[Prev][Next][Index]
Yucks Digest V1 #69
Yucks Digest Tue, 23 Jul 91 Volume 1 : Issue 69
Today's Topics:
Clever Clavicles Clop Cleanly over Cleethorpes
DB: CHEER UP, RECENT COLLEGE GRADS, INDUSTRY WANTS YOUR RESUMES
History of mathematical education in Sweden (almost true)
Life 6.Q
Mason-Dixon revisited
OMBAC OTL (Offensive?)
MORE OMBAC OTL Names...
Retirement Punk
Sex, Booze, and New York Telephone (what would Mother say?)
The Old Man in the Phone Line
vent your frustrations!
What's happening to all the posters?
ZONE (Zealot Of Name Edification) Results
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual, the
possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous. It is issued on a
semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present themselves.
Back issues may be ftp'd from arthur.cs.purdue.edu from
the ~ftp/pub/spaf/yucks directory. Material in archives
Mail.1--Mail.4 is not in digest format.
Back issues may also be obtained through a mail server. Send mail to
"yucks-request@uther.cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the
single word "help". You may also use this server to join or leave the
list, or to obtain an index of past issues.
Submissions and subscription requests should be sent to
spaf@cs.purdue.edu or yucks@uther.cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 23 Jul 91 10:04:41 GMT
From: smc@cs.hw.ac.uk (Steve McGowan)
Subject: Clever Clavicles Clop Cleanly over Cleethorpes
Newsgroups: rec.humor,eunet.jokes
I recently attended an RIAO Conference in Barcelona where most
of the speakers had very little experience of the English
language. However, one chap whose command of English was particularly
low, must get the award for the silliest answer to a question
from the floor:-
A member of the audience asked the gentleman whether his Optical Character
Recognition system could cope with a variety of document types. The start
of his unexpected answer went thus:
"....Imagine you are testing a car, driving it on the
street when you get a problem from, say, oh, a chocolate
envelope......."
I didn't manage to hear the remainder of the answer due to the fit of
paroxysms I was having. (Note: the man in question spoke the English language
far better than I can speak his mother tongue, so no flames please!)
+++++++++++
An old one....
Q: What do you call a blind pre-historic animal?
A: Diyathinkhesaurus.
and...
Q: What do you call a blind pre-historic animal with a dog?
A: Diyathinkhesaurus Rex.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 22 Jul 91 11:53:24 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: DB: CHEER UP, RECENT COLLEGE GRADS, INDUSTRY WANTS YOUR RESUMES
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU
CHEER UP, RECENT COLLEGE GRADS, INDUSTRY WANTS YOUR RESUMES
-- by Dave Barry [07/21/91]
Pay attention, recent college graduates, because today's topic
is: How To Get A Job Even Though We're In A Recession And The
Only Practical Skill You Learned In College Is How To Make Collect
Phone Calls.
First you must face harsh reality: The economy is bad.
AUDIENCE: How bad is it?
-It's so bad that Organized Crime had to lay off 10 judges.
-It's so bad that oysters are producing fake pearls.
AUDIENCE: Boo.
Thank you. But seriously, recent graduates, the employment
market is tough. The only sector of the economy showing any
actual job growth is the Resume Handling Sector, which hires beefy
workers to unload the tons of new resumes that arrive at major
corporations each day on enormous barges. It's hard, heavy work,
and to make the time pass more quickly, the workers often sing
the traditional Resume Handling Song:
Got a great big load o' resumes
From recent graduators
Got to take dem off de barge
An' put dem in de 'cinerator
That's right, recent graduates: Large corporations now meet
roughly 27 percent of their industrial steam requirements with
boilers fueled by your resumes. So don't think you're not making
a difference! Of course, you'd probably prefer to make some
actual money, which is why I'm here to offer you some Practical
Job-Hunting Tips.
