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Yucks Digest V3 #31 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Sun, 10 Oct 93 Volume 3 : Issue 31
Today's Topics:
"Classic" old IBM punched card equipment for sale
Air Clinton
Annoying driving habits, Long Island version
Approved Subjects for Sentimentality (2 msgs)
Choice conference quotes
Commercial offer of tungsten powder (Wolframium).
cutie
former CCCP
gerbil abuse
Gulp!
hi from 37,000 feet
immortality
Important announcement: Summer Savings Time
I think I'm going on a diet... [Yucks submission]
Just like Home Depot
Mitnick's Soliloquy
odd signature...
Pizza Hut Salad in HK (from Wall Street Journal)
Quote of the day (3 msgs)
re mtv.com
RISKS DIGEST 15.05
Subversive Fonts
the end is near
True Grit
truth in advertising
Typewriter Burial Ceremony
UNIX security tip of the day
Yucks submission
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2 Oct 93 07:21:02 GMT
From: gpw@nic.cerf.net (Geoff Walsh)
Subject: "Classic" old IBM punched card equipment for sale
Newsgroups: misc.forsale,misc.forsale.computers,misc.forsale.computers.d,misc.forsale.computers.other,la.forsale,us.forsale.computers
I have no idea how to get rid of this stuff. If anyone is interested, please
contact me.
I have some old (classic?) IBM card processing equipment: a card sorter and a
"data processor" The data processor is a huge machine that was used to print
out what was on cards, and was programmed by patch boards, which controlled
where card fields printer on tractor feed paper.
If anyone has any interest in these, contact me and make an offer. You'll have
to pick them up yourself. I think the data processor alone weighs over 800
pounds.
The machines are in the West Los Angeles area.
If nothing else, they probably have some value in terms of scrap, although I'd
be much happier if they ended up being used productively somewhere or in a
museum. If you're into unusual conversation pieces, these are definitely
for you.
Please contact me if you're interested or know someone in the business of
buying these things. I don't think they make anything like these any more, so
they're bound to become collectable some day. Buy early and watch your
investment appreciate!
[I'm sure this equipment is still being used in the government
somewhere... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 9 Oct 93 19:30:03 EDT
From: srt@sun-dimas.aero.org (Scott 'Dr. Pain' Turner)
Subject: Air Clinton
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
I hate it when I finally get my moment of glory and I'm upstaged by
Michael Jordan. That guy has been jealous of me for as long as I can
remember. Anyway, from the "Morning Briefing" section of today's Los
Angeles Times:
After his speaking engagement in Culver City yesterday, President
Clinton stopped off at the Los Angeles Air Force Base for some
exercise, where he ran a few miles on a treadmill and played in a
basketball game. President Clinton scored a basket early in the
game, and afterwards Scott Turner, the man assigned to defend the
President, had this to say "The guys in the gym are calling me Agent
Horgan now [after the character played by Clint Eastwood in the
movie Line of Fire] because I was assigned to guard the
President but let the shot get through."
-- Scott T.
------------------------------
Date: 3 Oct 1993 16:38:32 GMT
From: dtiberio@ic.sunysb.edu (David Tiberio)
Subject: Annoying driving habits, Long Island version
Newsgroups: rec.autos
Having been driving in Long Island for quite a while, I am
going to provide some more things that annoy me personally as a
driver.
1a) People who pass on the right of a car instead of the left.
1b) Long Islanders who pass on the right shoulder instead of
in an actual lane.
2a) People who run red lights.
2b) Long Islanders who are one of up to 10 people who all
run the same red light.
3a) People who tailgate.
3b) Long Islanders who tailgate and then try to cut you off
the road after you let them pass.
4a) People who try to jump into the intersection before the
light turns green.
4b) Long Islanders who jump into the intersection before their
light turns green and continue anyway once they realise their
light wasn't going to turn green.
5a) People who change lanes while stopped at a red light.
5b) Long Islanders who change across all three or four lanes
while stopped at a red light.
6a) People who make u-turns in the area designated for service
vehicles and police patrol units.
6b) Long Islanders who make u-turns over grass medians, between
trees, and over other unpaved surfaces.
