[Prev][Next][Index]

Yucks Digest V4 #23 (3 long ones)




Yucks Digest                Wed, 31 Aug 94       Volume 4 : Issue  23 

Today's Topics:
             ALTERNATIVES '94 (UFO's, Crop-Circles, etc.)
      FROM THE NEWS: [soc.men,soc.motss] MAKE.PENIS.FAST ( :-) )
                              Urine Love

The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.

Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server.  Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.

Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 13 Aug 1994 23:22:05 -0500
From: johe@hacktic.nl (johe)
Subject: ALTERNATIVES '94 (UFO's, Crop-Circles, etc.)
Newsgroups: news.announce.conferences

  __  _        ___        __ ___          __ ___             _    __
 /   / \ |\  |  |   /\   /    |    |\  | /    |  \        / / \  |  \ | /
|   |   || \ |  |  /__\ |     |    | \ | >--  |   \  /\  / |   | |__/ |<
 \__ \_/ |  \|  | /    \ \__  |    |  \| \__  |    \/  \/   \_/  |  \ | \

     _ _       ___  __  __              ___ _ _  _
      |  |\  |  |  /   |  \ |\  |   /\   |   |  / \  |\  |   /\   |
      |  | \ |  |  >-- |__/ | \ |  /__\  |   | |   | | \ |  /__\  |
     _|_ |  \|  |  \__ |  \ |  \| /    \ |  _|_ \_/  |  \| /    \ |___



                                 PRESENTS


              EUROPE'S SECOND AND LARGEST CONFERENCE EVER ON


                               __             __
                       |\  |  /    \ /  |  | |
                       | \ |  >--   X   |  | ---
                       |  \|  \__  / \  |__| ___|

             ___ __  __              ___ _ _         __  __     _
    /\   |    | /   |  \ |\  |   /\   |   |  \    / /   |      |_| |_|
   /__\  |    | >-- |__/ | \ |  /__\  |   |   \  /  >--  --     _|   |
  /    \ |___ | \__ |  \ |  \| /    \ |  _|_   \/   \__  __|



 * Just how much do we really know about UFOs?
 * Crop Circles - the facts they never told us!
 * Alien messages to humanity?
 * Pyramids and a face on Mars - what NASA is keeping secret!
 * The New World Order & it's origins.
 * Anti-gravity flying saucers & free energy technology!
 * Atlantis & the mysteries of Lumuria.
 * Government cover-ups secret societies & Conspiracies.
 * Lost cities & ancient technology.
 * The unknown facts and truth about the JFK assassination and WACO Texas.
 * The benefits of being aware of the facts.
 * How to put this knowledge to good use & much, much more...!


      Guest Speakers


          David Hatcher Childress

           George Wingfield

            David S. Percy

             Linda D. Thompson

              David M. Summers



THIS CONFERENCE SHALL BE AN UNFORGETABLE EXPERIENCE!

With national and international speakers and astounding video and
slide presentations...


        DATE : SATURDAY OCTOBER 22nd 1994.

        TIME : 10:00 AM to 10:30 PM - Hall open from 9:00 AM.

        PLACE: THE GRAND BALLROOM
               GRAND HOTEL KRASNAPOLSKY
               THE DAM 9
               AMSTERDAM
               THE NETHERLANDS.


Tickets: Pre-sale NFL f50,- or at the door NFL f60,-.

For reservations & info:
Tel/Fax FOUNDATION Contact Network International

on 05133-5567 (national) or +31-5133-5567 (international).
For pre-sale tickets (until October 1st 94 ONLY)

book amount to: C.N.I. bank account number 29.66.38.137
                Friesland Bank
                Gorredijk (giro number 811-542)

or send Eurocheques (Dutch Guilders only) to:
C.N.I.
PO Box 66
8400 AB Gorredijk
The Netherlands.

For all

foreign cheques please add NLF 15,- for bank charges!
Pre-sale tickets to be picked up at the door
confirmation receipt will be sent!

All lectures will be in the English language.


Due to limited seats for this inspiring event

the advice is book now!