The first one is: *Don't get down on yourself.* Sure, it can
be depressing to realize that prospective employers find you about
as desirable as a jar full of lung flukes. Sure, it's hard to
accept the fact that, after spending years studying to take on
challenging careers such as Architect, or Communications Profession-
al, or Marketing Executive, the only actual position you've been
offered is Drinking Fountain Gum Remover.
But before you get too depressed, let me tell you a little
story about a fellow I'll call "Bob." Like you, Bob was a bright
young graduate, and, like you, he couldn't find a job. Things got
so bad that Bob wound up living in an appliance carton, but he
never lost faith in himself. One day, while he was collecting
used cigar butts for food, he came across a discarded newspaper
that happened to be open to the classified section, and there was
an ad placed by a company looking for somebody with exactly Bob's
qualifications. And then he looked up and saw that he was
standing right in front of the company's employment office. And
then he was hit by a truck. The point being that his carton is
vacant if you need it.
So hang in there, recent graduates. Remember the old saying:
"It's always darkest just before you step on the cat." Believe
me, I know what it feels like to be unemployed. I myself became
unemployed within hours after I got my first major job. I am not
making this up. I was hired to drive a delivery truck for a
furniture store in Armonk, N.Y., and everything went really well
until I made my first actual delivery. The back of the truck had
a rigid, custom-made, expensive cover, which I failed to attach
properly, so that when I drove across the Tappan Zee Bridge, a
playful gust of wind plucked the cover off the truck and sent it
soaring dramatically into the Hudson River. Unfortunately, be-
cause of poor design, the cover was not equipped with an emergency
flotation device, and the furniture store had this really strict
rule under which truck drivers had to return with the entire truck,
so I became unemployed.
An ironic sidelight is that some friends of mine, Clint and
Betty Collins, once lost a large part of their household on the
Tappan Zee Bridge. I am not making this up, either. They were
moving to Boston, and the tractor-trailer containing all their
stuff was crossing the bridge during high winds, and the entire
trailer got blown off the bridge. So Clint, who was already in
his new home, was having his morning coffee when he got a phone
call from the moving company informing him that here had been a
slight problem, and that the delivery of his household goods might
possibly be delayed inasmuch as they were, at that moment,
drifting downstream toward Manhattan.
"That was the earliest in the day that I ever had a martini,"
recalls Clint.
And so, recent graduates, we see that our Second Practical Tip
is: *Never take a job wherein you have to drive furniture across
the Tappan Zee Bridge.* I wouldn't be surprised to learn that
it's inside the Bermuda Triangle and being attacked by UFO aliens
armed with Anti-Furniture-Truck Rays. Speaking of which, I see
that I'm almost "outer space" here....
AUDIENCE: Boo.
Thank you. So let me just say, in closing, to you young grad-
uates: Don't worry. You'll get a job someday. Everybody
eventually gets a job, even people with absolutely no useful
skills or knowledge. Believe me, I know.
------------------------------
Date: 22 Jul 91 08:17:47 GMT
From: urbanf@tuura.UUCP (Urban Fredriksson)
Subject: History of mathematical education in Sweden (almost true)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Historical examples from the teaching of mathematics in
Swedish schools:
1950: A farmer sells a sack of potatoes for 20 crowns. The cost
of producing it is 4/5 of the price. What is the profit?
1960: A farmer sells a sack of potatoes for 20 crowns. The cost
of producing it is 16 crowns. Please figure out the
profit.
1970: A farmer sells a set of potatoes (A) for a set of
money (B). B is the set of all parts of B for which
is: B is a crown. In the dash-set you have to for
the set of B do (////////////////////) twenty small
dashes, one for each crown. The set of the cost of
producing (C) is sixteen (////////////////) small dashes.
Draw the set of C as a part set of the set B and give
the resulting set (D) which gives the answer for the
question: What size has the profit set.
1980: A farmer sells a sack of potatoes for 20 crowns. The cost
of producing is 4/5 thereof, which is 16 crowns. The
profit is 1/5, equal to 4 crowns. Underline the word
"potatoes" and discuss it with a comrade.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 20 May 1991 12:02:13 PDT
From: cate3.osbu_north@xerox.com
Subject: Life 6.Q
To: JXerarch.dl.osbu_north@xerox.com
All you ever wanted to know about Marx Brothers incidents...