7a) People who don't realise they have their high beams aimed at you
for quite a while.
7b) Long Islanders who keep their high beams on all the time
and probably don't know what a low beam is.
8a) People who do not come to a complete stop when emergency
vehicles are passing.
8b) Long Islanders who think they can outrun the emergency
vehicles and don't care that they are blocking the road.
9a) People who forget to turn off their car alarms.
9b) Long Islanders who turn their car alarms on, on purpose.
10a) People who drive with a crack in their windshields.
10b) Long Islanders who drive with a smashed windshield.
11a) People who drive with noisy tailpipes.
11b) Long Islanders who drive with their tailpipes dragging
on the ground, making sparks.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 7 Oct 93 09:32:39 GMT
From: Mark Smith <msmith@discreet.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Approved Subjects for Sentimentality
To: eniac
High school history textbooks where the picture of Adolph Hitler
as a child has a little moustache drawn in.
Sex manuals with sensitive watercolour drawings of extremely hairy
naked people.
Double live albums with your favourite song ruined by a 15 minute
drum solo in the middle.
Any volume of Grooks by Piet Hein.
Astronaut food, especially ice cream in foil packages.
Bicycles with banana seats.
Bobby Sherman posters.
A Quinn Martin production.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 5 Oct 93 10:04:01 CST
From: forsythe@track29.lonestar.org (Charles Forsythe)
Subject: Approved Subjects for Sentimentality
To: eniac
John Woods:
>Could you possibly supply a list of approved subjects for sentimentality?
>Preferably with logical justifications?
OK. This is far from complete, but should be able to get you started:
KIRK, SPOCK, AND MCCOY
You can be sentimental about Kirk, Spock and McCoy, 'cause they're so cool
and their hijinks are amusing, yet dramatic. It is, however, OK, to criticise
William Shatner's acting.
EARTH SHOES
In these days of Skinheads, it's nice to remember a time when some people wore
clunky footwear to make a postive, albeit cloyingly so, statement.
WATERGATE
I think we should all support the return of a time when political criminals
spent time in jail, not bookstores.
THE MORTON DOWNEY SHOW
Because people take Rush Limbaugh far too seriously.
SESAME STREET
Barney.
8" FLOPPY DISKS
They looked more important. If you had an 8" floppy, you were doing serious
work. All consultants should have an 8" floppy.
...I could go on, but I need a good cry.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 1993 18:56:28 -0700
From: Jeremy Frank <frank@cs.ucdavis.edu>
Subject: Choice conference quotes
To: spaf
[These are selected quotes from the 2nd Computer Misuse and Anomaly
Detection Workshop held at UC Davis last month. I'm responsible for at
least one of the quotes.
Providing context might ruin the effect, so none is provided. --spaf]
"Routing isn't their job. Their job is to blow up what's over the next hill,
and it turns out that they're very good at it."
"We need a roto-router."
"We've seen whole chunks of the Internet appear and disappear in a flash."
"Are you sure you're not a phone company?"
"I don't think incompetence is limited to universities."
"The jury thought she was comitting perjury, when she was being a typical
engineer."
"When I see behavior, I want to know, what is the intent behind this? Is
there intent behind this? Is there intelligent life behind this?"
"Here is a law: if there is an intrusion on a machine with classified data,
the method of intrusion is classified...I can't even tell the manufacturer
who can fix the darn thing because they are unclassified, filthy people."
"Thou shalt not put a telephone device connected to a public network
within six feet of a computer with classified data on it, because as
everyone knows, those little electrons will jump the six feet from the
computer to the telephone and vice versa."
"On UNIX systems there are two security classes: God and peon. If you're
God, you can do absolutely anything. If you're a peon, you can become
God."
"Remember, firewalls are supposed to be fun."
"Computer security is a missionary sell. You have to convince them that
there is a God, and that you are a legitimate representative of that
God."
"Everyone has a slightly different sized and shaped ass to cover."
"All dead and missing people are named 'doe', right?"
"AI has little to do with human intelligence, or even intelligence at all."
