[Prev][Next][Index]
Yucks Digest V4 #26 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Fri, 16 Sep 94 Volume 4 : Issue 26
Today's Topics:
and you thought parking in Cambridge was bad
aptly yclept
Da-dah-DUM, da da da da DUM da DUM
Found in RISKS DIGEST 16.40
From the "No Problem - Here's a Few Billion" Dept.
Have you seen this memorial?
Hey! It's me! I wrote it!! Look, over here!!!
How To Raise And Train Your Pet Peeve
I'm sure it's a high-traffic mailing list...
I broke the sound barrier and it was very neat.
Late Breaking News in the DYnamic LANguage controversy
Mom, Dad, can I have an ant farm?
Mosquito Cookie Question
Neverland
None at all?
Obeying the punctuation of the law
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Complicated Industry Acronyms
Poor caption choice of the day
Programmer Evolution
QOTD
Quote of the day
Shell Wars (Was: Re: xargs and alias commands)
Streamlining the localization process?
The passing of an American icon...
The power of positive thinking (or techniques of non-negation)
The real meaning behind H.R. Pufnstuff
They let him have the password?
This Week's ``Why do you ask, two dogs-merging'' Award
When the fire business is slow...
Why God didn't get tenure...
Why I like buying or FTPing software
Wired...
Yucks Digest V4 #25
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Sep 1994 19:12:52 -0400
From: Patrick Tufts <zippy@cs.brandeis.edu>
Subject: and you thought parking in Cambridge was bad
To: spaf
[from comp.risks digest]
Date: Sat, 10 Sep 1994 22:47:31 -0400 (edt)
From: Scott_Mincey <scottm@dorsai.dorsai.org>
Subject: German Parking Violators Accused of War Crimes
Bayreuth, Germany - Three violators of the municipal parking code became war
criminals when an official entered the wrong code number. According to the
"Nordbayerischen Kurier" the three Bayreuth residents received summonses for
"Conspiracy to prepare agressive warfare," when they should have only received
citations for parking violations. According to the paper, the official, who
had just served ten hours on the night shift, filled out the forms relating to
the minor offenses and incorrectly entered the code number of the violation.
(Deutsche Presse Agentur)
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Sep 94 00:46:09 MDT
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Subject: aptly yclept
To: spaf
Ed_Schneider@mindlink.bc.ca (Ed Schneider) wrote:
=> There used to be a tailor at the corner or "R" street and Mass Ave in DC
=> named Harry Dick. (I say used to be because he was killed in a robbery
=> attempt)
and puri@rtsg.mot.com (Praveen C. Puri) followed up with...
=> I can see the newspaper headline:
=> HARRY DICK BECOMES STIFF IN ABORTED SNATCH
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Sep 1994 09:34:56 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Da-dah-DUM, da da da da DUM da DUM
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
>From Herb Caen's column in the August 31, 1994 San Francisco Chronicle:
HERE'S ONE for all you people who've complained over the years
that "You never hear *classical* music on a boombox": Craig Harris, a
student at S.F. State, was pulled over on El Camino in Redwood City by
three, no less, police cars for playing Bach's "Toccata and Fugue" too
loudly. Notice of bail arrived Mon.: $114 for "outside speakers." He's
paying it but I think we could pass the hat ...
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Sep 94 11:26:16 MDT
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Subject: Found in RISKS DIGEST 16.40
To: spaf
> Date: Wed, 7 Sep 1994 11:55:00 -0400
> From: "henry (h.w.) troup" <hwt@bnr.ca>
> Subject: Enola Gay: Another text substitution (found in alt.folklore.urban)
(amusing, not very new)
The Dragon De Monsyne (dragondm@netcom.com) wrote:
...
:Well, I can vouch fer it REALLY happening. In today's (Sept. 5, 1994, Final
:Edition) Northwest Herald (a local paper in ithe far northwest Chicago Suburbs
:(McHenry County, fer those who know where that is), on pg 3, bottom, left hand
:corner, I found this gem.