SUBJECTS OF DISCUSSION



                    CROP CIRCLES, UFOS & THE COVER-UP

  (Speaker: George Wingfield)
Update appraisal of what has been happening as regards Crop Circles,
hoaxing, and the UFO dimension.
What do the U.S. Government & British Intelligence know?
The hows, the whos and the whys of these suppressed subjects.



                   MARS AND THE TERRESTRIAL CONNECTION

  (Speaker: David S. Percy)
The latest findings supported by CROP GLYPH decodings concerning
the complex and the Sphinx-like 'face' on the Martian surface.
The geometric connection between this part of Mars and the scale model
of the complex found on Earth!
Why there have been continuous attempts to debunk, discredit and
not publish the facts and why NASA is playing with fire!



                       EXTRATERRESTRIAL ARCHAEOLOGY,

                     LOST CITIES & ANCIENT TECHNOLOGY

  (Speaker: David Hatcher Childress)
David will take us on a journey beginning with the lost cities of
Micronesia.
The lost continent of Mu or Lemuria, Easter Island and Atlantis.
Pole Shifts are explained.
The World's harmonic grid and magnetic fields.
Atomic bomb test sites are located on harmonic magnetic grid points.
Levitation techniques of the building of ancient monuments.
NAZCA lines & inner Earth tunnels.
Free-energy, anti-gravity, the NASA Moon cover-up,
suppressed technology  & UFOs.



                      WHAT IS HAPPENING IN AREA 51 ?

  (Speaker: George Wingfield)
This lecture will address the mystery of what is really going on at
the Top Secret Nevada desert Test-site Area 51 in the USA.
His experiences with the extreme security measures in force out there,
and key information as to strange unidentified craft
he has seen flying out above this supposed desert wilderness.



                           MODERN DAY COVER-UPS,

                        WHY & HOW THEY AFFECT YOU!

  (Speaker: Linda D. Thompson J.D.)
Why have religious cults sprang up world-wide in these last decades?
How do these groups fit into global government?
According to Linda's research in April 1993, more than 80 people
were murdered at Waco Texas by agencies of the United States Government.
What is a conspiracy?
And what evidence has surfaced to convict organizations like the CIA,
NSA, FBI & ATF of war crimes.
A New World Order - but who's?



                      THE MEDIA, SECRET SOCIETIES &

                      THE POLITICAL NEW WORLD ORDER

  (Speaker: David M. Summers) How the manufacturing of your consent is
achieved! Why secret societies have very much to do with the
perpetrated beliefs on society. The JFK assassination - propaganda via
the mass media. The New World Order - seduction or solution?



                            PANEL DISCUSSION

(At the end of the conference a question & answer panel discussion
 will be held)





This conference shall be an unforgetable experience! With national and
international speakers and astounding video & slide presentations....



Nexus Magazine

Head Office    : PO Box 30
                 Mapleton Qld 4560
                 Australia.

                 Tel :+61 74 429 280
                 Fax: +61 74 429 381


USA Office     : PO Box 177
                 Kempton IL 60946-0177
                 USA.

                 Tel:+1 815 253 6464
                 Fax: +1 815 253 6300


European Office: PO Box 66
                 8400 AB Gorredijk,
                 The Netherlands.

                 Tel/Fax: +31 (0)5133-5567


UK Office      : 55 Queens Rd, E. Grinstead
                 W. Sussex RH19 1BG
                 England, United Kingdom.

                 Tel: +44 342 322854
                 Fax: +44 342 324574









Nexus Alternatives 94

The Speakers



George Wingfield:

  Born in July 1942 at Stamford, England, and was educated at Eton
College and Dublin University. At Dublin he read Natural Sciences
obtaining a BA Honors degree in 1966, and an MA degree in 1971. After
university he worked briefly as an astronomer at the Royal Greenwich
Observatory, Herstmonceux, studing steller speactra and the earth's
magnetic field. Subsequently he joined IBM U.K. and engaged in a
variety of jobs in Systems Engineering, Marketing and in Computer
Education. Since 1987, much of his spare time has been devoted to Crop
Circles research and to his travelling in order both to speak about
Circles and to talk with people whose experience may be relevant to
understanding the phenomenon. He sees many parallels with the UFO
phenomenon and which his UFO studies have taken him several times to
the Above Top Secret Nevada desert Test-site Area 51 where the U.S.
Government carries out flying saucer research.

