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Yucks Digest V1 #40
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To: yucks
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Subject: Yucks Digest V1 #40
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From: spaf (Gene "Chief Yuckster" Spafford)
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Date: Wed, 10 Apr 91 18:57:18 EST
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Reply-To: Yucks-request
Yucks Digest Wed, 10 Apr 91 Volume 1 : Issue 40
Today's Topics:
An imperfect sex manual
Can you keep a secret?
Changing times
Joke of the day
Preview of this year's SIGGRAPH program
Shit List
Informal proposal for SOC.WOMYN
The net.womyn posting will undoubtedly appear here...
walking on the moon
Weird News - Around May 1990
Will Trading Cards Be Next???
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual, the
possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous. It is issued on a
semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present themselves.
Back issues may be ftp'd from arthur.cs.purdue.edu from
the ~ftp/pub/spaf/yucks directory. Material in archives
Mail.1--Mail.4 is not in digest format.
Submissions and subscription requests should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 7 Apr 91 11:30:05 GMT
From: hans@lfcs.edinburgh.ac.uk (Hans Huttel)
Subject: An imperfect sex manual
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Some time ago the British magazine `New Statesman' had a humour
competition in which readers were asked to come up with a letter
complaining to the publisher of a sex manual, "relating to serious
injury sustained, damage inflicted, or frustration experienced, after
following the instructions contained therein."
Peter Norman won 15 pounds for this:
Dear Sir,
One knows that publishing standards are declining, but I have never
been so shocked and appalled by the number of misprints in a single
publication. I refer, of course, to your "100 Easy Steps to Martial
(sic) Satisfaction". Some of the advice therein is rendered
misleading, dangerous or even illegal by such errors.
For instance, on page 212, one is enjoined to `carefully place a
condor on your penis...' Later, on the same page, we are told to
`stroke the beast, stimulating the erectile tissue at its tip', a
course of action that I fancy even trained falconers would eschew.
Elsewhere, my partner actually followed to the letter (pardon my
little joke) the instructions to `fondle your mans bills' (p39) and
`give him a long, slow message' (p128), both of which proved
positively anaphrodisiac. And no one, surely, outside ancient Carthage
has `punic hair' (p56) or uses a `dido' (p337). In chapter 1, the
recommended `fissionary position' (p6) sounds a little explosive for
beginners...
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 3 Apr 91 00:16:07 PST
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: Can you keep a secret?
To: spaf
U.S. government generates some 6.8 million new secrets in 1990
WASHINGTON, April 2 (AFP) - The U.S. government generated
6,797,720 secrets in 1990, only one thousand more than the year
before and far less than the number expected for this year, said a
report released Tuesday.
President George Bush wrote a special cover letter to the report
thanking the government for keeping sealed lips while satisfying the
public's desire for information on the Gulf war.
"Under very trying circumstances, this system worked most
effectively in safeguarding the information that had to be protected
in order for our military operations to succeed," Mr. Bush wrote.
The number of secrets is expected to skyrocket in 1991 when the
whispers from the Gulf crisis and war are added to the regular
security concerns that led to nearly 6.8 million hushed pieces of
information this year.
"Their impact ... is likely to be significant," wrote Steven
Garfinkel, director of the Information Security Oversight Office,
which produces the annual secrecy report.
Yet the number of secret documents has dropped dramatically since
the days of the administration of Ronald Reagan. In 1985, the
security office reported 15,000 new secrets in its annual report.
Congress had been pushing for more selective use of security
classifications and appeared encouraged by the recent control in
secret making.
"Certainly that is what I think a lot of people in Congress would
like to see happen," said Jim Currie, a spokesman for the Senate
intelligence Committee. But many still think "the classification
stamp is applied too freely to things that don't warrant it."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 4 Apr 1991 12:15:21 CST
From: T.LaQuey@utexas.edu (Tracy LaQuey Parker)
Subject: Changing times
To: spaf
Bathroom walls of the future:
For a good time, candy@utexas.edu
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 3 Apr 91 05:30:02 PST
From: brd@bigbrd (Bill Danielson)
Subject: Joke of the day
To: joke-of-the-day@bigbrd
Source: julia@mike.COM (Julia Wilkinson)
It behooves us all to bear in mind the following
well-established legal propositions: (These are actual excerpts taken
from actual cases)
"We can imagine no reason why, with ordinary care, human toes could not
be left out of chewing tobacco, and if toes are found in chewing tobacco,
it seems to us that someone has been very careless."