From _The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes_
Clifton Fadiman, General Editor
MARX, Chico [Leonard] (1891-1961), US movie comedian, one of the famous
Marx Brothers.
1. Marx's wife had caught him kissing a chorus girl. During the ensuing
row, Chico declared: "I wasn't kissing her. I was wispering in her mouth."
2. A new neighbor, not recognizing Chico, asked hin what he did for a
living. "I'm a smuggler," announced Chico, then, reassuringly, "Nothing
big. Just Mexicans."
3. Chico wrote Heywood Broun a check to pay off some gambling debts,
warning him not to cash it before twelve o'clock the following day. Broun
later complained to Chico that the check had bounced. Chico asked: "What
time did you try to cash it?"
"Twelve-o-five."
"Too late."
MARX, Groucho [Julius] (1895-1977), US comedian, one of the famous Marx
Brothers.
1. Groucho was working in the garden of his California house, dressed in
tattered and ancient clothes. A wealthy matron in a Cadillac caught sight
of him, stopped, and wondered whether she might persuade the supposed
gardener to come and work for her. "Gardener," she called, "how much does
the lady of the house pay you?"
Groucho looked up. "Oh, I don't get paid in dollars," he replied. "The
lady of the house just lets me sleep with her."
2. Groucho was descending in the elevator of the Hotel Danieli in Venice.
On the third floor the elevator stopped and a group of priests entered. One
of them, recognizing Groucho, told him that his mother was a great fan of
his. "I didn't know you guys were allowed to have mothers," said Groucho.
3. When Groucho wanted to join a certain beach club in Santa Monica,
California, he was told by a friend that as the club was known to be
anti-Semitic he might as well not bother to apply. "But my wife isn't
Jewish," replied Groucho, "so will they let my son go into the water up to
his knees?" {This story and the one following, however, are both probably
apocryphal.}
4. Groucho sent a telegram to the exclusive Friar's Club in Hollywood, to
which he belonged: "Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong
to any club that will accept me as a member."
5. The ma^itre d'h^otel stopped Groucho as he was about to enter the
dining room of a smart Los Angeles hotel. "I am sorry, sir, but you have
no necktie."
"That's all right," said Groucho, "don't be sorry. I remember the time
I had no pants."
"I am sorry sir," repeated the man, "you cannot enter the dining room
without a necktie."
Groucho caught sight of a bald man in the center of the dining room and
yelled, "Look! Look at him! You won't let me in without a necktie, but you
let him in without his hair!"
6. Groucho attended on of George Gershwin's parties, given, it seemed, for
the sole purpose of letting the host play and show off his music. Someone
asked him, "Do you think that Gershwin's melodies will be played a hundred
years from now?"
"Sure," was Groucho's answer, "if Goerge is here to play them."
7. A tipsy man lumbered up to Groucho Marx, slapped him on the back, and
said, "You old son-of-a-gun, you probably don't remember me." Marx glared
at him and said, "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to
make an exception."
8. The Marx Brothers, though a closely knit group, also understood their
relative values as performers. When they were working on Broadway, Zeppo,
the straight man and consequently replacable, decided to quit the show.
Sam Harris, the producer, gave him permission to leave. When Groucho,
Harpo and Chico heard about it, they went to Harris. Groucho said, "Sam,
if Zeppo leaves you'll have to give us more money."
9. Groucho Marx intensly disliked producer Harry Cohn, who worked for
Columbia pictures. Once, with his brother Chico, he viewed Cohn's latest
film. Whaen the words "Columbia Pictures Presents" came up, Groucho turned
to Chico and remarked, "Drags, doesn't it?"
10. Warner Brothers threatened to sue Groucho Marx when they heard that
the next Marx Brothers film was to be called _A Night in Casablanca_,
arguing that the title was too close to their own _Casablanca_. Groucho's
reply: "I'll sue you for using the word _Brothers_."