  He is a major contributor to various books on the Circles, notably
The Crop Circle Enigma, Crop Circles - Harbingers of World Change and
The UFO Report series.  He is the founder member of the Centre for
Crop Circle Studies (CCCS) in which he holds the position Director of
Field Research. In this capacity he has carried out extensive aerial
photography of crop circles in England. He is currently the editor of
The Cerealogist magazine which chronicles the Circles. He has lectured
extensively on the Circles and UFOs and has appeared on TV and radio
internationally. Among the numerous lectures which he has given two
notable ones were at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington D.C. in
1992 and the other at MUFON's International Symposium in Austin, Texas
this year.



David S. Percy:

  Born in and educated in London, England. He specialises in corporate
communications and is familiar with the ramifications of dealing with
large institutions and government bodies. He is an associate of The
Royal Photographic Society, and in 1986 received a nomination as Film
Cameraman of the Year. David Percy is a well-established professional
communicator, and an award winning film & television producer. He has
spent a lifetime simultaneously researching hidden knowledge. In
February 1992, Percy produced an exhibition and lecture at the United
Nations headquarters in New York. This unique event featured the
findings of the Mars Mission, and was presented under the title "The
Terrestrial Connection". In addition, Percy produced a video of the
proceedings featuring Richard Hoagland, which has been very well
received and has had excellent reviews.

  The BBC distributes video training programs made by Percy. He has
himself been on radio and on many occasions has appeared on the 'other
side of the camera' on TV. His most recent contributions include Sky
Television's "The Question of Extraterrestrial Life" and the BBC's
"Today Show". He lectures widely, has written many articles and is co-
author of the new book, already in its third printing, entitled Two-
Thirds. The content of this work has been described by Dr David
Whitehouse the Science correspondent of BBC News and Current Affairs
as "Mind Blowing!"



David Hatcher Childress:

  Born in Poitiers, France in 1957 and was educated in archaeology,
journalism, philosophy and history at the University of Montana,
Missoula. As well as this he has also studied in many other countries
such as: Taiwan, Nepal, India, Sudan, Kenya and the University of
Beijing, China. David has been described internationally as the "real
life Indiana Jones" in the sense that he is an Archaeologist who
delves deep into the occultic mysteries, ancient technologies, secret
societies, lost cities and he is a noted expert on Atlantis. He has
researched and authored a whole variety of books on subjects like
free-energy, anti-gravity and UFOs. Many of his books which have
become bestsellers - Lost Cities of China, Central Asia & India; Lost
Cities & Ancient Mysteries of South America; Lost Cities of Ancient
Lumuria & the Pacific; Anti-Gravity and the Unified Field; Anti-
Gravity and the World Grid. His most recent alternative, underground
bestseller Extraterrestrial Archaeology.  This book exposes full page
photos of structures on the Moon, Mars, Mercury and other planets as
well as NASA moon mission cover-up documentation.

  While searching for Egyptian Pyramids in South Queensland,
Australia, he was awarded the key to the City of Gympie for
archaeological work. David is now the Director and founder of
Adventures Unlimited Travel & Publishing a unique Archaeological
Adventure Tour Company offering trips & expeditions around the world
as well as being a world-wide publishing and distribution company for
surpressed information. He also has produced 72 half hour television
series entitled Lost Cities Adventures, based on his lost cities
books.