"If you think there's nothing going on you can monitor any time. If you
know something's going on you need to get permission."
"The use of planning in Operation Desert Storm justified all of the spending
by DARPA over the entire history of it's existence."
"Now Marvin Schaffer becoming Jayne Mansfield, apart from the minor
physiological problem and cosmological problem, should have shown up as
anomalous."
"Every time you display an equation in a talk you lose 50% of your audience.
By recursion, I've lost you all."
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 5 Oct 93 12:06:44 CDT
From: brennan@hal.com (Dave Brennan)
Subject: Commercial offer of tungsten powder (Wolframium).
To: spaf
From: Arman E. Babayan <Arman@err.msk.su>
Subject: Commercial offer of tungsten powder (Wolframium).
Date: Tue, 28 Sep 1993 09:10:47 GMT
Keywords: tungsten, wolframium
Commercial Offer
Dear Sirs,
Aleta company has an honour to offer You tungsten powder of "PWT" (Powder
Wolframium Technical) mark.
The results of chemical and spectral analysis are as follows:
Fe Al Sl Ca Ni P S Mo As Na C K W
0,004 0,001 0,004 0,003 0,003 0,002 0,001 0,02 0,002 0,003 0,002 0,003 99,952
0,003 0,002 0,005 0,003 0,002 0,002 0,002 0,02 0,002 0,004 0,002 0,004 99,949
0,004 0,002 0,004 0,003 0,002 0,002 0,001 0,02 0,002 0,003 0,001 0,003 99,953
0,003 0,002 0,003 0,003 0,002 0,001 0,001 0,02 0,002 0,003 0,002 0,004 99,965
0,004 0,001 0,004 0,003 0,002 0,002 0,003 0,02 0,002 0,003 0,003 0,003 99,968
0,006 0,002 0,005 0,003 0,004 0,002 0,001 0,09 0,002 0,005 0,002 0,004 99,957
Moisture (O ) is 0,06. Average D = 4,8 (Fisher)
The quantity of the tungsten powder is 25 tons. Each ton is certified and
packed in metal cans, 20 kg each. Our price is 22 US $ per 1 kg, F.O.B.
Varna, Bulgaria. We have an export licence for all the offered quantity of
the powder. The delivery will be made after opening L/C.
We would be glad to provide any additional information you may require about
the product and the terms of delivery. We are looking forward to hearing from
You.
Address: 20/2, Kachalova str., Moscow, 121069, Russia.
Tel. (095) 202-7361, 202-8148, 200-1874
Fax (095) 200-1874
E-mail: Arman@err.msk.su
Yours sincerely,
Razmik Eranossian
General Director
[ This offer is just in time for the holiday shopping season. Your
friends and relatives can be the first in the neighborhood to have
their very own 20 kg can of tungsten powder. Call now before it's
too late!! With prices like this, supplies won't last long! ]
------------------------------
Date: 5 Oct 93 04:31:39 EDT (Tue)
From: dscatl!lindsay@merlin.gatech.edu (Lindsay Cleveland)
Subject: cutie
To: spaf
Contributed by: lanierrnd!tab
This sign is hanging on the wall where I work:
Your Criticism Of Our Products
Reveals An Unsound Technical Background
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 5 Oct 93 10:30:53 EDT
From: perley@hermes.acm.rpi.edu (Don Perley)
Subject: former CCCP
To: eniac
> From: jfw@ksr.com (John F. Woods)
> This morning's news seemed to indicate that Yeltsin was gaining the upper
> hand.
All seriousness and consequences aside, I broke up when Yeltsin said it
was a commie plot.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 1993 09:10:03 -0700
From: rdurant@wv.MENTORG.COM (Rich Durant)
Subject: gerbil abuse
To: spaf
I had to pass this along.
The following was sent to me by the Hashers list server,
harriers@usc.edu, being submitted by pete@nssg.eurocontrol.fr (Peter
Hullah aka Towering Infernal). I hope it's suitable . . .
