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Yucks Digest V1 #93
Yucks Digest Fri, 25 Oct 91 Volume 1 : Issue 93
Today's Topics:
Amusing sig
Arniho!
cutie (2 msgs)
ENTERTAINMENT TRIVIA
Italy Sports Racy TV Shows
Jimmy Swaggart Steps Down
Lessons Learned From Comp 4
Man Found In KGB Headquarters
Pizza Catching Up With Burgers
Pizza Watch
Racial stereotype avoidance (TRUE!)
Sen. Kennedy on Prof. Hill
The ABC after-school special
Turner, Fonda Jam Elevator
U.S. Likes Humanlike Computer
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 16 Oct 91 15:28:47 CDT
From: Peter Newton <newton@cs.utexas.edu>
Subject: Amusing sig
To: werner@rascal.ics.utexas.edu, wood@oakhill.sps.mot.com
After just having lost another battle with the RS6000, I find this
guy's .signature kind of funny. I agree with him 100%!
###
RS6000 - A semi-open, semi-unix, semi-workstation. When it works it is the
second fastest workstation on the market.
The above opinions are my own. To my knowledge they are not shared by my
employer or my friends. However, they should be.
Fred Seals
409-845-2298
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 18 Oct 91 11:35:02 -0500
From: dls@mentor.cc.purdue.edu
Subject: Arniho!
To: arni
[There is a mailing list here for a group of computeroids who meet at a
local restaurant for pizza & socialization. The membership floats, and
to encourage participation, various silly announcements are made. This
one is one of the longer and more bizarre ones in recent memory. --spaf]
It my first time away from my home. Hell, I was only 19, and there
I was in a completely different filesystem. "Welcome to /usr," the sign said.
Since then, I'd seen my share of action. One thing was certain: it was
nothing like bootstrap.
We were on a rescue mission. Word was there was Arni mail stuck
in the middle of /usr/spool. "Watch your step," the captain said. "Step on the
wrong free block and WHAM!" He looked up at me, stamped out his cigarette
and said coldly: "Reallocation."
We were still a couple cylinders away when we came across "lost+found".
What a User-forsaken place, that is. I-nodes, sometimes by the hundreds,
who didn't even know their own names. Some of them-- the lucky ones-- would be
reclaimed. Everyone knew, though nobody talked about, what happened to the
rest. The new guys would notice it-- how there weren't any mtimes more than 4
days old. Those that asked were answered with silence. "Deletion" was something
we all had to think about, but this was U-S-R. Sure, back home we had quotas,
but there were none here.
Finally, we made it to /usr/spool/mail. There was some activity in the
next sector-- we saw some small writes. Then came the thundering roar of
sendmail. He was on a mission, and sendmail's couldn't distinguish friendlies.
"Incoming!" the captain yelled. We all dove for cover. The block I was on was
fragmented, but luckily it missed me. Being that close to losing a K, it makes
you think about how fragile the disk is. Here you sit, in the middle of a
sector, spinning 60 times a second. And in the next instant, there could a
power spike and the whole disk could crash. But you have to go on, don't you?
After sendmail was done, we read the directory. We didn't have time
to do locking, and at any time we could have been hit with another. We had to
look fast. I was sent to check some data blocks on the next cylinder. Seeks
were a real bitch. One false move, and you're lost in the inter-cylinder Gap.
Nobody ever came back from the Gap.
Well, I made it ok. Then I had to hang out for a couple sectors to
pass. Finally, there it was. Sector 127934. I couldn't be sure the file I was
looking for was there-- a lot can happen in 20ms when an i-node isn't locked.
And even if it was the right file, the data might not be there. But I had to
check-- it was my job.
I scanned the headers. Mail from root-- no. Mail from jsmith-- no.
Mail from dls. Hey, this could be it. Sure, it might just be a false alarm--
you know how dls can send mail! But it was Friday, and only a couple boots
away from payday. I was getting more and more excited as I saw the receiving
machine was "arthur.cs"-- that checked out with intel data. There it was, the
"To" line, and it said "arni@cs". This could be it, but we had to be sure.