Linda D. Thompson J.D.:

  Born in the United States in 1954, and holds degrees in Law (Juris
Doctor) - Indiana University School of Law); - B.S., Cum Laude
(Sociology/Psychology); Her Military Service history - U.S. Army,
1974-78 Honorable Discharge; Assistant to U.S. Army Commanding
General, NATO, Allied Forces Central Europe (Cosmic Top Secret/Atomal
security clearance 1976-78);

  Linda has many publications to her credit: "Living with Title III
(Electronic Communications & the Wiretap Act", 1987; Search and
Seizure Issues in Electronic Communications and Computer Law, 1993;
Waco, Another Perspective, (AEM)1993; Waco - The Big Lie & Waco - The
Big Lie Continues 1993-94 (documentaries) In April 1993, more that 80
people died at Waco Texas, and according to Linda's research they were
murdered by U.S. governmental agencies! Her work has now been
internationally recognized by governments, officials and researchers
around the world. She has obtained key information and evidence that a
global conspiracy is now in full swing. Linda currently holds the
position of Chairman with the American Justice Federation in Indiana.



David M. Summers:

   Born in Melbourne, Australia in 1964 and was educated at Lalor
Technical School and the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology. In
1983, he left Australia and since then has visited more than 60
countries and has lived in the Middle-East, Asia and Europe. Over the
years he has had some amazing experiences with UFOs, which led him
into the depths of Ufology. Inturn, he has produced some astounding
evidence of a worldwide cover-up on the UFO issue! Later in 1990, he
went onto gain his diploma in journalism, travel writing and
photography with the Australian New Syndicate in Sydney. His travels
have taken him to some of the most arid and remote areas on the planet
as well as political 'hot-spots'. This type of life-style led him to
investigate the areas of religion, ancient history, world government
and conspiracies, which he believes are being perpetrated around our
globe at this moment! His research on neo-Babylonian Chronology lead
him to understand our modern world's political and religious arena. He
authored the book 'Novos Ordo Seclorum, 666 & the Computerized New
World Order' and is currently co-authoring his second book on
religions philosophy.

  He works now as journalist & political investigator as well as
holding the position of Director for Contact Network International, an
international organization which researchs political, scientific and
technological cover-ups. He has lectured extensively throughout
Europe, and was one of the speakers at the 1993 Global Deception
conference at London's prestegious Wembley Arena. He works now as the
European Bureau Chief for the internationally acclaimed Nexus Magazine
and also is the founder of Exposure magazine, both of which are
dedicated to informing the public on subjects like suppressed News,
The Unexplained, Health Issues, UFOs, Human Rights, Future Science and
a mass of alternative subjects. He currently hosts the Amsterdam cable
program Exposure TV.


                          Proudly sponsored by:

                        Exposure & Nexus Magazines

[I've been going to the wrong conferences... --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 29 Aug 94 21:47:03 MDT
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Subject: FROM THE NEWS: [soc.men,soc.motss] MAKE.PENIS.FAST ( :-) )
To: spaf

> From: bjones@umiami.ir.miami.edu

If you don't believe this can work...
Read the letters after the intructions!

MAKE PENIS FAST!!!                       


                       INSTRUCTIONS

Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you
will have received well over 50,000 inches of penis, all yours.
This program has remained successful because of the inadequacy
and vanity of the participants.  Please continue its
success by carefully adhering to the instructions.

Welcome to the world of Mail Order Penis Enlargement!  This little business
is a little different than most cosmetic surgery.  Your product
is not solid (sic) and tangible, but rather a service.  You are in
the business of extending penii.  Many small of
endowment are happy to pay big bucks for this service.
   (The money made from the penis enlargement is secondary to the
    income which is made from people like yourself requesting
    that they be included in that list.)

  1)  Immediately cut off your penis at the base.

  2)  Cut off the head of your penis, and pack it in ice.

  3)  Take the remaining midsection of your penis, and cut it
      into 5 pieces of equal length.

  4)  Immediately mail each piece to the first 5 names listed
      below starting at number 1 through number 5.  Send penis only
      please (total investment your penis). Enclose a note with each
      piece stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list."
         (This is a legitimate service that you
          are requesting and you are paying your penis
          for this service).

  2)  Remove the name that appears number 1 on the list.
      Move the other 9 names up one position. (Number 2 will
      become number 1 and number 3 will become number 2, etc.)
      Place your name, address and zip code in the number 10
      position.