[Suitable? Heck, it's almost canonical! --spaf]
===========
The following is taken, without permission, from `Private Eye'
(a, nay the, British satirical magazine) which reprinted it
(probably without permission!) from the `Bloomberg News Service',
11 Aug 1993
> `In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was
> only trying to retrieve the gerbil,' Vito Bustone told bemused
> doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
>
> Bustone, and his homosexual partner Kiki Rodriguez, had been
> admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone
> seriously wrong. `I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and
> slipped Faggot, our gerbil, in,' he explained. `As usual, Kiki
> shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried
> to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
> into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might
> attract him.'
>
> At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described
> what happened next. `The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas
> and a flame shot up the tube, igniting Mr Bustone's moustache
> and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's
> fur and whiskers which, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of
> gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like
> a cannonball.'
>
> Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
> impact of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second
> degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sheriff
> Hugo Root later told reporters: `It's Faggot I feel sorry for.
> Being stuffed up some queen's tradesman's entrance...'
[Some people have entirely too much free time on their hands... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 03 Oct 1993 19:13:54 GMT
From: elf@nyquist.ee.ryerson.ca (luis fernandes)
Subject: Gulp!
Newsgroups: rec.humor,sci.med
\begin{excerpt}
_Swallowing_
The worst case of compulsive swallowing of objects involved an insane
female, Mrs. H., who at age 42, complained of "a slight abdominal
pain". She proved to have 2,533 objects, including 947 bent pins in
her stomach. These were removed by Drs. Chalk and Foucar in June 1927
at the Ontario Hospital, Canada. In a more recent case, 212 objects
were removed from the stomach of a man admitted to the Groote Schuur
Hospital, Cape Town SA in May 1985. They included 53 toothbrushes, 2
telescopic aerials, 2 razors and 150 handles of disposable razors.
A compulsive swallower in the United States, a 24 year old psychoneurotic
woman gulped down a 5-inch-long iron hinge-bolt from a hospital door, which
amazingly passed through the curve of the duodenum and the intestinal tract
and broke the bedpan when the patient passed the object.
\end{excerpt}
From the 1993 Guiness Book of World Records.
When I first read it, I broke out laughing, so did everyone else I
showed it to. But reading it again, now, it's not really funny...I
dunno...
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 2 Oct 93 02:58:39 CDT
From: alk@et.msc.edu (Anthony L. Kimball)
Subject: hi from 37,000 feet
To: silent-tristero
Ah, sweet liberty. Imagine the impact
this message might have if (for entirely
unrelated reasons, of course) the flight
were to crash and burn.
Newsgroups: rec.radio.scanner
From: an39485@anon.penet.fi
X-Anonymously-To: rec.radio.scanner
Date: Sat, 2 Oct 1993 02:36:59 UTC
Subject: hi from 37,000 feet
Well, radios work great up here. Using a 4 watt packet radio to send this from
my United flight. What fun.
Have also had several QSOs with people on repeaters over 100 miles off our
flight path. Only ran 2 watts on vhf for that. No problems with the plane
so far. I think all the regulations are BS anyway. Your government at work..
Coming to your flight soon.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 7 Oct 93 13:38:47 EDT
From: John Robinson <jr@ksr.com>
Subject: immortality
To: silent-tristero
>From the Reuters News Service, printed in The Los Angeles Times Sunday, September 19, 1993:
Computers Paid Bills as Woman in Sweden Lay Dead for 3 Years
Stockholm -- The body of an elderly woman who died in 1990 lay undiscovered in
her apartment for more than three years while computers received her pension
and automatically paid her bills, Swedish police said Saturday. "It's very
unusual for someone to be dead so long without anyone else reacting," a police
duty officer in the Stockholm suburb of Farsta told the national news agency
TT.
The woman's last-opened mail was dated May 11, 1990, police said, indicating
she had died at the age of 72. Her name has not been made public. Police
were called to break into the apartment by its landlord after he had made
repeated efforts to gain the occupant's permission to renovate it.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 4 Oct 93 12:58:49 PDT
From: Jamie Andrews <jamie@cs.sfu.ca>
Subject: Important announcement: Summer Savings Time
To: eniac
Greetings.
