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Yucks Digest V1 #33
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To: yucks
-
Subject: Yucks Digest V1 #33
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From: spaf (Gene "Chief Yuckster" Spafford)
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Date: Fri, 15 Mar 91 22:34:09 EST
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Reply-To: Yucks-request
Yucks Digest Fri, 15 Mar 91 Volume 1 : Issue 33
Today's Topics:
A bargain on every page!
Attention K-Mart Shoppers!
Bad Pun A-Head!
It's Saint Paddy's Day again....
Just Say No
Phone scam of the week...
Rubik's Hell
That time of year
This is driving me sane!
today behind the zion curtain (2 msgs)
Tule fog
Various things from late night TV & the papers
Virgin Birth the Sequel
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual, the
possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous. It is issued on a
semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present themselves.
Back issues may be ftp'd from arthur.cs.purdue.edu from
the ~ftp/pub/spaf/yucks directory. Material in archives
Mail.1--Mail.4 is not in digest format.
Submissions should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 15 Mar 91 11:25:50 PST
From: jerry (Jerry Bauer)
Subject: A bargain on every page!
To: ross
Welcome to
T H E S C H A E F F E R I M A G E
"Your everything means satisfaction to us"
+
LETTERS TO THE SCHAEFFER IMAGE
Dear Schaeffer Image,
I want to complain about the profusion of scantilly-clad muscular
models, their powerful chiseled limbs beaded with sweat from the
rigors of your exercise equipment--what about those of us whose
terminals don't support graphics? I feel my Constitutional rights are
being violated by allowing others to see your models when I can't. Is
there any way to display their well-developed, tanned, and muscular
bodies using only character graphics? If not, would it be possible to
send some of your models over to my house so that I can get a full
appreciation for the capabilities of the equipment you're selling?
Ernest Klabra, Vermont
In an age where our very existence is threatened by global warming, it
is unconscionable for you to advertise auto accessories. You should
be boiled in oil, skewered, drawn and quartered, and served with a
robust red wine.
Darryl Offnut, Florida
Every issue of your catalog seems to contain at least one letter
lauding the courteous staff of your retail outlets; I beg to differ.
Not once, not a single time when I have entered one of your retail
establishments have even one of your staff accepted a date with me.
Futher, despite the fact that any place that sells health equipment
ought to have a licensed physician on the premises, they have never
provided any useful advice concerning my boils, bad breath, or
incontinence.
Isambard Kingdom Smith, Kansas
+
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You bought an answering machine because you're a busy executive and you
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If you're used to using one of our older answering machines, the
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life free from annoying phone calls.
Order number HELLO?-100 $135 (7.50)
+
GET TO SLEEP WITH SOOTHING SOFTWARE--NOW HAND-HELD.
If you're logged onto Usenet at 3:AM because you just can't get to
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than a syllable break followed by twelve messages attacking the errant
hyphenator, followed by nine hundred and sixteen attacks on the people
complaining about the hyphenation succeded by eighteen thousand, three
hundred and twelve attacks on the people who attacked those who
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Handheld Word Mangler with LCD Display #AIIGH-330 $140 (6.25)
Voice synthesizer attachment #DRONE-210 $105 (9.75)
+
THE COMPLETE OED IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND.
No doubt you've already looked at pitifully inadequate electronic
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Pocket Electronic OED #PEDANT-300-x $75.00 (1.25)
+
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If you're a fan of railroad history, you owe it to yourself to get
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moving legs.
Train Wrecks Fun Set #WHAPPO-220 $215 (75.00)
+
NEVER WORRY ABOUT DEAD BATTERIES AGAIN.
It seems like whenever you really need a flashlight your batteries
have bitten the big one. That's all changed now with Durasell's
Watchdog(tm) intelligent flashlight. Watchdog has a built-in
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simple. Best of all, Watchdog comes with a unique security feature
which prevents unauthorized access; each Watchdog comes with its own
security password--when someone presses the ON button of the
flashlight, he has just three seconds in which to type in the
twelve-digit security access password on the convenient keypad built
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on--but if a burgler or someone who doesn't know the password is
trying to press the ON switch, Watchdog locks the light off for one
hour and emits an ear-shattering 146 decibel shriek. Watchdog, by
Durasell--the most sophisticated flashlight a lot of money can buy.