: "Atomic bombers criticize Enola homosexual exhibit"
Nicely documented, for UL hunters.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Sep 1994 01:04:40 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: From the "No Problem - Here's a Few Billion" Dept.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: ddt@lsd.com (Dave Del Torto)
(From a position paper on an arms control impact statement submitted
to the Congress by the Pentagon, 1980.)
"The [deleted] is a key element of the Worldwide Military Command and
Control System (WWMCCS) warning network.... [Deleted] currently consists
of [deleted] satellite; two [deleted] satellites; an [deleted] for
[deleted] satellites; from the [deleted] satellite; a [deleted] for
[deleted] and the [deleted] satellites; and a [deleted] which provides
[deleted] for the [deleted].... Using these data, [deleted] can be
inferred."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, _sure_.... I understand _that_. Get to work on it, and get back
to us - OK Boys?
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Sep 1994 17:50:00 -0500 (CDT)
From: "Miles O'Neal" <meo@pencom.com>
Subject: Have you seen this memorial?
To: spaf (Yucks List)
Jonathan Schober said...
Date: Tue, 13 Sep 94 17:19:08 CST
From: "Jonathan Schober" <Jonathan_Schober@ccmail.us.dell.com>
To: MEO@pencom.com
According to an Associated Press report in today's San Antonio
Express-News, the memorial to the four dead ATF agents that was erected
in Waco, near the Mount Carmel site, is gone.
According to the report, a highway crew passing the spot noticed a hole
in the ground where the memorial was.
A criminal investigation is underway, but there are no suspects.
The ATF agent in charge of the Houston office is "baffled". he doesn't
know why someone would do such a thing.
[That is, he admitted to being clueless. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 6 Sep 94 20:58 EDT
From: pcolsen@n2ell (Peter C. Olsen P.E.)
Subject: Hey! It's me! I wrote it!! Look, over here!!!
To: spaf
Spaf ---
I'm writing to claim authorship of the recent "Elephant Hunting" YUCK
that was posted in Digest V4 #24. The original "published" version
appeared in BYTE Magazine in September 1989, but people have written
to ask for softcopies and it seems to have spread more widely that
way.
I'm writing to clear the matter up because, of all of the things I've
written, this appears to be the only one which has made a lasting
impression. My only regret is that I didn't think to propose it as a
dissertation topic before it became a "well-known result."
In real life, I'm a mathematician for the Department of Defense (the
other mathematicians will tell you I'm an "Engineer"), a Commander in
the Coast Guard Reserve, and the world's foremost authority on
steam-powered supercomputers.
[That sounds like something to tell us more about. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 10 Sep 94 10:05:58 MDT
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Subject: How To Raise And Train Your Pet Peeve
To: spaf
> From: jgerak@delphi.com
> Newsgroups: rec.humor.d
> Date: Sat, 10 Sep 94 00:00:05 -0500
*** How To Raise And Train Your Pet Peeve ***
What is the most loyal pet that you have? One that will follow you wherever
you go and is able to show up when you least expect it? That's right -- your
PET PEEVE! If you asked me what is a PET PEEVE, I would ask you back, "What
is something that peeves you habitually?"
Do you have a PET PEEVE? Or do you know someone that has a PET PEEVE? Maybe
more than one? Is it possible that YOU are someone else's PET PEEVE? You can
answer many of these questions (notice I didn't say all?) when you read the
book "How to Raise and Train your Pet Peeve," written by Steve Sloss, author,
counselor, philosopher?, wanderer!.
"How To Raise And Train Your Pet Peeve" is a self-help book with delightful
illustrations that makes personal growth fun! Just think of it as a bit of
humorous wisdom mixed with a pinch of Pet Rock; and a touch of "Jokes for
the John."