This year, we in the Pacific Northwest experienced our
first "shifted summer". The warm weather did not start until
the end of June, was wobbly in July, and finally resulted in a
warm, summer-like August and September. We are only now about
to experience the cool, rainy days that characterize the fall
here.
Our team of crack clairvoyants and dowsers has predicted
that this pattern will continue into the next zodiacal age.
We are therefore instituting SUMMER SAVINGS TIME next year, and
kindly request the public's cooperation.
Here's how it works. On the last Sunday in June, we turn
our calendars back one month, to what was the last Sunday in
May. Then on the last Sunday in September, we turn our
calendars forward to the last Sunday in October. The few people
who are affected adversely by this can keep referring to CUD
(Coordinated Universal Date) instead of PNSD (Pacific Northwest
Summer Date).
Some may find it hard to adjust to the new schedule, as it
gives the illusion of "gaining" a month and then "losing" it
again. However, the disruption to our biological clocks is more
than offset by the ability to take summer vacation at a time
when it is actually warm and sunny, and not have to work, study
etc. when it is still warm and sunny and one is grouchy because
when one went camping in July one caught a cold and one is
wondering whether switching religions again would cause the
weather to become more predictable.
No, if your birthday is in early June you don't get two
lots of presents. Sorry.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 8 Oct 93 06:55:39 PDT
From: spl@szechuan.UCSD.EDU (Steve Lamont)
Subject: I think I'm going on a diet... [Yucks submission]
To: spaf
A recycling recipe that won't get 3 stars
TOKYO---A Japanese cuisine is famous for its freshness, subtlety in
taste and aesthetic presentation.
Sushi, tempura, sukiyaki, tofu... what else floats to the fore of the
imagination when considering how the delicacies of this Oriental fare?
How about a sausage made from sewage?
A laboratory in western Japan has devised a way to process sewage into
an edible high-protein enriched meat substitute.
The laboratory at the Environmental Assessment Center in Okayama was
asked by the city sewage department to find an end-use for recycled
sewage, said Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a member of the team that developed the
material.
"The sewage department wants to show citizens that sewage isn't
really such a dangerous and dirty thing, that it can be recycled into
something useful," Ikeda said. Making a sewage burger is easy.
The protein is drawn out from the solids in the sewage, and then mixed
with soybean protein and food additives. The finishing touch is a
standby in every Japanese kitchen---steak sauce for flavor.
Voila! A substance resembling beef in looks and texture and somewhat
in taste and smell is produced.
REUTERS NEWS AGENCY
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 8 Oct 1993 12:12:30 -0400
From: bostic@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Just like Home Depot
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Bar Codes On Toes
In an effort to avoid body mixups, the Dade County Medical Examiner
this week begins a trial run of bar-coded toe tags to identify corpses.
the system, similar to one already in use in Los Angelos, should be
fully functional in January.
The bar codes look like the ones at stores that are read by computer
scanners. "We have scanners just like Home Depot," said Scott Hanks,
forensic morgue supervisor. Instead of coming up with a price, the
morgue computer will print out a name and other pertinent information.
Workers will make sure it matches the name and case number written on
the tag attached to the body's big toe. While praising the new system,
Dad officials point out that the county has had only three misplaced
corpses out of the 118,437 bodies handled since 1956.
{Boston Globe}
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 93 07:39:07 PDT
From: frank@cs.ucdavis.edu (Jeremy Frank)
Subject: Mitnick's Soliloquy
To: spaf
Mitnick's Soliloquy
Intruder, or not Intruder: that is the question:
Whether 'tis more likely the system suffers
The misuses and malfeasances of outrageous crackers
Or that some user behaves anomalously
And, by so doing, causes false alarms. To alert, to audit;
No more; and by an audit to say we find the attack,
And the thousand failed login attempts
That are seen on the network, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be decrypted. To alert, to audit.
To audit, perchance to detect, ay, there's the rub.