  3)  Post the new letter with your name in the number 10
      position into 10 (Ten) separate bulletin boards in the
      message base or to the file section, call the file,
      MAKE.PENIS.FAST.

  4)  Within 60 days you will receive over 50,000 inches of
      PENIS.  Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can
      use it again and again whenever you need penis enlargement.
      As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatically
      in the mail order business and people are sending you their penis
      to be placed on your mailing list. This list can then be rented to
      a reconstructive cosmetic surgeon that can be found in the Yellow
      Pages for additional income on a regular basis.  The list will become
      more valuable as it grows in size.  This is a service.  This is
      perfectly legal.  If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18,
      Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws.

       NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent
             to you, either on computer or hard copy, but do not
             discard the names and notes they send you.  This is
             PROOF that you are truly providing a service and
             should the AMA, FDA, or some other Government Agency
             question you, you can provide them with this proof!

   Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions
   carefully followed, five members will be reimbursed for
   their participation as a Penis Enlarger with one inch of penis
   each.  Your name will move up the list geometrically so that
   when your name reaches the number five position you will be
   receiving thousands of inches in penis.

  [List of 7 names and addresses elided]

  8. Pat Robertson      666 God's Little Homophobe Road
                         Anti-Christ Hills, VA
                         48307

  9. Fred Phelps       14-U Our Saviour of the Closet Lane
                        Orchard Lake, MI
                        48323
                       
  10. Jesse Helms      20840 Tobacco Mercenary Street
                        Lung Cancer Hacks., VA
                        48038

Dear Friend,

     My name is Daniel J. Karnes.  In September 1988 my life was
repressed and the bible thumpers were hounding me like you
wouldn't believe.  I was never laid and my mental disability checks
had run out.  The only escape I had from the pressure of
failure was my Apple computer and my bible.  I longed to
turn my fixation into my vocation.

     This January 1989 my family and I went on a ten day
cruise to the tropics.  I bought a Double-Wide Trailer with CASH
in Feburary 1989.  I am currently building a Self-Worship Temple
on the West Coast of Florida, with a private S/M Dungeon with room
for all of my closeted friends, and a beautiful view of the bay
from my women's shoes closet and wardrobe.  I will never be underendowed
again.  Today I am equipped!  I have over 400,000 inches of penis
(33,333 feet and 4 inches! ) to date and will become a million-incher
within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same.  This penis enlargement
making program works perfectly every time, 100% of the time.
I have NEVER failed to earn 50,000 inches or more whenever I wanted.
Best of all you never have to leave home except to go to your mailbox or
reconstructive surgeon.

     In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail
telling me how I could earn 50,000 inches of penis or more whenever
I wanted.  I was naturally very skeptical and threw the
letter on the desk next to my computer. It's funny though,
when you are desparately underendowed, backed into a corner, your mind
does crazy things. I spent a frustating day looking through the
want ads for a wife who didn't need sexual fulfillment.  The pickings
were sparse at best.  That night I tried to unwind by booting up my
Apple computer and calling several gay bulletin boards.  I read
several of the message posts and then glanced at the letter
next to the computer.  All at once it came to me, I now had
the key to my dreams.

      I realized that with the power of the computer I could
expand and enhance this penis making formula into the most
unbelievable penis enlargement generator that has ever been created.
I substituted the computer bulletion boards in place of the
post office and electronically did by computer what others
were doing 100% by mail.  Now only a few letters are mailed
manually.  Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to
other bulletin boards throughout the world.  If you believe
that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have
waited for all your life, simply follow the easy
instructions below.  Your dreams will come true.

                          Sincerely yours,

                          Daniel J. Karnes
			  -- Why doesn't Wenchell's
			  -- Serve Mogi Donuts?