If you have any ideas or anectdotes about your own pet peeve, please email or
write me. To all Publishers, Book Agents or Marketing Professionals, I will
entertain all offers and possibilities. There could be Pet Peeve T-Shirts,
coffee mugs and other collectible items as gifts.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 11 Sep 1994 11:23:13 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: I'm sure it's a high-traffic mailing list...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
(Yes, I'm sure there's more than just Sibelius; it just seemed
a bit, umm, *specialized* as a topic....)
From: mhotti@paju.oulu.fi (Marko Hotti)
Newsgroups: news.announce.newgroups,news.groups,rec.music.classical,rec.music.misc,sfnet.harrastus.musiikki,swnet.musik,swnet.general,uk.misc
Subject: MAILING LIST: Finnish classical music
Date: 7 Sep 1994 16:18:01 -0400
A new mailing list has been launched: FINLANDIA - The Finnish Classical
Mailing List !
The purpose of this list is to offer a forum of discussion about Finnish
classical and modern composers, their life and works, performing artists
and orchestras, Finnish publications (scores, books, sheet music etc.),
recordings (CD, LP - even video) and the music life in general. Everyone
can join the list. The language of the list is English. Here's how to
subscribe:
Send E-mail to: <Majordomo@phoenix.oulu.fi> The Subject: header is
ignored. In the message body there should be the following line:
subscribe finlandia
end
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Sep 1994 09:39:15 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: I broke the sound barrier and it was very neat.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
>From the July 15, 1994 San Francisco Chronicle:
California Girl, 11, Flies MiG -- Breaks the Sound Barrier
Moscow
An 11-year-old Souther California girl broke the sound barrier in a
Russian MiG-29 yesterday.
Katrina Mumaw of Lancaster may be the youngest person to fly the
MiG-29, Russia's fastest fighter plane. She has been flying with a test
pilot in the United States for three years.
A Russian test pilot took off and landed the fighter, but Katrina,
wearing a helmet and oxygen mask that had been adjusted for her size,
took the controls during some of the toughest maneuvers, under her
co-pilot's watchful eye.
"I broke the sound barrier and it was very neat," the sixth-grader
said after the flight.
She also revealed that she has another ambitious goal: "My main aim
now is to lead a manned mission to Mars," she told a reporter.
Katrina bought the flight for $8,500 through the Florida-based
company MiGs Etcetera, which arranged the flight in cooperation with the
MiG design bureau.
She must wait five years before she can pilot a jet on her own in the
United States.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Sep 1994 09:36:47 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Late Breaking News in the DYnamic LANguage controversy
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Peter Langston <psl@acm.org>
Forwarded-by: pg@das.harvard.edu
CAMBRIDGE (Rueters)-- Pop idol Bob Dylan announced today that he
intended to sue Apple Computer for misappropriating his name.
The singer said that he was mainly disturbed by the thought of
having his name associated with Algol-like syntax. "I didn't
have any problem with the first version," he was quoted as saying,
"but when I saw the Interim Reference Manual, it was just, like,
a total downer. They completely sold out."
Mr. Dylan was reportedly willing to drop his suit if Apple
changed the name of the new language to Lisp. "It's just a big
public-relations thing not to call it Lisp, anyway," he was
quoted as saying. But the singer advised Apple to return to
prefix syntax in any case, reportedly saying that it would "make
macros a lot simpler."
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Sep 1994 13:16:09 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Mom, Dad, can I have an ant farm?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: kole@hydra.convex.com (John P. Kole)
Forwarded-by: cavasin@bach.convex.com (Vince Cavasin)
Forwarded-by: schwartz@muse.convex.com (Adam E. Schwartz)
MANAMA, Bahrain (AP) -- Even the lowly ant isn't safe from
Persian Gulf teen-agers in search of exotic new ``highs.''
Adolescents in the free-wheeling port of Dubai are smoking the
tiny insects or sniffing the fumes they emit when crushed, the
English-language Gulf News reported.
Hameed El-Khafeef of the Dubai police forensic lab was quoted
Friday as saying a number of youths were arrested for intoxication
after getting high on ants.