For in that detection of attack what false alarms may come;
When we have dumped a million packets
Must give us pause, the analysis
That makes use of long CPU hours and many gigabytes
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time
The analysis by hand, the tired SSOs eyes sore,
The pangs of innocent users, the law's delay,
The insolence of phreaks, and the spurns
That patient merit of unworthy takes
When he himself might his quietus make
By a disconnected ethernet? who would fardles bear
To grunt and sweat under C2 standards
But that the dread of worm after worm
The undiscovered bug from whose bourn
No Vandal turns, puzzles the testers,
And makes us rather ebar those ills we have
That crash the system and erase the hard drive?
Thus intrusion detection makes abusers of us all,
And thus the native hue of normal use
Is sicklied over with the red light of intruder,
and jobs of great size and duration
With this regard their patterns out of normal parameters,
and lose the name of legal system policy.
After Hamlet's Soliloquy,
By JJ
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 30 Sep 93 10:58:13 MDT
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charles M. Shub)
Subject: odd signature...
To: spaf
==> From a schizophrenic self-employed person:
==> The opinions herein are not necessarily those of my employer!
------------------------------
From: cpl (C. P. Lai)
Subject: Pizza Hut Salad in HK (from Wall Street Journal)
To: humor@frame.com
----- Begin Included Message -----
>From achan@dcsd.sj.nec.com Thu Sep 23 09:57 PDT 1993
>From Page B1 of Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, Sep 21, 1993.
"THEY BUILD THEIR EDIFICES HIGH FOR THE JOY OF TAKING THEM DOWN"
by Peter Stein, Staff Reporter of the WSJ
HONG KONG - Carie Ku is a master builder-of salads.
Other customers at Pizza Hut salad bars here take an orthodox,
lettuce-based approach to salad structure. But Ms. Ku, a personal
financial consultant, begins by making a neat ring of quartered tomatoes
around the edge of her plastic salad bowl; inside the wall, she layers
pineapple chunks. "That makes the salad stronger, more stable,"she
explains.
Building a stronger, more stable salad is important to customers at
Pizza Hut's 36 outlets in this British colony. Hong Kong's Pizza Huts, run
by Jardine Pacific Ltd. under a franchise from PepsiCo Inc., charge the
equicalent of US$3.10 for all you can cram into your bowl in one trip to
the salad bar. That prompts customers here to build salads more
reminiscent of skyscrapers than side dishes.
Every food item has its place, determined less by taste than by
function. Corn, for instance, is widely recognized as a foundation food.
"There's less empty space with corn," explains a Miss Hong, a woman in a
bright yellow linen dress who declines to give her first name.
Miss Hong spurns tomato walls in favor of lettuce-leaf edges. "That has
the effect of making the bowl wider," she instructs. "You have to enlarge
the surface area before you can add more stuff."
Above her corn base, Miss Hong piles raisins, pineapple chunks, potato
salad (two types), diced cucumbers, shredded carrots and bacon nits, with
sporadic splashes of Pizza Hut's Thousand Island dressing. ("Every few
levels, add some dressing to make it stick," recommends Stephen Lee, a
young employee at Dao Heng Bank.)
Ms. Ku laments strategic adjustments the company has made over the
years. "Before, it was easier to make them taller," she says. "The
cucumbers were cut in round slices, not in chunks." She also regrets the
disappearance of carrot sticks, which offered columnar support along the
salad's edge. Now Pizza Hut offers only carrot shreds.
Tony Kwan, Pizza Hut's marketing director in Hong Kong, denies the
changes were aimed at stunting salad growth. "It's not to add difficulties
for the customers, but to improve quality." As for the shredded carrots,
he says: "Personally, I would prefer the carrots to be like that.
[End of whole article]
I guess this popular "culture" of Hong Kong is widely known. However, this
is the first time, I read it in a US newspaper. One think the writer
doesn't mention, though, is that many people pay for the salad just for
the joy of building them, but not eating them, as easily observed by the
leftovers in Pizza Hut dining tables.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 30 Sep 93 05:50:03 MDT
From: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Subject: Quote of the day
To: qotd@ensu.ucalgary.ca
[From the "Ask a Great Canadian" feature in Frank magazine: ]
Q. What is Post Modernism?
A. Post Modernism is a widely-misunderstood term that describes this
government's ongoing efforts to modernize Canada Post. Our automated
sorting methods and stamp forgery detection software are second to
not many, but we're not resting on our laurels. Recent innovations
in delivery systems will see the introduction of the first robotic
mail carrier by the turn of the century. In 20 years, every super
mailbox will be outfitted with X-Ray specs, to enable you to read
your letters, and your neighbours' without tearing the envelope.