     About six months ago I received the enclosed post in
letter form.  I ignored it.  I received about five more of
the same letter withn the next two weeks.  I ignored them
also.  Of course, I was tempted to follow through and
dreamed of making thousands of inches, but I was convinced it was just
another gimmick and could not possibly work.  I was wrong!
About three weeks later I saw this same letter posted on a
local bulletion board in Montreal.  I liked the idea of
giving it a try with my computer.  I didn't expect much
because I figured, if other people were as skeptical as I,
they wouldn't be too quick to part with their penis.  But,
I buy lottery tickets weekly in my province and have nothing
to show for it but ticket stubs.  This week I decided to
look at this as my weekly lottery purchase. I addressed the
envelopes and mailed out one piece of my penis in each as directed.
Two weeks went by and I didn't recieve anything in the mail.
The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what
happened!  I can't say I received 50,000 inches, but it was
definitely well over 35,000!  For the first time in all my
years, I was adequately endowed.   It was great.  Of course, it
didn't take me long to feel inadequate again so I am using
this excellent penis enlargement opportunity once again.  Follow the
instructions and get ready to enjoy.

     Please send a copy of this letter along with the
enclosed letter so together we can convince people who are
skeptical that it really works!

                             Good Luck,
			     [Name deleted]
                             St Agathe Que.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out more about penis enlargement, contact DJKarnes@netcom.com.
This document is an attempt at humor.  Anyone who flames me will be
ignored as a humorless twit, who's indignation is without meaning.

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 30 Aug 1994 09:17:50 -0400
Subject: Urine Love
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com

Forwarded-by: dev-null@gauss.asd.sgi.com
Forwarded-by: hatch@hell.asd.sgi.com (Don Hatch)
Forwarded-by: begle@z-code.com (Doug Begle)

