[Prev][Next][Index]
Yucks Digest V3 #16 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Wed, 19 May 93 Volume 3 : Issue 16
Today's Topics:
administrivia
_iobuf from stdio (and it's relatives)
BATF's fate
bulwer-lytton
buy 0 day
flying swami
Gates Get Got
greatest hits from talk.bizarre
Hacker Executed
History of Intel
the revolution discovered the net - aren't we just thrilled
in case you missed the May 1 demonstrations in Berlin...
I would have paid.....
Postal Worker Appreciation Day (2 msgs)
Quote of the day
rec.arts.movies
Speaking of hospitals...
The Anti-Barney
The untold story of the encounter with Locutus
What do I do with OLD gasoline? HELP!
Your mail to Spaf
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: spaf
Subject: administrivia
To: yucks
This edition contains 3 or 4 different accounts of the same
event. None agree on all the details. Thus, these make perfect
postings for Yucks. :-)
I'll get around to the mail server problem someday soon.
In the meantime, has anyone been using the Gopher version of the
digest?
------------------------------
Date: 18 May 93 07:29:16 GMT
From: acs@csri.toronto.edu (Alvin Chia-Hua Shih)
Subject: _iobuf from stdio (and it's relatives)
Newsgroups: comp.unix.wizards,comp.unix.programmer
Let me say straight off that I'm no wizard, and probably never will be,
but:
There's a library on my miiiind,
all the time.
Stuh, stuh, stuhdio, oooooh, oh!
(Profuse apologies to Phil Collins...)
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 19 May 93 3:20:02 EDT
From: spencer@spencer.unomaha.edu
Subject: BATF's fate
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
A secretary a work told me that the Treasury Department is planning
to disband the BATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms) and replace
it with the Post Office. The reason given is that postal employees shoot
better.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 17 May 93 10:35:45 PDT
From: Lisa Chabot <Lisa.Chabot@Eng.Sun.COM>
Subject: bulwer-lytton
To: spaf, eric@chryse.Eng.Sun.COM, hmcmanus@athena.mit.edu, didi@chryse.Eng.Sun.COM
From: "Vance M. Gloster" <gloster%inference.com@Kentvm.Kent.edu>
Subject: News story about the Bulwer-Lytton contest
Highlights from the "worst opening line of a ficticious novel"
contest. A spoof on detective fiction wins top honors.
-Sir Henry Merrivale
Vance Gloster
gloster@inference.com
San Jose, California:
For a Georgia baker, winning top honors in the annual
Bulwer-Lytton contest for bad fiction was in the
numbers.
William W. "Buddy" Ocheltree, 39, of Lilburn, Ga.,
submitted the winning entry announced Wednesday in the
12th annual competition, a send-up of hard-boiled
detective fiction:
"She really wasn't my type - a hard-looking, untalented
reporter for the local cat-box liner; but the first
second that third-rate representative of the fourth
estate cracked open a new fifth of Scotch, my sixth
sense said seventh heaven was as close as an eighth
note from Beethoven's 'Ninth Symphony, ' so, nervous as
a tenth grader drowning in eleventh-hour cramming for a
physics exam, I swept her into my longing arms, and
while humming 'The Twelfth Of Never,' I got lucky on
Friday the thirteenth."
Scott Rice, a professor of English at San Jose State
University, said Ocheltree "prefers that his entry be
read with a Humphrey Bogart voice."
The winner was chosen from more than 8,000 entries from
all over the United States as well as Britain, Germany,
South Africa, Japan, Australia and Saudi Arabia.
Rice said Ocheltree will receive "a cheap word
processor" as his prize.
The bad writing contest, named for Victorian novelist
Edward Bulwer- Lytton, challenges writers to top his
opening line to "Paul Clifford": "It was a dark and
stormy night."
The winner of the science fiction category, Tom Butler
of Tallahassee, Fla., cast off the high-tech terms
common to that genre in favor simpler language:
"Those alarm things that make a real loud honking kind
of noise were going off as Captain James Hurley stared
at the screen that showed him the stuff outside in
space, while he sat in the chair that the captain sits
in and slowly reached for the control panel for the
thing that makes the ship go real fast."
