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Yucks Digest V2 #2
Yucks Digest Mon, 6 Jan 92 Volume 2 : Issue 2
Today's Topics:
`LOVE' Logo Creator Is Sued
cutie
Escapees Traveling As A Couple
Getting infants to sleep
how i spent my xmas holiday by mark age 31
In the news
mail filler for you
New Year revelry lands many Pakistanis in jail
ON THE AIR COLUMN
Prime criteria for selecting soul-mates?
Singapore to allow personal possession of chewing gum
Star Trek Turns Against Israel (3 msgs)
Teetotallar's ST drinking game
U.S. Rings In New Year
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 1 Jan 92 16:37:19 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: `LOVE' Logo Creator Is Sued
To: yucks-request
ROCKLAND, Maine (AP)
Robert Indiana, who created the "LOVE" logo later used on U.S.
postage stamps, is being sued by a man who alleges the artist hired
him to perform sexual acts.
Jason Marriner, 23, alleges that Indiana first hired him when he
was 12 for sexual acts and nude modeling.
The lawsuit, filed Monday in Superior Court in Rockland, seeks
unspecified punitive damages for alleged emotional distress.
Indiana's attorney, Jean B. Chalmers, dismissed the allegations as
"utter balderdash."
Indiana, 63, was born Robert E. Clark but adopted the name of his
home state. His colorful representation of the word "LOVE" in a
square with the "L-O" on top of the "V-E" the "O" tilted on its side
made him famous in the 1960s.
------------------------------
Date: 1 Jan 92 04:39:42 EST (Wed)
From: dscatl!lindsay@gatech.edu (Lindsay Cleveland)
Subject: cutie
To: spaf
[Many of you have seen variants of this before. However, keep in mind
that this kind of article is losing its humor value (assuming it had
any) because the new generation of computer-oids don't get exposed to
enough assembler language programming to appreciate this. --spaf]
Contributed by: ihuxi!cjy
With the advent of new microprocessors assaulting one,
something must be done about the plethora of new assembler languages
that constantly appear. Of course what is needed is a standard
language. This language must be the total embodiment of all
microprocessors and as such have almost universal application. Until
recently, the computing community was incapable of such a language.
That was the case until BETCO ( Bozo ElecTronics COmpany ) announced
its 688080 microprocessor.
Before we examine the assembler language itself, a few words
must be said about the unique hardware features. The pins on the
processor itself are both male and female pins which allow processor
stacking for obscene board configurations. The memory chips are the
most advanced and are almost indestructible with static discharge.
Using the highly proprietary method of BMOS ( Blown MOS ) fabrication,
BETCO is able to achieve a chip that cannot be further deteriorated by
handling. Creativity abounds in the way that BETCO supplies support
chips for this processor. Instead of the dull dual-in-line package,
devices are packaged in the round, half round, rectangular, and long
rectangular shapes. Thus board layouts showing your initials,
expressions such as keep out, or expletives are possible.
688080 ASSEMBLER LANGUAGE
AAC Alter all commands
AAR Alter at random
AB Add backwards
AFVC Add Finagle's variable constant
AIB Attack innocent bystander
AWTT Assemble with tinker toys
BAC Branch to Alpha Centauri
BAF Blow all fuses
BCIL Branch creating infinite loop
BDC Break down and cry
BF Belch five times
BDT Burn data tree ( after decorate data tree )
BW Branch on when
CBNC Close but no cigar
CH Create havoc
CMD Compare meaningless data
CML Compute meaning of life
CNB Cause nervous breakdown
COLB Crash for operator's lunch break
CRASH Continue running after stop or halt
CS Crash system
CSL Curse and swear loudly
CVG Convert to garbage
DBZ Divide by zero
DDC Daily during calculations
DMPE Decide to major in Phys. Ed.
DOC Drive operator crazy
DLN Don't look now.......
