[Prev][Next][Index]
Yucks Digest V1 #76
Yucks Digest Fri, 23 Aug 91 Volume 1 : Issue 76
Today's Topics:
Auto Reply from Watch_Mail for 15-AUG-1991 17:30 to 3-SEP-1991 00:00
Computer Provides New Insights
Coup ad tie in
cutie
Flying the coup
HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION!!!
scotch
Search For Blue Rose Continues
Summer Movies To Whet Your Appetite
Teen Sues Video Game Maker
The Bizarre Not New To Salem
this can't be the first, but it's original and only seconds old
Tit fer Tat
What about Bob?
Yucks #71 Blowing w/ a vengeance!
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual, the
possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous. It is issued on a
semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present themselves.
Back issues may be ftp'd from arthur.cs.purdue.edu from
the ~ftp/pub/spaf/yucks directory. Material in archives
Mail.1--Mail.4 is not in digest format.
Back issues may also be obtained through a mail server. Send mail to
"yucks-request@uther.cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the
single word "help". You may also use this server to join or leave the
list, or to obtain an index of past issues.
Submissions and subscription requests should be sent to
spaf@cs.purdue.edu or yucks@uther.cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 16 Aug 91 22:07:46 PDT
From: "I'd rather be pounding nails into my head 17-Aug-1991 0107" <dipirro@star.enet.dec.com>
Subject: Auto Reply from Watch_Mail for 15-AUG-1991 17:30 to 3-SEP-1991 00:00
To: yucks-request
[I got this as a "vacation" auto-reply to an earlier Yucks posting. --spaf]
Steve cannot respond to your mail right now. He has been kidnapped by
space aliens and is being held on the planet Bmnifyl until our demands are met.
Although far too complex for mere humans to comprehend, the knowledge Steve has
acquired by porting XDELTA to Alpha makes him invaluable throughout the galaxy.
Steve suggested that we use these primitive means to convey our message
to other Earthlings. Steve is being well-treated. We probed his subconscious,
his innermost fantasies, to find the ideal setting for Steve while we await the
Earth response to our demands. Although some of Steve's fantasies were beyond
our means to provide (and in some cases, to understand), he seems quite content
in his new setting.
Steve asked that we inform other Earthlings to contact Richard
(STAR::) Sayde regarding issues having to do with the Debug Tools project.
Contact Lisa (STAR::) Lopilato or Chris (EVMS::) Petrovic for other emergencies.
Contact Mike (EVMS::) Harvey for membership to STAR::EXTENDED-VAX.
If the following 10 demands are met, Steve will be returned to his
office on Tuesday, September 3rd unharmed and well-rested. Otherwise, Steve's
knowledge will be used to improve the lives of billions of lifeforms throughout
the galaxy, all worshiping the ground he walks on, his every whim and fancy
turned immediately into reality. You see, simple Earthlings, we can't lose.
You have no chance against our superior intelligence. (By the way, Steve wanted
to add a few demands of his own to the list which we, of course, denied).
Demands:
1. Elvis will be returned to us immediately!
2. Whoever has been mutilating cattle and making crop circles, cut it out!
We don't think it's funny anymore!
3. Immediately start rebroadcasting "Lost in Space." It was our favorite
T.V. show.
4. The staff of the Weekly World News will report back to the planet Bmnifyl
right away for violating the prime directive.
5. Everyone will immediately standardize on the VMS operating system, the
obvious choice of beings with higher intelligence, and stop using all those
other silly operating systems which have the entire rest of the galaxy
laughing behind your backs.
6. Each and every Earthling will consume hotdogs, baked beans, bananas, and
beer for one week while we conduct atmospheric studies on CO2 levels to
determine the validity of your so-called greenhouse effect and to
potentially take corrective measures (and don't think we won't enjoy
conducting this experiment).
7. You will decriminalize the following drugs immediately:
...Wait a minute, what was I talking about?
8. Dan Quayle will be given unconditional decision-making authority for NASA
and the U.S. space program.
9. Lighten up! You Earthlings take things way too seriously. Galactic comedians
are constantly poking fun at and imitating Earthlings:
[ With a straight face...]
Q: How many Earthlings does it take to change a gravitron belt?
A: One.