12. Invited to a bachelor dinner at a fashionable restaurant before a
high-society wedding, Grouchoand Harpo noted that the automatic elevator
opened directly into the dining rooms on various floors. As the elevator
went up, they gleefully arranged a surprise for the assembled bachelors
and emerged - carrying their clothes in valises and wearing nothin but top
hats.
To their consternation, they were greeted not by rauscous roars of
male hilarity but by high-pitched feminine shrieks. The bride was
entertaining _her_ friends on the floor above the bachelor dinner, and
Groucho and Harpo had pressed the wrong button. No ready escape appeared;
they took refuge behind a large potted plant until they could drape
themselves in tablecloths secured by a kindly waiter, murmur abject
appologies to the horrified ladies, and slink ignominiously from the room.
13. Marx despised the empty clich'es of business correspondence. A letter
from his bank manager ende with the standard phrase, "If I can be of any
service to you, do not hesitate to cal on me." Marx immeadiately put pen
to paper. "Dear Sir," he wrote, "The best thing you can do to be of
service to me is to steal some money from the account of one of your
richer clients and credit it to mine."
14. For many years, every time they met, Samuel Goldwyn's first words to
Groucho Marx would be "How's Harpo?" Marx grew rather tired of this.
Finally, on meeting Goldwyn again and facing the inevitable inquiry, he
said, "Listen Sam, every time we meet - every time for _years_ - you
always ask, 'How's Harpo?' You never ask me anything else, and to tell you
the truth, I'm getting goddam sick and tired of it. Why don't you ever ask
me how _I_ am?"
"How are you?" asked Goldwyn obligingly.
"I'm fine," replied Groucho.
"And how's Harpo?"
MARX, Harpo [Arthur] (1893-1964) US movie comedian, the member of the
famous Marx brothers team who often pretended to be dumb. He was a skilled
Harpist.
1. Among guests ata a dinner party were Harpo Marx and his wife, Susan.
The English writer Jonathan Miller quizzed one of the other guests
afterward, hoping to hear firsthand some of Hapro's witticisms. "What did
Harpo say?" he asked.
"He didn't say anything."
"How about his wife?"
"She didn't say anything, either."
"Oh," said Miller in pretended disgust, "stealing Harpo's bit, eh?"
2. Meeting George S. Kaufman in New York, Oscar Levant asked if he had
recently heard from his friend Harpo Marx. "How can you hear from Harpo?"
asked Kaufman. "He can't write and he can't talk, so how can you hear from
Harpo?"
3. Harpo Marx on a visit to New York was plagued by representatives of
charities wanting him to appear at benefits. One persistant lady telephoned
him no fewer than twelve times in forty-eight hours. Harpo eventually
agreed to appear for her charity. To ensure that he would not escape her
at the last minute, she called to escort him personally to the benefit. As
they were leaving the hotel suite, the telephone began ringing. "Don't you
want to go back and answer it?" the lady asked. "Why bother?" responded
Harpo with a weary sigh. "It's undoubtedly you again."
------------------------------
Date: 21 Jul 91 10:30:03 GMT
From: C.MAIER@genie.com (Claire)
Subject: Mason-Dixon revisited
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
A family from Maine was visiting relatives in Georgia one summer. The little
boy from Maine was playing with his little girl cousin. Since it was so hot,
they stripped and waded in the creek for a while. As they were sunning
themselves afterward, the little girl drawled, "ya know, ah never knew there
was so much difference between a Yankee and a Southerner."
