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Yucks Digest V1 #104
Yucks Digest Tue, 26 Nov 91 Volume 1 : Issue 104
Today's Topics:
"Your mother should know"
A (limited) Turing test in Boston -- a personal account
For the Yucks file
Music Appreciation 101 (fwd)
post officer workers
QOTD
Somebody get this boy a life...
Suicide-Line Helper Gets Life
The Alpha Beta song
Which sang a sprightly chorus...
Whose country is it?
yuck
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 21 Nov 91 11:30:03 GMT
From: SHAMROCK@genie.com (Marc)
Subject: "Your mother should know"
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
"Personal" ad in local paper: David G. Contact me soon! Bring three rings:
Engagement, wedding and teething. Have news. Debbie.
------------------------------
Date: 22 Nov 91 15:16:39 GMT
From: gps0@gte.com (Gregory Piatetsky-Shapiro)
Subject: A (limited) Turing test in Boston -- a personal account
Newsgroups: comp.ai
A breakthrough in Artificial Intelligence !
(or an advance in natural stupidity ?)
On November 8, 1991, I was present at the historic first-ever Turing
test at the Computer Museum in Boston. Alan Turing, one of the
founders of Computer Science, has proposed more than 40 years ago
the following test to determine whether a machine can think. An
interrogator would converse with two terminals, one connected to a
computer, and another to a human. If after 5 minutes, the interrogator
cannot reliably determine which is which, the machine passes the test.
Since no current AI program is able to hold unrestricted conversation,
the test was modified to limit the conversation to a particular topic.
Hugh Loebner, a New York businessman, has provided 100,000 dollars prize
for the annual event, officially called Loebner prize. About 130
programs "applied" to compete, and only the best were chosen.
There were 10 topics, and an unknown (human or computer)
entity connected to each screen. It was announced that there would be
at least 2 humans and at least 2 computers. The topics were: 1)
Women's clothing, 2) Smalltalk, 3) 2nd grade elementary school, 4)
Shakespeare, 5) Whimsical conversation, 6) Fishing, 7) Advice in
romantic situations, 8) Burgundy wine, 9) Jazz, and 10) Dry martini
(see if you can guess where were the computers just from the topics).
My own guesses were that narrow topics (such as Dry Martini and
Burgundy) would indicate computers, while broad topics (such as
Women's clothing and Jazz) would be in human domain. Of course, the
programmers also knew this bias, so I thought there would be some
surprises.
The competition began, appropriately for a computer event, with
a delay due to technical difficulties. Finally, after an hour,
two entities (presumably computers) - Fishing and Jazz specialists - have
dropped out, and the remaining 8 screens have lit up.
The ten judges, who were not computer specialists but randomly
chosen volunteers, were to distinguish between humans and computers.
Each judge would converse with each entity for about 14 minutes, and
then rank all entities from 1 (most human-like) to 10 (most
computer-like). If at least one program was rated higher than a human
by at least one judge, it will be considered "crossing the line".
(Taram-taram ...)
The judges and terminals were in a separate small room. We
could watch the action in a large room, where each terminal was
projected onto a large screen. Among the spectators, there was a
large number of reporters (I noticed Time, Newsweek, Scientific
American, several local papers, and even Der Spiegel). There were
also a number of TV crews who were making films. A special in the
Scientific American Frontiers (sponsored by GTE, by the way) will air in
February, and a detailed report will appear in Scientific American in
January.
Well, what happened? The difference between a human and a
computer was evident almost immediately on almost every screen. The
fundamental computer weakness of not being able to understand the
question lead to constant non-sequiturs. I.e. when "2nd grade school"
contestant was being asked even moderately difficult questions, such
as "which things you prefer at school", the reply was "Today is
Friday, November 8". Burgundy contestant started by printing
"O1#V!5KD;D..". After the first few exchanges the decision was
clear for all but one terminals. I was certain that #2 Smalltalk, #3
2nd grade elementary school, #7 Advice in romantic situations, #8
Burgundy wine, and #10 Dry martini contestants were computers, while
#1-Women's clothing and #4-Shakespeare contestants, who gave
responsive answers, were humans.
The difference was clear despite some rather clever programming tricks, such as
having computers type slowly and randomly insert typos into their
output. One entity, discovering a typo, deleted last 10 characters,
corrected a typo, then retyped its answer (but much too fast).
The decision was most difficult for contestant #4 - Whimsical responses,
which provided such gems as:
Terminal 4: I have received good news from my agent in Florida.
They found land on my property.
...
Terminal 4: You're cute ... would you like to fool around for a little?