[ Roars of laughter rattle the space continuum ]
10. All so-called Yuppies will be rounded up in camps for our future
consumption (just provide them with baked brie, some wine, and a Wall
Street Journal to keep them entertained). We find these are the only
humans we can bring ourselves to eat.
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 17 Aug 91 10:03:17 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Computer Provides New Insights
To: yucks-request
MARIETTA, Ga. (AP)
Adam, a small but muscular fellow who wears only sunglasses and a
fig leaf, may eventually revolutionize the way medicine is taught and
practiced.
While Adam stands at the ready, the click of a computer mouse
directing an interactive software program peels off his layers, from
his skin to his bone marrow.
The software program takes anatomy out of the textbook and into a
computer. With it, medical students can dissect without cadavers and
doctors can show patients exactly what they're about to do to them.
"No one has ever illustrated anatomy in this kind of detail," said
Greg Swayne, the medical illustrator who's president of A.D.A.M.
Software Inc., a medical illustration company. "What we'll end up
with is the Gray's Anatomy of the 21st century," he said, referring
to the standard anatomy text.
Educators and doctors say they're intrigued by A.D.A.M.
"I've got 20 years teaching anatomy to medical students, and I've
seen a lot of different-type innovations come and go," said Dr.
Andrew F. Payer, associate professor of anatomy and neuroscience at
the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston. "I really
believe this particular program is probably the most innovative I've
seen, with the most potential."
A.D.A.M. stands for Animated Dissection of Anatomy for Medicine,
but Swayne admits the acronym came first.
The design team is working its way up Adam's body. The foot and
lower leg went on the market in January. The knee and hip are almost
done. The thoracic region, upper extremities and head and neck will
follow within two years, Swayne said.
Twenty-eight feet programs have been sold to podiatrists.
A.D.A.M. for MacIntosh computers sells for $3,450; IBM users pay
$3,750.
The price isn't necessarily a stumbling block for "a modern
podiatric medical establishment," Wakefield said. "You know, $3,600
or so in an effort to contribute to patient education may pale by
comparison with $36,000 for some automobiles these days."
With the system's "scalpel," students can slice through Adam's
skin, exposing what's underneath without any bleeding. They can pry
apart his muscles, saw his bones and install screws to heal a nasty
fracture.
"This is going to be to doctors what airline simulators have been
for pilots," Swayne said.
"Cadaver dissection is really becoming a dying art," he said.
But at least one educator says A.D.A.M. won't mean the end of
dissection and surgical practice. "It's not a total replacement,"
said Dr. Margaret Hougland, who wants to test A.D.A.M. at East
Tennessee State University's Division of Health Sciences. "You still
have to have the touch."
A.D.A.M.'s designers are already working on improvements. Coming
soon will be four races of Adam with changing skin tones, and an Eve.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 91 16:56:58 EST
From: "Steve Chapin" <sjc>
Subject: Coup ad tie in
To: spaf
Seen in rec.roller-coaster:
>> Did anyone catch CNN at around 5 this morning? They had
>> cameras at the airport where members of the Russian Emergency
>> State Committee were boarding planes to flee the country.
>>
>> One reporter yelled out to Yanayev: "Hey, Vice President
>> Yanayev! You've just headed a disasterous attempt to overthrow
>> the Russian Government! What are you going to do now?"
>>
>> To which Yanayev replied: "I'm going to DISNEYLAND!!!"
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 91 03:41:55 EDT
From: dscatl!lindsay@gatech.edu
Subject: cutie
Last December, a group of famous chess players had congregated in
the lobby of a big New York hotel. Each tried to outdo the others
in tales of his or her prowess in mastering opponents. After an hour
of this, the hotel manager shouted, "Everybody out!"
When asked why, he said, "I just got fed up hearing chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer!"
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 91 16:43:15 EDT
From: lost in transit
Subject: Flying the coup
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
I heard that Aeroflot now has a program for frequent flee-ers.
------------------------------
Date: 21 Aug 91 00:11:30 GMT
From: klingspo@mozart.cs.colostate.edu (Steve Klingsporn)
Subject: HELLFIRE AND DAMNATION!!!
