Profound sayings:

I'm opposed to millionares, but it would be dangerous to 
offer me the position.
					--Mark Twain

 The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish,
 and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten.
 The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits.
 When the rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten.
 The purpose of words is to convey ideas.
 When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten.
 Where can I find a man who has forgotten words?
 He is the one I would like to talk to.
					--Chuang Tzu

Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a
child at play.	
					--Heraclitus

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is
serious.
					--Brendan Gill

A college professor is someone smart enough to get a Ph.D., but too
crazy to make a living.
					--Ralph Nobel, RPI

If I had any humility I would be perfect.
                			-- Ted Turner

Those who cannot remember history are doomed to repost it every
      month, with diffs marked with change bars.
					-- Edward Vielmetti

Shakespeare on Usenet:
          "It is a tale
           Told by an Idiot, full of sound and fury
           Signifying nothing."
                           --Macbeth (V.v.26-8)

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

					--  Elbert Hubbard

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only
sooner.
                                        --  Tallulah Bankhead

While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is
busy making mistakes and becoming superior.

					--  Henry C. Link

You must get involved to have an impact.  No one is impressed with
the won-lost record of the referee.

					--  John H. Holcomb

The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a
suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life.
For this task it has a rudimentary nervous system. When it finds its
spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain any more so it eats it.
It's rather like getting tenure.
					 -- Daniel C. Dennett, in
					 "Consciousness Explained"

You cannot have freedom unless you have responsibility also.
					-- William Payne

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought
which they avoid.
					-- Kierkegaard

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the
leather straps.
				        -- Emo Phillips

Remember this, foolish mortals, when ye stare headlong into the
mind-paralyzing void, the inky black nothingness of existence,
the hellish yawning maw of the abyss -- it's pretty damn dark,
so give it a few minutes for your eyes to adjust.
					-- Frank M. Carrano

Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each
day as it comes.  
					-- Donald Kaul

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development. 
					-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

The problem with the global village is all the global village idiots.
					-- P. Ginsparg

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in
human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
                                        -- Mitch Ratliffe

Always do right.  This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.
					-- Mark Twain

 Do all the good you can
 By all the means you can
 In all the ways you can
 In all the places you can
 To all the people you can
 As long as ever you can.
                                        -- John Wesley

Good judgement comes from experience.  And where does experience come
from?  Experience comes from bad judgement.
					-- Mark Twain

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy,
and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70
million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand,
may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that
numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
					-- New York Times, 11/26/91

Few of our ancestors were perfect ladies and gentlemen; the majority,
in fact, weren't even mammals.
                                        -- Robert Anton Wilson

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a 
slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
					-- Jack Handey

You're only using your twisted geniuses for the forces of good, so we
have nothing to fear?
					-- Dave Wilson, Chronicle of
						Higher Education
					speaking about COAST
 
Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it
has to be us.
					 -- Jerry Garcia
 
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine
 medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently
 view it as some kind of recreational activity.

					-- Dave Barry, humour columnist,
							Miami Herald