Aha! "6:30 there, ACK's to me." It was confirmed! There was an Arninight!
That's when it hits you. There I was in the middle of enemy territory,
with no i-node lock. And I had the information I wanted-- that we all wanted,
but I still had to get back. What good is mail without a User to read it?
But that's a story for another timeslice.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 14 Oct 91 06:08:16 EDT
From: dscatl!lindsay@gatech.edu
Subject: cutie
Once upon a time, a woman named Amber and her younger brother,
Wayne, came to serve their country as spies. During their training,
both proved to be intelligent, loyal and industrious, although
Amber had an annoying habit of criticizing her brother unceasingly,
admonishing him for every improper move.
Their first assignment involved undercover work in a chain of
elite restaurants, and required insatiable appetites. This was no
problem, as brother and sister ate as heartily as they worked,
downing one course after another. But all the while Amber continued
her tirade at her brother, rebuking his manners, posture and
grammar between bites. Their immediate superior reported to the
chief with a sigh, "They're dutiful, voracious spies, but Amber
raves at Wayne!"
-- Barbara A. Inch
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 23 Oct 91 02:06:36 EDT
From: dscatl!lindsay@gatech.edu
Subject: cutie
[A real oldie, but told very well. --spaf]
Contributed by: ihnss!harpo!esquire!cmcl2!philabs!sdcsvax!phonlab!sdcatta!wa277
University of California anthropologists recently announced they
had deciphered a pictographic cave painting in southern France, and
found that it was a record of the oldest joke known to man. Here's a
translation into modern English.
It seems that the old chief of the Ylch tribe had died, and a new
leader had to be selected. According to tribal law, the new chief would
be the first man who could make fire from two stones, catch a pterodactyl,
wrestle a sabre-toothed tiger, and rape a woman of the dreaded Chthug tribe.
On the appointed day, the only warrior brave enough to submit himself to
the test was the massive but rather dim-witted Agg'ee.
The tribespeople watched in awe as Agg'ee hefted two enormous stones
and brought them together with a tremendous crash. The sparks which flew
out ignited a pile of dry brush beneath.
Next Agg'ee bellowed out a pterodactyl mating call. Soon a large
reptilian shape loomed up overhead. Instantly Agg'ee seized a tree trunk
and hurled it skyward. The trunk smashed into the pterodactyl and brought
it down senseless.
Then Agg'ee ran to a cave where he knew a sabre-toothed tiger lived.
"Nanny, nanny, nanny!" he shouted in Ylch. Instantly the tiger emerged and
hurled itself at Agg'ee. The two rolled over and over, neither one apparently
able to gain control. Finally they rolled over the brink of a cliff. After
half an hour Agg'ee clambered back over the rim of the cliff, exhausted but
in one piece, with the tuft of the tiger's tail in his hand.
"Me did it!" he cried. "Now, where that Chthug woman me supposed to
wrestle?"
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 91 11:42:22 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: ENTERTAINMENT TRIVIA
To: yucks-request
Copley News Service 5 MILLION FINGERS
England's famed insurance company, LLoyds of London, gets some
strange requests. Not the least of which is Extreme guitarist Nuno
Bettencourt's recent application for a $5 million policy to cover his
fingers.
That's $500,000 per finger, assuming Nuno was born with 10 of
them.
Extreme's manager insisted upon the policy after Nuno demolished
his digits during a basketball game, attempting to catch a Bob
Cousy-style pass.
Nuno's digits are doing just ducky now, as Extreme continues its
tour with ZZ Top.
`UNEXTINGUISHED'
If the coup crew had been successful in the Soviet Union in
August, delightful young director Evgueni Tsymbal predicts his
personal fate would have been "tragic."
His movie "The Tale of the Unextinguished Moon" is set in 1925,
and is totally historically accurate, he says.