78 So. 365.
"We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term
"bitch" may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of
the canine species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used when applied
to a female of the human race. Coming as it did, reasonably close on the
heels of two revolver shots directed at the person of whom it was probably
used, we think it carries every reasonable implication of ill-will toward
that person."
Smith v. Moran, 193 N.E. 2d 466.
"It is a rule of evidence deduced from the experience of mankind and
supported by reason and authority that positive testimony is entitled
to more weight than negative testimony, but by the latter term is meant
negative testimony in its true sense and not positive evidence of a negative,
because testimony in support of a negative may be as positive as that in
support of an affirmative."
254 Pac. Rep. 472.
------------------------------
From: larryg@Stardent.COM (Larry Gelberg)
Subject: Preview of this year's SIGGRAPH program
To: <stardent secret internal mailing list>
[Originally posted on April 1 -- I got it late. --spaf]
The Siggraph `91 Conference On Computer Graphics and Interactive
Techniques will be held July 29 - August 2 in Las Vegas, NV. The following
contains selected portions of the recently released Siggraph '91
Preliminary Program:
Computer Graphics Achievement Award
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Awarded to persons who have significantly aided and inspired the
progress of computer graphics research.
This Year's Winner : Jack Daniels
Previous Winners:
Miss November, 1972
the Mandrill
Juan Veldez
Nelson and Minnie Max
General Gao of Szechuan
TECHNICAL PAPERS
============================================================================
Simulation of Motion Blur, Penumbra, and Soft Shadows by Jittering the Film
Recorder.
Advances in Physically-Based X Windows: Shattering, ScrollBar Momentum,
ChainSaw and Paste, Pixmap Tile Grout.
A Bidirectional Pipeline Architecture for Publishing the Same Algorithm in
Both Graphics and Vision.
Lens Cap and Thumb Models for the Simulation of Amateur Photographic Effects.
Butta-Splines : A Class of Surfaces with the Continuity of a Baby's Butt.
Real-Time Postscript on a 30 Pages-Per-Second Printer and the Resurgence of
the American Lumber Industry.
An Implicit Equation for the Utah Teapot.
Quaaludes : Shortening Perceived Rendering Time by Altering the User.
The Litmus Test : Using pH Measurements to Distinguish the Research of
Pat Hanrahan, Paul Haeberli, and Paul Heckbert.
Spherical Fractals and the Production of Benoit Balls.
TUTORIALS
=============================================================================
Tutorial : The Monte Carlo Method as a Way of Avoiding Math
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tutorial : Careers in Computer Graphics
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Participants will learn about opportunities in the graphics industry and
will be introduced to conversational Japanese.
Tutorial : Successful Grant Procurement
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Director of the Cornell Buzzword Concatenator Project presents his
method of proposal writing and discusses in detail his highly successful 1990
NSF-funded project, "Parallel Neural Networks for the Physically-Based Adaptive
Subdivision of NURBS in Multidimensional Ray-Traced Radiosity of a Virtual
Reality Visualization".
Tutorial: Introduction to Computer Graphics
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Participants will learn that "radiosity" means to lighten up the
pastel-colored things that are dark and that "teleological modeling in a
classical Newtonian regime" means to connect the parts with springs.
Tutorial: Landscaping for Real-Time Graphics Companies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Computer graphics has struggled to model objects with photographic
realism. In the case of manufactured objects, the solution has been to force
all manufacturers to use CAD/CAM so that the man-made environment consists of
simple geometries. A modification of this solution can be applied to the
natural environment. We will discuss how to prune evergreens into cones and
how to shape shrubs into spheres and rectilinear hedges. Landscaping your
company's property using these techniques will allow your simplistic models of
nature to match exactly the view outside the window, fooling visiting
customers.
PANELS
=============================================================================
Panel : Graphics Hardware Standards
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The panelists will address the surge of interest in standard,
interchangeable graphics components. Such standards are of topical importance
because, as graphics manufacturers go out of business, it would be convenient
if their products could be disassembled and plugged directly into Silicon
Graphics products.
Panel : Raster Image File Format Standards
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chairman : N. AfricanAmericanPonte, MIT Media Lab
Panelists:
M.W. Mantle, Pixar
"We should be happy to live in a country with so many raster image
standards to choose from."
S. Thomas, Univ. of Michigan
"I don't know which universal image standard everyone is going to use,
but I know which one I'm going to use."