>From The Realist, Number 127 Spring, 1994

Urine Love
----------
by Stanley Young

     There comes a moment of decision in each of our lives when we hear that
small voice within ask: "Shouldn't I be drinking my own urine?"
     The answer, according to a urine-drinkers support group I attended with a
friend  recently was definitely "Yes!"
     The setting was a modest two-story condo on a quiet street in Los Angeles.
 Rain had been falling ealier in the evening.  It was cool, and the walkway to
the front door now glistened with pools of water.
     Inside, it was warm and welcoming.  About ten people in the living room
stood in groups of twos and three, chatting and laughing.  Classical music
played in the background, and a pile of books and pamphlets lay scattered over
the coffee table.  I picked up 'The Miracles of Urine Therapy' (Water of Life
Institute, 1987) and read the blurb on the back.  "The therapy outlined in this
book is an entirely drugless system of healing; the only ingredient is a
substance manufactured by the body, rich in minerals, salts, hormones, and
other
vital substances, namely human urine."
     I put the book down and wandered over to the kitchen.  On the table there
I caught signt of a couple of slabs of cheese -- Cheddar and Brie -- a basket
with a selection of crackers, some cookies, and two large bottles of fruit
juice.  One was apple.
     I cut a slice of cheddar cheese, grabbed a couple of crackers and, after
only a slight hesitation, poured out a glass of apple juice and took a small
sip.  It was, gratefully, sweet and I returned to the living room where two men
and a woman, all in their late thirtiesor mid forties, were engaged in animated
conversation.  "... and do you gargle with it?" asked the woman.
     "Absolutely," replied the stocky, balding man energetically.  "And I hold
my hand cupped like this and let jus a little slowly seep into my nose, too.
It cures my asthma."
     "My filling came out yesterday," chimed in the second man, "and I can feel
it curing my tooth already.  There's a big hole there but I'm not feeling any
pain at all."
     I returned to the kitchen for some more cheese and found Abby, the woman
who had organized this get-together.  She was wearing a fashionalbe knit outfit
in autumn colors and had an open and friendly smile.  She was holding a serving
platter on which were four small carved glass goblets.  Two were filled with an
almost luminescent pale yellow liquid, a completely different color from the
apple juice.
    "...and is that..."
    "Yes," she smiled, sensing my question.  "It's my urine."  She picked one
of the filled goblets off the platter and took a long sip.
    "There's two more glasses here if anyone else wants to try,"she said,
offering the empty glasses to a couple standing and talking by the kitchen
door. "...if you get inspired later."
    Inspiration there was, in abundance.  For most of those gathered at the
apartment, urine was more than a bodily excretion.  It was indeed the Water of
Life, a miraculous elixir and a long neglected cure.  They washed their faces
with it.  They rinsed out their eyes with it.  They rubbed it into their hair.
They warmed up 4-day old urine, scrubbed it all over their skin, and left it
there to dry.  And, of course, they drank it whenever they could.
"It's the runoff from your blood," said Abby, kicking off the evening's
presentation and discussion.  "It's got everything you need to cure yourself.
How many of yo here tonight have tried drinking your own urine?" she asked the
room.  Seven people raised their hands.
"I've only tried it a few times," admitted one tall man in the front, smiling.
"I'm not slugging it down yet or anything like that...."
    Abby smiled.  Everyone has to start at their own pace, she informed us, and
she had some sage advice for the new and would-be urine drinkers in the crowd.
    "The first urine in the morning is the best," she said, referring to its
healing powers, not its taste.  The other experienced drinkers agreed that the
first morning's "catch" was, perhaps, a trifle too gamy for the uninititated.
    "I suggest for the first time that you drink a glass or two of pineapple
juice, and then drink your urine afterwards," said one man.  "It'll taste just
like pineapples!"
    One man, an unemployed actor and self-admitted alcoholic inthe AA program,
revealed that drinking urine cured him of shingles three months ago, and he
hadn't missed a day since then.
    "Now I'm so into this," he bubbled.  "I soak my feet in it.  I put it in my
eyes.  Rub it into my hair."
    The man held up a 32-ounce juice bottle he carried around with him in a
backpack.  It was filled to the brim with a clear, pale yellow fluid.
    "This is about a day's catch," he said.  "That's about what I drink a day.
I call it Caribbean water - warm and just a little salty.  Some say to age
your morning catch, and that's what I do."
    With the enthusiasm of every new convert, he misses no opportunity now to
spread the good word of urine-drinking to all he meets.
    "I've already lost two friends," he admitted.  "They don't seem to
understand."
    Perhaps his friends don't understand that, like the body, one's urine is
constantly changing.   The actor related how his urine had gone "from a salty
taste, to, well, almost smoked oysters."
    "Sometimes it's exquisite," added a thin woman in the last row of folding
chairs.  "And if you fast on it - just urine and water - by 6 o'clock in the
evening it's *fantastic*, delicious."
    Several of the experienced drinkers nodded in agreement.
    "It's an ancient therapy," the actor added.  "It goes back to the pyramids,
to the Vedas, to the Bible.  It's holy...."  He stopped for a moment, almost
unable to contain himself.  "If you're suffering from mental problems, it will
realease that, too."
    "Jesus used urine therapy," said a man who had just arrived and was about
to sit down on the stairs at the back of the room. He looked to be in his late
twenties.  "Forty days and forty nights in the desert - what else was there to
drink?  Ghandi used to do it in prison.  He couldn't have made it otherwise."