DPMI Declare programmer mentally incompetent
DPR Destroy program
DTC Destroy this command
DTVFL Destroy third variable from left
DW Destroy work
ECO Electrocute computer operator
EIAO Execute in any order
ENF Emit noxious fumes
EP Execute programmer
FLI Flash lights impressively
FSM Fold, spindle, and mutilate
GCAR Get correct answer regardless
GDP Grin defiantly at programmer
HCF Halt and catch fire
HCP Hide central processor ( virtual processor like Virt. Mem. )
ISC Insert sarcastic comments
JTZ Jump to the twilight zone
LAP Laugh at programmer
LPA Lead programmer astray
MAZ Multiply answer by zero
MW Malfunction whenever
MWT Malfunction without telling
OML Obey Murphy's Law
PEHC Punch extra holes in cards
PNRP Print nasty replies to programmer
RA Randomize answer
RCB Read commands backwards
RDA Refuse to disclose answer
RLI Rotate left indefinitely
RPM Read programmer's mind
RRSG Round and round she goes......
SAI Skip all instructions
SCCA Short circuit on correct answer
SFH Set flags to half mast
SFT Stall for time
SOS Sign off, stupid
SRDR Shift right double ridiculous
TARC Take arithmetic review course
TLO Turn indicator lights off
TN Take a nap
TPDH Tell programmer to do it him/herself
TTA Try, try again
UP Understand program
WSWW Work in strange and wondrous ways
( Most of the foregoing was taken from an article in the Michigan
Technic )
Contributed by: ihps3!ihuxv!dlr
Name: Dave Rosik
The documents you got on the BETCO micro must be the preliminary
release, my manual includes these instructions.
AZC Add and zero carry
CHC Cause head crash
DLSB Drop least significant bit
DMSB Drop most significant bit
EIR Erase internal registers
EIT Erase input tape
EOP Erase output
EPI Execute programmer immediate
GAA Guess at answer
GOTL Go to lunch
LOP Lose output
SBT Stretch and break tape
TM Transcendental meditate
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 2 Jan 92 20:40:50 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Escapees Traveling As A Couple
To: yucks-request
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP)
Authorities could have a tough time finding the killer who escaped
from the state's maximum security prison New Year's Eve: The man, a
former stockbroker convicted of killing a client, is a transvestite
adept at dressing as a woman.
Frank Vandever and another inmate sawed through bars in a trash
room at Somers State Prison, then cut through a chain link fence
surrounding the prison, authorities said.
"They could be traveling as a couple, as a man and a woman, we
just don't know," said Lt. Eugene Sullivan of the Connecticut State
Police. "The trail is cold."
Vandever, 37, of Guilford was serving a 40-year sentence for the
1988 murder of a client who discovered he was tapping into his
investment funds. The other escapee, Ronald Rutan, 34, of Old
Saybrook, had served more than a year of a 19-year sentence for
burglary and larceny.
Both were working as recyclers in a trash room adjacent to the
kitchen.
After leaving the prison ground, they broke into an office
building three miles west and tied up a couple who came to clean the
building Wednesday morning. They fled in the couple's tan pickup
truck.
The couple was unhurt and told police Vandever and Rutan
apologized for tying them up and taking their truck.
Vandever, who had no prior criminal record, admitted planting
transvestite literature and a sexual aid in Ron Hiiri's Stonington
apartment to make it appear his death was a sex crime.
Investigators also discovered that on the day Hiiri was shot to
death, Vandever used the victim's credit card to buy himself a $164
outfit at a boutique that caters to transvestites.
Stonington Detective Barbara Richard, who arrested Vandever, said
she doubted Vandever was still in Connecticut.
"He's too cunning, too intelligent to be around here," she said.
"I know he's a very smooth operator who can con his way out of just
about anything."
Warden Lawrence Tilghman said he was trying to figure out how
Vandever and Rutan were able to breach security at the state's
toughest prison.
"Somebody was lax, there's no doubt about it," he said. The warden
said he thought Vandever was wearing the standard blue and white
prison uniform when he escaped.
------------------------------
Date: 3 Jan 92 00:30:05 GMT
From: sao@athena.mit.edu (Andy Oakland)
Subject: Getting infants to sleep
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
I noted the following in misc.kids. I've got the author's approval to
submit it to rec.humor.funny:
My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air. Of course,
you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.
