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From: kds@blabla.intel.com (Ken Shoemaker)
Date: Wed, 10 Oct 90 10:23:05 PDT
Subject: Creme de la wierd

September 30, 1990

CALLING HIM 'BUBBA' GETS JUDGE'S GOAT

Doug Brightmoser was arrested in Nashville in August on a neighbor's
complaint that he was firing a shotgun into the air at night.  Brightmoser
explained he was not firing to cause trouble but was shooting at a snake
that was "trying to suck nipples" of a goat in his yard.  During
arraignment, Brightmoser continually referred to the judge not as "Your
Honor" but as "Bubba," which he later told a reporter was a term of
endearment and not disrespect.

OOPS

Power was knocked out for 1248 customers of American Electric Power (AEP)
near Amesville, Ohio, in August when a helicopter chartered by AEP
executives on their way to a meeting smashed into power lines and fell to
the ground.  All aboard the helicopter survived.

Jill Moles, part-time track coach at a junior high school in Aspen, Colo.,
was fired in May for bad judgment in showing the film "Personal Best" as a
training film to her 13- and 14-year-old athletes.  She claimed to have
fast-forwarded through the scenes in which the two female stars show
affection to each other but inadvertently missed a scene in which they kiss.

The Times of India reported in May that two Hindu brides, their vision
obscured by long veils, married each other's grooms at Patan village
ceremonies that were rushed because both had been mistakenly scheduled for
the same time.  Village elders said the marriages are final and cannot be
revoked.

Rescue workers near Lake Okeechobee, Fla., in May searched frantically for
an Amtrak engineer feared missing and dead just after the train collided with
a tanker truck full of raw sewage, which was dumped all over the first two
cars of the train.  The engineer was discovered later in the back of the
train, where he had gone after the crash to shower and change clothes.

Eddie Oakley had requested a recording of Ella Fitzgerald singing "Every
Time You Say Goodbye" at his cremation services, which took place in
Kidderminster, England, in June, but the person in charge mistakenly played
"Smoke Gets in Your Eyes."

Newspapers in Naples, Italy, reported in June that, in a lawsuit against an
insurance company, a couple had blamed her pregnancy on an automobile
accident.  She claimed that while the couple was making out in a car in a
notorious lover's lane, another car rammed their car from behind, causing
the couple to "lose control" and be unable to avoid the insemination.

Denise Hudson, 28, was hospitalized with broken bones in North Myrtle Beach,
S.C., in June after she rode off from her wedding on the back of her new
husband's motorcycle and had the train of her gown get stuck on the bike's
rear wheel.

The American Statistical Association announced in June that its 1991
directory would correct the errors made in its 1989 directory of world
members, including the association's failure to regard Ireland as a country.
(In the directory, members residing in Ireland were distributed to nearby
countries.)

Omaha attorney (and former judge) David Crawford broke his collarbone
recently as he was demonstrating to his office staff how easy it would be to
tip over cows as they sleep standing up.  He had gotten down on all fours
and asked a staff member to tip him over onto his side.

Five armed inmates overpowered guards at a Venezuelan prison close to the
Colombian border in April, commandeered a vehicle, and prepared to escape.
However, none of the five, nor any of the several hostages they grabbed,
knew how to drive a stick shift, and army troops soon obtained the men's
surrender.

Police seized nearly a half-million dollars from the safe deposit box of
Benson Hilt in Evergreen Park, Ill., in May - money they said was profits
from illegal drug trafficking - because Hilt had lost his right to protect
the box when he forgot to pay his box rent.

October 7, 1990

MY CLIENT THE CROOK PLEADS INNOCENT

Michael S. Doherty's murder conviction was reversed in November by the Texas
Court of Appeals because of his lawyer's "ineffective assistance."  The two
most serious errors were in courtroom conferences in which the lawyer,
checking facts with his client, whispered loudly (within earshot of the
jury): "You didn't take all the money, right?" and "What did you do, hit him
over the head first?"

CREAM DE LA WEIRD

Gloversville, N.Y., prison inmate Bruce Hillbourne, 30, apparently
attempting to postpone a parole hearing in February, swallowed 24 size AA
and A batteries, which had to be surgically removed.

Charles Barfield, 47, was charged in Pompano Beach, Fla., with the "Fatal
Attraction" murder of Jeffrey Dryfka, 25, in February.  According to
Dryfka's notes, he had been pursued for seven years by Barfield after
breaking off a short love affair with him.  Dryfka adopted disguises and
moved frequently, but Barfield finally tracked him down.

GOVERNMENT IN ACTION

The General Accounting Office revealed in August that the Department of
Veterans Affairs had been paying pension and disability benefits to more than
1200 dead people (including 100 that have been dead for more than 10 years).
The department would save $5.7 million per year by matching its pay records
with other government records on death.

National, province and city governments jointly contributed $13.5 million in
July to establish a "comedy complex" in Montreal.  Featured will be a museum
of humor, a performance hall, a restaurant and boutiques.  Quebec's
comedians' school (the National Academy of Humor) will have offices there,
as will the annual comedy festival "Just for Laughs."

A state auditor's report in January criticized the Muskegon (Mich.) Center
for Developmental Disabilities for using residents' fees for questionable
purposes, including a $780 expenditure for oil paintings to adorn the rooms
of blind patients.

British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher proposed in August that Queen
Elizabeth (already the world's richest woman) get a pay raise of 54 percent,
from $9.2 million to $14.2 million a year (and that other royal family
members get comparable raises).  A newspaper poll on whether Prince Edward
was worth his proposed $180,000 raise showed 37-to-1 against.

After an audit, the U.S. Postal Service announced in June that the IRS owed
$2 million for underpaying its postage bill.  IRS said several offices did
not understand the complex regulations on certified mail.

David T. Quezada, director of the Orange County Fair Housing Council and a
champion of tenants' rights, was accused by the council in June of numerous
housing-code violations at his Fullerton duplex, including exposed wiring,
leaky plumbing and rotting floors.  He admitted knowing about the
discrepancies since 1987.

Missouri first lady Janet Ashcroft ordered the state library in Jefferson
City opened on Mother's Day this year just so that her son could do some
school work.  (She later apologized.)

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