------------------------------
Date: 21 Jul 91 22:47:00 GMT
From: civir1070@ucsvax.sdsu.edu (FURRY R)
Subject: OMBAC OTL (Offensive?)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Here in Sunny San Diego, the Over The Line tournaments are just getting
over. Every year, the teams from all over gather for a great week
of OTL. The best part isn't the Miss Emerson (Said 'em 'er some) contest,
it's the team names. Here's a small sampling from the men's teams:
2 Balls And 1 Blue Helmet
2 Jerks And A Squirt
3 Dingle Berries Hanging From A Mooses Bung Hole
3 Live Bachelors, Non Committal As We Want To Be
Big Sticks Throbbing For Long Licks
Bit My Tongue So I Soaked It In Cider
Clitty Litter
Cunning Linguists
Dances With Wombs
Daniel Boone, Davey Crocket, And 3 Others Who Eat Beavers
Danny Partridge Transvestite Dating Service
Don't Wear Your Hair Longer Than Your Dick
Fatal Erections
First Cum First Serve
Graphite Shafts With Perimeter Weighted Heads
Heat Seeking Moisture Missiles
Hey Lady Can We Ride Your Menstrual Cycle?
I Said I Could Fill Your Cavity, I Never Said I Was A Dentist
I'm Falling And I Can't Get It Up
If You're Not On My Face, You're Not On My Mind
L.A.P.D. Motto-We Treat Everyone Like A King
Make Me Hurt, Make Me Squirt, Make Me Breakfast
No More Diets, We Ate Jenny Craig
No Muff To Tuff
Ooh Honey, I Can Feel Your Tonsils
Our Puds Stay Up Longer Than Hussein's Scuds
Our Sheep Put Out Like The Announcers Mom
Patriot Missle Condom Co.- We Stop Everything You Shoot
Put Your Hand There To Guess My Weight
Save A Tree, Eat A Beaver
Say The Wood :Fahrfukwoody
Sheep Don't Snivel
Teenage Mutant Nipple Teasers
The Best Job Is A Blow Job
The Superman, Driving Their Pink Steel Down Lois' Lane
They're Curly So They Won't Poke Your Eye Out
Three Thirty-Two Ouncers Looking For Big Gulpers
Tickle My Pickle, And Lick Up The Trickle
We May Be Ugly Elephants, But We Have Big Trunks
We're Only 3 Inches, But Some Girls Like It That Wide
Kinda crude, but pretty funny. You should hear the FEMALE team names...
------------------------------
Date: 23 Jul 91 01:00:00 GMT
From: civir1070@ucsvax.sdsu.edu (FURRY R)
Subject: MORE OMBAC OTL Names...
Newsgroups: rec.humor
By popular demand, here are some of the FEMALE team names from
the Over The Line tournament here in San Diego:
3 A Breast
3 Holes And No Balls
6 Buns And No Weenies
99% Virgin
Ball Busting Bitches From Hell
Barely Legal
Drop Your Pants Around Your Ankles, You Make Me Shiver When You Deliver
Enemas, A Love Story
Fly Droppers
Heineken, Put Your Hands On Our Cans
Hell On Heels
Helmett Buffers
I'll Never Be Miss Emerson Cuz I Won't Suck The Chairman
Inches Do Count
Lick Me Till Ice Cream
Lip Service
Lusty, Rusty And Dusty
M.O.M. - Mouth Organ Masters
No Flat Chicks
Of Course They Feel Strange, They're Real
Old Town Saloon-A-Tits
Operation Panty Shield
Pantyhose Twist My Lips
Purple Peter Eaters
Short Men Need Not Apply
Tease Me, Please Me, But Don't Disease Me
There's A Party In My Mouth, And Everyone Is Coming
This Bush Doesn't Like Quayle
Throbbing Blue Vein Thrashers
We Floss Our Teeth, Not Our Buts
We Have Everything We Need, Except A Clue
We Have To Stroke Their Egos Too.