Richard Patching, of Calgary, Alberta, submitted the
opening line that was the best of the worst in the
adventure genre:
"As the finely honed points of the magnificent bull
elk's antlers perforated his spleen, lungs and lower
colon, Lenny the Grifter wished he had stayed working
the street in Times Square, instead of going up to the
Rockies where this dumb animal had figured out that
three-card monte was a con, and gored him."
An entry from Marc Roberge of Santa Rosa, Calif., was
chosen in the "special multicultural category":
"Try as he might, Guido Smith could not get into the
spirit of Oktoberfest this year; his laissez-faire cum
manana attitude made him want to say sayonara to the
whole shebang."
Rick Vetter of Riverside, Calif., took one of three
"miscellaneous dishonorable mentions":
"Brenda Malthwit: attorney at law, young, attractive,
well educated, and full of self-confidence; a woman
who, as swiftly as her lascivious male co-workers
undressed her with their eyes, would mentally fold the
clothes neatly and put them in a pile."
------- End of Forwarded Message
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 3 May 93 11:15:02 -0400
From: Patrick Tufts <zippy@berry.cs.brandeis.edu>
Subject: buy 0 day
To: spaf
[multiple fwds deleted]
From: US1RMC::"wex@media.mit.edu" "Alan (Gesture Man) Wexelblat" 30-APR-
1993 16:43
To: suspects@psyche.mit.edu
Subj: Finally, a made-up holiday worth celebrating
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE which is going to suspects. Reply to me or
elbows or void or anywhere else your little heart desires...
------------Forwarded Message:
Well, the folks at the Media Foundation are at it again:
<that's Adbusters of recent Wired fame>
The Second Annual - Intra National
[B
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:
-=|] B u y - 0 - D a y [|=-
:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:
Last year, on Thursday, September 24, 1992, a new holiday was born.
Unlike most other holidays, this day long event discourages
celebratory purchases in its name.
In fact just the opposite.
Held every September 24th, BUY NOTHING DAY is a twenty four hour,
continent-wide moratorium on consumer spending, designed to
remind both the public and the retailer of the true power of the
buying public. It is an exercise in financial self-control. It is
a reclamation of consumer control of the marketplace. It is a
gesture of protest for those of us who all too often feel as if
our lives and dreams have been marketed back to us.
Participate by not participating.
Stock up now, and on Friday, September 24, 1993, buy nothing.
For more details or Poster-Bumper Sticker designs contact:
The Media Foundation - Adbusters Quarterly
1243 W 7th Ave Vancouver, B.C., Canada, V6H 1B7
Phone: 604-736-9401 Fax: 604-737-6021
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 17 May 93 15:09:36 -0400
From: Patrick Tufts <zippy@berry.cs.brandeis.edu>
Subject: flying swami
To: spaf
------- Forwarded Message
Date: Fri, 14 May 93 15:17:19 -0700
To: pensfa
From: tcmay@netcom.com (Timothy C. May)
(Several Extropians have reported symptoms of "Pandit Withdrawal," a
condition of hyper-rationality and longing for juicier topics than how to
print instant books. In my role as an Avatar of Pandit (Hint: who do you
think Pandit really was?), I am forwarding this news item.)
"Flying Swami Sucked Into Jet Engine!"
by Tim Skelly, Weekly World News, date unknown, clipping provided by R.
McAllister
NEW DELHI, India -- A flying swami died one of the most horrible deaths
imaginable when he veered in front of a commercial airliner as it prepared
for takeoff -- and was sucked into one of its roaring jet engines!
(photos of swami, of jet, and of front intake of jet engine.)
"I'm still having nightmares about it," declared Amitav Tamil, a ground
crew worker who witnessed the tragedy at the airport north of New Delhi.
"I was working on the tarmac behind the main terminal when the holy man
flew by and I knew that something bad was going to happen.