The practice has become so popular that a small packet of
``Samaseem'' -- Gulf Arabic for ants -- sells for up to $135 in the
emirate of Abu Dhabi, the newspaper said.
The Persian Gulf has been a lucrative market for illicit drugs
since the oil boom of the 1970s.
But the daily quoted Dubai police as saying youngsters are
trying alternative substances either because they can't afford the
usual narcotics, heroin and hashish, or they believe they won't be
prosecuted for getting high on ants.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 15 Sep 1994 11:29:01 -0500 (CDT)
From: "Miles O'Neal" <meo@pencom.com>
Subject: Mosquito Cookie Question
To: spaf (Yucks List)
|"It tasted good," said Randy Cross, 20, of Walcott. "You couldn't
|taste the mosquitoes at all."
We at Roadkills-R-Us are gearing up for the fall mosquito season.
But before we get to work, should we bag the mosquitose before or
after they are blood-gorged?
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 8 Sep 1994 15:33:58 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Neverland
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
The "People" column in the September 7 San Jose Mercury News reports
that Bette Midler, in a Las Vegas performance,
...says she worries about Lisa Marie Presley Jackson.
Noted the Divine One: "I don't think she understands
why they call it Neverland."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 08 Sep 1994 14:18:34 -0500
From: Matt Crawford <crawdad@munin.fnal.gov>
Subject: None at all?
To: Mister Yuck <spaf>
> NO FOOD OR DRINK IN RESTAURANT
I saw this sign up in Wisconsin this week and I couldn't parse it
nohow.
NO SHIRT
NO SHOES
NO PETS
NO SERVICE
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 11 Sep 1994 11:28:49 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Obeying the punctuation of the law
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Peter Langston <psl@acm.org>
Forwarded-by: " pardo@cs.washington.edu" <pardo@cs.washington.edu>
From: anderson@pharmdec.wustl.edu (Eric C. Anderson)
Date: Fri, 9 Sep 1994 09:16:16 -0500
In a recent attempt to make sexual assault and battery easier to
prosecute, the Missouri State Legislature managed to pass a bill
which, due to syntax and punctuation errors does nothing to
strengthen the sexual assault law. Instead, the new law manages
to overturn the state sodomy law in cases of consensual male-male
sex (something which privacy and gay-rights activists have been
trying to do for years with no success), AND it outlaws consensual
heterosexual sex.
I love this state!
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 6 Sep 1994 22:17:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Complicated Industry Acronyms
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: Wendell Craig Baker <wbaker@splat.baker.com>
Anton van Straaten <70302.2766@compuserve.com> writes:
>On Wed, 31 Aug 94 at 08:03:00 cdt, Alan Penny wrote:
>PCMCIA - "People Can't Memorize Complicated Industry Acronyms"
One of most useful services on the Web is the Acronym Server at
http://curia.ucc.ie/htbin/acronym. You give it an acronym;
it tells you what it (might) stand for. Very nifty....
The thing has 12937 acronyms including quite a number of
french ones.
Example: query for ``orp'
BORPQU
Borland Pro Quattro
Think that one's popular with Mr Kahn?
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Sep 1994 09:37:42 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Poor caption choice of the day
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
The caption to a picture in the August 31, 1994 San Francisco Chronicle,
on a picture of a visually impaired girl rowing a boat around a lake at
a camp for blind and visually-impaired kids:
Ashley Samp, 13, rowed around a lake while a camp counselor (not
seen) gave her instructions.
Yup, Ashley probably *didn't* see the counselor....
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Sep 1994 11:45:24 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Programmer Evolution
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: mib@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Michael I Bushnell)
Carl Staelin posted several amusing versions of Hello, world. For
those who aren't aware of it, the Free Software Foundation has
released its own version, GNU Hello, currently in version 1.3.
The code is somewhat too long to post here (it's 272 lines long).
