judge Lance Ito banished two reporters from the courtroom for
whispering.  One was from USA Today, and she claims that she was only
asking for a colored pen to help her draw a pie chart." (Cutler Rock
Comedy Network)

In the News: Comic Argus Hamilton, on the Ethics Committee's
investigation of Sen. Bob Packwood: "He has a great lawyer who may be
able to get all the charges reduced to impersonating a Kennedy."

Jay Leno, on presidential candidate Sen. Phil Gramm's $7,500 investment
in a soft-core movie: "He said he didn't know the money went to an X-
rated movie.  He said he never saw the script.  A script?  Phil, it's a
porno film.  They don't have scripts."

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 29 May 1995 18:05:08 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Just when you thought you know how [they] use the OPAC terminals...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: A contributor (elided)
Forwarded-by: "DAVID MORRISON" <EDU-UTAH-LIB-ALEXANDRIA/DMORRISO>

Just when you thought you know how your patrons use the OPAC terminals...

Yesterday morning and this afternoon we have been confounded here at the
Art Library by a patron who is CONDUCTING at the OPAC terminals. It was
noted that he has earphones, but we were confused about why he needed to
be in front of the OPAC terminal. The screen was blank.

Today when he came in he asked our librarian to move from the terminal he
had been at yesterday. She asked why, and he said he needed the outlet to
plug in his earphones. But this still didn't explain why he needed to be
in front of the OPAC terminal.

It turns out that he uses his own reflection in the blank screen to assist
him in his conducting exercises.

We have successfully encouraged him to move to our microforms room, where
he can sit in front of the screen of the microforms reader and not be
disturbed, and (more importantly) where he is less likely to disturb our
other patrons and prevent them from gaining access to one of our three
OPACs that have a printer attached.

It sure was odd, though, seeing this fellow sitting silently, waving his
arms boistrously in front of a blank screen.

Fine Arts.

[Not just fine arts.  Some of our faculty do the same thing, although
we haven't completely figured out why.  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 23 May 1995 09:05:08 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Less Music by Dead Guys
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com

Steve Harvey's "Only in L.A." column analyzed controversial billboard
ads in Los Angeles.  KFI-AM, news-talk radio is currently displaying
billboards around Southern California that just say "GUILTY"  while
others just say "INNOCENT."  Here are some other billboards that got
people's dander up over the last few years:

"Less Music by Dead Guys" (KQLZ-FM, 'Pirate Radio') Condemned by the
Duke Ellington Society of Southern California as well as older (and some
living) music fans.

"Screw The Rules" (Also KQLZ): Banned by the city of Irwindale as being
in bad taste.

"More Hair-Raising Rides Than The RTD": (horse track -- Hollywood Park)
Denounced by an angry county transit official.  Some non-Republicans,
meanwhile were upset with another track ad: "A Race Even a Democrat
Could Win."

"The Best Breasts in L.A. Without Plastic Surgery" (Popeyes Chicken):
Taken down after protests by breast cancer survivors. -- L.A. Times

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 25 May 95 23:54 CDT
From: heiby@mcs.com (Ron Heiby)
Subject: Magic Touch Angers Soccer Players
To: spaf

    Johannesburg - The start of a South African first division
soccer match was delayed after the visiting team accused their
hosts of using magical powers against them.
    The match between hosts Moroka Swallows and Qwaqwa Stars
in Soweto kicked off 10 minutes late after the visiting
players refused to start the game.
    The Stars claimed a Swallows official had splashed
"magical water" on them before the start of the game and had
threatened them with a knobkerrie, a traditional African
fighting stick. Stars' players demanded that the referee delay
the start of the game to allow their "shirts to dry".

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 23 May 1995 12:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: McDonald's goes native.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: joeha@microsoft.com

Fort William, Scotland:

A "cairteal punnid" and "slisneagan" -- a quarter-pounder and fries --
are coming to the Highlands, where a new McDonald's restaurant will adopt
Scots Gaelic.

The restaurant is expected to open next year in Fort William, 500 miles
northwest of London.  It would be the company's first outlet to adopt
Scotland's ancient tongue.

McDonald's hasn't worked out all the translations, but North Scottish News
Services has some suggestions:  "Mac Mor" (Big Mac), "burger caise"
(cheeseburger), "spealtag eisg" (filet of fish), "pai ubhal teth" (hot
apple pie) and "mac ceapaire isean" (McChicken sandwich).

Then there's Coca-Cola (Coca-Cola).