Watchdog #YELP-800 $420 (5.20)
+
COMBINATION FAX/CLOCK RADIO/WATERPROOF SHAVER SAVES VALUABLE DESK SPACE
Indo Technologies, Inc., has built the ultimate in space-saving design
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you won't know how you got along without it.
RADFAXVER #HEAVY-100 $1875 (92.50)
+
CELEBRATE THE 180TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE DOUGHNUT WITH THIS COMMEMORATIVE
The 180th anniversary is traditionally the Osmium Anniversary and
Dumpin' Doughnuts is celebrating the 180th birthday of the doughnut
with breathtakingly detailed, hand-crafted, 100% Osmium replicas of
their fifteen most popular doughnut varieties. Everything from
crullers to long johns are rendered exquisitely in pure osmium,
making a collection that's sure to increase in value.
Doughnut Commemorative #GLAZE-200 $285 (360.00)
+
HEADPHONES SO LIGHT YOU'LL SPEND HOURS TRYING TO LOCATE THAT SOUND.
The Schaeffer Image is now the exclusive dealer for Phony Corporation
of America's lightest ever pair of headphones, the Incredilights.
Phony's engineers decided to do away with heavy magnets and diaphragms,
relying instead on ultra-light coils mounted directly to your inner
ear in a simple procedure that can be done by anyone with a medical
degree or experience in any kind of plastic surgery involving the ear
canals. Once in place, you'll be able to listen to music simply by
placing your head in a magnetic field--Incredilights will actually
pick up FM broadcasts all by themselves (station may be changed by
adding or removing fillings). So order a pair today and start
enjoying sound that's almost weightless! (Release forms in back of
catalog must be signed before delivery.)
Incredilight Headphones #SONIQ-10 $8.95 (1.50)
Installation tools #SONIQ-11 $982.50 (9.35)
+
WORLD'S ONLY WATERPROOF RADAR DETECTOR WORKS IN THE SHOWER.
The Schaeffer Image doesn't suggest that you speed, but if you do, you
might as well do so safely. Sayso Instrument's new Radararama
Lama-Ding-Dong combines the most effective zippoheterodyne circuits
and waterproofing down to 75 meters, keeping you safe from the minions
of the law no matter where you're speeding. In fact, Sayso Instruments
is so convinced at the effectiveness of their detector, they guarantee
that if you ever receive a speeding ticket while taking a shower, they
will send you a sympathy note, no questions asked.
Radararama Lama-Ding-Dong #BOOP-200 $165 (2.10)
+
To order, simply send your entire wallet and non-perishable worldly
goods to the Schaeffer Image and we personally guarantee that we'll
send you something in return.
+++
The Unnatural Enquirer, (C) 1990 by Trygve Lode (tlode@nyx.cs.du.edu)
May be reproduced and distributed freely in unmodified form on a
noncommercial basis provided this notice remains intact.
+++
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 13 Mar 91 12:01:31 PST
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Attention K-Mart Shoppers!
To: spaf
Woman's 20K KMart Bill Unpaid
EVERETT, Wash. (AP)
A woman bought nearly $20,000 worth of merchandise in more than
six hours of shopping that left entire aisles bare at a Kmart, and
gave it all away to the poor.
Then store officials, who had called the woman's bank repeatedly
and been assured that her checks were OK, learned she couldn't cover
the bill after all.
The unidentified woman was hospitalized for psychiatric
observation, police said Tuesday.
The incident began Monday morning when the woman pushed her first
shopping cart up to a cash register.
"When it was just two or three carts, I figured, all right. It's
OK," assistant manager Fred Pearl said. "When she brought three more
up, we started calling" her bank.
When store officials called after the total hit $10,000, the
bank's computers were down. The bank then contacted the woman's
husband.
He called the store to say his wife only had about $3,000 in her
checking account and demanded that the store cut his wife off. It did.
By then, a security guard who would identify himself only as Mark
held a cash-register tape more than 30 feet long with purchases
totaling $19,200.
Employees and customers said the woman told them she wanted to
help needy children have a good Easter. The store's Easter section
and other aisles were stripped bare.
Volunteers of America was called and arrived with a truck. It was
filled and driven away. Keith McNiel of Volunteers of America said he
also saw some people load up vans and cars with clothing and other
goods and drive off.