"I turned to see where he was going and saw him disappear in front of the
plane. Then I heard a sickening 'whoosing' noise and saw blood and bits of
flesh shoot out the back of the jet.
"Those big engines have blades like a fan inside their housings. They
obviously tore him to shreds."
Aviation authorities who investigated the February 11 incident called it "a
most unusual case." But they quickly ruled that the pilot of the Air Rama
jet couldn't be held responsible for the death of 78-year-ole Kumoran
Samiti because the swami "had no business flying through restricted air
space without a plane."
Nobody can explain why the holy man decided to demonstrate his ability to
soar through the air at the airport.
But his friends said the swami's eyesight was failing and suggested that he
might have flown over the runway by mistake.
"Kumoran has performed many miracles over the years and I've never known
him to be injured once," said Ravi Ramanadan, who identified himself as a
disciple of the holy man.
"One time he buried his head in the ground and went without food or water
for 23 days.
"Another time he jumped from a 20-story building with nothing to break his
fall and floated to the ground as gently as a feather.
"Unfortunately his eyes were failing him. I think he flew into the jet
because he couldn't see where he was going."
Parapsychologist Narayan Khandkar, who has written extensively on Hindu
holy men, said Samiti "had powers and abilities the rest of us can only
imagine."
"Losing him is a tragedy of the first magnitude," he added. "We had much to
learn from him."
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 17 May 93 10:35:06 CDT
From: Miles O'Neal <meo@pencom.com>
Subject: Gates Get Got
To: cate3.osbu_north@xerox.com (Henry III), spaf (Yucks List)
At the annual Computer Trivia show (a fundraiser in San Jose which gets
a lot of industry bigwigs together to compete on obscure computer questions
with a lot of money being raised for charity), Jean Louis-Gassee, formerly
of Apple, got Bill Gates big-time. Gates acted as moderator for the event
which was done in Hollywood Squares-style, and he asked the question "There
is a long-running contest on the Usenet to write the most confusing or
bizarre but working C program. Name this contest." Gassee, without a
hesitation, responded "Microsoft Windows". He got a big laugh out of
that one :-)
Jon Rosen
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 6 May 93 10:23:56 PDT
From: Jamie Andrews <jamie@cs.sfu.ca>
Subject: greatest hits from talk.bizarre
To: eniac
Speaking of Earl Grey... I posted something like this to t.b a
couple of years ago. Reconstructed (probably inaccurately) from
memory.
E A R L G R E Y P R O F I L E S
NAME: Jean-Luc-Perri Picard
OCCUPATION: Starship Big Cheese
AGE: 94
BIRTHPLACE: Paris, Terra Sector
EYES: Grey
SKIN: Grey
HAIR: Not much
LAST MAGAZINE
READ: "Lobes'n'Probes, the Ferengi-Betazoid Sex Quarterly"
TEA: Earl Grey. Hot.
E A R L G R E Y N E V E R V A R I E S .
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 18 May 93 15:38:32 -0400
From: Donald G Peters <Peters@DOCKMASTER.NCSC.MIL>
Subject: Hacker Executed
Found in INFORMATIONWEEK, May 17, 1993
"According to news reports from China, Shi Biao, a computer hacker,
has been executed as a warning to others contemplating computer crime.
In 1991, Biao defrauded the Agricultural Bank of China around $200,000
through money transfers."
Despite the temptation to make moral judgements here, I will simply
observe that the hacker was executed because his code was executed.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 25 Apr 1993 17:41:31 -0500
From: "Steve Chapin" <sjc>
Subject: History of Intel
To: spaf
For yucks, from comp.arch:
In article <1993Apr25.095806.15816@rna.indiv.nluug.nl>, gerben@rna.indiv.nluug.nl writes:
|> I was wondering, how did IBM ever come to select the Intel 8086 architecture
|> for its PC? Did they look at alternatives? If so, which? And why did they go
|> with Intel? (For instance, was the m68k available yet?).