A. Warhol, independent
"In the future, everyone will design an image format that will be the
industry standard for fifteen minutes."
EXTENDED ABSTRACTS OF SELECTED TECHNICAL PAPERS
=============================================================================
Paper : Subpixel Rendering of Bicubic Patches
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Third-order patches have been rendered by subdividing them into
second-order patches, first-order polygonal surfaces (Lane-Carpenter), and
zero-order pixel-sized surfaces (Catmull). We suggest continuing the
subdivision until the subpatch is the size of a molecule, where it can be
rendered by a standard molecular modeling package.
Molecules have advantages also in creating realistic models. In the
same way that Euler operations guarantee that a model is topologically
realizable, modeling with molecular primitives guaranteed that a model could be
manufactured with real molecules. To verify the modeler, we invoke the
Weierstrass theorem, which states that any object can be made from any
primitive if you use alot of them. We implemented uncharged atoms in C, ions
in C++.
Paper : Laser Beam Tracing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ray tracing is slow, which is ironic since the rays are supposedly
traveling at the speed of light. Most of the time is spent in the
ray-surface intersection. The authors feel that, having done all the work
of intersecting with a surface, the ray should do more when it gets there.
Laser rays provide the energy for this work.
Instead of antialiasing the image, the ray locally melts the surface
colors, blurring them. Likewise, when a laser ray hits a polygonal object,
the sharp angles are eroded away to create a smooth surface.
If the force of rays is varied, then bumpy surfaces are realized.
Translucency occurs when some rays are strong enough to blow right through
the surface. Likewise, penumbra is accomplished when some rays blast through
objects while proceeding to the light source.
Paper : Scaling Properties of Patents on Fractals
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The author has patented "fractal" functions for the creation of
synthetic images. A fractal exhibits statistical "self-similarity", wherein
the function reveals the same statistical composition regardless of the scale
at which it is considered. Thus, the author's patent applies at all possible
scales.
Fractals can be characterized by their "fractional dimension", which
is intuitively a measure of their roughness. Since changing the fractional
dimension of a fractal creates a new fractal, the author's patent extends to
fractals of any roughness. A fractal surface of zero roughness is a smooth
surface, so the author's patent subsumes all smooth surface methods in computer
graphics.
While fractals describe the smooth surfaces of man-made objects, they
also describe the irregular, intricate objects of the natural world, and thus
fall under the author's patent. Even if nature was not composed of fractals,
the retinal veins in front of the rods and cones are fractal, so nature would
look fractal anyway. Fortunately for the author, nature really is fractal.
The geometry of galaxies can also be described by fractals. Thus, all
natural and man-made objects are fractal when considered at a very large scale.
Thus, because the author's patent exhibits scaling, it applies to all natural
and man-made objects.
Due to self-similarity, fractals exhibit small variations over small
distances and large variations over large distances. Since length, width, and
height can only change by small amounts over small distances but can change by
large amounts over large distances, space itself is fractal and thus is covered
by the author's patent.
Paper : Calculating Light Intensities in the Presence of a Participating Medium
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During a seance, the participating medium draws forth the ghost of Omnibus
Graphics. We present a method of simulating the scattering/absorption of the
resulting apparition density.
Paper : The Fast Furrier Transform
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We introduce a method of rendering furry surfaces, and present results
of our experiments in producing a synthetic furry teddy bear.
In the same way a furrier strips the hide off an animal and wraps it
around a blue-haired woman, we stripped the hide off a koala bear and digitized
it so it could be mapped onto a synthetic bear model. To obtain the 3D
geometry of the teddy bear, we sliced the nude koala bear into serial sections,
which were digitized. It is interesting to note that "rendering" can also mean
"dismembering and grinding up".
Paper : The Application of Computer Graphics to Hardcore Pornography
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Contrary to the ambient opinion that computer animation has no
applicability, we suggest it is well-suited to pornography. It is true that
porn requires accurate rendering of the human form. However, once generic male
and female forms are created, all other forms are of the same topology. Porno
stars generally differ from generic forms only by excessive local scaling
factors. Also, while the facial expressions of the actors need to be
duplicated, the acting ability of today's stars suggests that "male
concentration" and "female boredom" would be a sufficient vocabulary of
expressions. Furthermore, the difficult problems of rendering clothing and
lip-synching dialogue are avoided. The actors' surfaces are emissive,
transmissive, submissive, and permissive.