Robert Plamondon
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 3 Jan 92 20:46:17 GMT
From: smith@canon.co.uk (Mark Smith)
Subject: how i spent my xmas holiday by mark age 31
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
For the first time, we had our own Christmas tree, complete
with tacky non-denominational ornaments and red tinsel for
the cats to chew on. Liane (my girlfriend) tells me that her
vet (well, her cat's vet, but you get the idea) warned her
one eventful holiday that if you see tinsel hanging out of
the cat's bottom, you should never pull on it. This sounds
like good advice to me, if only from an aesthetic point of view.
I say, if the cats want to get into the spirit of Christmas,
who am I to stop them? If they feel like dressing up in
dead pine needles and colo-rectal tinsel, more power to them.
Why should their feline Christmas traditions be limited to
peeing on the tree and getting tangled in the lights before
pulling the whole thing over?
But I digress. I was rather disappointed when I realised
that by Christmas Eve none of the ornaments had shattered
in the carpet. While attempting to rectify the situation
for nostalgia's sake, I discovered they were actually made
of cunningly disguised plastic rather than the razor-sharp
micro-thin glass of my youth. This hardly seems sporting
to me, and looks all too suspiciously like the work of the
same fun-hating Safety Nazis who spoiled fireworks by banning
those little red sticks of dynamite that exploded in your
hands and your pockets and your frogs. Bah humbug.
We imposed ourselves on friends over Christmas Day, where
we were filled with greenest envy over their new home, built
next to a huge old country house deep in the heart of the
Sussex Weald. I read somewhere that the Romans considered
all of Sussex to be virtually impenetrable forest, so it was
the last part of southeast England to be civilised, so to speak.
The living room of the house is actually an old brick shed
with pleasingly woodwormed beams and an enormous fireplace.
There are skylights and windows everywhere, with one side
facing west across miles of countryside. The sunsets are
just spectacular. Simon's brother lives in Burwash, about
six miles away, and you can walk all the way there by public
footpaths through fields and woods. Sometimes it's difficult
to believe that England has fifty million people in less space
than Illinois.
Filled with late-afternoon 10-year-old-Scotch-induced vigour,
Barbour wellies on, chins to the wind, we went out in search of
pastoral splendour. It was a beautiful day, crisp and clear,
the fields still a bright green and the woods covered in
old leaves. The damage from the hurricane of 1987 is still
visible everywhere, but it's slowly being covered over so that
it looks less like damage and more like scenery.
One of the fields was full of sheep, easily the dumbest and
most bad-tempered of farm animals. I don't know where sheep
get the reputation for being easily led or docile; every one
I've met has been a cantankerous little bastard, displaying
none of the Disneyite cuteness that animals are required to.
Anyway, the bad-tempered part aside, the dumb part comes into
this tale of rural delight because a few of them were trapped
in the brambles running along a fence. Simon, being a man of
the country, decided to get in his good deed for the year at
the last minute by setting free the biggest, and in my opinion,
most obviously vicious and dangerous ones. This is trickier
than it sounds; possessing none of the higher intelligence
needed to understand concepts like altruism and compassion,
the lamb chops in a red wine sauce with oyster mushrooms
sorry where was I oh yes the sheep get increasingly agitated
as you approach. In some cases, this was enough to free them
by itself, but one was too entangled to escape and unable to
avoid our help at any cost. Simon jumped on its back, holding
him more-or-less in place while we picked the worst pieces out.
The sheep was unimpressed by our efforts and bucked continually.
It occurred to me that were any Sun photographers lurking
in the bushes, we were looking more than a little compromised.
I pictured a grainy picture with a 48 point headline screaming
"SUSSEX SHEEP SHAGGING SCANDAL" or "LOCK UP THE LAMB LOVERS"
or some such thing. Eventually, we'd managed to remove enough
of the worst thorns by accidentally stabbing them through our
own hands instead, and the victim was freed, running away at
top speed without even a thank you before we bled all over the
fine virgin wool.