We May Not Win, But We'll Lick Any Guys Team
We'd Rather Drink Brew Than Screw You
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 19 Jul 91 17:55:04 edt
From: Jim Baumbach <jyacc!jsb@uunet.UU.NET>
Subject: Retirement Punk
To: uunet!mejac.palo-alto.ca.us!eniac@uunet.UU.NET
>From The Wall Street Journal of 7/19, There's a band in a retirement
community in Phoenix called "One Foot In The Grave", founded by lead singer
Jo Dina, a 51-year-old retired mortitian. She writes the songs too, such as:
Menopause
---------
"Hit my son during my hot flash/
For pointing out my new mustache/
The house is a wreck and I don't care/
I just sit around in men's underwear."
and
"Aches, pains, capital gains/
We're senior citizens in the slow lane/
Life gets nutso, sometimes it's the pits/
When we see our friends' names in the obits."
Acording to disk jocky Mary McCann of KUKQ, "They play some hard-driving
music, but sometimes it gets a little polkaesque."
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 23 Jul 91 00:43:52 PDT
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Sex, Booze, and New York Telephone (what would Mother say?)
To: yucks-request
NYNEX Says No More Sex Parties
ALBANY, N.Y. (AP)
New York Telephone Co. on Monday proposed a restructuring plan
designed to avoid the types of situations that led to wild sex
parties involving NYNEX employees and potential vendors.
Under the proposal, New York Telephone would be barred from doing
business with virtually every other subsidiary of NYNEX, its parent
company. There would be "common sense" exceptions for such items as
telephone service.
New York Telephone spokesman Peter Muller said that provision
would prevent the utility from dealing with such companies as
Materiel Enterprises Co., a purchasing subsidiary.
It was Materiel Enterprises, also known as MECO, that threw
parties in Florida for potential vendors. New York Telephone
officials said there had been no correlation between business awarded
and attendance at the parties, dubbed the "Florida follies" by New
York state's chief utility regulator, Peter Bradford.
MECO has since been merged with another unit, NYNEX Services Co.,
to form a new subsidiary called Telesector Resources Group Inc. That
company now does purchasing for New York Telephone.
In light of the Florida parties, the utility-regulating state
Public Service Commission last fall ordered a study into how NYNEX
and its subsidiaries could be restructured. The PSC wanted New York
Telephone to become more independent from NYNEX.
The New York Telephone plan would expand the 11-member board of
directors by adding two non-company people. That would create a
13-member board with 10 members from outside the utility.
The plan also would create a statewide consumer council to advise
the board, and it would link the salaries of top company officers to
New York Telephone's performance. Those salaries are now based on the
performance of NYNEX as well as New York Telephone.
The PSC had sought the changes in an attempt to ensure greater
protection for customers. PSC officials said the proposed changes
would make it easier for the panel to oversee the telephone company's
operations.
Monday's proposal, if endorsed by the PSC, would likely avoid a
full-scale investigation by the PSC into New York Telephone's
corporate operations. The plan was formulated by New York Telephone
and staff from the PSC.
The PSC's staff endorsed the utility's plan, which is still
subject to approval by the full seven-member panel.
PSC General Counsel William last October wrote a stinging report
on the "pervert conventions." At the time, Cowan suggested that the
PSC examine the possibility of breaking up NYNEX to ensure New York
Telephone's independence.
NYNEX was one of the "Baby Bell" companies formed after the
breakup of AT&T in 1984. New York Telephone and New England Telephone
are subsidiaries of NYNEX.
The annual booze and sex blasts were arranged by Lawrence Friedman
of Long Island, who was fired as a MECO executive in 1988 by NYNEX.
------------------------------
Date: 22 Jul 91 10:30:04 GMT
From: valentin@unix.cis.pitt.edu (Shawn V. Hernan)
Subject: The Old Man in the Phone Line
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
A true story.
My phone bill was past due and I need to change my service, so I had to
visit the local Bell of Pa. office. The line wasn't clearly formed, and
there was an old man with a cane nearby me. It was unclear as to who was
next.
When we got to the front of the line, the man gestured to me and said,
"After you."
I smiled at him and said, "No, please, after you. I have all day."
The he said, "No. You go ahead. My doctor says I have at least six
months."
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 22 Jul 91 12:30:23 PDT
From: Pete.Stpierre@Eng.Sun.COM (Bob "Pete" St.Pierre)
Subject: vent your frustrations!