"She offered to buy me clothes too and a bicycle if I wanted one,"
McNiel said. "She said she just wanted to help people out."
The woman enlisted the help of some store customers, too.
"Obviously she was filling baskets faster than we could check them
out," Pearl said.
Volunteers of America returned an estimated $10,000 worth of
merchandise, store employees said.
------------------------------
Date: 15 Mar 91 00:48:33 GMT
From: erik@hpfcso.FC.HP.COM (Erik Lode)
Subject: Bad Pun A-Head!
Newsgroups: rec.humor
In what appears to be a perfect crime, vandals broke into the police
station and stole all the toilets, leaving no fingerprints or other
noticeable clues. The police have nothing to go on.
------------------------------
Date: 15 Mar 91 04:09:06 GMT
From: ee5391aa@triton.unm.edu (Duke McMullan n5gax)
Subject: It's Saint Paddy's Day again....
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Well, it's almost St. Paddy's Day. Since I don't drink, I have to find a novel
way of celebratin' th' occasion, so here goes:
Although a fifth-generation American, Father Dennis Sweeny was a good deal more
Irish than most of Erin's natives. He spoke with an Irish brogue which had
mysteriously appeared sometime during his nineteenth year; he sang Irish songs,
and he _hated_ the English.
This would seem unlikely in a man of the cloth, but Father Sweeny managed to
live with it...except for his proclivity to belabor the British from his
pulpit. Complaints to his superiors were not infrequent, given that he would
blame anything evil, sad or inconvenient on the English people. If there was
an act of terrorism somewhere in the world, Father Sweeny would promptly lay
responsibility at the feet of the Brits. If there was a natural disaster,
undoubtedly the English government was an accessory to the fact, if not
outrightly culpable.
More than once, his superiors had called him on the carpet for such behavior,
with the effect that the problem would go away...for a few months. After a
particularly vituperative anti-British broadside, the Bishop instructed Father
Sweeny to come straight to the Bishop's office; do not pass GO; do not collect
two hundred dollars.
After delivering a humiliating and soul-marking chewing out, the Bishop ended
with: "Now, we both know next week is Saint Patrick's Day. You can talk about
him all you want to, but if you so much as MENTION the British, it's the last
sermon you'll preach in this parish!"
Father Sweeny agreed not to talk about the British.
The following Sunday, Father Sweeny spoke lovingly and eloquently about the
history of Saint Patrick, and he made a reference to the last Passover
celebrated by Christ and His disciples.
"Sure, an' you're all familiar with the tale. You know that Our Lord sat at
the table and told his disciples that one among them would betray Him.
"As He looked around the table, He stopped at Peter, the Rock, who said, `Not
I, Lord!' He looked at Thomas, who doubted, and Thomas said, `I could never
do such a thing!' Then the Lord looked long and hard at Judas Iscariot, who
said, `Cor, bloimy, Guv'na, you couldn't main may!'"
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 13 Mar 91 12:19:49 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Just Say No
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU
>From March 6th San Francisco Chronicle:
"I've never taken drugs, so that's why I'm probably not a big
Doors fan."
Spike Lee expressing his deep admiration for Jim Morrison
and the Doors, in US magazine.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 13 Mar 1991 14:31:41 PST
From: kent@parc.xerox.com
Subject: Phone scam of the week...
------- Forwarded Message
The latest in phone scams occurred this week in New York. <Company foo>
employees with pagers received phone inquiries from 540 numbers, which
are billed the same as 900 numbers. When the number is called, the
customer is automatically charged $55.00. Employees from other
companies around New York have also been hit by this scam.
------- End of Forwarded Message
------------------------------
Date: 13 Mar 91 20:44:09 GMT
From: PARRISH@SLACVM.SLAC.STANFORD.EDU
Subject: Rubik's Hell
Newsgroups: rec.humor
In article <4594@dftsrv.gsfc.nasa.gov>, jim@jagubox.gsfc.nasa.gov (Jim
Jagielski) says:
>In article <1991Mar12.195326.946@ulkyvx.bitnet> cesnyd01@ulkyvx.bitnet
>(AlberCrombie, The Space Gopher.) writes:
>}HELP!!!!