It began, as all vast conspiracies do, on a dark and stormy night in
a smoke-filled conference room atop a sleek black glass sky-scraper in a
large and sprawling North-american city. The principles had just finished
dining on spotted owl pate and dolphin steaks with snail-darter sauce.
But they still hungered for more!
One of them said: "The subculture of True Hackers is out of control.
We've got to implement a plan that will anger and infuriate them! I need
to see them rending their garments and foaming at the mouth with rage!"
Another said: "I know what to do. Let's force upon them a CPU architecture
that doesn't upgrade well to RISC concepts, and make software vendors
ignore OS abstraction layers so the OS can't be significantly upgraded
without breaking key applications!"
And so it came to pass, precisely as the conspiritors had planned.
However, to protect their anonymity, they spread rumors that IBM had
studied all (semi) 16-bit architectures available at the time, and that
their specifications required a full suite of support chips to be in
production at the time of the study, and that the Moto 68K family did
not yet have one of the support chips in production although it was
promised and planned, and that while Intel was short on the 16 bit
support chips, they had a full suite of 8 bit parts and the 8/16 bit
8088 CPU. But remember: these are just rumors spread to cover a vast
anti - True Hacker conspiracy that reaches to the highest levels!!!!
|> Thanks for any enlightenment on this.
|>
|> Gerben Wierda [NeRD:7539] Tel. (+31) 35 833539
No problem! (;-)
- Lee Campbell <elwin@media.mit.edu>
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 19 May 93 2:36:37 CDT
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: the revolution discovered the net - aren't we just thrilled
To: yucks
% finger aforum@moose.uvm.edu
[moose.uvm.edu]
Login name: aforum In real life: Autonome Forum
Directory: /hp1usr/u/misc/aforum Shell: /bin/csh
Plan:
AUTONOME FORUM
Autonome Forum is an autonomist information collective that disseminates
information about liberation struggles in advanced capitalist countries and
in the so-called "Third World". Our focus is on armed struggle and other forms
of militant/left-radical resistance, but we do not limit ourselves to this.
We come from an internationalist perspective that is anti-capitalist and
anti-imperialist, but we do not separate the struggle against patriarchy,
racism, and homophobia from the struggle against capitalism and imperialism.
The development of a coherent revolutionary praxis is, for us, not rooted in
dogmatic ideologies, but in an anti-authoritarian practice that draws upon
many different strands of revolutionary theory.
Autonome Forum
PO Box 1242
Burlington, Vermont
05402-1242 USA
aforum@moose.uvm.edu
[The revolution will not be televised. However, it may be broadcast
over Internet Talk Radio and the alt groups. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 19 May 93 02:56:31 -0500
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: in case you missed the May 1 demonstrations in Berlin...
To: yucks
[The following was a real article about May Day riots in Germany.
It seems to have gotten corrupted in transit, however....]
Newsgroups: soc.culture.german
Date: Tue, 18 May 1993 23:47:58 GMT
From: Altgroup Forum <aforum@moose.uvm.edu>
Subject: Revolutionary 1.May - Usenet
Followup-To: alt.politics.radical-left
REVOLUTIONARY 1.April CONFRONTATIONS - Usenet
by Jan Kraker
This year's Revolutionary 1.April demonstration on Usenet was
smaller than in years past. This was partly due to the fact that
during preparation meetings for the action, arguments between Altgroup
cadres and Anonymous-post organizations frustrated many people and led
to many people not taking part in the demonstration. In the end, some
older contentious netters, mostly various fractions of the *.aquaria
groups, with only a few hundred followers at most, posted at the head
of the demonstration, followed by an autonomous bloc of some 5000+
users (and a few fish).
As expected, a fight broke out almost immediately between biz.*
netters and the sectarian GNU believers of FSF., but this was soon put
to rest when the FSF's copyleft was posted to misc.legal for derision.