How important is that to you? Can you believe this crazy competition?
Judge: Awesome!
However, when asked direct questions it also was not able to reply.
(I regret not writing down the details). The program was able
to fool 5 of the 10 judges into thinking that it was human!!!
The author of the program, Joseph Weintraub, president of Thinking Software of
Woodside, N. Y., received a bronze medal and $1500 prize.
Thus limiting the topic does not eliminate the basic problem of
brittleness. While the burgundy wine expert was able to give good
answers to question "What are the vintage years for Burgundy wine",
it could not deal with "Why do you prefer red wines over white".
Thus we see two curves - the rising one of machine intelligence, and
declining one of average human intelligence. Perhaps, it is
inevitable that they will intersect. Towards the end of the
competition, TV crew next to me interviewed a spectator who thought
that Women's Clothing entity was a very clever computer. I thought
that I might achieve my 15 minutes of fame by a similarly silly
statement, such as identify a human where, in fact, there was a
computer. However, I thought of damage to reputation of GTE
Laboratories and GTE stock and shut up.
It seems that it will be a long time before a computer can pass an
unrestricted Turing test, with a computer specialist being the judge.
In the meanwhile, we can devise ways to measure intermediate progress.
For example, we can measure the probability of identification, or the
number of questions needed to reliably identify a computer.
Perhaps, even the task of being a judge could be assigned to a program?
Also, the Turing test does not really measure pure thinking capability,
but only the capability to mimic human behaviour with all its shortcomings
(such as inability to type fast and accurately). Is there a more pure test
for a thinking program?
And what will we do when a program does pass the test?
[Elect it to office? Admit it to grad school? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 21 Nov 91 14:39:12 CST
From: Jon Loeliger <loeliger@bach.convex.com>
Subject: For the Yucks file
To: spaf
------- Forwarded Message (from rec.humor.funny)
>From an article on Sunsoft's plans to publish Solaris (SunOS) for
general Intel-based machines which appeared in the September 5 edition
of the San Jose Mercury News:
...
While programs written for Sun machines won't run unmodified on
Intel-based computers, Sun said the two packages will be completely
compatible and that software companies can convert a program from
one system to the other through a fairly straightforward and
automated process known as "recompiling".
------- End of Forwarded Message
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Nov 91 13:25:23 PDT
From: valid!scarf!pdh@uunet.UU.NET (Pete Hackett)
Subject: Music Appreciation 101 (fwd)
To: uunet!purdue!spaf@uunet.UU.NET
I don't know if you have run this in Yucks but I find it VERY funny,
a classic:
A Humid Recital Stirs Bangkok
(from the Washington Post, 23 July 1967)
(This review, by Kenneth Langbell, appeared in the English language
Bangkok Post. It was made available by Martin Bernheimer of the Los Angeles
Times.)
THE RECITAL last evening in the chamber music room of the Erewan Hotel by
U.S. pianist Myron Kropp, the first appearance of Mr. Kropp in Bangkok, can
only be described by this reviewer and those who witnessed Mr. Kropp's
performance as one of the most interesting experiences in a long time.
A hush fell over the room as Mr. Kropp appeared from the right of the
stage, attired in black formal evening-wear with a small, white poppy in his
lapel. With sparse, sandy hair, a sallow complexion and a deceptively frail
looking frame, the man who has repopularized Johann Sebastian Bach approached
the Baldwin Concert Grand, bowed to the audience and placed himself upon the
stool.
It might be appropriate to insert at this juncture that many pianists,
including Mr. Kropp, prefer a bench, maintaining that on a screw-type stool
they sometimes find themselves turning sideways during a particularly
expressive strain. There was a slight delay, in fact, as Mr. Kropp left the
stage briefly, apparently in search of a bench, but returned when informed
there was none.
AS I HAVE mentioned on several other occasions, the Baldwin
Concert Grand, while basically a fine instrument, needs constant
attention, particularly in a climate such as Bangkok. This is even
more true when the instrument is as old as the one provided in the
chamber music room of the Erewan Hotel. In this humidity the felts
which separate the white keys from the black tend to swell, causing an
occasional key to stick, which apparently was the case last evening
with the D in the second octave.
During the "raging storm" section of the D-Minor Toccata and Fugue, Mr.
Kropp must be complimented for putting up with the awkward D. However, by the
time the "storm" was past and he had gotten into the Prelude and Fugue in D
Major, in which the second octave D plays a major role, Mr. Kropp's patience
was wearing thin.