Written in 1926, every copy was snatched away from the publisher
by the KGB and destroyed. However, some of the book was distributed
through a magazine but this, too, was suppressed.
Tsymbal says, "The KGB visited every subscriber and warned that
any discussion of the story would bring execution."
In 1938, the writer of the book was executed.
But at last in 1988, the book was published and distributed.
Still, the movie wasn't well received by hard-line communists.
When it was screened in Moscow, Tysmbal noted that the audience was
slinking out of the theater before the lights came on.
One man, however, stayed long enough to warn the young director
thusly: "Very soon," he said, "we are going to restore order in this
country, and when we do, I am going to hang you from the nearest
lamppost."
HOLLIMAN'S HABITS
Earl Holliman, starring in the new CBS series "P.S. I Luv You,"
is such an animal fancier that he spent two weeks with the late
primatologist Dian Fossey in the Rwandan rain forests studying
mountain gorillas.
In "P.S. I Luv You," Holliman concentrates on habits of gorillas
of another sort, bad guys in and around Palm Springs.
Producers of the show are hoping President Gerald Ford will make
a cameo appearance. But not as a villain.
And another politician, Palm Springs Mayor Sonny Bono, often
appears on camera.
CLASSICAL DEAD
Maybe you remember the old TV series "The Millionaire" in which
a mystery messenger would show up on people's doorsteps and hand them
million-dollar checks with no explanation as to why or from whom they
came.
Something of that nature is going on in England right now, where
several classical composers or their estates have received $10,000
checks over the past seven years.
But we've discovered who the mystery donor is none other than
California rocker Phil Lesh of the Grateful Dead.
Phil claims he's interested in the survival of symphony into the
late 20th century, and to meet that goal he has channeled $100,000
from the Dead's charitable foundation into concert hall scores that
no one else would support.
So far, Lesh and the rest of the Grateful Dead have contributed
to the recording of classical pieces by Robert Simpson, Bernard
Stevens, Michael Finnissy, Havergal Brian and a lone American, Elliot
Carter.
ROYAL ROSE
The new Martha Coolidge movie "Rambling Rose," which opened the
1991 Montreal World Film Festival, had a royal premiere showing in
London.
Title star Laura Dern says she chose the role "because my
favorite movies are the ones that believe the audience has enough
intelligence and integrity to make its own decisions."
FRUSTRATED DESIRE
Gary Goldberg, creator/producer of a new CBS-TV series,
"Brooklyn Bridge," says the show is autobiographical, with himself
the second brother in the family.
In the show, the young brothers are frustrated because the only
telephone in the family belongs to their grandparents who overhear
all conversations. And Goldberg drew that frustrated desire for
privacy from his own boyhood.
"My grandmother," he says with affection, "opened my mail
routinely. If I objected, she asked, `Do you have secrets? Are you
Ethel and Julius Rosenberg?"'
On the other hand, Gary's grandma kept her own secrets very well.
"She lost her eyesight," he says, "and didn't tell anybody."
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 13 Oct 91 11:15:50 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Italy Sports Racy TV Shows
To: yucks-request
ROME (AP)
Italy's TV sports shows have reached new heights thigh-high.
Sunday nights find millions of Italians watching programs about
that day's weekly soccer matchups, which aren't televised live. For
decades, the shows featured players, coaches and sports journalists,
the latter almost always men.
Now the sports airwaves are sizzling with a squad of sexy female
broadcasters whose skirts seem to be getting shorter and tighter
every week.
The key to success in the very competitive world of Italian sports
programs these days may well be a pair of good legs. It's hard to
spin the dial without catching flashes of female flesh between
replays of goals.
Alba Parietti, who's on Telemontecarlo's "Galagoal," has Italians
wondering what she'll pull off each week.
Not that she puts a lot on to begin with skimpy, skin-hugging,
spaghetti-strap numbers are her uniform. Wide lips, hair coiffed to
look wild and long, spike heels and lovely legs combine with some
pretty provocative poses to make hers the spiciest sports show.