    The young man then shifted into an explanation of Christ's "missing years."
the twelve or thirteen years when Jesus of Nazareth had wandered through Tibet
and into India where, among many other ancient Eastern practices the young
seeker adopted, he started drinking his own urine.  When he returned to the
Middle East, he continued the practice.  And, apparently, also taught it to his
followers.
    "When they bastardized Christianity," the young man continued by way of
explanation, "they took some stuff out, and part of that was urine therapy."
    How different the Eucharist might have been, I wondered. The young man's
historical analysis was, perhaps, difficult to substantiate.  Not so the words
of the next man to stand and speak.
   He was a professional classical guitaritst, I was later told.  His face was
somewhat thin, but his skin had a natural and healthy glow to it, like the
complexions you see among those who drink lots of wheatgrass or carrot juice.
    "George had AIDS," said Abby, by way of introduction, and, I thought, to
prompt him to speak.  George nodded.
    "I used to have Kaposi's sarcoma on my legs, my gums were rotting and I had
recurring pneumonia." he said in a quiet voice.
    He lifted the cuff of his pants to show his leg.  The skin there was clear.
He had arrived at drinking urine as a last resort, he told us. All his other
attempts at curing his symptoms, using drugs and Western medical treatments,
simply weren't working.
    "I used to have gray back through here and here," he said, brushing his
hand over the front and sides of his head, "and my hair was falling out."
    His hair that night was slightly unkempt, but nonetheless full, healthy and
a uniform very dark brown, almost black.  The same color as his untrimmed
beard.
    George described how he had started the urine treatment all at once,
drinking it, rubbing it in his hair, soaking his eyes in it and so forth.
Within a year, his symptoms had disappeared and had never returned.  In fact,
the vision in one of his eyes had improved from 20 over 400 to 20 over 75, and
he rarely wore glasses now.
	He thought about his experience a moment.  "All my friends are dead
who went the normal routes," he said.  "It has your life-force in it."  He
looked up.  "It's holy."
    The room was silent for a moment.
    One woman in a folding chair on the side of the room raised her hand.  "But
doesn't it contain.....I mean, isn't it what the body excretes?  Isn't it waste
products....?"
    "It's our mindset," answered one tall woman in the far corner of the room.
"We think it's filthy," she said, emphasizing the last word forcefully.
    Several drinkers in the room had other answers at the ready.  Urine, they
explained, building up a mosaic of facts, is filtered blood, sterile, 96%
water, and can contain your own antibodies and hormones, which help boost your
immune system.  Urine also contains a load of substances that the body needs,
including urea, a chief component of urine.  And for those of you who may have
been wondering whether drinking urine might lead to harder stuff, we were
informed that the bowel and the colon trap all material you're *not* supposed
to reingest.
    "After you cross the psychological barrier," said the man beside the tall
woman, "it feels harmonious.  It's a real mild taste.  Not at all like what it
smells."
    It can fight off any pathogen on the planet," added George, the musician
who had cured himself of AIDS.
   "They're curing leprosy, cancer, and the AMA is against it because it's
free," said the man who had previously talked about the urine-Jesus connection.
    "I heard a story," said Abby, "about a barren couple who drank each other's
urine.  They even bathed their genitals in it.  It was very sexual."
    "His sperm count rose," said a man across the room who had heard the same
story.
    "....and she bore many children," added Abby.
    One woman who had arrived only five minutes before, stood up.  She was a
naturopathic healer, and was responsible for introducing five people in the
room, all former patients of hers, to the world of urine-drinking.
     She herself had learned about the practice from a friend who came back
from India raving about it.  Shortly afterward, the naturopathic healer had
root canal treatment.  One night, with her mouth throbbing unbearably, she
decided to drink her own urine as an attempt to get rid of the pain.
     "Everybody remembers their first time," she said, smiling, and all the
other drinkers nodded and smiled in appreciation.
     She was amazed to discover that within ten minutes the pain subsided and
subsequently disappeared. When, as an experiment, she stopped drinking her
urine two days later, the pain returned.
    That was nine years ago. Today she does not drink all the urine here body
produces like some of those in the room.   She uses it to cure cuts and
bruises, and occasionally as an eyewash, and drinks it whenever she feels her
body needs it, especially when she travels.
     She had just returned from a nine-day visit to Australia, and had been
drinking a lot of her urine while there.
    "All that traveling," she explained, "the change in time zones, that can
weaken your immune system.  Drinking your urine gives you that little bit of
extra protection when you're weakened like that."
     There was also an added benefit to drinking your own urine abroad.
     "When I'm traveling it's a wonderful tool," she said. "You don't have to
worry about drinking contaminated water."
    "For two weeks after the earthquake, people in Bel-Air and Brentwood had to
boil their water," said one man in the back.  "If they only knew......"
     "Urine." added the naturopath.  "Why not? It's sterile, it's pure and it's
filtered.  It's better than bottled water.  It's free."
     My friend, who had accompanied me to the meeting, was still thinking about
what we had both heard and seen that night.
    "When I flushed my piss down the toilet the next morning," he told me
later, "I just thought: What a waste."

------------------------------

End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------