Porn is well-suited to computer animation techniques because most of
the action is rhythmic and periodic, requiring the rendering of only one cycle.
Any dynamics that cannot be resolved procedurally might be addressed by the
VPL DataCondom.
In advanced pornographical animations systems, constraint-based
optimization will properly assemble large orgies such that each character plugs
into his/her topological complement. The system will plug together a gay male
and lesbian female by introducing a hermaphrodite as an adapter.
Until realistic human bodies are perfected, current synthetic
characters could succeed in porn via such vehicles as "Bogie and Marilyn Do It
French(-Canadian) Style", "Sexy Robot Straightens Wally B's Stinger", and
"Behind Closed Doors: What You Never Knew About the Luxo Family".
Paper : Solutions for Unemployment in Graphics
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 1974, Sutherland, et al. presented "A Characterization of Ten
Hidden-Surface Algorithms", which revealed how such algorithms could be unified
as types of spatial sorting. Today's research solves the hidden-surface
problem with ray tracing, which was not one of the ten algorithms. Clearly,
ten researchers are out of work.
It is difficult for any laborer when he is replaced by a computer.
Supercomputers and special-purpose hardware have replaced the hidden-surface
researchers, and the result is grim. Gary Watkins and Robert Schumacker are
stuck in management positions. John Warnock, while not being forced to live in
Utah, has been reduced to typesetting.
One of the ten unemployed researchers was the inventor of the depth
buffer. Fortunately, in 1986 he was pushed again to the forefront of research
when the depth buffer was used to render the facets of hemi-cubes as part
of the view-independent radiosity computation. The method works for static
scenes such as graphics programmers waiting for a radiosity method to finish.
For the other hidden-surface researchers, graphics has now developed a
severance plan in the form of the ZZBuffer. The ZZBuffer speeds up ray tracing
by spatially sorting all objects with respect to an eyepoint. Thus, ZZBuffer
creation can be improved by using the ten hidden surface algorithms, giving ten
researchers a new lease on life.
Advancements in Cheating for the Animation of Synthetic Faces
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We present a new device for tracking facial shape and motion so that
you can use the data to animate a face model despite your lack of actual
physiological understanding.
The first person to steal geometry from a real face in order to make
a synthetic face was H. Gouraud. (Gouraud and his University of Utah
colleagues B.T. Phong and J.W. Flat are renowned for inventing the shading
methods that bear their names.) Gouraud convinced his wife to have a grid
drawn on her face so she could be digitized. Unfortunately, in his zeal
Gouraud had the grid tattooed on instead. Mrs. Gouraud won her husband's VW in
the ensuing divorce, and she went on to marry a Zulu prince who fancied her
makeup.
Two decades later, researchers are still painting geometric landmarks
on innocent people's faces. Some researchers have sought out persons with
measles or severe acne from which to photogrammetrically derive geometry, but
the concept is the same. One researcher wanted to create facial animations by
interpolating between CAT scans of specific facial expressions. It's still
cheating.
We present a new product for cheating: The VPL DataBurnoose. The
burnoose is a nylon stocking worn over the head. The stocking is lined with
the same fiber optic measurement technology used in the tiny datasuits employed
by David Zeltzer in his animations of cockroaches. The device has a special
multisensor pouch in which the tongue is put. The burnoose adheres to the face
tightly enough that eye motion can be tracked.
Retrospective : Flying Logos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the movie "2001 : A Space Odyssey", an ape, touched by intelligence,
finds a femur that looks like an upper-case "I". In a moment of ecstatic rage
he throws the bone in the air, realizing mankind's first flying letter. Since
then, man has sought to make his words fly. Ancient hieroglyphic symbols are
often in the shapes of eagles and hawks. From the paper airplane to
aerodynamic sans serif fonts, mankind has been driven to make his words fly.
Today we enter a new age of alphabet flight with the Logo Butterfly,
which boasts 26 special-purpose processors, keeping mankind safe from the
age-old fear of name dropping.
GENERAL INFORMATION
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The multiple ribbons formerly worn below the name tag will now hang
down from the crotch so as to better serve as indicators of social hierarchy
within the herd.