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 18 May 1995 16:05:08 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Move over Barbie -- for Feral Cheryl
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: "Chuck Yerkes" <yerkes_chuck@jpmorgan.com>

Move over Barbie -- for Feral Cheryl

Reuters

SYDNEY, Australia -- Move over Barbie, here comes the Feral Cheryl doll
-- complete with tattoos, unshaven legs, pierced nipples, feathers,
pubic hair and dreadlocks.

Feral Cheryl's maker, Lee Duncan, says the teenage doll was designed
for alternative Australian lifestylers who did not relate to the clean,
puritan Barbie image.

``It started as a bit of a joke,'' Duncan told Reuters on Thursday from
Lismore, a rural town in northern New South Wales state.

``I was playing with my niece, who is into Barbies, and said this is
irrelevant. Nobody looks like Barbie. So, I made a feral doll,'' she
added.

Encouraged by family and friends, Duncan made more Feral Cheryls and
took them to the local Lismore market where they have attracted much
attention.

``When they notice she has pierced nipples and pubic hair they do get a
bit of a shock,'' Duncan said. ``But Barbie doesn't have any pubic
hair, which is a bit weird.''

Feral Cheryls sell for A$10 (US$7.30) each.

Duncan said curiosity about Feral Cheryl was high but this had not yet
translated into hard sales. Only her sister, in Sydney, has taken Feral
Cheryl home.

[Actually, recalling a date once when I was a grad student, *I* may
have taken Feral Cheryl home...  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 25 May 1995 20:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Netscape for free
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: Jason Thorpe <thorpej@nas.nasa.gov>
Forwarded-by: Chris LaFournaise <cjl@sequent.com>

Forrester Journal

Free Lunch Courtesy MCI
April 1995

Forrester uncovered an interesting tidbit buried in the recent internetMCI 
announcement.  Visitors to the carrier's new Web site (www.internetmci.com) 
can click on the Software and Utilities hypertext link and WHAM-O! -- 
Netscape's browser comes across the wire for free.  Well, free to you, but 
not free to MCI.  Under MCI's agreement with Netscape, the carrier's Web 
servers will keep count of every downloaded browser and Netscape gets to 
ring the cash register for every copy.  Way to go, Jim Clark -- this makes 
you dealmaker of the year in our book.

[Note that anyone can ftp or download Netscape for free directly from the
Netscape home site.  Now if only I could work a deal with MCI like
this for Yucks.  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 22 May 1995 20:05:08 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Now, repeat after me...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: "Daniel V. Klein" <dvk@lonewolf.com>

Just in case you needed it, the University of Pennsylvania Museum has a
"Catalogue of Cuneiform Tablets in Birmingham City Museum, Vol.1,
Neo-Sumerian Texts from Drehem", where they've transcribed the cuneiform
into phonetic neo-Sumerian.  The first tablet, found at

	ftp://enlil.museum.upenn.edu/pub/Ur3/bct_1.txt

(there are 139 altogether of varying lengths in this file), reads as
follows.  Now, repeat after me ;-)

1) 1 sila4
2) ensi2 gu2-du8-a{ki}
3) 1 {munus}asz2-gar3 ensi2 urumX(=UR2xU2){ki}
-
4) 1 sila4 ensi2 mar2-da{ki}
   (blank line)
5) mu-TUM2
6) iti ezem mah
7) mu en {d}nanna masz2-e i3-pa3
le) u4 21-kam

Too bad no one has any idea what this all means.  The machine is
advertised as "an incipient site for Assyriological materials".

[Looks like a recipe for something my sister once cooked.  Luckily, we
all got medical attention in a timely fashion.... --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 23 May 1995 11:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Politics is just show business for ugly people.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: dfitzpat@interserv.com

Jay Leno provides Bill Clinton with knee slappers, he boasts in the
latest TV Guide.  "As many jokes as I do about Bill Clinton and Hillary,
I also write a lot of jokes for them, speeches and things."  Leno, a
patriotic American who lists among his former joke customers Bob Dole
and Ronald Reagan, provides his services free of charge. "I think when I
met the president once," he said of setting up a deal, "I said, 'You
know, if you ever need jokes or anything, give me a call.' So I get a
call from the White House, and I say 'Sure, it's an honor."  Leno says
he feels familiar with politics.  "Politics is just show business for
ugly people.  The hors d'oeuvres are worse, but its basically the same
thing. "I went to a party at the White House, and it was like going to a
party at Aaron Spelling's house -- except the people aren't as
attractive, and you get that fake turkey role." -- S.F. Chronicle

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 29 May 1995 20:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: cate3@netcom.com

I never thought the mails were that slow until I got a postcard
from Cairo, and there were only two pyramids in the picture.