- The Hon. Bobbie Sparrow
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 5 Oct 93 05:50:03 MDT
From: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Subject: Quote of the day
To: qotd@ensu.ucalgary.ca
"Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity
of human life."
- U.S. Senator Orrin Hatch (Utah)
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 9 Oct 93 05:50:03 MDT
From: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Subject: Quote of the day
To: qotd@ensu.ucalgary.ca
"During the two-hour break between Metallica and Guns 'n' Roses, no one
will be allowed to leave and re-enter the Kingdome. In the past the
crowd has become very rambunctious while waiting for Axl Rose. To
entertain the crowd, the promoters have initiated what is known as
'Show Me Your Tits.' Females will be boosted onto the shoulders of
their companions, where they will expose their breasts to a camera that
projects the image onto a big screen. This form of entertainment has
served to keep the crowd in check."
- from a memo distributed by the Seattle Police Department in October
1992 to officers who were scheduled for duty at the Kingdome during a
heavy metal concert. The above "entertainment" was cancelled after
the memo was made public.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 05 Oct 93 12:33:33 PDT
From: Lisa Chabot <Lisa.Chabot@Eng.Sun.COM>
Subject: re mtv.com
To: eniac
<Forwards removed>
Regarding MTV:
They are now an official Internet site: mtv.com. Here is the README obtained
via anonymous ftp from mtv.com:/pub
Welcome to mtv.com!
As you can tell, the site hasn't been configured completely yet, but look
for lots of stuff to be happening here in the next couple of weeks.
Anonymous ftp will get you digital audio, video, you name it. The gopher
server will be up soon to, as will several mailing lists.
In the meantime, all comments and suggestions should be sent to me at
adam@mtv.com
Enjoy for now....
Adam Curry
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 1 Oct 93 16:23:52 MDT
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charles M. Shub)
Subject: RISKS DIGEST 15.05
To: spaf
=> RISKS-LIST: RISKS-FORUM Digest Thu 30 September 1993 Volume 15 : Issue 05
=>
=> FORUM ON RISKS TO THE PUBLIC IN COMPUTERS AND RELATED SYSTEMS
=> ACM Committee on Computers and Public Policy, Peter G. Neumann, moderator
=>
=> The RISKS Forum is a moderated digest discussing risks; comp.risks is its
=> USENET counterpart. Undigestifiers are available throughout the Internet,
=> but not from RISKS. Contributions should be relevant, sound, in good taste,
=> objective, cogent, coherent, concise, and nonrepetitious. Diversity is
=> welcome.
one would think the above rules out items of relevance to yucks,
but...
=> An announcement recently posted at an installation that shall remain nameless:
=>
=> Subject: IMPORTANT: All machines will be down
=>
=> ALL MACHINES WILL BE DOWN!
=>
=> When: Saturday morning (9 to 13) September the 25th
=> Why: Maintenance of the UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply)
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 2 Oct 93 16:16:20 CDT
From: brennan@hal.com (Dave Brennan)
Subject: Subversive Fonts
To: spaf
Here's an interesting little exchange from comp.os.ms-windows.misc:
From: justin@wonderland.asd.smos.com (justin gardner)
Subject: Windows and anti-semitism
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 1993 00:19:34 GMT
I have heard that people are protesting Windows at Columbia University
because they believe it to contain anti-semetic propaganda. One thing
they have brought to light is that if you type NYC all caps in the
wingdings font, it comes up with a skull and bones, star of david and
a thumb up sign. Does anyone know anything more about this subject?
===================
From: alex@math.ucla.edu (Alex Langley)
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 93 18:50:17 GMT
[not trying to read too much into Wing Dings]
And if you type "JEW" you get a smily face, a finger pointing back
to it, followed by the Celtic Cross. Most interesting this.