Next stop on the H E Bates memorial tour was the neighbour's
cow shed, where the neighbour's cows were milling about aimlessly
and exhibiting all of the witlessly docile behaviour that sheep
never do. We hung out with them for a while, but to be honest,
cows are astoundingly dull animals, and there's only so much
amusement value to be had. They do have quite disgustingly large
tongues though, like enormous pink eels, which I find vaguely
disturbing in an agrarian-Lynchesque psychosexual sort of way.
Stopping only to fall into badger holes, we made our way back
as the sun was setting, a particularly fine celestial display,
tastefully tinted clouds in pink and orange, fading to red as
the last dying rays of [that's enough sunsets - Ed.] The best
oak trees on the planet are found in Sussex, every one artfully
planted so that it stands alone silhouetted against the sky,
a silent witness to generations of change, inspiring the most
embarrassingly tedious pseudo-mystical doggerel imaginable.
Before leaving, we planted our now somewhat droopy Christmas tree
by the light of a paraffin torch somewhere in the field behind
the house. This strikes me as a pretty good idea for a yearly
tradition really, a different sort of pension plan. And why not.
------------------------------
Date: Mon Jan 6 10:00:16 EST 1992
From: spaf
Subject: In the news
To: yucks
Two strange items next to each other in today's Lafayette newspaper;
one humorous, one not (your choice of which is which best not
disclosed to the general public):
Prune Board Adds Wrinkle to St. Petersburg
------------------------------------------
To a city stil trying to share its retiree image and the moniker
"God's waiting room," an award honoring its consumption of prunes has
added another unwanted wrinkle.
"This is too funny," City Council member Leslie Curran said. "All
I can say is, St. Pete makes the going great."
The California Prune Board, noting that the area's per capita
prune consumption outpaces the national average, has awarded St.
Petersburg a $1000 grant to develop a walking exercise program.
"One suggestion was that it shouldn't be a walking program, but a
running program," said Marla Tritt, a city recreation leader.
Sitter may have killed baby with pet-fur trimmer
------------------------------------------------
Englewood, CO: A babysitter was arrested for reportedly beating an
infant to death with an electric pet-fur trimmer, authorities said.
Jane Heidi Jensen, 28, was arrested Saturday for investigation of
second-degree murder and felony child abuse in the death of
10-month-old Jacqueline Rosenfield on Dec 31, Arapahoe County Sheriff
Pat Sullivan said.
Jensen, who provided child care in her home in suburban Denver,
was being held in lieu of $1 million bond.
Jensen was grooming her poodle the morning of Dec. 31 when the
toddler began crying, and she picked up the child by the hair and beat
her with the electric trimmers, investigators said.
The child suffered two skull fractures and brain damage.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 91 11:52:44 -0500
From: cromwell@ecn.purdue.edu (Bob Cromwell)
Subject: mail filler for you
To: spaf
Since it appears that you and rsk have teamed up to ensure that everyone's
mail spool file takes over the disk, and since I would guess that taking
musicians so unseriously will either annoy or amuse rsk, I thought I'd pass
along an idea. Not that I've seen the Elton John / Bernie Taupin tribute
album, but it might make a fun contest to think up song/artist combinations
that should be on there if they're not already. For instance:
"Candle in the Wind" Madonna
(for obvious reasons....)
"Rocket Man" Pink Floyd
"Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting" AC/DC
(alternatively, maybe a speed-metal version
would be nice)
"Crocodile Rock" Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs
(in a bluegrass style, of course. unfortunately,
half of them are dead.....)
"Funeral for a Friend" Ozzie Ozborne and Lita Ford
"Your Song" Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton
(probably this has already been done on a
Christmas special)
If there's anything left over, it should be done by Nelson, with Darryl
Hannah as backup singer, just for the visual effect.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 2 Jan 92 16:13:49 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: New Year revelry lands many Pakistanis in jail
To: yucks-request
Islamabad, Jan 2 dpa - New year celebrations in puritan Pakistan
landed many revellers in trouble, press reports said Thursday.
