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Yucks Digest V1 #101
Yucks Digest Wed, 13 Nov 91 Volume 1 : Issue 101
Today's Topics:
...and Jimmy Swaggart wasn't driving!
biff bam pow
don't die
Hostname of the day...
I'll pay double whatever he'll put up...
I want to be punished.
John C Dvorak's Great Operating System Quiz
Life, the Universe and the Telephone
more thrilling halloween stories
OS Security
Plans for death ray needed
Safety first
The darkness of the damned.
The place of the nude in the history of art
WhiteBoard News
World Wide Product Announcement
Yucks
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 7 Nov 91 09:04:22 EST
From: jcf1%tsunami@gte.com (Joseph C. Fitzgerald)
Subject: ...and Jimmy Swaggart wasn't driving!
To: yucks
I was sitting at a traffic light last night and, much to my amusement, an
18-wheeler bearing the huge letters 'G O D' down the side of its trailer
came pulling out from the side street with the right-of-way. At first I was a
bit set back, thinking that some group of television evangelists were taking
their show on the road. Then I saw that this was indeed an acronym, and the
words for which it stood were also on the trailer: "Guaranteed Overnight
Delivery". Well I just broke down and started laughing. But the fun wasn't
over, because after the truck completed its turn I was presented with the
phone number to call to get their services: 1-800-DIAL-GOD.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 6 Nov 1991 14:35:20 PST
From: "Christopher A. Kent" <kent@parc.xerox.com>
Subject: biff bam pow
To: The great and wonderful eniac <eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us>
For those of you that thought "onomatapoeia" was the right answer ...
[It also indicates that the net is used by some people with very different
interests than us computer nerds.... --spaf]
------- Forwarded Message
[...long list of forwarded headers deleted....]
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 1991 10:32 EST
From: Herb Stahlke <00HFSTAHLKE@LEO.BSUVC.BSU.EDU>
Subject: More on ideophones
I don't know how broad the set of words is that Alan Dench is dealing
with. Certainly in many West African languages the class of ideophone
is more a matter of morphophonology than of lexicon. Ideophones can
be nouns, adjectives, adverbs, and even verbs, provided those
categories can all be justified in a particular language. In Yatye (O
is open o, N is angma, S is ash), O`Ngba`ra`Ngba` means "oil drum" and
O`ba`ka`ri'Ngba`Ngba` is a rather raucous sounding species of
hornbill. tSOO` is descriptive of the sound made when urinating, to
keep close to the apparent theme of this discussion, and waa'tsa'tsa'
(which may be continued with more of tsa') means something like
completely. The first two are onomatopoeic nouns, the third an
onomatopoeic adverb, and the last an adverb that is not onomatopoeic
but still and ideophone.
One of the questions about ideophones in Yoruba is whether they are a
morphophonologically distinct class from other words. They exhibit
types of tonal, phonotactic, and reduplicative behavior that would
seem to suggest that they are, but it's a case where you cannot
provide a set of descriptive properties that is both necessary and
sufficient. There are many non-ideophonic nouns, for example, that
share some of the properties of ideophones, such as switching the
value of the feature gravity from syllable to syllable, but not
potential for reduplication.
Before rejecting the term ideophone for the Australian phenomena, I
would want to know whether the class of words Dench is working on is
similarly ill-defined.
Herb Stahlke
Ball State University
[2nd message:]
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 1991 12:20:36 -0700 (PDT)
From: Christopher Brockett <chrisbro@u.washington.edu>
Subject: Re: 2.706 Onomatopenia
The term commonly employed with respect to similar sound symbolism in
Japanese is 'mimetic.' Traditional Japanese grammar distinguishes between
two types: *giseigo* or onomatapoeia, and *gitaigo* or words representing
states or manner.
Joe Grimes once suggested to me that kinesthetic might be an appropriate
catchall term for these.
[3rd message:]
From: daysa@mace.cc.purdue.edu (,sd)
Subject: Re: 2.706 Onomatopenia
Re: Bif! Bap! Kapow! --
Why not use one of the above?!? Personally, I like the idea of
having a word-form labled/known as a 'kapow'.
Sean Day
Purdue University/
Undue Perversity
[4th message:]
Date: Sat, 26 Oct 91 17:56:10 CDT
From: Nancy L. Dray <dray@sapir.uchicago.edu>
Subject: Wham! Bam! binj-binj-binj...