Some who attended the performance later questioned whether the awkward key
justified some of the language which was heard coming from the stage during
softer passages of the fugue. However, one member of the audience, who had
sent his children out of the room by the midway point of the fugue, had a
valid point when he commented over the music and extemporaneous remarks of Mr.
Kropp that the workman who greased the stool might have done better to use
some of the grease on the second octave D. Indeed, Mr. Kropp's stool had more
than enough grease, and during one passage in which the music and lyrics both
were particularly violent Mr. Kropp was turned completely around. Whereas
before his remarks had been aimed largely at the piano and were therefore
somewhat muted, to his surprise and that of those in the chamber music room he
found himself addressing himself directly to the audience.
BUT SUCH THINGS do happen, and the person who began to laugh deserves to
be severely reprimanded for this undignified behavior. Unfortunately, laughter
is contagious, and by the time it had subsided and the audience had regained
its composure Mr. Kropp appeared to be somewhat shaken. Nevertheless he
swiveled himself back into position facing the piano and, leaving the D-Major
Fugue unfinished, commenced on the Fantasia and Fugue in G Minor.
Why the concert grand piano's G key in the third octave chose that
particular time to begin sticking I hesitate to guess. However, it is
certainly safe to say that Mr. Kropp himself did nothing to help matters when
he began using his feet to kick the lower portion of the piano instead of
operating the pedals as is generally done.
Possibly it was this jarring, or the un-Bach-like hammering to which the
sticking keyboard was being subjected. Something caused the right front leg of
the piano to buckle slightly inward, leaving the entire instrument listing at
approximately a 35-degree angle from that which is normal. A gasp went up from
the audience, for if the piano had actually fallen several of Mr. Kropp's
toes, if not both his feet, would surely have been broken.
It was with a sight of relief, therefore, that the audience saw Mr. Kropp
slowly rise from the stool and leave the stage. A few men in the back of the
room began clapping, and when Mr. Kropp reappeared a moment later it seemed
he was responding to the ovation. Apparently, however, he had left to get the
red-handled fire ax which was hung back stage in case of fire, for that was
what he had in his hand.
MY FIRST REACTION at seeing Mr. Kropp begin to chop at the left
leg of the grand piano was that he was attempting to make it tilt at
hte same angle as the right leg and thereby correct the list.
However, when the weakened legs finally collapsed altogether and Mr.
Kropp continued to chop, it became obvious to all that he had no
intention of going on with the concert.
The ushers, who had heard the snapping of piano wires and splintering of
sounding board from the dining room, came rushing in and, with the help of the
hotel manager, two Indian watchmen and a passing police corporal, finally
succeeded in disarming Mr. Kropp and dragging him off the stage.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 18 Nov 91 08:44:04 MST
From: woods@ncar.UCAR.EDU (Greg Woods)
Subject: post officer workers
To: rissa@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
A great book to read about the post office is Charles Bukowski's "Post
Office". (Bukowski is probably best known now for writing the nearly
autobiographical script to the movie "Barfly", but he's written
a bunch of off-the-wall stuff). One story I remember from the book
is that in the post office where he worked, it was discovered that
there were twice as many drinking fountains as there were supposed
to be in a postal building, so they had half of them ripped out...
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 19 Nov 91 17:42:31 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: QOTD
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
I don't use a diaphram, actually. I pretty much rely on my
personality for birth control.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 19 Nov 91 13:37:16 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Somebody get this boy a life...
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
Geek alert! Geek alert! Beware anybody who compares "the sharing of
consciousness among people" to "the principles of Virtual Machine 370
principles of operation".
From: homer@theory.TC.Cornell.EDU (Homer Smith)
Newsgroups: talk.religion.newage,alt.magick,alt.pagan
Subject: refutation to Timo Salmi
Date: 19 Nov 91 07:53:36 GMT
Organization: Cornell Theory Center
....
4.) The world is a 3 Dimensional holographic projection in
your consciousness. The world is a dream. The only difference
between your waking world and the one you are in when you are asleep
is that your waking dream has other players in it dreaming with you,
probably all of them just as dumb as you! When you sleep, you
dream alone, unless you don't...
The world is a projection, a virtual machine, sort of like
the game of PONG, with mocked up solidities and barriers and freedoms
and purposes. But the causality for all this is NOT OUT THERE. It
is inward just as the causality is inward in the game of pong. The
light ball don't bounce off the light paddle because the light paddle
is solid, now do it? Of course not, there is a third party creating
the illusion. Just so with Source, it connects us and allows us to
indulge in the illusion of controlling each other's mockups. You can
even run into a wall at 90 miles an hour or get your ass crucified
and die slowly. When you die, you wake up. You remember who you
are, what you've done (oh God no not that!) and you CHOSE to get
another body. Back to sleep again. School, work, war, religion, drugs,
stupid mortals, you know, the whole mess. A nice
comfortable SAFE place to be. One where you FINALLY get to die,
thank God.