In Islamabad police arrested six persons, including an army
officer, for ringing in the new year with liquor, something absolutely
prohibited.
One police officer trying to arrested four drunken revellers
however himself was taken hostage, according to the newspaper Jang.
Though he was later rescued, the revellers were not arrested as
they belonged to "a sensitive institution" - a term used usually for
the country's powerful intelligence agencies.
However the worst sufferer was an Islamabad chauffeur, Altaf
Husain, who was caught carrying two bottles of wine from a big hotel
for his rich boss.
Five-star hotels are allowed to sell liquor to their foreign,
non-Moslem guests.
A religious society in Karachi accused the government of ignoring
"hooliganism" and "open sale of liquor" in the port city on the
New Year eve.
In the big cities, the rich rang in the new year at private parties
and their youth with firecrackers and rifle fire.
Police kept a vigil outside smart hotels in Karachi to prevent
"immoral activities" as well as to protect hotel guests from
possible attacks by Moslem fundamentalists.
Big hotels discontinued new year's eve parties many years ago
because of such attacks.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 2 Jan 92 21:17:23 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: ON THE AIR COLUMN
To: yucks-request
[If there was a prototypical Yucks posting, I think this is it. --spaf]
By TOM SHALES
WASHINGTON--We have some very bad news. It seems the year 1991 has
been digitally remastered and now returns as...the year 1992. This
time in Dolby Surround Stereo. Oh, gross!
Yes, the recession is still here, George Bush is still president,
and Maury Povich still has a talk show. So much for new leaves.
Now, before 1991 is completely forgotten--and that won't take
long--we pause for a look back at some of the goofs, the gaffes, the
flips and the flops of a tumultuous, tempestuous and often incredibly
idiotic twelve months. These are the little outrages that may have
been lost amongst the larger outrages that dominated the year.
Do we have to pause? Yes. This is a television column, and
television always pauses.
--^Perhaps they meant, "water closets and cesspools"/: NBC
publicity promised that its short-lived debacle "Sunday Best" would
be "the kind of show people across the country will be talking about
the next morning at water coolers and in carpools."
--^What did you expect them to do, make a call and check it out
first?/: When Forbes FYI magazine printed a hoax item about cash-poor
Soviets trying to sell Lenin's body for $15 million, "ABC World News
Tonight with Peter Jennings" reported it to viewers as fact.
--^Physician, heal thyself/: John Gay, who authored the screenplay
for a lousy remake of Alfred Hitchcock's "Shadow of a Doubt" that
aired in April on CBS, had one of his characters throw down a book and
grumble, "Why don't these writers get something new?"
--^Biggest waste of a 900 phone number/: On its "Speak Your Mind"
feature, E! Entertainment Television, an all-promo cable channel,
invited viewers to phone in their responses to this question: "Which
character on `Gilligan's Island' do you most identify with, and why?"
--^Second biggest waste of a 900 phone number/: Joan Rivers asked
viewers of her talk show to phone in votes on this question: "Do you
think I should stop doing Delta Burke jokes?"
--^Thanks for clearing that up/: On an episode of his syndicated
talk show dealing with steroids, Ron Reagan told the audience, "I'm
not a football player, I'm not a body builder, I don't know."
--^Moyers: The CNN Years. Somehow they lasted just long enough/: An
hour after announcing that Bill Moyers was joining the staff of CNN as
a commentator, the cable network issued a "clarification" stating
that Moyers' guest shot on a CNN news show that night was to be "a
one-time appearance" only.
--^From those wonderful folks who brought you the Energizer Bunny,
the singing raisins, and Poppin Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy/: When
presenters at the advertising industry's annual Clio Awards confessed
they didn't know who'd won for which commercials, guests at the
banquet stormed the stage and ran off with the trophies.
--^Oh, shut up/: Heralding a festival of films by the great Marlene
Dietrich, cable's Movie Channel noted, "In some ways, she was the
Madonna of her generation."
--^First Amendment, Shmirst Amendment/: A Knoxville, Tenn., man
blamed the FCC for the "obscene" language aired during the Clarence
Thomas hearings and demanded restitution from the commission for "the
harm and suffering which has been inflicted on me and my family."