And, the distribution also includes a copy of the GPL, installation
instructions, configure scripts, a script to automatically generate a
new configure script, a Makefile, a ChangeLog, a NEWS file, a texinfo
manual, etc.
The basic algorithm is described in: "The C Programming Language", by
B. W. Kernighan and D. M. Ritchie, Prentice-Hall, New Jersey, 1978;
the program is an enhancement of the one published in that book.
The GNU implementation of this classic program is brought to you by
the efforts of several people, including Mike Haertel, David MacKenzie,
Jan Brittenson, Roland McGrath, Charles Hannum, Michael I. Bushnell,
and The King.
You can get a copy of GNU Hello by anonymous FTP to prep.ai.mit.edu in
/pub/gnu, or from any of the other usual places.
Here is a sample session using GNU Hello:
Script started on Wed Sep 14 11:09:46 1994
hbash$ hello
Hello, world!
bash$ hello --help
This is GNU Hello, THE greeting printing program.
Usage: hello [-htvm] [--help] [--traditional] [--version] [--mail]
-h, --help Print a summary of the options
-t, --traditional Use traditional greeting format
-v, --version Print the version number
-m, --mail Print your mail
bash$ hello --traditional
hello, world
bash$ hello --version
GNU Hello, version 1.2
bash$ exit
script done on Wed Sep 14 11:10:09 1994
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Sep 1994 13:10:48 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: bar@onyxsci.com (Brahm A. Rhodes)
If you're not smart enough to know where to find condoms
and how to use them by now, you're too dumb to be here.
-- John Silber, Boston University President
in his welcoming address to incoming freshman,
Class of '98.
[Is there a formal quiz on this? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 10 Sep 1994 04:20:02 -0600
From: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Subject: Quote of the day
To: qotd@ensu.ucalgary.ca
The following are taken from _Unparliamentary Expressions_, a
compilation of words and phrases that have been judged unacceptable for
use in India's parliament.
Do not behave like a veterinary doctor.
I have come to the conclusion that insanity is not a disqualification
for this house. [i.e. House of Parliament]
Rapscallion, as twisted in his mind as he is twisted in his body.
The biggest black marketer east of Suez.
Submitted by: Terry Labach <terry>
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 9 Sep 1994 11:54:16 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Shell Wars (Was: Re: xargs and alias commands)
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: matthew green <mrg@mame.mu.OZ.AU>
From: mckeown@cecer.army.mil (John Mckeown)
Newsgroups: comp.unix.user-friendly,comp.unix.solaris,comp.unix.programmer,comp.unix.misc,comp.unix.aux,comp.unix.bsd,comp.unix.aix
Subject: Re: Shell Wars (Was: Re: xargs and alias commands)
Mr. Jagielski,
We regret to inform you that as of 09 Sep 94, your network
access will be revoked. You have violated Regulation #003-A2-82105,
which states "No person or persons shall attempt, successfully or
unsuccessfully, to bring reason, logic, or sanity into any discussion
pertaining or relating to users' choice of operating system, windowing
system, editor, or shell, or any topic related or similar to the
aforementioned."
A post from a login for which you are the primary point of
contact (jim@jagubox.gsfc.nasa.gov) dated 08 Sep 94 stated:
>Seems to me that the best shell for a person is the shell that does most
>of what that person wants...
>If people use and are comfortable with tcsh or bash or ksh, well, that's
>all that matters.
This post has been judged to fall within the intended scope of
Regulation #003-A2-82105. As of 0800 09 Sep 94, login "jim" on
jagubox.gsfc.nasa.gov will be disabled, and your name will be entered
into the RPNRNAFGE (Register of Persons Never to Receive Network Access
>From Government Equipment). If you feel you have been unfairly
treated, you may, within 15 working minutes, file a grievance with the
Office of Unfair Treatment by submitting a completed DF-185C along with
copies of all relevant evidence on punch cards.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Sep 1994 17:50:55 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Streamlining the localization process?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Peter Langston <psl@acm.org>
Forwarded-by: <dante@microsoft.com>
Forwarded-by: Larry Wilson <larrywi@microsoft.com>
Maybe we could use this in streamlining the localization process here...