The sharing of consciousness amoung people, the interaction
between people's mockups and dreams, is very much based on the
principles of Virtual Machine 370 principles of operation. No one
can be in anyone else's dream unless you grant them a share and
they do a CP LINK to you.
That's called Total Responsibility.
Or Omni Sovereignty, depending upon which religion you belong to.
Thus people who are into computers and
operating systems are MUCH more likely to have a sane view of
the spirituality and Omni Sovereignty of existance. The really
surprising thing is that some people can have so much experience
with computers and still think they ARE one. You think
consciousness is just the result of a complexity of parts which themselves
are not conscious? How execrably silly.
Love and Pain can not of Force and Mass be made.
Tragedy and Travesty, Romance and Sin,
Miracles in Majesty, that's where I've been.
Miracles and Majesty, Romance and Song,
Tragedy and Travesty, that's where I've gone.
The fact I am still here, is PROOF don't you see?
In the omni long run, it's better to BE!
Halcyon and Thrill, High Cool and Romance,
Class and Free Fancy power the dance.
Pride is our willingness, our willingness to BE,
I ADORE ME FOREVER, for ever for FREE.
Homer
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 21 Nov 91 01:59:31 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Suicide-Line Helper Gets Life
To: yucks-request
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP)
A former suicide-prevention volunteer has been sentenced to life
in prison for trying to kill a frequent hotline caller.
Superior Court Judge Allen Fields sentenced Frank Snyder on
Tuesday, calling it "one of the most bizarre cases I have ever seen."
Snyder, 29, had been found sane by a jury after admitting he tried
to kill Benjamin Carlson, 53, on Feb. 12.
Police reports says Snyder and an unidentified accomplice went to
Carlson's home and slashed his wrists and throat in an attempt to
make his intended death look like a suicide.
Fields called Snyder's acts "totally repulsive" and said his
history of mental problems did not excuse his actions.
Fields added three years to the life term for inflicting great
bodily injury, ensuring that Snyder will serve at least 10 years in
prison before being eligible for parole.
Snyder asked the court for mercy, saying he was "painfully aware
of the devastation I have caused another human being. Within myself
the tears of remorse that I have shed over this incident are genuine
and heartfelt. It is my sincere hope that Ben Carlson can find
healing and peace in his life."
Carlson sent a letter to the court asking for the maximum
punishment.
He wrote that his wounds caused him to lose his job and his home.
The assault, he said. "was heinous and brutal. ... I believe this to
be the act of a sociopath."
Carlson had made hundreds of calls to the suicide-prevention
hotline where Snyder worked as a volunteer. Snyder began seeing him,
saying he thought Carlson "was a lonely old man, a danger to himself
and the community and was damaging the suicide prevention agency by
his numerous threats and phone calls," according to the probation
report.
But Snyder said as time progressed, he "snapped" and decided
Carlson had to die.
"He was sucking everything out of me," Snyder told a detective
when he was arrested.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 19 Nov 91 22:08:48 CST
From: meo@pencom.com (Miles O'Neal)
Subject: The Alpha Beta song
To: spaf, meo@techsint.austin.ibm.com
According to David Grady from NeXT...
Grady's Laws of Software Development
Law 1: Until it ships, no one knows for sure that it will. After it
ships, no one knows for sure whether it will continue to do so.
Everything else is even less certain. (Just remember the phrase,
Software, where the rubber meets the sky.)
Law 2: Until it's alpha, no one knows whether it has a chance of
being finished, let alone shipped. Worse, no two people are likely to
give you the same definition of "alpha," let alone agree on whether
they're looking at one.
Law 3: Until it's beta, customers can't give useful feedback. Once
it's beta no sales staff ever wants to take the time to react to
customer feedback if it means slipping the ship date--and it always
does.
Law 4: Software development is a whole lot more like baking bread
than boiling water. Not only can't you speed the process up by
turning up the heat, there's a good chance you'll just be worse off
if you try.
Law 5: Don't borrow money against any ship date more than three
months out. Not even God knows when a software product more than
three months out will ship.
Law 6: Don't borrow money against any ship date that falls on the
last day of a month, or worse, the last day of a quarter (i.e., do
not confuse goals with schedules).