--^And that goes for the other nine amendments, too/: On "This
Week with David Brinkley," George Will pooh-pooh'd the Bill of
Rights, insisting we could have gotten along without it.
--^Torch-bearing crowds surrounded the courthouse demanding the
death penalty/: A woman in Cobb County, Ga., was arrested and spent
four hours in jail, for having failed to return two rented movies to
her video store.
--^And next week, we slap the Cosby kids silly/: NBC promoted an
episode of one of its series with an announcer screaming, "Don't miss
the season premiere of `Law and Order'; one of your favorite
characters will be killed!"
--^Maybe Vietnam Vets shouldn't be too unhappy they didn't get a
parade after all/: Near the conclusion of "Hollywood's Welcome Home
Desert Storm Parade," former Polident spokeswoman Martha Raye popped
out her dentures and waved them to the crowd.
--^Sometimes it's hard to remember what life was like before cable.
Hard, but worth trying/: An Arlington, Va., cable access channel began
telecasts of "Kestryl and Company," a series produced by "the Gay
pagan community" and starring "Kestryl Angell-Costa, second-degree
Wicca priestess of the Silver Moon Crescent coven."
--^Yes, and who can blame them?/: In a survey of 100 men and women
in five cities, the National Enquirer found that "most folks
recognized Bart Simpson--but not their own congressman."
--^And finally, proof positive, as if any were needed, that Western
civilization is going to hell in a handbasket/: According to a survey
commissioned by MTV networks, 81 percent of kids surveyed nationwide
answered "yes" to the question: "When you grow up to be an adult,
will you subscribe to cable?"
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 3 Jan 92 11:09:18 PST
From: jeh@cmkrnl.com
Subject: Prime criteria for selecting soul-mates?
To: ENIAC@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
Seen in the "women seeking men" part of the "Phone-Match" section of the
San Diego _Reader_ (freebie weekly newspaper):
ARROGANT ENGINEER WANTED. Educated, savvy brunette seeks tall,
extremely intelligent, engineering type. Ex-geeks welcome.
Social skills not necessary; will train. No drug or MS-DOS users.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 1 Jan 92 22:04:19 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Singapore to allow personal possession of chewing gum
To: yucks-request
SINGAPORE, Jan 1 (AFP) - Singapore's chewing gum ban took a
strange twist New Year's day with the announcement that possession of
gum for consumption would not be an offence, although importing and
selling it will.
According to press reports, a ministry of environment official
said in response to queries that possession of chewing gum would not
be an offence and his ministry's inspectors would not take action
against members of the public found chewing it.
The only exceptions would be in areas like the Mass Rapid
Transport stations where consumption of food is prohibited, he said.
Wednesday being a public holiday, the ministry was unavailable for
comment. The announced earlier this week that the sale, import and
manufacture of chewing gum would be banned from Friday, with
punishments of up to 6,100 U.S. dollar fines and one year in jail for
importing it and 2,000 U.S. dollars for selling it.
The ministry said the ban and sale was imposed because spent
chewing gum, placed on doors, had disrupted MRT train operations.
------------------------------
Date: 23 Dec 91 16:34:15 GMT
From: kurth@heycke.Eng.Sun.COM (Kurt Heycke [Contractor])
Subject: Star Trek Turns Against Israel
Newsgroups: talk.politics.mideast,soc.culture.arabic,rec.arts.startrek
In article <1991Dec17.222406.249991@cs.cmu.edu> mwgertz+@cs.cmu.edu (Matthew Gertz) writes:
>function of the limitation of any hour-long stories. A lot of people get
>stepped on -- this does not exclude Americans, who are specifically
>paralleled by (ulp!) the Ferengi, described as "Yankee traders" by Data --
>the entire US system of capitalism constantly portrayed by these
>"unscrupulous people." (I will admit, though, that the Ferengi are generally
>played for humor, not seriously as the Cardassians are.) Admirals are
Now that we're on the subject. . . .
