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[Werner Uhrig: a message from the twilight zone ...(was: Waldo's answering machine)]

I'm not sure what the choice was, but obviously Werner knows too
much....

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Date:    Fri, 21 Sep 90 05:37:43 -0500 
From:    Werner Uhrig <werner@rascal.ics.utexas.edu>
To:      to-people-who-like-to-smile:;@rascal.ics.utexas.edu@cs.purdue.edu
Subject: a message from the twilight zone ...(was: Waldo's answering machine)

	it used to lots of fun to call Dave, Waldo and Gene (not to speak of
	visiting them), but since Waldo got tenure, and Dave got married
	(or was it the other way arround?) and Gene became a netgod and
	cloned himself to became  married, or tenured, or spokesperson for
	YUCKS, or permanent resident ambassodor to the twilight zone,
	or consultant to high places (who should know better than to let
	someone associated with a married cat named Waldo give them advice -
	or, maybe, they simply always do the opposite of what Gene
	recommends?!?  Gene, could that be *IT* ?  :-)

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From: spaf@cs.purdue.edu (Gene Spafford)
Newsgroups: comp.dcom.telecom
Subject: Last Laugh! Re: Answering Machine Messages
Message-ID: <12390@accuvax.nwu.edu>
Date: 20 Sep 90 23:23:09 GMT
Organization: Department of Computer Science, Purdue University
X-Telecom-Digest: Volume 10, Issue 663, Message 6 of 6

This has always been a topic of interest to netters.  From my
archives:

   From: spaf@gatech.UI@iUCP (Gene Spafford)
   Newsgroups: net.followup,net.humor
   Subject: Re: Boring answering-machine recordings
   Date: Sun, 20-May-84 19:46:11 EDT
   Posted: Sun May 20 19:46:11 1984
 
Well, I try to keep mine from getting too boring.  The following
recordings seem to have been enjoyed by most of our callers.  Fun
recordings just take a little imagination and a little time.  Anybody
else got any good ones they'd like to share? (BTW, Dave is my roommate,
and Waldo is our cat.)
 
"Hi, this is Gene.  Neither Dave, Waldo, nor I can come to the phone
right now.  We're being detained by the authorities due to a
misunderstanding about some underage sheep.  If you'll leave your name,
phone number, and the time of your call after the tone, we'll get back
to you just as soon as we can post bail.  Baaah-baaahh."
 
"Hi, this is Gene.  Dave, Waldo and I are currently on Neptune helping
to thwart an invasion by the evil lizard men and their sinister
companions, the brain moles.  If you'll leave your name and number
after the tone, we'll get back to you as soon as we return
victorious....or as soon as the drugs wear off and reality reasserts
itself."

"Hi, this is Gene.  Dave, Waldo and I aren't exactly here exactly now.
We're out testing a new time machine.  If you'll leave your name and
number after the tone, we'll get back to your as soon as we return.  In
fact, if the test is successful, we may even call you before we leave!"

"Hi, this is Gene.  Dave, Waldo and I are on a secret mission with the
galactic patrol and we can't answer the phone.  Since call forwarding
doesn't extend outside the solar system, we've set up this little
miracle of modern electronics.  Just recite your name, phone number,
and planet of origin after the 'beep', and we'll call you back upon our
return."

At Christmas:

"Ho, ho, ho!  This is Santa.  Dave, Gene, and Waldo can't come to the
phone right now because they're out practising pulling my sleigh.
It seems those new elves I hired were actually fairies, and all my
reindeer are down with AIDS.  The boys have agreed to pull my sleigh in
return for my not releasing the photos which illustrate why they're not
getting anything but coal in their stockings this year.  Leave your
name and number after the tone, and I'll unhitch them and have them
call.  Merry Christmas!"

And for the next few weeks:

"Hi, this is Gene.  Dave, Waldo and I can't come to the phone right
now, because we're taking a hypnotism lesson.  But you don't mind,
because you're feeling so relaxed.  Your eyelids are feeling heavy and
you are getting very drowsy.  You're asleep.  After you hear the tone,
you'll leave your name and telephone number.  Then you'll hang up and
mail us all your money.  Then you'll dress up in a rubber chicken suit
and gather twigs to build a nest in your front lawn.  After that, we'll
either return your call or visit you in the home."

Not at all a well duck,
                
                (long ago, when this message was written)

   Off the Wall of Gene Spafford
   The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
   CSNet:	Spaf @ GATech		ARPA:	Spaf%GATech @ CSNet-Relay
   uucp:	...!{akgua,allegra,ihnp4,masscomp,ut-ngp}!gatech!spaf
   	...!{rlgvax,sb1,uf-cgrl,unmvax,ut-sally}!gatech!spaf

 
                (at present, fall, 1990)

Gene Spafford
NSF/Purdue/U of Florida  Software Engineering Research Center,
Dept. of Computer Sciences, Purdue University, W. Lafayette IN 47907-2004
Internet:  spaf@cs.purdue.edu	uucp:	...!{decwrl,gatech,ucbvax}!purdue!spaf

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