Law 7: When in doubt about a project's status, find out first what
shape the code is in. If you can't tell now matter what they show
you, seek help from someone who can.
And here, rescued from the oblivion into which I tossed the Beta list
where they used to live, are the laws of beta software.
Law 1: When you give someone a copy of beta software, you create a
beta site.
Law 2: All beta sites are sexually mature, i.e. capable of
reproduction, and you can't always recognize the promiscuous ones
just by the way they dress.
Law 3: When you create a beta site, you acquire the support burden
for that site. The obligation sticks to you like a curse unless you
can give the beta site a phone number which you know by
prearrangement to be obligated to find the answer to the question of
the moment or die.
Law 4. No software developer has enough resources to support enough
beta sites no matter who defines "enough."
Law 5: If you don't own the rights to sell the software, you do not
have the right to create beta sites without the explicit permission
of the third party who IS going to sell the software.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Nov 91 09:31:53 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Which sang a sprightly chorus...
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
A friend of mine was naturalized the other day as an American
citizen in a most extraordinary ceremony at the Department of
Justice. The highlight was a guest appearance by the choir of
the Internal Revenue Service, which sang a sprightly chorus to
the tune of 'Frere Jacques.' It went (and I am not making this
up):
Pay your taxes,
Pay your taxes,
Right on time,
Right on time.
...
Lord knows why they were there. U.S. residents have to pay taxes
whether they are citizens or not...."
-- Martin Walker
S.F. Sunday Chronicle/Examiner
Nov. 17, 1991
------------------------------
Date: 20 Nov 91 00:30:04 GMT
From: pjs@euclid.jpl.nasa.gov (Peter Scott)
Subject: Whose country is it?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Found in _Maps of the Mind_, by Charles Hampden-Turner:
A man was hitchhiking across the country just prior to a
presidential election and had hit upon a technique for getting
free drinks in bars by guessing which candidate was less popular
and then loudly badmouthing them. He went into a bar in Colorado
and yelled, "Carter is a horse's ass!" To his surprise, he was
promptly thrown outside into the dirt. He picked himself up and
went into another bar, shouting, "Reagan is a horse's ass!" Seconds
later, he was eating dust again.
Seeing a cowboy nearby, he called out, "Hey, fella! If this ain't
Carter country and it ain't Reagan country, whose country is it?"
The cowboy replied, "Son, this is *horse* country!"
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 21 Nov 91 23:02:38 -0800
From: brian@UCSD.EDU (Brian Kantor)
Subject: yuck
To: spaf
>From cs.wvu.wvnet.edu!muvms3!yea035 Tue Nov 19 10:10:03 PST 1991
Subject: My kind of concert review
I'm screaming hello from down here in West Virginia and letting all of
you in on the g.g. allin show that we had in a little hole down here
called Gumby's. g.g. came out on stage in a blue sweatshirt and
nothing else. He proceded to break a couple of beer bottles over his
head and throw them into the audience. He then stuck the mike up his
ass when it didn't work. they got the mike functioning and g.g. went
into a version of "Too Drunk to Fuck". It was actually half way
decent, he then stripped completely and ran into the crowd while
jerking off. After this he banged his head against the wall until he
bled and stuck the mike up his rectum once again. The show basically
followed this kind of a pattern all night. That was until he deficated
on the stage and let the crowd partake in his pleasure by throwing his
feces at us. It was just grand.
He later blithered off of the stage and went to my friends apartment
to do god knows what.
By the way, Dee Dee Ramone was playing bass for g.g.. (Someone has to
be jealous.).
Just letting those of you who were not as priviledged as some
of us take heart.
[Who says performance art and cabaret are dead? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 21 Nov 91 14:52:57 PST
From: ddgarcia@sprite.Berkeley.EDU (Daniel D. Garcia)
To: yucks
This is from a friend at Oracle...
Here are answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask... > There are
five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an
article in last April's issue of Sassy magazine.
The five questions are:
1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer
properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:
1 - "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've
been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a
lucky guy I am to have met you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy
was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
a - Baseball
b - Football
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question
came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife,
Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of
thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong
answers:
2 - "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel
the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear."
Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?
3 - "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and
emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the
room.
Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance
policy.
4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you
were starring at so hard thay you almost cause a traffic accident or
an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response
is, "No, you are much prettier."
Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance
policy.
5 - "What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise,
life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself
under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."
This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the
following stupid joke:
"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask
such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.
"No, of couse not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly."And would you let her wear my old
clothes? "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me
and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd
let
her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed."
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End of Yucks Digest
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