A. Dench's examples kind of put one in mind of a porno version of the
old Batman series (or comic book if you prefer)... Actually, the idea
of well-crafted comic-book versions of myth-texts in the vernacular,
with expressions such as these splashed across the frames at appropriate
moments, is oddly appealing.... (or perhaps I'm just weird....)
...but never mind that, I think the term Dench is looking for is
"expressives"; this term was coined by Gerard Diffloth (formerly
of the University of Chicago, now at Cornell, I believe) to refer to a
kind of productive word-class especially evident in the many
Asian languages that Diffloth specializes in, though also to be found
(or, at least, related phenomena are also to be found) in many other
languages. Some references to Diffloth's work are:
Diffloth, Gerard. 1972. "Notes on expressive meaning." CLS 8.
Reprinted (with postscript) in E. Schiller, B. Need, D. Varley, &
W. Eilfort, eds., _The Best of CLS_ (Chicago: Chicago Linguistic
Society, 1988). (e-mail address for CLS is cls@sapir.uchicago.edu)
Diffloth, Gerard. 1976. "Expressives in Semai." _Austroasiatic
Studies_, Oceanic Linguistics Special Publication No. 13, University
of Hawaii Press.
Diffloth, Gerard. 1979. "Expressive phonology and prosaic phonology
of Mon-Khmer." _Studies in Tai and Mon-Khmer Phonetics and
Phonology in Honour of E. J. A. Henderson_ (Bangkok: Chulalongkorn
University Press).
Other work on expressives by students of Diffloth includes
Martha S. Ratliff's work on Hmong expressives, which appears in her
University of Chicago dissertation (ca. 1986?) and in at least one conference
paper, and Janis B. Nuckolls' work on Quechua expressives, which I believe
appears in her dissertation (University of Chicago, ca. 1990?) and may
also be written up elsewhere. (Sorry to be so vague about the references.
The departmental office is closed right now, the library's a long walk away
in the rain, and I'd like to send this message while it is still timely. If
you want more info, please e-mail me.) Ratliff is currently at Wayne
State University in Detroit, and she is on e-mail, though I can't find her
address (perhaps Alexis Manaster-Ramer has it). Nuckolls is at Indiana
University (though currently on leave and based at Emory), and I have
her e-mail address if anyone wants to contact her for additional references.
I hope this helps to bring this very important work to a wider audience!
------- End of Forwarded Message
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 11 Nov 91 12:52:18 PST
From: Lisa.Chabot@Eng.Sun.COM
Subject: don't die
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
Californians for Earthquake Prevention and Climatic Improvement
((415) 995-2977) has a great message this week. For those of
you unable or unwilling to call long-distance, a summary: there
is very possibly a link between souls escaping when you die and
global warming (more people -> more people dying -> escaping souls
heating up things). So, do your part and refuse to die. In the
upcoming weeks, CEPCI will be developing a handy time-saver should
the angel of death tap you on the shoulder: a
"Get Out of Death Free" card.
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 09 Nov 91 11:31:19 -0500
From: dls@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
Subject: Hostname of the day...
To: bob
XXX@carpdeum.med.ge.com
Now, this person probably wanted it to mean "carpe diem," or
"seize the day" in latin. If we're generous, and give him the "e",
we have "carpe deum," which means "seize the god". Only problem is it's
the neuter form, so you don't have anything, ahem, to seize... :-)
stat=Deferred: Host Name Lookup Failure
No wonder... :-)
+-DLS
PS - "Life of Brian" flashbacks, anyone?
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 8 Nov 91 22:47:31 EST
From: rsk@chestnut.circ.upenn.edu (Rich Kulawiec)
Subject: I'll pay double whatever he'll put up...
To: bob
This is from burtonr@coma.Colorado.EDU (Richard Burton) in an article
in rec.sport.basketball.college...here's his signature:
"Lieutenant Worf, set phaser banks on `reduce to component atoms'. We'll
show these Romulan p*ssies how to fight." - John-Luc Piccard in an
episode of Star Trek: the New Age Generation that I would pay money to see
------------------------------
Date: 6 Nov 91 01:23:26 GMT
From: "mr c.w. yap chee wai" <els607t@mdw037.cc.monash.edu.au>
Subject: I want to be punished.
To: unix-wizards@sem.brl.mil
I am an idiot because I left myself logged in and went home.
I want to be beaten by you.
Please send me lots of horrible mail as I am turned on by violence.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 13 Nov 91 10:34:07 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: John C Dvorak's Great Operating System Quiz
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
John C Dvorak's Great Operating System Quiz
PC Magazine Sept 24, 1991
Finding the right operating system is as simple as ordering a pizza
and answering some easy questions.