The name "Ferengi" comes from the Arabic, "Ferengi", a generic term
for Europeans or Westerners. The word has medeival origins, deriving
from the term "Frank" (the Franks being associated with the first
crusade).
The arabic word for syphilis (al-afrangi) is from the same root, indicating
the European propensity to "infect" others with their "cultures."
The great travel writer, Richard Burton (NO, not the actor), described
in his works the "rapacious and nefarious" trading activities of the
"greedy ferengi" in Arab Africa. Perhaps Roddenberry or some Star
Trek writer has seen his writings.
------------------------------
Date: 23 Dec 91 19:21:06 GMT
From: kurth@heycke.Eng.Sun.COM (Kurt Heycke [Contractor])
Subject: Star Trek Turns Against Israel
In article <1991Dec23.172417.11562@ncsu.edu> hernlem@che13.ncsu.EDU (Brad Hernlem) writes:
>In article <1569@appserv.Eng.Sun.COM>, kurth@heycke.Eng.Sun.COM (Kurt
>Heycke [Contractor]) writes:
>>
>> The name "Ferengi" comes from the Arabic, "Ferengi", a generic term
>> for Europeans or Westerners. The word has medeival origins, deriving
>> from the term "Frank" (the Franks being associated with the first
>> crusade).
>>
>> The arabic word for syphilis (al-afrangi) is from the same root, indicating
>> the European propensity to "infect" others with their "cultures."
>>
>> The great travel writer, Richard Burton (NO, not the actor), described
>> in his works the "rapacious and nefarious" trading activities of the
>> "greedy ferengi" in Arab Africa. Perhaps Roddenberry or some Star
>> Trek writer has seen his writings.
>>
>I'm not sure Farengi is of Arabic origin, it appears also in Farsi and
>Hindi. In Farsi it usually refers to Europeans but in Hindi it simply
>means "outsider". Europe is referred to as Farengistan in Farsi. Farengi
>is also attached to a number of words in Farsi such as Toot-Farengi
>("toot" - berry) for strawberries and Gojeh-Farengi ("gojeh" - plum) for
>tomato.
I'm pretty sure it was originally Arabic. Neither Wehr's dictionary
nor Lane's Lexicon makes any reference to Farsi or Hindi origins - they
usually mention it when such origins do exist. I think it is most likely
that Farsi borrowed it from Arabic - as it did much of its vocabulary.
This also makes sense since the Arabs had the earlier and more extensive
contacts with the Franks. However, it remains a mystery to me how it came
to be used in Hindi and why it is _not_ (to my knowledge) used in Turkish.
------------------------------
Date: 25 Dec 91 12:47:21 GMT
From: blais@ut-emx.uucp (Donald Blais)
Subject: Star Trek Turns Against Israel
Newsgroups: talk.politics.mideast,soc.culture.arabic
In article <1991Dec24.184825.313@ncsu.edu> hernlem@che14.ncsu.EDU (Brad Hernlem) writes:
>Do you know, off-hand, what the Arabic spelling of "Farengi" is? There
>is no "G" in Arabic so I am curious.
The root consonants are: "frnj"
"firanjah" Europe
"firanjiy" European
------------------------------
Date: 2 Jan 92 00:30:04 GMT
From: vid@zooid.guild.org (David Mason)
Subject: Teetotallar's ST drinking game
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Star Trek: The Old Generation/The Next Generation
Teetotaller's Drinking Game
Rules
-----
Have one sip of an alcoholic beverage every time one of the following
conditions is met, otherwise continue drinking your tea.
Conditions
----------
Wesley gets laid.
Dr. Who appears on the main bridge.
Data, while entering co-ordinates, makes a typo and accidentally sends them
into the middle of a star, and the Enterprise explodes in an orgy of high-tech
special effects.
The entire crew simultaneously crepitates.
The entire show turns out to be one long commercial; Pepsi, the choice
of The Next Generation.
Worf decides that he likes to dress in feminine apparel, and it suits him.
The new season's uniforms look sillier than last year's (will probably have
to drink for this one).
The Federation invents a new weapon; the enemy is tricked into thinking their
mommies are calling them.