----------
(Forwards eliminated having.)
A letter to the editor of a Bay Area newspaper from Peter Amstein
of San Francisco, thoughtfully sent to me by my uncle:
------------------------------
Dignifies Mr. Carroll:
I have thought, you want learns amuses becomes that, that is,
no longer necessary engages first year students of English as
a second language about to produce illegible translations of
instruction-handouts and advertisement- pamphlets.
I acquired only a new piece of software, has screamed German
Assistant, of MicroTac Software, which manufactures promises,
translations to, and of German automatically. There is also
versions for French, Spanish, and Italian. I have this letter
manufactures through translates my first conscription of
English too German and then back again. Quite effective, do
you not, think?
In defense of MicroTac, that manufactures me says, that they
don't claim, the software perfect translations. Or even good
translations. Stretch legible text. That is an allegation,
that I go, you appreciates itself.
Prestige to you on your wonderful column.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Sep 1994 23:45:15 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: The passing of an American icon...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Peter Langston <psl@acm.org>
Forwarded-by: John Lupton <jlupton@COBRA.SAS.UPENN.EDU>
The real-life "Officer Obie" from Arlo Guthrie's song "Alice's
Restaurant" died Sunday. He was former Stockbridge,
Massachusetts Police Chief William J. Obanhein. The article
describes how Guthrie was deemed unsuitable for military
service because of his arrest for littering by Obanhein in
1965; the tale told it Guthrie's song "Alice's Restaurant."
It also mentioned that Obanhein played himself in Guthrie's
"Alice's Restaurant" movie based on the song. Alice Brock,
who owned Alice's Restaurant in Stockbridge, is also quoted
in the AP story.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Sep 94 15:45:47 PDT
From: Yeturu.Aahlad@Eng.Sun.COM (Yeturu Aahlad)
Subject: The power of positive thinking (or techniques of non-negation)
To: alden.desoto@shadows.Eng.Sun.COM, astrid@shadows.Eng.Sun.COM, joss@shadows.Eng.Sun.COM, ruddy@shadows.Eng.Sun.COM, don.kawashima@shadows.Eng.Sun.COM, frankie.knighton@shadows.Eng.Sun.COM, Ron.Kleinman@Eng.Sun.COM
He missed one!
> >>Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no
^^^^^^^^^^^^
But otherwise, a deniably bad essay.
Aahlad.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Sep 1994 00:59:34 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: The real meaning behind H.R. Pufnstuff
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Sean Eric Fagan <sef@cygnus.com>
From: weberm@freenet3.scri.fsu.edu (Mike Weber)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv
Subject: Underlying metaphor in _H.R. Puffinstuff_ (was re: Witchy-poo and ?)
Date: 13 Sep 1994 17:59:36 -0400
Rodney Eric Griffith (rodneye@en.com) wrote:
: Cheryl Ann Migatz (cad3@ns1.CC.Lehigh.EDU) wrote:
:: Could it be H.R. Puffenstuff? The villain in that show was name "Witchy-poo."
:: There was a boy who had a magic flute that she wanted, and Puffenstuff and
:: friends used to help him keep the flute away from her.
: A friend of mine has episodes on tape and he pointed out the Fruedian
: backdrop of the series... A huge doofus saying "Jimmy! Where's your magic
: flute?" As if we didn't know...
Let's see what this magazine had to say...
"A potent and thinly disguised brew of phallocentric anxiety about the
power of women, the environs of H.R. Pufnstuff are a tormenting
nightmare of castration for our "real little boy". Shipwrecked on a
"living island" where nature has escaped his grasp, the "little boy"
finds his "magic flute" constantly threatened with "melting" by the
mother/whore figure, Witchiepoo (the sufix of which indicates an
infantile anality).