In the months (and perhaps years) ahead, many of us will be
confronted by a decision: What operating system to choose? DOS?
Unix? DOS with windows?
As I watch more and more users choose sides, it's apparent that there
are aspects of individual personalities that work into the decision.
So I did some arduous research to develop one of my famous tests to
help people determine which operating system is best for them. I
examine a combination of both computing needs and personal habits.
Circle either the DOS, OS/2, W (for Windows), or Unix choice next to
your favorite answer. Count up the number of answers for each choice.
Whichever one dominates should be the right operating system for you.
If there is a mismatch of answers, then you should probably wait a year.
Dvorak's Operating System Quiz
1. What application do you expect to use the most?
DOS) spreadsheet
OS/2) large complex database
W) solitaire
Unix) GREP
2. What is your favorite TV show?
DOS) "Nova"
OS/2) "The MacNeil-Lehrer Report"
W) Woody Woodpecker
Unix) The 3 A.M. test pattern
3. What is your favorite hobby?
DOS) stamp collecting
OS/2) bird watching
W) snail racing
Unix) button collecting
4. What kind of clothes do you prefer?
DOS) sports suit, no tie.
OS/2) suit and tie.
W) sweater and jeans.
Unix) Nerdy T-shirt, jeans, and no underpants.
5. What kind of music do you like?
DOS) The Beatles
OS/2) classical
W) New Age fusion music
Unix) tuba solos
6. What's your favorite color?
DOS) modern beige
OS/2) blue
W) stark white
Unix) pizza-stain red
7. What's your favorite car?
DOS) Ford
OS/2) Lexus
W) fake Bugatti
Unix) Borgward
8. Who is your favorite artist?
DOS) Rembrandt
OS/2) Pollack
W) Dali
Unix) Gary Larsen
9. Who is your favorite author?
DOS) Robert Heinlein
OS/2) Tom Wolfe
W) John Madden
Unix) Walt Disney
10. Who is your favorite actor?
DOS) Rod Steiger
OS/2) John Wayne
W) Leonard Nimoy
Unix) Richard Simmons
11. Who was your favorite president?
DOS) Abe Lincoln
OS/2) Ronald Reagan
W) Jack Kennedy
Unix) Hubert Humphrey
12. What's your preferred breakfast food?
DOS) cereal
OS/2) steak and eggs
W) softboiled egg
Unix) pizza
13. If time wasn't important, how would you prefer to travel?
DOS) walk
OS/2) steam train
W) hot air balloon
Unix) pogo stick
14. (to be answered by men) If you were stuck on a desert island
with only one woman, whom would you choose?
DOS) Kim Basinger
OS/2) Meryl Streep
W) Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Unix) a photo of Kim Basinger
15. (to be answered by women) If you were stuck on a desert island
with only one man, whom would you choose?
DOS) Kevin Costner
OS/2) Arnold Schwarzenegger
W) Bill Gates
Unix) a photo of Kim Basinger
16. When you get up in the morning, what is the first thing you do?
DOS) shower
OS/2) brush teeth
W) gargle
Unix) pick off food stuck to body from sleeping with pizza
17. What's the last thing you do before going to bed?
DOS) let out cat, turn off lights
OS/2) brush teeth
W) pray
Unix) check to see if there is a pizza in the bed
Tally your score and don't waste a minute finding pleasure in the
operating system that suits you best. One disclaimer I have to make:
Anyone scoring 17 straight "Unix" answers should seek counseling
immediately.
------------------------------
Date: 28 Oct 91 02:35:39 GMT
From: trebor@foretune.co.jp (Robert J Woodhead)
Subject: Life, the Universe and the Telephone
Newsgroups: comp.dcom.telecom
sichermn@beach.csulb.edu (Jeff Sicherman) writes:
> BTW, speaking of "smart phones", has any one put one of the smaller
> new ones in a shoe yet?
Yep. Special order for Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 of CONTROL. BTW, you
can get a recorded listing of CONTROL's 10-most-wanted KAOS agents by
calling 1-900-CONTROL ($1.95 for the first minute, 95 cents each
additional minute; all proceeds go to help CONTROL weather the latest
round of budget cuts.)
KAOS, of course, has their own retaliatory 900 number, 1-900-FORKAOS.