Italian Uno has "Domenica Stadio," featuring "vallette," or page
girls, Laura Rizzi, 22, and Elena Guarnieri, 24. The young ladies, in
clingy dresses, assist two male journalists.
"Il Processo del Lunedi" (Monday's Trial) on state-run RAI boasts
Maria Teresa Ruta, a wavy-haired blonde who visits an unidentified
soccer star's home and gives hints so viewers can try to guess who he
is.
There's even an American, Kay Sandvik, talking sports on Sunday
night. Sandvik, 30, teams up with Raimondo Vianello, a 69-year-old
comic, on Italia Uno's "Pressing."
RAI Uno features 35-year-old Marina Perzy on "Domenica Sportiva"
(Sporting Sunday), a four-decade staple. But she's one who doesn't
sex things up.
All this comes a decade or more after women on U.S. television
have progressed from the beauty-contest fluff of a Phyllis George,
the 1971 Miss America who did a brief sportscasting stint, to the
hard-news style of a Gayle Gardner or Andrea Joyce of NBC and CBS,
respectively.
But the current wave of female sportscasters in Italy seem to have
little concern with being taken seriously.
Among Parietti's regular guests is Walter Zenga, goalkeeper for
Internazionale of Milan and the national team.
At least once, she has plopped herself in the lap of one guest and
started to caress him.
Parietti was hostess of a game show when Telemontecarlo decided to
can the show and put her to work on "Galagoal" just as soccer fever
heated up for the 1990 World Cup.
So what if she knew "absolutely nothing" her words about soccer.
After all, soccer's "no science," said Parietti in a telephone
interview from a resort where she was judging the Miss Italy contest.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 91 22:47:57 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Jimmy Swaggart Steps Down
To: yucks-request
BATON ROUGE, La. (AP)
Television evangelist Jimmy Swaggart, who allegedly picked up a
prostitute last week in California, is temporarily relinquishing
leadership of his ministry, his son said Tuesday.
Donnie Swaggart told ministry employees at the Swaggart Family
Worship Center that he will temporarily be head administrator of
Jimmy Swaggart Ministries while his father undergoes professional
counseling and medical care.
After "a time of healing and counseling.... Dad will once again
assume the pulpit at Family Worship Center," he said in a statement a
ministry spokesman later gave to reporters kept outside the
7,000-seat assembly center.
He said all crusades would be cancelled and that his father and
mother, Frances, were near exhaustion.
The statement said the evangelical empire's board of directors
will be restructured and a business board will be established, but
Jimmy and Frances Swaggart won't be on it. "They will serve in an
advisory role," Donnie Swaggart said.
Donnie Swaggart met with ministry employees for 20 minutes. He
asked them to pray for his father's "speedy recovery that Dad may
continue to do what the Lord called him to do and to not give any
information to the media." Reporters didn't see his parents at the
worship center.
The elder Swaggart's latest troubles began when he was stopped by
police in Indio, Calif., on Friday for traffic violations. Rosemary
Garcia, 31, of Indio, said she was with Swaggart. She said she's a
prostitute and Swaggart asked for sex.
Swaggart wasn't charged with any sex-related offenses.
The scandal is the latest in a series of setbacks for the
once-powerful Swaggart organization.
In 1988, Swaggart resigned from the Assemblies of God, the
nation's largest Pentecostal denomination, after a rival minister
released photos of him with a New Orleans prostitute. Swaggart
tearfully admitted to an unspecified sin.
Swaggart faces a series of lawsuits by his creditors and a $10
million jury verdict against him and others for defaming rival
preacher Marvin Gorman.
Also, Arbitron ratings for July, the most recent period surveyed,
indicate Swaggart's weekly show was being seen in 403,000 households
down from 455,000 households in May.