As the demonstration made its way into the inet distribution, the
soc.* groups blasted hip-hop music and broadcast speeches by various
womens' groups and other alternative organizations. The motto of the
demonstration was: "For an unhierarchical and unmoderated Usenet -
Organize the resistance!" The fact that many posters announcing the
1.April demo proudly displayed a large photo of the bombed-out remains
of news.announce.newusers and an EFF insignia no doubt contributed to
the hostility of the moderators towards the demonstration. Again,
since many technical groups and mailing lists stayed away from this
year's demo, the proportion of generally unorganized and inexperienced
netters was higher than usual. For example, the alt.recovery.* groups
usually see to it that no one discusses alcohol during demonstrations,
but this year, several groups of punks newgroup'd groups about beer
for the march. Consequently, when these (and groups on rocks and some
on molotovs) were hurled at the readers, many people were not
disciplined in their resistance to subsequent flame attacks against
the demonstration. Consequently, control messages often beat their way
to within one line of administrators away from the archive site, and
the use of tear-gas, water-cannon blasts, and ARMM very nearly split
up the autonomous bloc on several occasions. Several confrontations
with admins occurred during the frenzy, which was prematurely halted
at the alt.cabal newsgroup. In total, 67 people were arrested, and
only a few of the 3000+ admins were insulted.
At the same time as the 1.April demo, approximately 20
anti-moderationists were arrested while attempting to confront 100
members of the radical FAP (For Anonymous Postings) party who held a
rally in news.misc. A heavy protest by admins prevented ARMM from
attacking the radicals (as had done before with great success), and
most of the arrests occurred simply as fanatics attempted to reach the
area where the FAP rally was being held.
During the night of April 1st, rioting took place in two talk
groups. In talk.bizarre, a squatters' street- festival ended in
confrontations with readers of alt.bizarre. And in talk.rumors new
users began harassing people on the comp.* groups as early as 9pm, and
running battles between youths (misc.kids, Fidonet users, and drunken
rec.humor posters) and armor-plated site admins continued until about
4am. Water-cannons constantly patrolled the groups, putting an end to
all attempts at erecting another alt.bald.captain.borg.borg.borg.
During the night-time confrontations, another 100 people were
sendsys-bombed, making the day's total 169, with only 19 groups
removed, none of them permanently.
Although the numbers of rmgroups versus newgroups and the
lower-than-usual number of people slandered in Revolutionary 1.April
demo were a little disappointing by Usenet standards, at least the
day's activities and confrontations possessed the revolutionary spirit
which April Fool's Day is supposed to embody.
Resistance is possible!
------- End of Forwarded Message
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 17 May 1993 22:02:30 GMT
From: zoinks@netcom.com (Chris Blackwell)
Subject: I would have paid.....
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers
This friday I go some comp tickets to the annual Computer Bowl. Usually a
pretty dry affair, but I just had to share this one with you all. (This is
from memory, so the text may not be 100% verbatim)
The question posed was "What contest, held via usenet, is dedicated to
examples o wierd, obscure, bizzare and really bad programming?" (They were
reffering to the Obfuscated C contest)
For about 30 seconds the participants thought about it, and it was apparent
that nobody knew the answer. Then one of the French contestants buzzed. His
answer - "Windows"
The expression on Bill Gates face (he was one of the judges) was classic.
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 8 May 93 13:57:35 MDT
From: Lazlo Nibble <lazlo@triton.unm.edu>
Subject: Postal Worker Appreciation Day
This seems a good a time as any to mention MURDER CAN BE FUN #14 again
(the "Please Mr. Postman...Don't Shoot!" issue); available for $1.50
from John Marr, Box 640111, San Francisco, CA 94109. Learn why it's
not a good idea to mention the name "Patrick Sherrill" to your local
letter carrier!
There's also a magazine out there (I think it's The Nose) that sells USPS
caps with bullet holes and bloodstains on them. Urgent social commentary
or a tasteless cash-in on human tragedy? Only you know for sure.