The price is huge, they don't tell you how much it is, and if you
complain to the phone company, Schtarker pays you a visit and gives
you his version of a "Modified Final Judgement ..."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 07 Nov 91 13:48:30 PST
From: Lisa.Chabot@Eng.Sun.COM
Subject: more thrilling halloween stories
To: eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
This summer I realized I could afford to pay off the dregs of my
student loans, and thereby terminate all correspondents with the
gibberers at First Whackovia (a horror story we won't go into now).
So I did. And eventually five letters, one per loan (all at
different odd-numbered integer percentage rates) arrived from
the student loan office at MIT, thanking me for being a good
person and all that. Hmm, I thought: what to do with these?
File them? Frame them?
Sherlock Holmes kept his unfinished correspondence affixed near the
mantel with a knife... Aha! I'll stick this finished correspondence to
my corkboard wall in my front room with this handy rubber imitation
exporers knife. Trez chick.
@ @ @ @ @ @ @
So, this year my spirit wasn't quite into Halloween, but I did manage
to leave work before sunset, obtain the required two sacrifical
pumpkins, carve them, and get me and the black cat into costumes:
me in witches hat, the cat in his collar with cool fish skeletons and id.
Darkness fell...eventually the little hoodlums and goblins knocked.
The first were a trio of 10-12 year old boy-kids. As I was dispensing
plastic whistles, one of them said,
"Aw, *tough*!"
"Huh?" I said back, worried that my peace offerings were
not approved of.
"The corkboard--that's cool."
"Oh." I looked behind me vaguely. "The apartment came that way."
Hours later I realized he probably meant the knife.
Oh well--think of the savings for next year: "Don't go to
#48, she's completely crazy!"
------------------------------
Date: Thu Nov 7 07:42:39 1991
From: Eileen "ET" Tronolone <et@sctc.af.mil>
Subject: OS Security
To: unix-wizards@sem.brl.mil, who@gandalf.umcs.maine.edu
> From: who@gandalf.umcs.maine.edu
> Subject: O/S Security
>
> Hi, I'am doing my senior thesis on OS security (or what there
>is of it). The thesis will be geared twoards the prevention of OS loop holes. As I want to include both real life applications and theory, I'll hope to be able to demonstrate how a loop hole could be closed in UNIX, and more genericaly, how a loop hole c
a
>
>
>n be closed in OS X. The problem I'am having is that most books I've used as a reference have old holes long since fixed, such as the mkdir bug and link core to passwd. I was hoping some of you might be able to suggest some more current problems that
>ld attack and hopefully solve in my thesis.
>
> Thanks in advance,
> William H. Owen,
> University of Maine Department of Computer Science
> who@gandalf.UMCS.Maine.EDU
Hi, I'm a hacker who managed to get into the University of Maine computer and
I know about these user groups, so I figure what I'll do is pose as a senior
at this college and pump the wizards for information. I am hoping that these
wise folks will attribute my misspellings and grammatical errors to too much
Jolt cola, rather than suspect I am not a college senior. And of course, I am
also hoping they will totally ignore the fact that while I claim to be an
Operating System guru, I can't figure out that the electronic mail package on
this computer doesn't have auto-wordwrap. Maybe if they don't notice this,
I'll get lots of juicy information and pay the "Bills" I am "Owen" to some
poor shmoe who has stepped on my double-Y-chromosome adolescent ego.
Even if you really are who you say you are, and doing what you say you're
doing; if you're getting into security issues the first thing you should
learn is how damn silly that post of yours was.
------------------------------
Date: 2 Nov 91 23:03:13 GMT
From: dana@locus.com (Dana H. Myers)
Subject: Plans for death ray needed
Newsgroups: sci.electronics
Could someone please post the plans for the death ray they use
in Star Trek : The Next Generation?
My neighbor plays his stereo too loud and the stereo jammer
I built caused him to buy a Tempest compliant stereo receiver
that I can't jam..
Help! I need a brilliant circuit design completely for free!
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 11 Nov 91 12:36:44 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Safety first
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
>From the National Lampoon's True Facts calendar, for Saturday, Oct 26.
The Oklahoma House of Representatives has rejected a proposal that would
have required a woman to give written consent to a man before engaging
in sex. The measure, which failed by a vote of 78 to nine, was offered
as an amendment to antiabortion legislation. Its provisions called for
men to inform potential sex partners that intercourse can cause
pregnancy and that childbirth can result in serious health problems.
------------------------------
Date: 31 Oct 91 23:59:59 GMT
From: jimmy@trinity.edu (Jimmy Swaggart)
Subject: The darkness of the damned.