Newsgroups: comp.sys.mac.programmer,comp.sys.mac.system,comp.sys.mac.misc
Dear Friends,
It really pains me to deliver to you this news. I was walking
around in Chicago the other day with a friend from out East, and
a lady walked up to me, giving me a pamphlet that pretty much
disassembles what each of us is doing, and makes perfect sense
of all of it. Because this was given to me by another human
being, it's undoubtedly true.
IN OCT. 1992, JESUS IS COMING AGAIN
>.
>.
>.
[misc. 3 pages of stuff deleted]
>.
>.
>.
* SECRETS OF 666
"And he causes all, the small and the great, and the rich and
the poor, and the free man and the slaves, to be given a mark
on their right hand, or on their forehead, and he provides that
no one would be able to buy or sell, except the one who has the
mark, either the name of the beast or the number of his name.
Here is the wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate
the number of the beast, for the number is that of a man,
and his number is six hundred and sixty-six."
(Rev. 13:17-18)
Soon money will be useless and in place of it, the mark will be
put on the forehead or on the right hand, and this will be the
only way to buy and sell. Bar codes of U.P.C. is the 666 mark
and is already all over supermarkets, hospitals, and libraries.
Mr. William Garrison already talked about the #666 which is
universal code number [sic]. The computer itself is #666.
A=6, B=12, C=18, D=24, E=30, ...[deleted]... Z=156
C O M P U T E R
(18) (90) (78) (96) (126) (120) (30) (108) = 666
[You have to envision this -- picture of guy with
bar code on forehead, big #s in it "666," and
picture of bar code and how it supposedly equates
to 666]
*#6 is computer's special code number and universal computer's
number is also #6.
The computer is golden calf of this new age. The laser beam
number given will distribute number to the body in 1/1000000000
sec.
Nronks=666, Devil & Sheol=666, Computer=666, People & Sin=666,
Lucifer & Hell=666, Devil & Dragon=666, Mark of Beast=666,
Bar Code of U.P.C. mark is 666.
"Computer," his nickname is "the beast." "The beast" is the
nickname for the "Super Computer" at the E.E.C. Center in
Belgium.
Dr. Jack Van Impe exposed that #666 will control all the people
in the whole world with the super computer. This computer is
connected to S.W.F.T. World Bank Link Computer located in
Brussels. Center Computer located in Luxembourg.
[Wow, man, like lots of throughput on that puppy!]
Every credit card has their own special code number,
111=mutual charge card
222=money charge card
333=Visa
444=Master Card
555=American Express
666=?
777=Diners Club
888=Carte Blanche
900=Special Services
999=Universal charge card
>.
>.
>.
[stuff to end of brocure deleted -- more biblical quotes]
Okay, so you heard it here first. Here are some things I think
we can all learn from all of this, and what effect it might
have on the Macintosh community overall.
* We tango with the beast, therefore we ultimately receive hellfire
and damnation. At least we tangle with the "right" beast.
* Satan loves really powerful machines (RISC?), so if you see
him at a party (well, I have friends who I've seen at parties
claiming to "see" even weirder shit), you have something in
common to talk about.
* They really need a network that has great bandwith to not only
control every other computer, but everyone in the world too.
I think it's time we get rid of TCP/IP for SatanTalk.
* Gimme one of those "Universal credit cards," so I don't need
a wallet full of those stupid brand-name cards. Hell, just
give me a bar code on my forehead.
* Satan digs assembly language, for his "universal computer"
must indeed have its OS written in assembly -- this monster
must be fast!
* Satan is an MS-DOS user, cause those "damn windows" take all
that processing time -- there are souls to take here.
* Each of us already knows how to talk to the devil -- all you
need is MPW or THINK.
* So THAT'S where hexidecimal, binary, and octal came from!
* We should all write buggy code that is not 32-bit clean,
so Satan's evil processes bomb. Hey, I can think of a lot
of people who fit this category!!! ;) <ducking>
* There will be a port of Apple's rumored "PINK" OS for Satan's
evil computer, so he can drag little people icons into the
little fire pit icon.
* Someone in the city is smoking lots of dope, but wouldn't you if
you knew that you only had a year to live before judgment???
Guess those of us who think that personal computers can change
the world are correct -- we're not doing good, just ultimately
leading ourselves down the path of ultimate doom, leading to
the ultimate destruction of the world.
This is some pretty nutty shit, but I found it pretty funny.
Hope you do too. If not, I'm sure I'll receive flames -- but hey!