Picard spanks Data.
One of the male characters appears in a uniform that reveals cleavage.
The producers of ST:TNG get together with the producers of Gone With
The Wind and combine the two shows in a new three-hourly series.
Data spanks the main computer when it doesn't work properly. Deanna later
confides to Picard that in reality it was working properly, and Data was
expressing long-hidden emotions.
Data gets frustrated with the main computer and takes an axe to it.
A red shirt goes down to a new planet and isn't killed (this one is
obligatory).
Captain Picard sells the rights to his personal log and makes a mint for the
sections that don't appear on the show.
A new weapon is invented for the ship that doesn't have an accompanying
dazzling special effect.
The entire series, old and new, turns out to be the prelude to a
Monty Python skit.
A big black hole swallows the entire universe. Everyone disappears. Star
Trek is replaced by reruns of Gilligan's Island.
A rumour appears in the National Enquirer that the only purpose of ST is to
make money, not to keep thousands of ST fanatics happy.
The entire crew breaks into an orgy of spanking. Everyone gets spanked.
Picard and Riker get into a big argument on who gets "first dibs" on
spanking Deanna.
In an important episode, all ships run out of fuel because an alternative
to gasoline hasn't been invented yet. The new solar-powered ships premier,
but they can't attain even warp one. The pace of the show slows down.
They finally explore the entire universe, so they all get bored and go home.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 1 Jan 92 20:46:27 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: U.S. Rings In New Year
To: yucks-request
Americans from New York, New York, to New York, Texas, and points
beyond greeted 1992 with traditional celebrations and bizarre rituals.
A million or so lined the streets of Pasadena, Calif., for the
103rd Tournament of Roses. Some hit the ski slopes. And from coast to
coast it was time for some people to strip down to bathing suits and
jump into really, really cold water.
In Colorado, more than 130 plunged into Boulder Reservoir once a
hole was cut through 4-inch-thick ice. Felicia Rouillard stayed in
for 36 minutes, 30 seconds, beating the Boulder Polar Bear Club
record by 10 minutes.
"It's a fun way to start the new year," said Trygve Bauge, the
club's president. "This is a very strong natural high, particularly
if you're fully submerged. It gives you an increased awareness of the
present."
Twelve hours after the ball dropped at New York City's Times
Square, 76-year-old Vic Boff was dropping into the Atlantic Ocean off
Coney Island. It was his last dip as a member of Iceberg swim club
the before moving to Cape Coral, Fla.
"It'll feel a lot different," he said. "When you make changes
there's always a challenge like getting used to the warm water down
there."
The scene was repeated in Atlantic City, N.J., and in San
Francisco, where about 60 people took part in the 1.3-mile New Year's
Day Alcatraz Swim. Unlike the others, the San Francisco swimmers had
a warm sauna waiting.
Things were a little more sedate in tiny New York, Texas, where no
one seems to recall ever having a rowdy New Year's celebration.
Rowena Scholars spent a few hours with her granddaughter, but it
wasn't much of a party.
"I'd like to be able to tell you we were going to have a big
parade or something, but I can't," she said. "There's not much going
on here."
Not so in the Los Angeles area. Despite efforts to stop a holiday
tradition of shooting off guns, at least 16 people were hurt by
falling bullets, a sheriff's spokesman said.
In Michigan, skiers took to the slopes at Boyne Highlands ski
resort despite less than ideal conditions.
"We're pretty busy," spokeswoman Tina Radle said. "Our slopes are
pretty full even though it's misty and kind of icy."
At the Tournament of Roses, American Indians protested honoring a
descendant of Christopher Columbus as the parade's co-grand marshal
and animal-rights activists staged a small demonstration. But, except
for some stalled floats, there were few hitches.
In Philadelphia, about 25,000 people marched in the annual Mummers
Parade, which included the usual cast of female impersonators,
feathered sun gods and gaily decorated floats.
The parade, first held in 1901, has its roots in centuries-old
European celebrations in which men dressed as women, women as men and
poor as rich.
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End of Yucks Digest
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