>}
>}Does anybody know how to do the damnable 4x4x4 Rubik's Cube? can you give me
>}some hints? I can get two sides opposite to each other completed, but that's
>}it.
>
>Bah! That's a piece o' cake...
>
>I just can't figure out this damned 4x4x4x4 Rubik's HyperCube...!!!!!!
Gee, you guys are all way ahead of me! I'm still here trying to figure
out the 4x1x1 Rubik's String.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 13 Mar 91 14:15:09 -0500
From: welty@sol.crd.ge.com (richard welty)
Subject: That time of year
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
the other day, i realized that i've been exposed to dangerous
levels of joe talmadge. i walked past a display of inflatable
easter rabbits in the drugstore, and found myself idly wondering
how many working orifices they had. my girlfriend thought the
whole idea was really sick.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 11 Mar 91 18:39:19 EST
From: hosking%sware.com@mathcs.emory.edu (Doug Hosking)
Subject: This is driving me sane!
To: spaf
A recent yucks digest contained:
> > The default uninitialized value for registers on the IBM RS/6000 under
> > AIX is hex -21524111. Printed out as a 32-bit unsigned quantity, this
> > is:
> > DEADBEEF
> >
> > Never knew IBM programmers were allowed to have a sense of humor!
> >
> >
which I forwarded to Steve Viavant <emory!us.oracle.com!sviavant>
who replies:
Not to mention the BEEFCACA I heard from this DEADABED I ran into
last night, while at the bar trying to pick up on a CAFEBABE...
Anyways, what he said was:
"The gods keep count of times that good people do bad things. All humanity
will be saved if we can ever make it through ten years without this count
reaching some magic number. So please good people, be good! Why just last
year we almost made it, but right at the end of the decade, the ruddy-faced,
thick-jowled, hard-of-hearing abbot of a local monastery gave in to his base
urges and scrawled graffiti all over the outside of decrepit old eatery....
and kept us all from Nirvana."
Only he was so far gone, what he really said was:
"20138317772746073940197993687150800024188993527580293775994865836018213422283757"
Which, deciphered through bc into Hex Haiku, translates to:
"A DEAF, BEEF-FACED ABBE DEFACED A FADED CAFE FACADE.
A BAD DEED ADDED;
A DECADE EBBED..."
[Lordy! First Perl poetry, now this. To enable you budding dead beef poets
to wax eloquent, here are all the strings that are in various dictionaries
utilizing only A-F:
a aa aaa ab aba ababa abac abaca abaff abb abba abbe abc abe abed ac
acca accede ace ad ada adad add adda added ade adead ae aface affa b ba
baa bab baba babe bac bacaba bacca baccae bad bade bae baff be bead
beaded bebed bed bedad bedded bedead bedeaf bee beebe beef c ca cab
caba cabda caca cad cade caeca cafe caffa cdc ce cede cee cf d da dab
dabb dabba dacca dace dad dada dade dae daff dc de dead deaf deb dec
decad decade decca dee deed deedeed deface e ea ebb ecad ecca ed edda
edea efface f fa faa faba fabaceae facade face faced fad fade faded fae
faff fcc fda fe feb fed fee feed
--spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 11 Mar 91 15:45:23 GMT
From: tpehrson@javelin.es.com (Tim Clinkenpeel)
Subject: today behind the zion curtain
Newsgroups: alt.flame,talk.bizarre,talk.abortion,rec.humor
in utah news this week:
the mormon church is under investigation for copyright fraud. they
recently published and began distributing/selling modified versions of dr.
seuss' "green eggs and ham", wherein the phrase "green eggs and ham" had been
globally replaced with "the mormon church".
under utah's new abortion bill, mothers seeking abortion in the state
can be tried for murder and receive punishment up to and including the death
penalty. the demented irony of this is the fact that the bill was introduced
to save lives.
utah is giving its transients free one-way 1st class bus tickets to
neighboring states, such as nevada. one homeless person who declined the free
ride was threatened with incarceration.
------------------------------
Date: 11 Mar 91 21:22:43 GMT
From: jon@mars.med.utah.edu (Jon Byrd)
Subject: today behind the zion curtain
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor
In article <8528@ucdavis.ucdavis.edu> sean@ucdhep.ucdavis.edu (ratboy) writes:
tpehrson@javelin.es.com (Tim Clinkenpeel) writes:
>in utah news this week:
>
> the mormon church is under investigation for copyright fraud. they
>recently published and began distributing/selling modified versions of dr.