To: spaf
Source: GROVES <GROVES@CSSE32@MRGATE@CSSE32>
<MANY HEADERS DELETED TO SAVE TREES AND ELECTRICITY>
From the NY Times, w/o permission:
The annual Spring Comdex computer show in Atlanta earlier this month
meant a booming business for the Bulletstop, an indoor firing range in
suburban Marietta where customers can rent firearms and bullets to
shoot anything they please, as long as it is already dead and fits
through the doors. The Bulletstop gave Comdex visitors a chance to
vent their frustrations by venting PC's, printers, hard disks, monitors
and manuals with lead.
Paul LaVista, the owner, said about 10 groups of high-tech types came
in during the Comdex show. "I'm not a computer whiz, but one group
brought in what looked like a hard disk and blasted it," he said.
"Another bunch brought in some kind of technical manual. The thing
was enormous, about 2,000 pages. They rented three machine guns --
an Uzi, an M3 grease gun and a Thompson -- and when they were done it
looked like confetti."
"It must have been quite a show," LaVista said of Comdex. "Doctors
and computer types usually have a lot of pent-up anxiety, but these
folks were dragging when they came in. When they left they were
really up. The range looked like a computer service center after a
tornado."
LaVista said PC's were popular targets year-round. "People are
frustrated with them," he said. A year ago seven or eight men carried
in a giant old Hewlett-Packard printer. "I ran an extension cord to
it, and just as it started to whirr and spit out paper, they blasted
it," he said.
------------------------------
Date: 22 Jul 91 17:18:25 GMT
From: slf03@cc.usu.edu
Subject: What's happening to all the posters?
Newsgroups: rec.humor
[...lots of stuff deleted...closing quote retained --spaf]
I don't know about your Net Addiction, but I recently beat my own
addiction. For Years I was hooked on Phonics. I used to mug people
looking for a schwa. I would have killed for a diphtong. FA (since
we quit, we kan't spel) was my salvation.
Rodney "slf03)@cc.usu.edu"
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 20 Jul 91 10:14:26 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: ZONE (Zealot Of Name Edification) Results
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU
[This isn't really a joke, but it has some amazing aspects. --spaf]
Network Information Systems Center July 1991
SRI International Domain Survey
ZONE (Zealot Of Name Edification) Results
Hosts: 535,000 [minimum]
Domains: 16,000 [approximately]
Survey elapsed time: 7 days
Survey cpu time: 10 hours
Host table generated: 42 megabytes
Number of IP Addresses per Host
Addresses Hosts
1 525684
2 7315
3 918
4 481
5 227
Top 30 Most Popular Top-Level Domains
205648 edu 9290 fr 1559 dk
143868 com 8761 fi 1193 nz
35569 gov 8264 no 979 es
25536 mil 7382 nl 800 kr
21774 au 6990 uk 501 us
21109 de 6657 jp 343 be
18582 ca 2148 at 220 mx
14747 org 1948 net 216 gr
11800 se 1656 it 194 is
9918 ch 1610 il 111 br
Top 50 Most Popular Host Names
306 venus 205 mac2 166 mac3 151 fred 140 pc3
288 pluto 203 orion 165 eagle 149 apollo 137 mac7
277 mars 201 mac1 161 thor 148 grumpy 137 mac10
229 jupiter 189 gauss 161 cisco 146 mac5 137 earth
225 cs 187 newton 158 opus 146 hal 136 sol
223 iris 183 neptune 158 merlin 143 phoenix 134 gandalf
216 saturn 178 hobbes 158 calvin 143 athena 133 io
216 pc1 175 pc2 157 titan 142 mac6 132 alpha
213 zeus 174 gw 157 mac4 141 mozart 131 mac9
207 mercury 167 sirius 156 hermes 140 snoopy 131 mac8
[Of course, I have to wonder what makes a domain name popular...and
what's wrong with "br"? Does it make its own clothes? :-) --spaf]
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------