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Warning! Bad Puns Aboard!

I remember being banished from a CS reception at Georgia Tech in 1982
for telling these two jokes. 

These are still funny, and I obviously didn't learn from the first
time...

------- Forwarded Message

Date: Wed, 28 Nov 90 05:30:02 PST
From: brd@bigbrd (Bill Danielson)
To: joke-of-the-day@bigbrd
Subject: Joke of the day

Source: etac6@nowhere (Yrneh Etac VI - I/O error)

A cathedral posts a "Help Wanted: Bell Ringer" sign in front of the church.
Soon, a man comes to the door of the church.  Having no arms, he bangs his
head against the door to affect a knock.  When the priest answers, he asks,
"How can I help you young man?"

"Yes, I've come for the bell-ringer position," the man replies.

The priest looks down at the man's body.  Seeing that the man has no arms,
the priest isn't about to let him have the job, however, before he can say
anything, the enthusiastic man rushes past him and runs up the steps of the
belltower.  The priest runs after him, not knowing what the man is up to.
As he is reaching the top of the stairs, to his horror, he sees the armless
man jumping face-first into the bell.   "DONG!!!!" goes the bell.  The
priest is overwhelmed by this display.  "My son, please..." he starts, but
to no avail, as the man is already jumping again.  "DONG!!!"  "Please stop
this, my son!" yells the priest, but the man is on the other side of the
bell from him.  The man starts to run towards the bell again and this time,
the priest tries to stop him, but just at the last second, the armless man
dodges to the side, trips, and falls out the window of the bell tower.

Horrified, the priest runs downstairs and outside only to find a crowd of
people clustered around the body of the armless man.  "Who is this?" asks a
member of the crowd, turning to the priest.

"I don't know," the priest responds, "but his face sure rings a bell."

A few weeks later, the priest is sitting in his office contemplating the
service for the upcoming mass when he hears a knock at the door.  Upon
opening it he sees another armless man who looks remarkably like the
unfortunate soul who had visited him prior.  "Can I help you?" asks the
priest.

"Yes," responds the man, "I have come to pay respects to my dead brother.
He was here a few weeks ago and tragically died in an accident."

"Oh yes, I am very sorry for that incident," says the priest.  "Would you
like to come in and light a candle for him?"

"No, no.  I just want to ring the bell for him."

"Wait...." the priest hollers, feeling like he's in a bad dream he has had
before.  The armless man is running up the stairs before the priest can do
anything.  Again, the man jumps face-first into the bell.  "DONG!!!!!"
The hysterical priest is now running about frantically trying to tackly the
fanatic bell-ringer.  Just as he is about to catch him, the armless man
hurls himself out of the bell-tower window to his death.

Upon reaching the street below, the priest is again met with a crowd of
people looking over the dead body.  "Who is this?" inquires one of the
people crowded around.

"I don't know," replies the priest, "but he sure is a dead ringer for his
brother."

------- End of Forwarded Message