Mike "You should read what the true meaning of Sigmund and the Sea
Monsters is!" Weber
--
"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test.
Had this been an actual emergency, you'd be writhing on the ground in
unspeakable agony, bleeding from every orifice, with your blackened skin
falling away in ragged strips." -Geoff Miller
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Sep 1994 21:55:00 -0359
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: They let him have the password?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: jim@Tadpole.COM (Jim Thompson)
tadpole 18 mconnect www.stones.com
connecting to host www.stones.com (165.254.127.3), port 25
connection open
220 stones.com. Sendmail 5.0/SMI-SVR4 ready at Wed, 7 Sep 1994 19:11:17 +0500
vrfy postmaster
250 Keith Richards <root>
quit
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Sep 1994 19:57:30 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: This Week's ``Why do you ask, two dogs-merging'' Award
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: Wendell Craig Baker <wbaker@splat.baker.com>
... goes to The Economist for their lead editorial on the new
corporate merger activity. There's a full color picture of two
camels copulating; the female has an expression which can only
be described as ``not happy.'' The picture is reproduced in
B&W in the small in the center of the editorial in case you
proceeded to read the mag without glancing at the cover. The
venerable mag's going downhill fast after its 150th. Why, here
in Palo Alto, I had to ask the guy behind the counter for mine:
``yeah, that one ... no left, yes with the red square in the
corner. ... Whaddyoulookinat lady? It's a free country.
I read it for the articles. Really.''
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Sep 1994 16:39:56 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: When the fire business is slow...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: George Hartzell <hartzell@postgres.Berkeley.EDU>
From: gary@water.ca.gov
To: sequoia@postgres.Berkeley.EDU
Subject: Bounced mail, [...]
Date: Tue, 13 Sep 94 17:51:36 PDT
Bounced Mail
In an effort to simulate an emergency during a fire drill the fire
marshall turned off the power in half of the resources building. When the
power was turned back on hundreds of computers and laser printers screamed
"feed me" this electrical little shop of horrors overwhelmed transformers
starting fires. 2500 people spent the day in a park next to the resources
building waiting to return to work. Our systems are back on-line now,
e-mail was not lost but responses from our staff might be a bit delayed.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Sep 1994 10:20:34 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Why God didn't get tenure...
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: elan@ee.lbl.gov (Elan Amir)
Forwarded-by: mwwhite@econ.Berkeley.EDU (Matthew W. White)
Forwarded-by: "Alan Lamont" <alan.lamont@quickmail.llnl.gov>
Forwarded-by: Peggy Takahashi
From: "Bruce A. Heiman" <heiman@haas.berkeley.edu>
Subject: Some academic careers just never take off...
Why God never received tenure at any university:
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he
done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human
subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning
the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the
sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed
his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
[This appeared 2 years ago in Yucks V2.56, but with only 8 points.
I guess we'll see it again in another 2 years with more? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 15 Sep 1994 07:37:56 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Why I like buying or FTPing software
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
From: wmcb@math.appstate.edu (Bill Bauldry)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.powerpc,comp.sys.intel,comp.sys.mac.apps
Subject: Re: THE MICROSOFT CONSPIRACY (08/07/94) --- Read ON...
Date: 14 Sep 1994 13:56:45 GMT
Organization: Appalachian State Univ, Math Sciences
...
... but, over the past few years, I've decided that
programming is like pumping gas in the rain, there
are people who will do it for you, if you give them
money ...
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Sep 94 11:20:04 PDT
From: spl@szechuan.UCSD.EDU (Steve Lamont)
Subject: Wired...
To: spaf
> > TALKING INVENTORY
> > A wireless tracking program will be used by the Department of
> > Defense to find the location of items in inventory. Each lot in a warehouse
> > will be tagged with a tiny radio transmitter. For example, if you were to
> > call all toilet seats, they would call back and tell you where they are.
