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From: kds@blabla.intel.com (Ken Shoemaker)
Date: Tue, 16 Oct 90 17:18:33 PDT
Subject: tales from the wierd side

October 14, 1990

PET JUST SAYS NO TO IGUANA CHOW

Ottawa, Ontario, waitress Cindy Havens, 30, had her crime downgraded from
trafficing in marijuana to possession after she explained to a judge in July
that she had such a large quantity on hand because it seemed to be the only
thing her pet iguana, Pogo Longtail, would eat.  (The judge then mused aloud
whether his ruling would cause a run on iguanas at local pet stores.)

OTHER COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS

Jerry A. Cameron, missing for five days in August after leaving his
Jacksonville, Ark., home to go fishing near Little Rock, called his wife
from Denver to announce that he had been "kidnapped by Mexican bandits,"
left in the water near Amarillo and had his money stolen.

Anthony Zielinski, member of the Milwaukee, Wis., County Board of
Supervisors, proposed in May to give the government the authority to sell
the vital organs of indigents when they die.  "If they can't help society
while they're alive, maybe they can help while they're dead."  He later
withdrew the proposal.

The Miss America Pageant Organization ordered an investigation of the
director of its Texas affiliate, B. Don Magness, who reportedly had a long
history of making lewd comments to contestants (such as referring to them as
"sluts").  Answered Magness: "While I make an attempt at appearing to be a
dirty old man, I make double that attempt to make sure I'm not."

SMOOTH REACTIONS

Grocery-store manager Abdullah Shaheen was arrested in Fort Lauderdale,
Fla., in July for pulling a loaded .357 magnum on three young girls when
they came up 2 cents short to pay for bubble gum.

Gyoung Kim, 35, was charged with assault in July in Edmonton, Alberta, for
beating the owner of an adult boutique who would not give him a refund for
the inflatable doll he had bought earlier in the evening.

After a Senior Little League game in a Chicago suburb in August, two coaches
of the losing team (father and son) were charged with beating up John Hill,
46, coach of the winning team.

Edward Biafore, 29, barricaded himself in his parents' home in Meriden,
Conn., for three hours one evening in July, holding a SWAT team at bay with
a small arsenal, after arguing with his stepsister during a call-out pizza
order.  Said Biafore's girlfriend, "He didn't want mushrooms."

Former NBA player Allen Leavell pleaded no contest in May to charges that he
choked referee Pete Quinn into unconsciousness following a Continental
Basketball Association game in March because he disagreed with a foul call.

Two Western Michigan University professors (husband and wife) were under
investigation in April following an exam incident.  According to reports,
when the husband discovered a student cheating, he grabbed the student in a
headlock while his wife bit the student.

WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER

Marvin Carter, 18, was arrested in Silver Spring, Md., in March after he
burglarized a sporting-goods store.  After he had set off a burglar alarm,
he retreated into an air duct, where he hid for more than 36 hours before
testing an exit to see if police had gone.  (They were waiting.)

Yu L. Yang, 27, was arrested near St. Louis last November when he locked a
county health inspector inside his restaurant after being informed that the
inspector would cite Yang for storing food improperly.  Said Yang to the
locked-up inspector, "If you are here to give us trouble, we'll give you
trouble, too."  (Yang then proceeded to trim his fingernails with a butcher
knife while the inspector watched.)