We all will, for we're just flirting with the beast, no?
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 17 Aug 1991 09:53:40 PDT
From: Paul Dourish <Dourish@europarc.xerox.com>
Subject: scotch
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
Any eniac.whisky.drinkers are advised to check out the Scotch Malt
Whisky Society. This place is based in Edinburgh (more precisely, in
Leith), and they run, amongst other things, a mail-order whisky
service (overseas as well, no problem).
The whiskys are ones they buy direct from the distillers; many of them
are fine whiskies which would otherwise disappear into blends and
never be seen again. What's more, the SMWS buys them by the
barrel-load, so they come at cask strength, which is typically around
60-62% alcohol, sometimes higher.
But the single biggest reason for joining is to receive the whisky
listings and read the reviews. Quite apart from their tasters
displaying an extreme (indeed, suspicious) knowledge of whisky (to the
extent of identifying the type of sherry previously stored in the
whisky cask), they sometimes have an exquisite turn of phrase.
* "Pale gold colour; a second-fill sherry cask; it has a robust and
complex nose, like smelling a finnon haddie through a bunch of
violets."
* "The former is complex and rewarding; a curious linseed-oil odour
augmenting with water to suggest well-polished leather. All this with a
fruity overlay, a bit like eating pastilles in an old boot."
* "It smells malty, of the mash. I think we'll pour some on the
Members' Room carpet, so the place will smell as it should."
* "A distinctinve dram, which will reward time spent in the drinking;
(this for the puritans among you who feel the need of a utilitarian
justification)."
-- Paul.
P.s. SMWS, 87 Giles St, Edinburgh EH6 6BZ. Fax +44 31 553 1003. No
email. Annual membership \pounds 40, includes introductory bottle.
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 17 Aug 91 10:02:03 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Search For Blue Rose Continues
To: yucks-request
SYDNEY, Australia (AP)
There are plenty of blues around blue skies, blueberries, blue
suede shoes, even the rare blue moon. So what's all the fuss about
the lack of a blue rose?
A group of Melbourne scientists is gushing about how they isolated
the gene responsible for the blue color in flowers. You'd almost
think they had discovered something important, like self-repairing
car fenders or cats who clean their own litter boxes.
Then again, maybe they have, considering that the world cut-flower
market is worth $5 billion in annual sales and garden roses about
$500 million. The new rose is projected to cost about $80 a stem.
Some of the world's best horticulturists have failed to produce a
blue rose through breeding. Although bluish variations with names
like "Blue Moon" and "Blue Boy" exist, purists claim they're more
purple or mauve than a true blue.
So science took over, with Melbourne's Calgene Pacific Proprietary
Ltd. working against the clock to beat other companies, particularly
Holland's Florigene.
"It's been a bit of a holy grail to produce a blue rose," said
Edwina Cornish, a molecular biologist who headed a four-year research
project at Calgene Pacific.
The company's joint venture with Japanese giant Suntory Ltd.
appears to have taken the first big jump, although they admit it
probably will be at least a year before anyone is picking the first
true-blue rose.
"What we have done is isolate a gene from a petunia that is
responsible for producing a blue color," Cornish said in a telephone
interview Wednesday.
That paves the way for intensive work introducing the blue gene,
called delphinidin, into roses' molecular structure. The gene encodes
an enzyme that will change the pigment that normally makes roses red.
"Since Calgene Pacific has already developed techniques to
transfer the `blue gene' to roses, the joint venture is well advanced
in its quest to develop a blue rose," said Michael Dalling, Calgene
Pacific's managing director.
"We expect to complete the remaining technical objectives by 1992,
and we are confident trials of the first blue rose will begin in
1993."
Cornish said fine-tuning no doubt will be required to produce the
best blue.
"We might get something muddy-colored at first," she said.
Dr. Colin Brady, a horticulture expert with the government's
Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization, had few
doubts as to the claims by Calgene Pacific, which he called a
well-established company respected in genetics research.
"They may well do it," he said. "If they have the gene, all they
have to do is put it to use."