>seuss' "green eggs and ham", wherein the phrase "green eggs and ham" had been
>globally replaced with "the mormon church".
"I will not eat the mormon church, I will not eat them Sam I Am" ???
umm... not quite. "sam i am" was also globally-replaced with "brother
lurch". and it's _join_ the mormon church, not _eat_ the mormon
church (although you may have hit upon something there.... do you
suppose we could revive the locust rebellion of the 1800's? ;-> )
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 12 Mar 91 12:23:50 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Tule fog
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU
From: casey@gauss.llnl.gov (Casey Leedom)
I spent much of my youth growing up In the Central Valley of
California. In the winters a dense overcast would develop from early
December to late January. It would hang a couple hundred feet above the
ground, providing a uniform grey light from all points of the sky. I
suppose artists may have liked it for its shadowless lighting -- though I
never asked -- but most people slipped into surreal frames of mind where
time ceased to have much meaning and nothing seemed very real. A lot of
people entertained themselves by getting depressed.
Often at night a fog would rise from the damp fields, orchards and
river marshes. Usually the fog would lift by midmorning to join the
overcast above, but sometimes it would stay throughout the day.
Sometimes it wouldn't lift for days at a time. The fog is called Tule
Fog. OED has the following under Tule:
_
Tule (tu-le). U.S. Also tula. [ad. Aztec tullin, the
final n being dropped by the Spaniards as in Guatemala, Jalapa,
etc.] Either of two species of bulrush (Scirpus lacustris var.
occidentalis, and S. Tatora) abundant in low lands along
riversides in California; hence a thicket of this or a flat track
of land in which it grows.
Not all the winter fogs were Tule Fog. Sometimes the overcast would
settle down to the ground to create fog. But this wasn't much different
from the overcast since the light didn't change very much. The only
difference was that you could only see a few hundred feet.
When the Tule Fogs came it provided a lot of excitement for the
locals. A lot of time would be spent talking about how thick it was and
whether it was thicker than last year or some particularly bad time. The
stories -- often apocryphal but just as often not -- were great. Cows
lost and never found, etc. But before you can appreciate any of these
stories, you have to understand how Tule Fog works.
As I mentioned, the Tule Fog rise from the wet ground. Sometimes it
only rises a foot or two. When this happens it feels like you're on a
movie set were the dry ice machine has gone crazy. You walk through the
stuff unable to see the ground or your feet. Drifts of it swirl about as
small animals move under its low ceiling with occasional glimpses of the
animals greyly porpoising. Trees, bushes, buildings and other people
rise strangely out of the sea of twisting fog. All of this accented by
the continual grey light of the overcast.
Other times the fog rises all the way to the overcast -- or at least I
presumed so since I was never in a building or other high place where I
found the top of the Tule Fog still below the overcast. Rarely, the fog
will just rise about eight feet. This is enough to completely cover cars
but leave the truck drivers with a clear view of a blanket of fog that
covers everything: cars and roads alike, with only the road signs rising
out of the fog to show them where the road -- and presumably cars --
might be.
But the truck drivers are used to this and barreling along a fifty
miles an hour can detect cars and other obstacles in front of them by the
vortex patterns in the fog ahead of them. A strange symbiosis develops
and you see caravans of cars trailing trucks as baby chicks follow their
mothers in absolute trust ...
I have many personal stories of my own, but my favorite was when I was
following a road by following the barely visible center line a couple of
feet off my front bumper. I was driving along at about five miles an
hour when the line disappeared. I stopped and strained to see the edges
of the road or any other feature through the fog. But the fog had closed
down completely and nothing but a grey wall was visible. I was lost. I
inched to the right in hopes of finding the edge and getting out of the
way of the crazy people who drive at insane speeds of fifteen and twenty
miles an hour. But the edge of the road which should have only been a
couple of feet away didn't show up. I inched forward thinking that maybe
I'd somehow gotten turned around, but still no luck. Eventually after
moving slowly forward I found the center line again and realized that I'd
been lost in the middle of an intersection.
