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[Werner Uhrig: <juck-juck> guess why I started a Xmas wish-list ... ]

------- Forwarded Message

In comp.sys.amiga article <7077@jhunix.HCF.JHU.EDU>
> barrett@jhunix.HCF.JHU.EDU (Dan Barrett) writes:
>
>Some folks wrote about:
>>Subject: Re: Assembler Programming - Costs versus Benefits
>>Subject: Re:   Awesome! Now I am Pi**ed!
>>Basically, writing a portable program blah blah blah...
>
>	You people in comp.sys.amiga just don't know what you are TALKING
>about!  It is TOTALLY OBVIOUS to me that NONE of you have EVER WRITTEN a
>computer program.  If you want to see RAW SPEED in an Amiga game, you MUST
>check out
>
>		****	B L A Z E M O N G E R	****
>
>THIS IS THE FASTEST AMIGA GAME EVER WRITTEN -- NOTHING ELSE EVEN COMES CLOSE!
>
>	Tired of TURRICAN?  Is the BEAST a pussycat??  Does the KILLING 
>GAME SHOW play like RERUNS of HOME SHOPPING NETWORK???  GET A LIFE!!!!!
>BLAZEMONGER animates at 200 FRAMES PER SECOND -- so blindingly FAST that you
>need TWO MONITORS just to WATCH THE INTRO!!!  
>
>	Forget C!  Forget ASSEMBLER!  Forget all those SLOW, WIMPY
>LANGUAGES!!  BLAZEMONGER is written in 100% CRAY YMP MACHINE CODE for the
>ULTIMATE in SPEED!!!
>
>	BLAZEMONGER goes DIRECTLY to the AMIGA HARDWARE for unmatched
>performance.  While BLAZEMONGER is being played, warm boots (ctrl-A-A) have
>ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT.  In fact, you literally CANNOT TURN OFF THE AMIGA
>because BLAZEMONGER takes over the power switch!!  (How's THAT for a safety
>feature??)  At the same time, POWERMONGER sends thousands of volts through
>your power cable, SOLDERING IT TO THE WALL OUTLET, assuring that UNDER NO
>CIRCUMSTANCES can you EVER accidentally stop this game.
>
>	Copy protected?  You BET!!  BLAZEMONGER uses disk protection, dongle
>protection, "look up the word in the manual" protection, "look up the word
>in the DICTIONARY" protection (Webster's 4th edition), 40-number YALE
>COMBINATION LOCK protection, and an impenetrable TEFLON COATING around the
>entire disk!!!  And for your added safety, your high scores are written to
>the super-protected MASTER DISK, so the pesky scores CANNOT ESCAPE and post
>themselves to THOUSANDS OF BULLETIN BOARDS, bragging about their MAGNITUDE!
>
>	Multitasking?  WHO NEEDS IT?!?  BLAZEMONGER is SO AMAZINGLY FAST
>that it takes LESS TIME to COLD BOOT on our custom OS than it does to SWITCH
>SCREENS!!  In the time it takes you to run a stupid "clock" program in the
>background, you can play FIVE FULL GAMES of BLAZEMONGER!!  YOU DON'T NEED
>ANYTHING ELSE RUNNING!!!
>
>	Playability?  NO CHANCE!!  The RAW SPEED of BLAZEMONGER is so WILDLY
>INTENSE that nobody has EVER beaten this game.  You will literally feel WIND
>AGAINST YOUR FACE as the images WHIP past your glazed eyes.  The average
>player dies in FIFTEEN DIFFERENT WAYS before he can even PLUG IN THE
>JOYSTICK!!!  The best-known high score is in the NEGATIVES!!! 
>
>	Speaking of joysticks... BLAZEMONGER supports 2-button joysticks,
>3-button joysticks, 3-button mice, 6-button shirts, 24-button ELEVATOR
>PANELS, and even 256-button TELEPHONE OPERATOR SWITCHBOARDS to give you
>precise control over nearly ALL of the 1073 BRAIN-BLASTING ULTIMATE WEAPONS
>available at ALL TIMES!! 
>
>	Does BLAZEMONGER have a 2-player mode?  GET REAL!!  BLAZEMONGER
>supports NINE SIMULTANEOUS PLAYERS through the use of CUSTOM JOYSTICKS.
>These little beauties can plug into the serial port, parallel port, SCSI
>port, 2nd-disk-drive port, video port, coprocessor slot, RGB monitor port...
>even the TWO AUDIO OUTPUTS!!  And you can add MORE PLAYERS by modem, FAX, or
>GENLOCK!!
>
>	So, you C and assembler wimps... go back to your stupid, lazy,
>futile, high-level software engineering TRASH.  Go play "Monopoly" or
>something.  There is only ONE TRUE GAME for the Amiga, and it is
>BLAZEMONGER.  Only $9.95!  Look for it in your favorite Amiga software store
>-- it's the package shaped like a plastic explosive wrapped around a lit
>stick of dynamite.
>
>                                                        Dan

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