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 30 May 1995 16:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: Eric Olson <ejo@maxwell.gi.alaska.EDU>
Forwarded-by: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)

If you've got to swallow a frog, don't spend a lot of time looking at
it; and if you have to swallow several frogs, don't swallow the small
one first.
		-- J.G. Strack

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 31 May 1995 14:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@cs.berkeley.edu (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: joeha@microsoft.com

"Don't think of him as a Republican, think of him as the man I love; and
if that doesn't work, think of him as the man who can crush you."

	-- John F. Kennedy Jr., on how cousin Maria Shriver introduced
	   uncle Teddy Kennedy to hubby Arnold Schwarzenegger.

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 1 Jun 1995 10:05:09 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: "Chuck Yerkes" <yerkes_chuck@jpmorgan.com>
From Alastair Thomson <alastair@farli.otago.ac.nz>:

	Microsoft - We put the "backwards" into backwards compatibility.

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 30 May 1995 08:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD (The paper title's pretty good, too.)
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Forwarded-by: sean@starlight.smos.com (Sean Gugler)

Tip 33. If it works, use it. On the other hand, don't use it just because
it works. This is a Zen riddle.  Only yin-yang programmers can understand
the contradiction it entails.

 - Paul DiLascia, Microsoft Systems Journal, Volume 8 No. 11, November
   1993, "Fun with MFC: 33 Tips to Help You Get the Most Out of C++ Class
   Libraries for Windows."

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 24 May 1995 17:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: So, what's the real story behind hotjava?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: Erich von Hollander <hh@geo1.geo.net>

In http://java.sun.com/1.0alpha2/doc/vmspec/vmspec_38.html:

The following pseudo-structure gives a top-level description of the format
of a class file:

ClassFile {
        u4      magic;
        u4      version;
        u2      constant_pool_count;
        cp_info constant_pool[constant_pool_count - 1];
        u2      access_flags;
        u2      this_class;
        u2      super_class;
        u2      interfaces_count;
        u2      interfaces[interfaces_count];
        u2      fields_count;
        field_info      fields[fields_count];
        u2      methods_count;
        method_info     methods[methods_count];
        u2      attributes_count;
        attribute_info  attributes[attribute_count];
}
magic

This field must have the value 0xCAFEBABE.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 24 May 1995 18:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: The better question is, where to start?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: David Boyce <dave@abyss.demon.co.uk>

    In September 1994 Ted married Uzma, his childhood sweetheart. After
    getting married Ted went completely off the idea of sexual intercourse
    with Uzma and he slept in a separate bed.  In March 1995 Uzma gave
    birth to Veronica and gave up her job to look after the child.
    Shortly after the birth Ted went to live with Wanda, who was born male
    but had a successful sex change operation.  Ted now wishes to marry
    Wanda and Uzma wants financial support for herself and Veronica.

    Advise Ted and Uzma.

[Question 7 of the Institute of Legal Executives Part 1 Examination,
Law Paper 2, 18th May 1995]

[Our advice: get a life.  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 19 May 1995 16:05:12 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Well, it's better than the laying on of hands.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: "Linda Branagan" <linda@z-code.com>
Forwarded-by: Martin Adamson <MARTIN@SRV0.EMS.ED.AC.UK>

Found on alt.misc.forteana, this is an excerpt from a longer article
on Russian psychics and faith healers.

    Anatoly Kashpirovsky, a mystic who capitalized on his fame
    from televised seances to win election to Parliament in
    1993, came up with a new healing twist recently. In a
    published interview, he claimed he could cure hemorrhoids
    if the patient simply pressed the afflicted part to the TV
    screen during his seances.

------------------------------

Date: Fri, 19 May 1995 09:33:46 -0500 (CDT)
From: REX BLACK <REX_BLACK@ACM.ORG>
Subject: when in the joint, watch out for the guys in pink....
To: SPAF

>From the 5/19 edition of _USA Today_, transcribed w/o permission:

PRISON FASHION:  Alabama, which two weeks ago brought back prison chain 
gangs, will begin putting hot-pink uniforms on inmates who habitually
masturbate in front of female guards.  The garish garb is to elicit
heckling from inmates and shame offenders into behaving.  Nothing has
deterred the men, says prison spokesman Charlie Bedford.  "We've even
taken...a picture of them and told them we were going to send it to
their mothers.  They don't care."