------------------------------
Date: 19 Aug 91 23:30:07 GMT
From: denelsbe@cs.unc.edu (Kevin Denelsbeck)
Subject: Summer Movies To Whet Your Appetite
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
One time on Saturday Night Live, Dennis Miller made mention of a "new movie"
coming out called "Crocodile Gandhi". In a similar vein, Not Necessarily The
News (on HBO) once had a teaser for "Superman III, Psycho II". My friends
and I here at UNC have come up with some "sequels" of our own, titles that
combine the titles of already existing movies. See what you think, and please
email us if you come up with some yourself! The list is always growing...
Dirty Dances With Wolves
What About Bob And Carol And Ted And Alice?
Pee Wee's Big Adventures In Babysitting
Marathon Rain Man
When Dirty Harry Met Sally...
Nightmare On Wall Street
Star Trek II: The Grapes Of The Wrath Of Khan
License To Kill A Mockingbird
The Year Of Johnny Dangerously
Young Naked Guns
The Elephant Man With Two Brains
Peggy Sue Got Married To The Mob
Three Men And Rosemary's Baby
Lambada: The Forbidden Planet
Zorro, The Gay Blade Runner
2001 Dalmatians
Smokey And The Time Bandits
The Creature From The Blue Lagoon
Terminators Of Endearment
...and our favorite...
Godzilla Must Be Crazy!
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 20 Aug 91 12:06:17 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Teen Sues Video Game Maker
To: yucks-request
UTICA, Mich. (AP)
A teen-ager is suing Nintendo and Toys R Us over a wrist injury
she says she got from playing home video games.
Nicole LaBruzzy, 17, claims she got the debilitating disorder
carpal tunnel syndrome from playing Nintendo games for about seven
months in 1988 and 1989. The disorder is common among computer users.
The lawsuit claims LaBruzzy was unable to write or type because of
the pain, which eased after she quit playing the game.
The lawsuit, filed Monday in state court, seeks more than $10,000,
alleging Nintendo of America Inc. failed to warn of potential side
effects.
Calls to Redmond, Wash.-based Nintendo resulted in taped messages
Monday night. There was no answer at Toys R Us headquarters in
Paramus, N.J.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 16 Aug 91 21:33:58 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: The Bizarre Not New To Salem
By JON MARCUS
Associated Press Writer
SALEM, Mass. (AP)
The talk around the bar at Mike Purcell's centers on the strange
death of a popular interior designer found drowned, her body weighted
with an anchor, after going for a boat ride with a neighbor.
Even as the patrons in the bar reflected on the case, a woman was
indicted in the courthouse down the street for shooting her daughter
and a man was being sought for stabbing his girlfriend to death in a
jealous rage.
Bizarre crimes are hardly new to this city, which still displays
the relics of its witch-hunting days 300 years ago.
"It's soap opera stuff," Purcell said. "When you stop and look
back at all the things that have happened, you have to wonder what's
going to happen next."
Thomas J. Maimoni, 46, was charged last Tuesday with the murder of
his 37-year-old neighbor, Martha Brailsford.
Brailsford was last seen alive July 12 as she set out on a planned
cruise aboard Maimoni's 28-foot sailboat. Her weighted body was
discovered six days later by a lobsterman.
The same week, Theresa Cole, a 20-year-old high school dropout
from neighboring Danvers, was stabbed to death with a 4-inch steak
knife, allegedly by a boyfriend enraged that she had visited the
father of her 2-year-old son.
Then Susan Biancardi was indicted in Salem District Court on
charges that she murdered her 16-year-old daughter on Valentine's Day
in nearby Beverly and tried to kill another daughter in a family
dispute.
"There's a lot more stuff going on than people realize," Purcell
said. "It's not such a small town."
Salem (population: 38,000) capitalizes on a rich history dominated
by the 1692 trials of hundreds of accused witches by a superstitious
populace. Townspeople ultimately executed 19 men and women on Gallows
Hill.
"It may not translate into murders, but there are some bizarre
people floating around and you know that they're drawn here by the
whole concept of witchcraft," said Jim McAllister, a historian who
runs a local tour company. "You never know who's harmless."
Students in a Salem State College course studied law by
re-enacting the brutal 1830 bludgeoning and stabbing murder of a
retired Salem merchant, Joseph White, using a copious amount of fake
blood.
In its more recent past, the area has endured misdeeds appropriate
to made-for-TV movies and the supermarket tabloids.
"There are two aspects of Salem's personality that clash," said
Erin Enwright, coordinator of education at the Essex Institute, where
the site of Joseph White's grim death is on display.