------------------------------
Date: 14 Mar 91 06:25:23 GMT
From: wyle@inf.ethz.ch (Mitchell Wyle)
Subject: Various things from late night TV & the papers
Newsgroups: inf.nyt
TOP TEN COURSES TAKEN BY BASKETBALL PLAYERS AT UNLV (from
``Late Night With David Letterman'')
10. Investing your illegal recruiting money wisely.
9. NBA team mascots: Are they really big animals?
8. Naming the presidents since Kennedy
7. The hydraulic principles of the keg.
6. Your a-- from a hole in the ground: a comparative study.
5. The college classroom: a simulation
4. Nudie paintings from the olden days
3. Copying off the exam of the Asian guy in front of you
2. How to spell Tarkanian
And the No. 1 course...
1. How to choose the best free car
AS LONG AS HIS PLATFORM HAS A TRAPDOOR
Experts are saying that President Bush's goal now is to
politically humiliate Saddam Hussein. Why don't we just make him
the next Democratic presidential nominee?
--Jay Leno
JUST BE SURE ALL THE SEATBELTS ARE BUCKLED
There's a new California traffic law. Persons with multiple
personalities may now use the car-pool lanes any time they want.
--David Letterman
`...BUT DEFEAT IS AN ORPHAN'
Now Saddam Hussein's mother is mad at him. She called and said:
``You called that the WHAT of all battles?''
--Jay Leno
BILL'S WORLD
Mr. Bush's proposed crime bill contains several anti-terrorism
provisions but, along that line, fails to outlaw IRS tax forms.
Ronald Reagan is ``the most mysterious man I have ever
confronted,'' his biographer says. Which may say more about the
author than about Reagan.
For the first time since 1939, Albania and the U.S. are
re-establishing diplomatic relations. That'll teach it to come out
of isolation.
Ward Balk, our spring training correspondent, says another
hurdle for old players trying to make a comeback is having rookies
call them ``Mr.''
--Bill Tammeus, Kansas City Star
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 12 Mar 91 13:51:35 PST
From: qcktrn!ross%harpo@uunet.UU.NET (Gary Ross)
Subject: Virgin Birth the Sequel
To: spaf
from SJ Mercury News 3/12/91:
'Virgin birth' plan angers Britons
----------------------------------
Woman chooses artificial insemination over sex
London - It has been dubbed the Case of the Virgin Birth.
With screaming headlines, Britain's newspapers Monday broke the
news: An unmarried woman who has never had sex is undergoing artificial
insemination to become pregnant.
A spokeswoman at the charitable agency involved, the British
Pregnancy Advisory Service of Brimingham, said the woman who is in her
20s, considers herself heterosexual, but has not intention of ever having
sex with a man.
That, however, has not stopped the woman from wanting a child - and
from convincing the agency that she would make a good parent. Under the
agency's guidance she already has selected the hair, eyes and skin color
of the child she hopes to bear.
Not everyone thinks this is a swell idea.
"It is, in fact, reducing human procreation down to the level of barn-
yard animal husbandry," said Keith Ellis, an officical with an anti-
abortion group called Life.
Artificial insemination, while not common in Britain, has become an
accepted medical practice. BUt in the vast majority of cases, it is
limited to couples who have tried and failed to have children in the
conventional manner. Never before is it known to have been used on an un-
married woman who has never had sex.
"It's really not like having a puppy for Christmas," said Dame Jill
Knight, a Conservative member of Parliament. "It is difficult to imagine
a more irresponsible act than to assist a woman have a child in this
highly unnatural way."
"I find it personally abhorrent," said Jerry Hayes, another Conserv-
ative legislator. "One virgin birth for eternity is enough."
Tara Kaufmann, national spokeswoman for the pregnancy service,
responded that the prospective mother had gone through the normal screening
tests.
"We do not distinguish between women on the basis of marital status,"
she said. "We don't see our jobs as moral guardians."
A lot of politicians do, of course, see themselves as moral guardians,
and many of them were calling Monday for the government to outlaw such
"virgin births."
Recently the government created the Human Fertilization and Embryology
Authority and charged it with drafting a code to govern use of the tech-
nology of human reproduction. The code is due in the next few weeks.
[Why didn't she just claim she got it from a toilet seat and be done with it?
I still believe the old ways are the best ways. :-) --spaf]
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End of Yucks Digest
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