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Yucks Digest V1 #36

Yucks Digest                Fri, 29 Mar 91       Volume 1 : Issue  36 

Today's Topics:
                            Happy Easter !
                        i'm game if you are...
            Mo' Better Dada (was Re: Hostage Notification
                            Nude burglary
                                OS pun
       Response to Paul (or "A night with the buoys and gulls")
                         thought for the day

The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual, the
possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.  It is issued on a
semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present themselves.

Back issues may be ftp'd from arthur.cs.purdue.edu from
the ~ftp/pub/spaf/yucks directory.  Material in archives
Mail.1--Mail.4 is not in digest format.

Submissions and subscription requests should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu

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Date: Thu, 28 Mar 91 22:30:12 +0100
From: Bunnies International Association <d88-jwa@nada.kth.se>
Subject: Happy Easter !
To: bunnys-friends@nada.kth.se

Just felt an urge to say: Happy easter everybody !

						h+@nada.kth.se
						Jon W{tte

	Exactly my sentiments:   Hug a Bunny TODAY !!!!

			Cheers,		---Werner

[Hmmm, in most jurisdictions, that will lead to criminal charges.
 I'd suggest you keep your affection for rabbits discrete.   --spaf]

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Date: Tue, 26 Mar 91 11:58:20 -0800
From: Rex Black <rutgers!devnet.la.locus.com!rex>
Subject: i'm game if you are...
To: spaf

> Date: Thu, 21 Mar 91 21:59:59 EST
> >From: Roger Lustig <roger@phoenix.Princeton.EDU>
> Subject: Do I hafta?
> To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
> An unfortunate shortage of hyphens at the local grand Union
> provides a horrifying imperative:
>   SPIT ROASTED CHICKENS

This reminds me of a story I heard from a friend of mine.

My friend lives near his office, and around 11:00 a.m. he got a call from his
consort saying that she would appreciate him going home and removing a Cornish 
game hen from the freezer so that it would be thawed in time for dinner.
Being an accomodating fellow, he said,"No problem," and, when out on his
lunch break, he took a detour back from the gym and stopped by his house.
Ten minutes later he was back in his office and the game hen was slowly thawing
on the kitchen counter.  Or so he thought!

When his girlfriend returned that evening, she went into the kitchen to check
on dinner.  No hen!  "Damn that irresponsible guy!" she thought, and removed
another game hen from the freezer.  She didn't count the remaining hens to 
verify that he had indeed forgotten to take out the bird.

A couple hours later, our hero returned home and confronted the accusations.
"But I _did_ take a game hen out," he protested.  "I left it right here on
the kitchen counter."

At that moment, the couple's Doberman came in from the bathroom where she
had been asleep.  This timely entrance immediately solved the case of 
the missing game hen, for the dog was clearly both guilty and _very_ ill.
A sound like a chain saw motor was coming periodically from her stomach.

They decided to leave her be and see if she could just digest the thing.
After all, she had managed to swallow it.  Well, around 3:00 a.m. the
dog decided that something just had to be done.  Hearing the dog retching,
the girlfriend went into the living room to find that the animal had
regurgitated the _entire_ _still_ _frozen_ _and_ _wrapped_ game hen onto
the Persian rug.

I would have to say that, personally, I'd rather spit roasted chicken 
than puke frozen game hen, and I think the Doberman would agree.

[Ha!  I wonder how the dog would have done with a turkey?  --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: 26 Mar 91 23:18:51 EST (Tue)
From: meo@Dixie.Com (Miles ONeal)
Subject: Mo' Better Dada (was Re: Hostage Notification
To: bs@sware.com, spaf

Garry Kirks (gkirks@cs.utexas.edu) notes:

A friend of mine turned in turned in a short
film in his RTF class called Mo' Better Dada.

The title sequence was done with a mustard 
squeeze bottle spelling out the words Mo'
Better Dada on a piece of Wonder bread. His name
as director on another. The camera held on this as
a slug come in from off camera and crawled on
top of one piece. Ahand came out and flipped the
remaining bread over so as to make a slug sandwich.
The next shot was of the director bringing the
sandwich to his mouth and taking a bite.

"MM-MM," he said, "but it needs salt."

You can guess the rest.

Had all of the PC film weenies squirming in their
seats.

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Date: 25 Mar 91 19:14:30 GMT
From: paul@actrix.gen.nz (Paul Gillingwater)
Subject: Nude burglary
Newsgroups: rec.nude,nz.general,alt.bizarre

This is paraphrased from the Evening Post Newspaper of March 26,
1991 in Wellington, New Zealand.

Security guards caught an amourous couple in the act -- of burglary!
Apparently the two (a man aged 29 and a woman aged 18) had been
engaging in some intimate activity behind a secluded shop or
warehouse, when suddenly the urge struck them to commit a crime.
Both naked from the waist down, the pair broke into a nearby shop to
steal $2,000 worth of tools.  

When security guards arrived on the scene, the man was inside,
handing out stolen goods to his female partner outside.

This does somewhat encourage one or two lines of amusing speculation
as to motive.  I leave it to readers of USEnet to make up their own
minds on this somewhat bizarre incident.

No prizes will be given for puns.

------------------------------

Date: Wed, 27 Mar 91 11:16:52 EST
From: Gene Spafford <spaf@uther.cs.purdue.edu>
Subject: OS pun
To: systems, eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us

This occured to me while listening to someone with a Jamaican accent
make a presentation during the SEDMS symposium last week....

What's the most difficult problem to solve in a Rastafarian
multiprocessor system?

The distributed dreadlocks.

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Date: Mon, 25 Mar 91 21:25:03 -0600
From: mbraun@urbana.mcd.mot.com (Matthew Braun)
Subject: Response to Paul (or "A night with the buoys and gulls")
To: wex@hawk.ulowell.edu

Okay, so back at the beach, I decided to turn my attention to the other sea
birds.  Since spring is in the air, I tried attracting them by digitally
sampling their mating calls and replaying them on my casio keyboard, hoping to
lure them to a rocky death. Unfortunately, it didn't work--even when I changed
pitch.  I guess they thought it better not to leave any tone unspurned.

					m@

------------------------------

Date: 29 Mar 91 05:09:38 EST (Fri)
From: dscatl!lindsay@gatech.edu (Lindsay Cleveland)
Subject: thought for the day
To: spaf

While one should not brood about the possibility of life after
death, one might as well consider it.  If there is none, one should
redouble effors for hanging on as long as possible;  if there is,
one should try to learn the entrance requirements.

  --  Kelvin Throop III

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End of Yucks Digest
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