"One is the small, quaint New England seaside village. The other
aspect is that it is a 20th century city with a very diverse
population."
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 91 14:09:22 CDT
From: "Matt Crawford" <matt@oddjob.uchicago.edu>
Subject: this can't be the first, but it's original and only seconds old
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
New hit show on Soviet TV:
Eight Isn't Enough
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 20 Aug 91 17:59:36 GMT-0700
From: barlow@icecube.pinedale.wy.us (John Perry Barlow)
Subject: Tit fer Tat
To: Mike Godwin <mnemonic@eff.org>
New Crossbred ISMs for the 90's
ACLUphemism.
"I hear your son is a card carrying member of the- um- the
Willie Horton Fan Club."
Aerosolipsism.
"Just one person using fluorocarbons won't make a difference..."
Andy Cappitalism.
"Lend me five quid, luv?" "Cor, you're not investing in S&Ls
again!?"
Antisocialism.
"The heart of the Nation is the worker who works alone."
Blaspheminism.
"Take the patriarchy and stuff it up your Messiah."
Cecil B. DeMilitarism.
"Rambo III, sweatier than ever, kills a cast of thousands!"
Christmasochism.
"It's December 23rd! I must get to the mall!"
Frayed Nazism.
"We don't serve Strings in this bar."
Hey Judaism.
"Don't make it bad. Take a Seder song and make it better..."
Intercommunism.
"The proletariat shall not rest until the means of communication
have been wrested from the hands of the bourgoisie."
Kleenexorcism.
"In the name of the Lord, SNEEZE the devil right out of ya!"
Lollipopulism.
"There's a Sucker born every minute."
Malaproptimism.
"It'll come out all right in the wash."
Max Headrheumatism.
"Wh- wh- where's my Ben GGGGGay?"
Parterrorism.
"Take this plane to Cuba or we overwater the flower garden!"
Robotulism.
"And in Detroit, another six dozen industrial welders succumbed
to Mrs Dorfmann's canned beans today, bringing the total costs
to..."
Rose Bolshevism.
"...with just two minutes on the clock, Leningrad needs two
touchdowns to take the game..."
Sadism so!
"Shoeless Joe Jackson was suspended for whipping a batboy..."
Salad Barbarism.
"Emperor! The Vandals demand croutons! And forty stone of
cress!"
Seconaltruism.
"I love humanity... as long as I take these pills twice a day."
Siliconservatism.
"Keep the Free Market free of foreign memory chips!"
Superegotism.
"My conscience is bigger than yours."
Tresspacifism.
"We're occupying this missile base until the arms reduction
treaty is signed."
--
original isms by RB 21 aug 90 --
Copyright 1990 Ranjit Bhatnagar
--
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 91 9:23:41 EDT
From: "Jonathan D. Trudel" <jdt@bugs.rmd.com>
Subject: What about Bob?
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
If I was a hurricane, I'd own the waterways. I'd have special lanes in
the canals just for me (shot of the Panama Canal with open lane and
flashing "BOB" sign above it)...
Later on during the ad, a coast guard cutter pulls up alongside the
maelstrom, and the captain saunters over, lowers his sunglasses and
exclaims, "Oh, it's you, Bob."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 91 16:59:08 PDT
From: saddison@ca.novell.com (Skip Addison)
Subject: Yucks #71 Blowing w/ a vengeance!
To: spaf
re: Cycling and flatulence
>From Allen Scott in Novell's UK office.
This is a known problem amongst cyclists and there are a number
of known remedies:
1) The commom cork solution (no further description required).
2) Take up work as a Lumber Jack and cycle in remote parts.
3) Carry a lighter for quick ignition.
4) Don't eat.
5) Join the Iraqi army for the production of mustard gas.
A change of career is the most adviseable, for example becoming a
deep sea diver or astronaut, has its' advantages as you can get
full enjoyment of the "experience" and cycle in places where no
man has been before. Why do you think astronauts always
smile!
They say it was chewing gum that gave Marine Boy his under water
breathing ability but us cyclists know that it was due to his prowess as
a cyclist and his specially fitted tubes.
By the way I don't suffer from this problem as I have perfected a
special technique of cycling called turbo assisted cycling.
Regards,
Allen
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------