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
[Hmm, the net-god image seems hard to shake, especially among the
loonies. --spaf]
I have read these articles and find them vile! This is the
devils work and I stand before you ready to be stoned but my
sacrifice may save some of you from the pits of hell. This
newsgroup is full of comments concerning homosexuals, profanity,
fornication and ill will. At times I, myself, find this an
exciting, flesh raising experience but my pagan needs must fall
before the grace of the true God. I have sinned, as you do now and
you must repent before the mighty Spaf weilds his iron fist of
destruction upon this bandwidth from hell. Rmgroup I say,
rmgroup, back to the mailing lists from whence you came!
Yea, the price of filling my mailbox with hate mail beyond the
capacity of my disk drive will be a small price for saving one
of your souls. So give in to "ug" and mail only unto me and
give up the unholy follow-ups found in this crawlspace of sin. Let
me pray over the ethernet and walk down the domain path of
salvation with you. I will read your mail and not reply. I
will fondle my holy instrument of pagan desire as I have done
before. Thinking of you milky breasts bobbing, your undulating
feminine sighs of pleasure whispering through long auburn locks
of hair. I am the cancer, I am the sinner! At least I am not
Blair.
I must confuse, but the fear of Spaf runs deep. Anarchy! Is this
network on the brink of death? Is [your name here] the biggest asshole
anyone has ever met. Spock, help me Spock!
-- Jimmy
John soiled the linen and held back his repast, saying unto
the maiden, "Poems much liked by carraso are as annoying as
having cracker crums stuck to your back."
Luke 4:11 The book of Carasso
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 7 Nov 91 17:29:14 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: The place of the nude in the history of art
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
Reported in the November 2 San Jose Mercury News:
Certain senators gathered on the floor Wednesday for an impromptu
art-history class after Sen. Jesse Helms, R-N.C., held up the cover of a
magazine funded by the National Endowment for the Arts, citing it as
example of "filth and rottenness."
Our spies at the scene say the photograph "resembled nothing so much
as a sprout of broccoli," but Helms proclaimed, "It is a vagina!"
Leaping at his chance and barely keeping a straight face, Sen. Tim
Wirth, D-Colo., unveiled a copy of Titian's "Venus with a Mirror" --
which features the very robust south end of a model facing north -- and
asked women and children in the gallery "to shield their eyes."
Wirth noted that if the Venetian master were painting in America
today, he would never, under Helms' proposed guidelines, receive an NEA
grant.
That's when Sen. Robert Byrd, D-W.Va., recalled Empress Theodora of
the Eastern Empire, whose story he read in a 16th-century history by
Procopius. Byrd assured his audience that before marrying Emperor
Justinian 1,500 years ago, Theodora "led a life of harlotry" in which
she would "lie down onstage and spread herself out ... and trained geese
would peck the barley seed off her body," in the ancient version of
performance art.
Helms, fully registering this historic glimpse, shot back, "To my
knowledge, Theodora didn't get an NEA grant."
... No, Jesse, but she did take over the government.
------------------------------
Date: Thu Nov 07 10:06:54 PDT 1991
From: t-robtp@microsoft.COM
Subject: WhiteBoard News
To: 0003539738@mcimail.com, QUA@cornella.cit.cornell.edu,
This next item comes from MicroSoftie RussGr:
A man on trial in the Fourth Judicial district of Tennessee had
previously pleaded "not guilty." However, once the jury--eight
women and four men--had been seated and the trial was under
way, the defendant switched his plea.
"Why the change?" asked the judge, "Were you persuaded to
plead 'guilty'?"
"No Sir," the man replied, "When I pleaded 'not guilty', I didn't
know women would be on the jury. I can't fool one woman, so I
know I can't fool eight of them."
==========
Bellevue, WA
On Saturday, police broke up a disturbance between a couple
arguing over which one was drunker. Both were arrested and
taken to Overlake Hospital for treatment of injuries to their heads.
The police are charging them with disorderly conduct and
disturbing the peace, but not assault.
They each injured themselves and not the other.
It seems, according to police and witnesses, that the couple were
taking turns bashing their heads into the drywall walls and the
wooden door of their apartment in order to prove they were so
drunk that they couldn't feel the pain.
==========
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Two cap-gun toting party-goers posing as pirates got more
attention than they bargained for.
Jule and Vivian Stanton, both 22, were on their way to a fancy
dress ball when they were surrounded at gunpoint by police.
Stanton said he was posing for photographs with a toy pistol as
he and his wife, along with six others, cruised the city in a hired
stretch limousine before the party.