-30-

All together now:  "Some people have entirely to much time on their
hands."

[It isn't time that is on their hands, Rex.  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 23 May 1995 15:05:07 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
Forwarded-by: msb@philabs.philips.com (Matt Brennesholtz)

I heard this from my wife who heard it from someone else:

   Q.  Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
   A.  The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 29 May 1995 12:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: WWW grammer page
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: lidl@va.pubnix.com (Kurt J. Lidl)

From: thorntn@cc.umanitoba.ca (Duncan Thornton)
Newsgroups: comp.infosystems.www.announce
Subject: [English] GRAMMAR: Lay/Lie Distinction Page

Don't know when to use lay, lie, laid, lain, lying, etc?  You and Bob
Dylan.  This is the page for you.

Do know but don't know how to correct others tactfully?  Just point them
to the Lay/Lie Distinction Page:
<URL:http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~thorntn/laylie.html>

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 22 May 1995 09:05:21 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Yes, there's something for EVERYONE on the Net...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: Dabe "Dabe" Murphy <dabe@cs.UMD.EDU>
From: Michael Rand <mrand@pipeline.com>
Subject: NEW: Trek-cochavim - Star Trek from a Jewish perspective

Trek-chocavim on listserv@shamash.nysernet.org

   Trek-cochavim is an umoderated discussion list for those who want to
   discuss the Star Trek world from a Jewish or Israeli perspective.
   This includes Jewish and Israeli history, culture, and theology,
   politics and culture, literature and film, philosophy, and social
   thought.

   Some ideas for discussion include ideas, tips and suggestions on
   roles Jews would have, and different ways plots could have developed
   if Jews had been present in the series.

   To subscribe to trek-cochavim, send a mail message to
   listserv@shamash.nysernet.org

   In the message, do not fill the subject line, and include the
   following line as the message text:

      SUB trek-cochavim your name

   If you have any further questions, please contact the list owner.

   Owner:  Michael Rand  rand@dorsai.dorsai.org

[Keith's subject line says it all... except, how do you do a bris for
a Klingon, and live?  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Sun, 28 May 1995 00:09:42 -0700
From: Phil Karn <karn@unix.ka9q.ampr.org>
Subject: Yucks Digest V5 #13 (shorts)
To: yucks

The British proposal to celebrate the millenium by launching coins
into space reminds me of a cartoon that's been on a colleague's door
for some time.

The scene is the top of a launch pad gantry. A worker shovels large
bags of money into the open hatch of the spacecraft (looks like an old
Apollo command module). He explains to a visitor that they've recently
discovered that it was cheaper to simply launch money directly into
space.

My colleague had scratched out "NASA" on the spacecraft and replaced
it with "Iridium" -- the primary competition for our Globalstar system.

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 18 May 1995 09:52:07 -0500 (CDT)
From: REX BLACK <REX_BLACK@ACM.ORG>
Subject: Yucks Digest V5 #14 (shorts)
To: Yucks-request

Regarding the "southern satan", I'm afraid that David Reedy was probably
beaten to the punch by the punk-rock group The Dead Milkmen, who titled
a mid-80's album _Beelzebubba_.  The cover shows a rather large white man
who might appear to be a "redneck" dressed in overalls and boots sitting
on a lawn tractor that says "Bushhog" on it.  The tunes inside include
classics such as "Punk Rock Girl" and "When 
Ringo Buys a Rifle."  To give you a little more insight into the group,
the producer of the album is listed as Brian "Bongwizard" Beattie.  

Needless to say, it's one of my favorites, but then again I've got a 
warped sense of humor.

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 26 Jun 1995 09:11:44 -0500
From: Bill Woodward <wpwood@austin.ibm.com>
Subject: Yucks Digest V5 #15 (shorts)
To: spaf

> 
> Date: Tue, 16 May 95 10:27:19 EDT
> From: kclark@koan (Kevin D. Clark)
> Subject: adb (yucks submission)
> To: spaf
> 
> echo '$a' | adb
> 
> [An oldie but goodie that many people may not have seen before... --spaf]
> 

Well, I tried this on AIX, and got the following output:

> echo '$a' | adb
1281-024: can't open a.out
1281-088: bad modifier

I dunno.  I thought this would be a little more amusing.  I tried to add up 
all the letters, and I still couldn't prove that Lou Gerstner was Satan, so I 
just don't know what it really means.

[Well, it means something else in AIX isn't like any other version of Unix.
On a more standard system, you get "No algol 68 here"  --spaf]

------------------------------

End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------