------------------------------
Date: 3 Apr 91 09:52:09 GMT
From: smcafee@jarthur.claremont.edu (Sean McAfee)
Subject: Shit List
Newsgroups: rec.humor
[I know I had a list like this in before, but this version is much
longer and more complete than the earlier version. --spaf]
Taoism = Shit Happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Confucianism = Confucius say, "Shit Happens"
Buddhism = If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Zen-Buddhism = What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism = This shit happened before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
Islam = If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism = Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism = If shit happens, you deserved it.
Charismatic Catholicism: Shit is happening because you deserve it,
but we love you anyway.
Judaism = Why does shit always happen to us?
New Age = A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate
I create my own shit.
Rastafarian = Let's roll that shit up and smoke it.
Jehovah's Witness = There is only a limited amount of good shit
Mormon = Hey, there's more shit over here!
Baptist = You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it
Unitarianism = Go ahead, shit anywhere you want
Iraqi Baathist = Oh shit!
Yuppie Shit = It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?
Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit
stop happening.
Heisenbergism = Shit happened, we just don't know where.
Nixonism = Shit didn't happen, and if it did I din't know anything
about it.
McCarthyism = Are you now, or hare you ever been, shit?
Communism = It's everybody's shit.
Capitalism = Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
Agnosticism: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm
not sure whether its shit or not.
Atheism: It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to
taste it.
I don't believe this shit.
------------------------------
Date: 21 Mar 91 01:24:00 GMT
From: BJSST8@vms.cis.pitt.edu
Subject: Informal proposal for SOC.WOMYN
Newsgroups: news.groups
I wish to thank all of those who wrote in support of my proposal to change
"soc.women" to the rightful name of "soc.womyn". A change is necessary to
correct the wrong inflicted upon us by the non-womyn network
administrators.
[This was not posted on April 1 -- it was serious. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 2 Apr 91 02:13:07 PST
From: one of our correspondants
Subject: MIT Opens Joking Exhibit
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. (AP)
For more than 100 years, the budding Einsteins at Massachusetts
Institute of Technology have elevated the practical joke to an art
form.
From cows perched atop domes to an exploding weather balloon
filled with talcum powder, the students at this august university
have prided themselves on showing off their smarts in entertaining
ways.
Now the silly stunts are in a museum exhibit that opened,
naturally, on April Fools' Day. "Crazy After Calculus: Humor at MIT"
chronicles some of the zaniest, trickiest pranks ever put on at the
school.
A replica of the massive weather balloon filled with powder sits
behind glass in the exhibit. MIT students who had buried the balloon
and air pump under Harvard University's football stadium blew up the
contraption during a break in the 1982 Harvard-Yale game.
In the center of the exhibit stands a life-size cow, complete with
mortarboard, to commemorate the 1979 "borrowing" of a fiberglass cow
that normally stands like a landmark outside a nearby steak
restaurant. The borrowed steer, named "Ferdi," stood atop MIT's Great
Dome, above the engineering library, until a crane was brought in to
remove it.
Cows and the Great Dome are two common themes in MIT pranks,
dubbed hacks because they involve a mastery of wit and often an
engineering technique, said curator Joan Loria.
In 1928, students brought the real thing up five flights of
stairs, putting the cow on a dormitory roof. The group had trouble
removing it because "cows don't like walking down stairs," Loria said.
MIT has a rich tradition of pranks.
Back in 1876, John Freeman sprinkled iodide of nitrogen, a mild
explosive, on the floor just before a student assembly began.
Cartoons, creative signs, telephone rewiring and statue remodeling
have become commonplace at MIT.
Photos at the exhibit show every conceivable twist on the age-old
trick of "pennying" a dorm room to trap students inside. Among the
devices that were used to block the doors were beer cans, bricks and
ropes.
Perhaps the most enduring stunt involved Oliver Smoot, class of
'62. Flipping Smoot over head to toe all the way across a bridge that
spans the Charles River, the young man's fraternity brothers invented
the "Smoot" unit of measurement. Photos in the museum show two young
men grabbing Smoot under the armpits as they flipped him onto his
stomach.
That was in 1958 and when construction workers rebuilt the bridge,
Smoot was brought in for new demarcation. The rebuilt bridge, which
spans the Charles River, measured 364.4 Smoots, plus an ear.
Humor at MIT is not just a laughing matter, but is also injected
into studies.
The new exhibit, and an accompanying 168-page book, are just the
latest examples of how the university makes learning fun despite its
heavy emphasis on science and math.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 7 Apr 91 13:24:13 PDT
From: osc!strick (henry strickland)
Subject: walking on the moon
To: spaf
This story came by way of Ian Smith <iansmith@cc.gatech.edu>
and Keith Edwards <keith@cc.gatech.edu>.