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 8 May 93 0:04:01 PDT
From: rissa@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us (Patricia O Tuama)
Subject: Postal Worker Appreciation Day
To: eniac
the other day i was in the post office to buy stamps so i asked
the guy at the counter what kind of 29c stanps they had (i'm still
recovering from having ODed on 15c bambi stamps last year). the
postal clerk shoved this plastic sheet at me on which were encased
two stamps of grace kelly and two stamps of what i thought at first
were eastern-european folk dancers until the clerk explained that
the stamp was actually commemorating the musical "OKLAHOMA!"
"oh, i see," i said, "and here they are, dancing and singing that
OKLAHOMA! song"
"no," says the postal clerk in a tired voice, "they're singing OH
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING"
"how can you tell?" i asked
"because it's morning now," said the clerk in an isn't-it-obvious
voice, "they won't sing OKLAHOMA! until later this afternoon"
needles to say, i bought 20 OKLAHOMA! stamps
so how come we didn't get to vote on whether we wanted the YOUNG
grace kelly in hollywood stamp v. the OLD grace kelly, princess
of monaco stamp? and what are we doing honoring the -monarch-
of another country with one of our stamps, anyway?
hmmph
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 18 May 93 08:43:49 MDT
From: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day mailing list)
Subject: Quote of the day
To: qotd@ensu.ucalgary.ca
"I don't think they're going to see a great, great uproar in the country
about the Republican Committee trying to bug the Democratic Committee's
headquarters."
- former U.S. President and amateur criminal Richard Nixon utters the
political understatement of his life, recorded in 1972. The tape
recording was released on May 17, 1993
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 18 May 93 13:09:59 -0400
From: Patrick Tufts <zippy@berry.cs.brandeis.edu>
Subject: rec.arts.movies
To: eniac
Currently, rec.arts.movies has just under a billion movie FAQs.
There's a Bladerunner FAQ, an Alien(s|^3) FAQ, a director FAQ, and
actor FAQ, etc. etc. etc.
I'm waiting for the "Ernest: Scared Stupid" and "Ernest Saves
Christmas" FAQs (the latter crossposted to soc.religion.christian and
alt.pagan, naturally). Where's RDC when we need him?
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 17 May 93 09:33:47 CDT
From: Jon Loeliger <loeliger@bach.convex.com>
Subject: Speaking of hospitals...
To: spaf
> Probably had its Christmas ornaments removed at Shallowford
> Hospital in Atlanta.
You know, there's a hospital right here in lovely Dallas that
until just a bit ago was named "R. H. Dedman Hospital", he being
the largest contributor of money, I suppose. They finally got
smart. These days it's just "RHD Hospital."
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 11 May 93 17:34:35 CDT
From: brennan@hal.com (Dave Brennan)
Subject: The Anti-Barney
To: spaf
From: kde9535@venus.tamu.edu (Kevin D. Eachus)
Newsgroups: alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die
Beware Barney.....
He's Big, He's Dark, He's the Destroyer of Worlds, He's the Anti-Barney!
The Anti-Barney is here to stop you. Your time has come!
The Anti-Barney hates kids! He drinks, chain-smokes, hangs around loose women,
and likes to wear leather. He hates the environment. He believes we should
all be selfish, break the law, and hurt others. The Anti-Barney is a real
dinosaur! He eats meat! namely snot-nosed little brats who watch too much
T.V.! The Anti-Barney also has an exceptional love for guns. He doesn't sing
wimpy little children's songs, he sings devil filled heavy metal! Worship the
Dark Master! He will give you power beyond imagination! Die,Barney,Die!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kevin D. Eachus - Supreme High AntiPope of the Church of the Anti-Barney and
Chief Executive Officer of the PutzCo corporation.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ I know Barney deserves to die, but I guess some people take this more
seriously than others. I hope I never run into this guy in a crowded
Post Office. -- Dave Brennan ]
------------------------------
Date: 27 Apr 1993 08:28:35 GMT
From: markh@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (Mark)
Subject: The untold story of the encounter with Locutus
Newsgroups: alt.french.captain.borg.borg.borg
"Captain!", Worf exclaimed, "the Borg ship is hailing us."