"JESUS" gets you a smily face, a finger pointing to it, a drop (of blood?)
a cross, and another drop.
Must be a conspiracy ;-)
Just for kicks, try "ISLAM", "MORMON", and "BUDDHA". No offense.
I didn't invent Wing Dings. It's amazing how much you can read into
things if you try.
===================
From: kmembry@viamar.UUCP (Kirk Membry)
Date: 30 Sep 93 03:57:27 GMT
yeah, and if you type "LA" you get a cop beating up a guy!!!!
Maybe the soul of David Koresh is in the wing ding font too!
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 93 14:27:37 -0400
From: Patrick Tufts <zippy@cs.brandeis.edu>
Subject: the end is near
To: spaf
Seen on a bottle of Lucozade
BEST
SERVED
CHILLED
BEST BEFORE END
A reference to the coming apocalypse, perhaps?
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 1993 07:43:45 -0400
From: bostic@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: True Grit
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: the Wall Street Journal, 27 September 1993, B1.
"`How Did You Like the Exhibit?' `It Rubbed Me the Wrong Way.'"
The 3M Company's 3M-Dwan Museum, the world's only sandpaper museum, is
located in Two Harbors, Minnesota. The museum displays over 200 types
of sandpaper in 30,000 colors, textures, and varieties. But there are
no plans to add a gift shop. The museum cannot jeopardize its status
as a nonprofit entity by competing with hardware stores.
[I'd make a joke about true grit, but some of you would find it too
coarse and abrasive. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 93 00:49:09 PDT
From: brian@nothing.ucsd.edu (Brian Kantor)
Subject: truth in advertising
To: eniac
Well, this takes the cake: whilst shopping at the local Lucky/Advantage
supermarket, in the sausage bin, what do I find but
COUNTRY STYLE BREAKFAST SAUSAGE
Made in an urban area
Doesn't that just stir your thoughts to mouth-watering sausages cooked
over a raging fire in a trashcan, whilst off in the distance the faint
calls of the prostitutes and police sirens echo the stillness of the
night, broken only by skateboarders and winos puking in the gutter?
Gakk.
------------------------------
Date: 07 Oct 93 18:49 PDT
From: ntr@igc.apc.org
Subject: Typewriter Burial Ceremony
Newsgroups: alt.internet.talk-radio
COMPUTER GURU WANTED - to say a few well chosen words at a
typewriter burial ceremony for nonprofit organizations in
Philadelphia. The right person will have the ability to inspire
people to use information technology in social services and
advocacy work. The right person should also be well known enough
to help focus media attention on this event. No prior typewriter
burial experience needed. Nonprofits in Philadelphia need your
help to enter the information age. Call Nonprofit Technology
Resources at 215-922-0227. Or e-mail ntr@igc.apc.org. Please respond
before October 15th, 1993.
(Please repost this notice on other systems.)
Thanks, Stan Pokras
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 30 Sep 93 23:23:20 -0400
From: simsong@next.cambridge.ma.us (Simson L. Garfinkel)
Subject: UNIX security tip of the day
To: debby@next.cambridge.ma.us, spaf@next.cambridge.ma.us
Unix security tip of the day: You can greatly reduce your chances of
breakin by crackers and infestation by viruses by logging in as root
and typing "rm /vmunix"
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 29 Sep 1993 22:24:22 -0500 (cdt)
From: "Woman... I need a WOMAN!" <MELTON@AC.GRIN.EDU> (Bradley J Melton)
Subject: Yucks submission
To: SPAF
This is a message I wrote in response to a few questions. I realized that,
taken out of context, it seemed quite funny. ... not that it's any better
_in_ context, but...
==================
1) I cannot burp on command. Someone else was providing the noxious gaseous
emissions.
2) purile - heh! I was just going to write the definition, but it's not in
the dictionary!
3) We used a pulsed laser and reflected the expanded beam off a beam splitter
to a photodiode and sent the other part to a mirror of various far distances
which also went to the photodiode. The photodiode was hooked to an
oscilloscope so we could measure the time difference between the two
reflections.
4) "Crotch" is my American Gladiator name.
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------