Date: Sat, 06 Apr 91 13:08:00 -0800
From: "S. Ansell" <SMA0194@ritvax.isc.rit.edu>
Hi,
My name is Seth, I'm a grad student in color science at RIT in
Rochester N.Y., an area in which the national weather bureau states
that we receive an average of 62 sunny days per year. One of the many
advantages of this, is that, unlike people who live in California, *we
don't have to worry about getting skin cancer.*
Anyhow, I was cleaning out my mail files and found this... I thought
someone out there might appreciate it.
HEAVY BOOTS
About 6-7 years ago, I was in a philosophy class at the University of
Wisconsin, Madison (good science/engineering school) and the teaching
assistant was explaining Descartes. He was trying to show how things
don't always happen the way we think they will and explained that,
while a pen always falls when you drop it on Earth, it would just
float away if you let go of it on the Moon.
My jaw dropped a little. I blurted "What?!" Looking around the room,
I saw that only my friend Mark and one other student looked confused
by the TA's statement. The other 17 people just looked at me like
"What's your problem?"
"But a pen would fall if you dropped it on the Moon, just more
slowly." I protested.
"No it wouldn't." the TA explained calmly, "because you're too far
away from the Earth's gravity."
Think. Think. Aha! "You saw the APOLLO astronauts walking around on
the Moon, didn't you?" I countered, "why didn't they float away?"
"Because they were wearing heavy boots." he responded, as if this made
perfect sense (remember, this is a Philosophy TA who's had plenty of
logic classes).
By then I realized that we were each living in totally different
worlds, and did not speak each others language, so I gave up. As we
left the room, my friend Mark was raging. "My God! How can all those
people be so stupid?"
I tried to be understanding. "Mark, they knew this stuff at one time,
but it's not part of their basic view of the world, so they've
forgotten it. Most people could probably make the same mistake."
To prove my point, we went back to our dorm room and began randomly
selecting names from the campus phone book. We called about 30 people
and asked each this question:
1. If you're standing on the Moon holding a pen, and you let go,
will it a) float away, b) float where it is, or c) fall to the
ground?
About 47 percent got this question correct. Of the ones who got
it wrong, we asked the obvious follow-up question:
2. You've seen films of the APOLLO astronauts walking around on the
Moon, why didn't they fall off?
About 20 percent of the people changed their answer to the first
question when they heard this one! But the most amazing part was that
about half of them confidently answered, "Because they were wearing
heavy boots."
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 1 Apr 1991 13:04:26 PST
From: cate3.osbu_north@xerox.com
Subject: Weird News - Around May 1990
To: JXerarch.dl.osbu_north@xerox.com
FIRST THINGS FIRST
==================
As public television viewers in 12 cities sat glued to their sets
while doctors in Philadelphia reconstructed 15-month-old Michele Miller's
skull during a two-hour operation broadcast live, the girl's parents, Lynn
and Paul Miller of Princeton, N.J., opted to watch "The Wizard of Oz"
instead
STRIKING STATISTIC
==================
The odds of winnning the California lottery by matching all six
numbers are 14 times greater than the odds of being struck by lightening,
according to Lottery magazine. the figure drops to nine times greater in
New Jersey, six times greater in Pennsylvania, and four times greater in
Connecticut.
WE ONLY WANTED IT TO PROP OPEN A WINDOW
=======================================
In Atlanta, U.S. District Judge Charles Moye overturned a death
sentence for a murderer because the jury that convicted him 10 years ago had
asked for a Bible during deliberations.
GOT ANY WITH BIGGER DOORS?
==========================
When the Sudanese government showed an interest in buying two Russian
transport planes to ferry supplies to famine-ridden ares in the south, the
acting Soviet ambassador allowed the Sudanese to test-fly the aircraft. They
flew to rebel-held Yirol and bombed the city, pushing bombs out of the cargo
doors.
------------------------------
From: editor%ucf1vm.BITNET%LILAC.BERKELEY.EDU@CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU
Subject: Will Trading Cards Be Next???
To: Multiple recipients of list INFO-M2 <INFO-M2@UCF1VM>
for sale Niklaus Wirth's AUTOGRAPH
$50 o.b.o. signed on a compliment card of the ETH
(Swiss Federal Institute of Technology,
Zuerich, CH)
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------