Before the 1988 scandal, Swaggart had the top program among
televangelists, reaching 2.1 million households. In July, Robert
Schuller held the top spot with 1.3 million households. Swaggart
ranked No. 7.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 17 Oct 91 6:30:4 EDT
From: denelsbe@cs.unc.edu (Kevin Denelsbeck)
Subject: Lessons Learned From Comp 4
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
I recently finished up teaching Comp 4, the computer literacy course here at
UNC, during a compressed summer session. Comp 4 is an introductory class that
assumes NO knowledge of computers among its students, and believe me when I say
that this was often the case. The class was great fun to teach, and one of the
facets that made it interesting (day-in and day-out) was the wealth of new
knowledge that the students imparted to me on tests and examinations. I
thought that I'd share some of these nuggets with you. My comments are in
the standard C delimiters (/* and */). *Your* comments are encouraged. Here
goes:
Bacchus invented FORTRAN. /* I knew FORTRAN was old, and that it may
have been designed under the influence of alcohol, but... */
There are three kinds of program statements: sequence, repetition, and
seduction.
There are two types of graphics: vector and rascal. /* Otay... */
Programming languages have specifictions. /* Obviously this student
has dealt with a few standards. */
Macs are compatible with each other. /* Imagine the alternative:
"What's your Mac's serial number? We'll go back to the ware-
house and get your software." */
Doctors use computers to create a three demential picture of a person's
brain. /* Is this classic, or what? */
One kind of a hostile computer program is a Trojan.
C is a logical programming language. /* <rim shot> */
Heuristics (from the French heure, "hour") limit the amount of time
spent executing something. [When using heuristics] it
shouldn't take longer than an hour to do something. /* An
absolutely terrific "false cognate". */
Having the computer automatically fill in images for animation is
called "spleening". /* Derivation: most likely "splines" +
"tweening". */
One method of computer security is a phone line. /* She qualified it
later by adding, "You have to know the number." */
Video games are examples of fault-tolerant systems.
On one test, I gave the students some abbreviations and asked them to tell me
what they stood for. You won't believe the creativity of a student in a test
situation. For example, one of the abbreviations was "fax", which *really*
stands for "facsimile". However, various Comp 4'ers said it stood for:
Fiber-optic Aided Xeroxing
Frequency Automatic X-rays
/* and my favorite... */
Fast A** Xeroxing
The students also had to hand in term papers, and these were rife with interes-
ting tidbits. I've clipped a few, quoted verbatim:
"The worst thing the Mac has to offer, is that cooperative multitasking
is not available to be used."
"... footnotes present an interesting problem, which may be solvable by
Hypercad." /* I assume the last term is the newest rage -- a
free-form database for designers. */
"...Linda, a blind girl, was able to attend public school due to the
aid of a speaking computer that taught her the basic
fundmamentals [sic] of grammar and spelling." /* Linda may
want to lend her computer out... */
"The program is manufactured by Quantel, a Silicon Valley company
located in Clearwater, Florida." /* A *long* valley, as my
roommate put it. */
"At the beginning of each season [Edwin] Moses teats himself on
computerized weight machines..." /* Ouch! */
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 91 11:42:52 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Man Found In KGB Headquarters
To: yucks-request
MOSCOW (AP)
A man climbed into a second-story office at KGB headquarters last
month and spent a weekend undetected in a general's office, an
official said Tuesday.
The man, identified as "citizen Suchkin," was arrested only later
when he attempted to throw a package of documents onto the grounds of
the U.S. Embassy, the newspaper Moskovsky Komsomolets reported.
KGB spokesman Alexander Kotov confirmed the incident and said it
took place at the end of September.
The newspaper said Suchkin scaled the wall of the KGB's
headquarters, known as the Lubyanka, on a Friday night and entered
the office of an unidentified lieutenant-general.
"In this office, citizen Suchkin spent (apparently not without
some comfort) Saturday and Sunday," the report said. "Afterward,
taking with him the full uniform of the office owner, a couple of
secret documents and equally secret photographs, he climbed down the
same wall, unnoticed!"