> > (Atlanta Journal-Constitution 4/21/94 F2)
>
> [...]
>
> [I can see the movie now: "Calling All Toilet Seats" --spaf]
I forwarded the above item to a friend and he responded:
What? You mean you've never heard of The Talking Heads?
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 07 Sep 94 00:09:04 CDT
From: mbraun@hydra.urbana.mcd.mot.com (Matthew Braun)
Subject: Yucks Digest V4 #25
To: Yucks
kinyon@next3.corp.mot.com (John J. Kinyon) writes:
>Gene, is your "sabbatical" on a huge metal cube near Pluto?
>
>[Drat -- you found out. Now I'll have to "fix" motorola.com... --spaf]
MAYBE IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE--WE HAVE BEEN ASSIMILATED, AND WE'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR YOU...
I mean whaddaya think all this wireless communication stuff is for??? See,
we just connect this pager signal wire up to the neural receptor here, dial
this phone number, and BZZZZZZ--"oooooooh, baby, page me again..." More fun
and lots cheaper than those 900 numbers--or, so I'm told.
Unfortunately the "corporate collective" wasn't interested in this idea.
Unfeeling bastards. Of course, they stopped listening to my pager ideas a
_long_ time ago. (Like it's my fault they found that "Top 10 Uses For A
Pager (In And Out of Vibrate Mode)" list. I mean, I didn't write it, much
less inspire it--someone *mailed* it to me, and... Uh-oh! it's the newest
collective members--a security patrol coming down the hall:
"EXTERMINATE! EXTER--ERR--ASSIMILATE! ASSIMILATE! ASSIMILATE!"
(Damn that emacs auto-save!) Uh, I gotta be going--Which ship did you say
you were going to be on again?
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 7 Sep 94 13:44:41 PDT
From: "Paul Bartz" <Paul.Bartz@Forsythe.Stanford.EDU>
To: spaf
I showed the giraffe story to a coworker of mine. His comment? "That
story can't be true. It's obviously tongue-in-cheek."
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 12 Sep 1994 14:22:03 -0500
From: Ben Jackson <bj@staff.cc.purdue.edu>
To: bob
[comments follow]
------- Forwarded Message
From: Gary Darling <gary@postgres.Berkeley.EDU>
To: sequoia@nobozo.CS.Berkeley.EDU
Subject: Fire in the Resources Building
Date: Fri, 09 Sep 1994 11:48:06 PDT
We had a fire drill in the Resources Building this morning. In testing
the backup systems somehow a real fire was started. The power to the resources
building has been shutoff. This means:
E-mail is going to bounce once our ups systems give out.
No one is going to be there to answer the phone.
...
------- End of Forwarded Message
Something similar happened at my high school... Just after they built
the new home ec. labs (can't think of the PC term for "home ec."!)
there was a firedrill and a student left a project on the stove.
Something cought fire and burned, setting off the sprinkler system.
The lab was located directly above the new computer lab (luckily
nothing had been moved in at the time) and it was destroyed by the
water.
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 10 Sep 1994 09:58:13 -0400
From: jbowyer@selma.hq.af.mil (J.)
To: spaf
Sent from: jonl@well.sf.ca.us (Jon Lebkowsky)
**********ALERT*********ATTENTION ALL MONDOIDS*********
MONDO 2000's truck, a '72 Chevy K-2 Blazer, was stolen Saturday night in
Point Richmond, CA. The truck is enclosed, copper & white with two bucket
seats in front and carpeted sideseats and windows in back. CA license plate
2FTW220. If you see it, please call MONDO at (510) 845-9018 (anonymous calls
OK), 24 hours. Information leading to its recovery will result in a lifetime
subscription to MONDO. Thanks!
- Wes Thomas, Editor
******PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO FRIENDS******
[mod's note: If ya find this truck, please tell us what's under the
floorboards before you report to Wes...heh... And if I find it,
send my lifetime sub to MR Anonymous, if ya pleez...]
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------