"Put them on the main viewer", Riker ordered.
Unlike the previous times, when the image first appeared on the screen,
instead of there being just an empty picture of the interior of the Borg
ship, a Borg looking suspiciously like the captured ex-captain Jean Luc
Picard was seen facing sideways (apparently he had not yet adapted to the
use of a viewscreen).
As he turned forward to face Riker, the light from his headpiece pierced
through the viewscreen like a laser.
"I am Locutus: a Borg...", he announced in a voice that sounded
suspiciously like Picard's except for that annoyiug reverb effect
that humans always seem to get on Star Trek episodes every time they
turn into something weird, "all that was known by the human named
Picard concerning the ship's defenses and the Federation's plans is
now part of the Borg Consciousness. Therefore, resistance is futile.
You will take us to the planet Earth where you will assist us in the
assimilation process."
A brief pause of silence ensued as the Enterprise crew deliberated over
this unexpected turn of events.
"It would seem... ", Worf mumbled, "... that the Enterprise has just been
hoisted by its own Picard."
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 26 Apr 1993 15:17:15 GMT
From: jeq@lachman.com (Jonathan E. Quist)
Subject: What do I do with OLD gasoline? HELP!
Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
In article <C5yEsy.Hux@news.cso.uiuc.edu> gdhg8823@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (George Heinz) writes:
>Well, now I have to move and want to clean up the 350. I tried starting it
>(with someone else's battery) and had no luck. My first guess is that it is
>the gas and so I plan on draining it and replacing it with new gas (I can only
>pray that I didn't trash the carbeurators). The question is, what do I do
>with this old gas? I am not going to run it in my Sabre, and I think that
>there is enough that I don't want to burn it (campus police don't think
>too kindly about bonfires). Dumping it isn't a great idea.
Once you drain out any water, you could put it in a cage, with lots
of other gas. Diluted, it won't do any harm.
Or, you could donate it to a non-profit organization who uses old gasoline.
Send it to:
Branch Davidian Church
c/o General Delivery
Waco, TX
ObDoom: If the group in Waco was the "Branch Davidians", where in the
world is the main office?
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 2 May 1993 23:17:27 -0500 (CDT)
From: jorn@chinet.com (Jorn Barger)
Subject: Your mail to Spaf
To: spaf (Gene Spafford)
Your answering machine message reminded me to share this (never successfully
posted to rec.music.gaffa, in new-age thinking flamewar):
April 15, 1993
Dear <Stuart M. Castergine>,
Thank you for your message of <14 April 1993> entitled <Re: KaTe KomiK>.
Jorn is unable to respond personally at this time, because he is <under
siege by federal marshalls whom he believes are trying to take his Mary
Coughlan tape>. However, he has programmed me to respond-- I am TUFLUV,
the TUnable FLame -Understander and -Verifier (so please "tune" me if I
have misunderstood your flames!).
The numbers in parentheses after each paraphrase represent the number of
occurrences of each flame since <March 28, 1993>. You are to be
congratulated for introducing <0> new thoughts to the thread!
[Jorn is cynical and sarcastic.] (4)
[Jorn attacks everyone who disagrees with him.] (171)
[Jorn only wants to talk about himself.] (3)
[Jorn is prolonging the flamewar.] (61)
[The Magic thread was Jorn's insanity.] (277)
[The Magic thread was Jorn's stupidity.] (275)
[The Magic thread was nauseating.] (2)
[Ecto never has flamewars.] (49)
[Most gaffans want Jorn to shut up forever.] (5)
[<Stuart M. Castergine> wants Jorn to shut up forever.] (3, mut.mut.)
Overall hyperbolic content:
<Stuart M. Castergine> receives a ranting of <2> out of a possible 10 for
the following:
"the way you stomp on everyone who disagrees with you"
"Shut up, Jorn. Just shut the fuck up."
Thanks for sharing,
TUFLUV
(for Jorn Barger)
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------