The story said Suchkin was detained when Moscow police guarding
the U.S. Embassy compound spotted him trying to throw a package onto
the grounds. The report did not say what was in the documents or
whether they were the ones taken from the KGB.
Kotov said the break-in was under investigation and "measures have
been taken to prevent people who enter buildings through windows
rather than doors from doing so in the future."
Soviet authorities have been overhauling the KGB in the wake of
the failed coup in August against President Mikhail S. Gorbachev.
[Did later stories identify the mysterious man as Mathias Rust? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 17 Oct 91 10:59:12 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Pizza Catching Up With Burgers
To: yucks-request
WASHINGTON (AP)
Pizza is edging up on hamburgers as Americans' first food choice
when eating out, with pepperoni the favorite topping and thin crust
the preferred bottom, according to a restaurant survey.
In 1990, hamburgers and cheeseburgers were included in 17 percent
of all restaurant orders, dropping from 19 percent in 1987, said the
National Restaurant Association.
During the same period, orders for pizza including take-out rose
from 12 percent to 13 percent, thereby reducing the gap between the
pizza and hamburgers from seven percentage points to four.
"It could be partially nutrition driven," said Wendy Webster of
the restaurant association. "Pizza operators are normally offering
over a dozen toppings, including low fat and vegetarian. It's a very
flexible meal option."
Historians say pizza has been around for almost a thousand years,
evolving from a speciality of Naples, Italy, to a favorite of the
country's Queen Margherita in 1889. She is given credit for
popularizing it with the nation whose immigrants brought it to the
United States.
Americans are spreading pizza to the rest of the world, via fast
food chains. U.S.-owned pizza franchises grew from 19,243 in 1988 to
21,954 in 1990, according to the International Franchise Association.
Thin crust pizza is the choice of 53 percent of Americans ordering
the dish, the restaurant association says. Sausage and mushrooms
follow pepperoni as the favorite topping.
The association says, however, that about a fifth of all adults
prefer vegetable pizza, with a growing interest in more exotic
toppings.
Could you believe oysters, chicken, crayfish, dandelions, sprouts,
eggplant, cajun shrimp, artichoke hearts and tuna?
[A place here in West Lafayette offers pizza with peanut butter,
chocolate chips, and apple butter as optional toppings. No word from
anyone who has ever ordered one of these, with or without anchovies.
--spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 17 Oct 91 17:16:59 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Pizza Watch
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
During the attempted coup, Pizza Hut delivered 260 pizzas,
twenty cases of Pepsi and gallons of coffee to Boris Yeltin
and his group in the besieged Russian Parliment.
[Did they mention tuna, eggplant, or peanut butter? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 12 Oct 91 10:30:05 GMT
From: JX655C@gwuvm.gwu.edu (PJ Geraghty)
Subject: Racial stereotype avoidance (TRUE!)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
First...this is true. Entirely. Saw it in the newspapers and heard it from
comedian Mark Russell during a show of his that I worked on.
It seems that recently on the "Today" show, there was a white female guest
who was going to demonstrate self-defense she taught. She had brought along
one of her instructors, a black male, to be the "attacker" for the
demonstration. The staff at "Today" freaked, and insisted on replacing the
man, explaining that they could not be a party to such racist stereotyping.
The replaced the man with Bryant Gumbel.
------------------------------
Date: 17 Oct 91 07:20:08 GMT
From: scanlon@interlan.interlan.com (Mike Scanlon)
Subject: Sen. Kennedy on Prof. Hill
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Senator Kennedy to Prof Anita Hill:
Prof Hill, I have only two questions for you:
1) Are you free Saturday Night?
2) Can you swim?
[In general, I'm not going to run any of the Thomas/Hill "jokes" I got.