A pedestrian mistook the weapons for real and called police.
Immediately, the limo was surrounded by 10 police cars.
Stanton said he threw the cap gun out the window, but not before
leaning out and taking a photograph of the police, their guns
trained on him.
"They (the police) said they almost shot me there," he reported
after he was released from custody.
==========
New York, NY
Police across the nation are warning people who wear pagers to
be on the lookout for the latest scam.
According to police, pagers in several states have been beeped by
a number displaying a 212 area code (New York) and the prefix
540. When the victims return the call, they are charged $55 on
their phone bill.
The call the respondent makes has been electronically linked into
a 900 "pay-per-call" system which allows the charge to be added
to the phone bill.
"People will look at the number and say 'Gee, who is calling me
from out of state? It must be important,"" said an investigator.
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 09 Nov 91 22:10:38 -0500
From: "David A. Curry" <davy@ecn.purdue.edu>
Subject: World Wide Product Announcement
To: bob
World Wide Product Announcement
LAFAYETTE, IN -- November 9, 1991 -- After nine months of intense
development, Curry & Curry are proud to announce the newest model in their
product line, the Sean Mason.
FEATURES
The Sean Mason represents the current state of the art, including such
advanced features as a neural-network-based central processing unit (CPU),
short- and long-term on-line data storage (memory), and a self-learning,
self-teaching operating system with automatic heuristic development, error
detection, and error correction.
The Sean Mason also comes equipped with a variety of peripherals including
two five-digit manipulators which can also function as small arithmetic
processing units (APUs); an input port that will accept data in liquid
formats (solid formats are under development); two output ports for liquid
and solid data formats; one variable-volume, variable-pitch audio output
device; two audio input devices with 20-20,000 Hz frequency response; two
video input devices which may be used independently or combined for stereo
vision tasks; and self-propulsion.
The initial operating system shipped with the Sean Mason is primitive, and
will require a good deal of instruction from the end user. Fortunately,
most end users find this instruction process very self-rewarding. As the
neural network becomes more adept at simple tasks, the operating system
rapidly becomes capable of self-modification, resulting in a greatly
increased rate of development. During this time, the operating system will
devise and conduct numerous experiments, some of which may be hazardous or
otherwise undesirable. When the unit enters this mode, the TIMEOUT and SPANK
debuggers may prove useful for correcting the problem.
DIAGNOSTICS
CRY, an audible alarm indication, is triggered upon input queue underflow
or output queue overflow. As the operating system accumlates more data, it
eventually develops automatic input and output queue length regulation.
SMILE, a visible alarm indication, is triggered upon underflow or overflow
rectification, and also as a general sign of the unit's proper functioning.
BURP, another audible alarm, indicates successful processing of available
input.
OPERATIONAL NOTES
When the video input peripherals are covered, this indicates that the unit
is in its idle loop, used for automatic recharging. Initial recharging
periods are short and irregular, but gradually they become regular, lasting
for approximately 8 of every 24 hours. Termination of recharging mode may
raise the CRY alarm condition.
After inital unpacking, the unit will require input every two to three hours.
After input processing has been completed, one or both output devices may be
activated. Presence of output may be signalled by the CRY alarm condition.
CAUTION
The appearance of the unit, which reflects the current state of the art in
exterior packaging, may cause irrational behavior in adults. This behavior
is typified by "oohs", "aahs", and incomprehensible utterances commonly
referred to as "baby talk".
SPECIFICATIONS
Length: 19.5 inches
Weight: 8 lbs 1 oz
AVAILABILITY
The prototype Sean Mason unit began functioning at 1:22pm EST today.
STATUS
The production staff, although tired, are well and happy.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 12 Nov 91 08:58:47 EST
From: "Steve Chapin" <sjc>
Subject: Yucks
To: spaf
>From the 12 Nov 1991 Purdue Exponent, Police Beat:
Nov. 4 4:53pm Eugene Ross, West Lafayette, was arrested on charges
of shiplifting at 390 Brown St.
I guess weight-training can really pay off!
[They found him scull-king across campus. When they tried to question
him, he started a major row -- a significant display of anchor. The
police thought he was a little dinghy. He kept our buoys in blue at
bay for a while, but the tide eventually turned. He's waved a trial
by a jury of his piers later this week; his shiplifting days are
probably over. By the way, he used to do this professionally under
the name "Doc Crane."
Wha? Oh, time to go...my Prozac is waiting. --spaf]
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End of Yucks Digest
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