Most don't seem funny a week or two later. However, jokes about various
senators seem funny most of the time. :-) --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue Oct 15 15:18:14 PDT 1991
From: t-robtp@microsoft.COM
Subject: The ABC after-school special
To: 0003539738@mcimail.com, QUA@cornella.cit.cornell.edu,
(From my Brother, who probably should be doing something constructive,
but isn't.)
Rejected after-school specials:
o The Day the Gym Teacher Cried.
o The Popular Boy Who Smoked and Drank a Lot.
o Hiking with Sam Kinison.
o The Prom Queen Who Wasn't Popular or Even Good Looking.
o Parents Are Just Dummies, Anyway.
o Nugget, the Golden Retriever with Problem Flatulence.
o From Mike Tyson, with Love.
o The Father Who was a Flight Attendant.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 91 22:47:30 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Turner, Fonda Jam Elevator
To: yucks-request
ATLANTA (AP)
Braves owner Ted Turner was furious when he and fiancee, actress
Jane Fonda, were stuck on an elevator for 10 minutes before Atlanta's
loss to Pittsburgh in Game 5 of the National League playoffs.
The two were stuck with 12 other people Monday after they squeezed
into the crowded press elevator at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium
about 30 minutes before the game.
"Don't let so many people on. Take charge," Turner snapped at
elevator operator James Walker.
Walker didn't tell Turner that he and Fonda were responsible for
putting the elevator over its 12-person limit.
Because of the extra load, the elevator couldn't climb the extra 5
feet needed to reach the stadium's third level.
When Turner suggested someone go through the ceiling, Kamon
Simpson, a reporter for The Macon Telegraph, climbed through the
elevator roof and pounded on the door for help.
Finally, the doors were opened and the passengers were released.
"It's like opening night in the theater," Fonda said. "When you
have a bad dress rehearsal, that means the show's going to be good."
Maybe in the theater, but not in baseball. The Braves lost to the
Pirates 1-0 to fall behind 3-2 in the best-of-7 series.
[Well, you can see I am a bit behind in Yucks. As this goes out,
the Braves are ahead 3-2 in the World Series after winning game
5 by a 14-5 margin. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 91 11:41:51 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: U.S. Likes Humanlike Computer
To: yucks-request
TOKYO (AP)
The United States is interested in joining a $781 million Japanese
project to develop a computer that would have intuition and judgment
like a human's, Japanese officials said Monday.
"Consultations have unofficially started with the U.S. side about
specific areas, including funds, participating firms and
universities, in which they may join," said Hidetaka Fukuda of the
Industrial Electronics Division of the Ministry of International
Trade and Industry.
The project calls for engineers to develop a new type of computer
capable of processing even ambiguous information instantly by
employing intuition, Fukuda said.
He said Japan asked last year about U.S. interest in the 10-year
project, due to start next year, and the U.S. Science and Technology
Bureau replied recently that it was interested.
In addition to more than 20 Japanese companies and universities,
research organizations from South Korea, the European Community,
Canada, Singapore and Switzerland have expressed interest, he added.
Officials from interested nations will be invited to a workshop in
Japan on Nov. 5 to discuss procedures for the technology development.
The Nihon Keizai Shimbun, a leading Japanese financial newspaper,
said the United States had delayed its response to consider
precautions against advanced U.S. technology flowing to Japan.
It said that in many past international projects under the
ministry, Japanese participants formed research and development plans
and then sought foreign expertise.
The practice brought criticism from the United States and other
countries that Japan "was trying to snatch from abroad technology
that was difficult to develop on its own," the paper said.
[Yup, we currently are world leaders in computer-generated intuition;
no wonder the Japanese are trying to snitch the technology. I wonder
how they test it? See if it develops hunches on the lottery numbers
or stock market? --spaf]
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Date: Mon, 14 Oct 91 08:51:29 EDT
From: Don Gotterbarn <I01GBARN%ETSU.BITNET@CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU>
To: spaf
did you hear about the dehydrated dog named Pierre?
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End of Yucks Digest
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