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Yucks Digest V3 #4 (shorts)
Yucks Digest Sat, 23 Jan 93 Volume 3 : Issue 4
Today's Topics:
2b|~2b, or, what if Hamlet had been a network manager...
A NEW ERA
California Department of Motor Vehicles
Channeling Barbie
Computer games may endanger your health (Russell, RISKS-14.27)
dilbert
Field trip and rec.nude BOF at Usenix
Full Moon
Inauguration festivities
Laser Printer Sucks up Cat
Mail handler
Missionary Position
Oedipus, the King (of the Road)
Quick thinking
scientific americans
Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology
The Association for the Study of Play conference
you know its a bad day when...
Yucks Digest V3 #3 (always mount a scratch zamboni)
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
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Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 3 Dec 92 14:28:32 -0500
From: buglady@silver.lcs.mit.edu (Aliza R. Panitz)
Subject: 2b|~2b, or, what if Hamlet had been a network manager...
To: buglady@silver.lcs.mit.edu
Date: Thu, 3 Dec 92 6:59:36 EST
From: Andrew K Bressen <bressen@ground.cs.columbia.edu>
I mentioned to my uncle that I was taking two courses this semester,
one on digital networks, and the other on Hamlet. He responded with the
first line of the following, and I took it too far from there.
To route, or not to route; that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler on the net to suffer
The pings and arpage of outragous contention,
Or to make greps against a sea of packets,
And, by subnetting, end them. FDDI, to bus
No more, and by a ring to say we end
The collisions and the thousand packet drops
That CSMA is heir to 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. FDDI, token ring.
Token ring, perchance to DQDB. Ay, there's the rub,
For that speedy net where ATM may come
When we have shuffled off to double coils
Might give us loss. There's the respect
That makes calamity of systems implementation,
For who would bear the whips and scorns of irate users,
Th'parameters' wrong, LanMan's contumely,
The pangs of vaporware, the CCITT's delay,
The insolence of Microsoft, and the spurns
That patient network managers of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare wire? Who would these fardels bear,
To grunt and swear at border gateway protocol
But that the dread of OSI,
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus banyans do make switches of us all,
And thus the native queue of transmission
Is cycled over with the subnet casts of MOP,
And enterprise architectures of many bits and SONET
With this regard the carriers turn awry,
Because they push SMDS. Software, now,
The fair Sybase 4.8A! dbtemp, in thy horizons
Be all my sins renumbered.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 93 09:27:41 -0800
From: uunet!Cadence.COM!chris (Christian Dietrich)
Subject: A NEW ERA
To: [various]
Bill Clinton's Cabinet and Advisors
Dept. of Transportation Ted Kennedy
Dept. of Housing Leona Helmsly
Dept. of Labor Anita Hill
Dept. of Defense Rodney King
Secretary of Treasury Charles Keating
Secretary of Health Magic Johnson
Director of CIA Ross Perot
Director of FBI Hillary Clinton
Head of NASA Jerry Brown
Veterans' Affairs Jane Fonda
Surgeon General Dr. Jack Kevorkian
Speaker of the House Paul Tsongas
Drug Enforcement Agency Marion Berry
Special Advisor on Family Affairs Woody Allen
[Of course, we now know that Bill has chosen Zoe Baird to head the
Department of Immigration and Naturalization. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 17:49:14 PST
From: "Jeffrey D. Angus" <jangus@skyld.tele.com>
Message-Id: <2b5223a1.skyld@skyld.tele.com>
Subject: The California Department of Motor Vehicles
Organization: Grendel's Lair
Yes, its once again time to renew the old drivers license. Well,
actually it was time to renew back in October of year last, but I digress.
I went to the local DMV this afternoon (with a phoned in appointment) and
presented my form to the clerk at the window.
"You have to have an address."
"I do, PO Box xxxx, Carson."
"No, I mean a residence address."
"Oh that, it's a 73 Dodge crewcab"
"No, I mean a street address where you live."
"I'm sorry, I'm homeless"
"Well, how about a friend's address."
"I don't have any friends."
Put down your work address then."
"I don't have one, that's why I'm homeless."
"But you have to put something down, it's a state law."
"It is? Show me the state statute title and section where it says that."
"You can't get a drivers license without one."
"Get your supervisor."
"I'm the supervisor."
"Spell your correct true full name. I'll need it for the lawsuit."
"I'll go get my supervisor."
New clerk. New window.
"What's your address Mr. Angus?"
"It's there on the form."
"No, I mean your residence address."
"I don't have one, I'm homeless."
"But you have to have one."
"Does that mean I'm not allowed to drive a vehicle in the State of California
because I don't own property or pay money I don't have to someone who does?"
"Why don't you have an address"
"I told you already, I'm homeless."
Checks with computer terminal
"I have a 951 W. 204th Street listed Mr. Angus."
"That used to be my home before I lost it, First American Mortgage lives there
now."
"Why don't you just put that down."
"Are you asking me to perjure myself and commit a felony?"
"I'll go get my supervisor."
Now she walks over to the guy whom I knew was the regional manager to begin
with. They talk for awhile. She returns and starts typing without talking.
"Here Mr. Angus, sign inside the yellow box."
"Oh, did the State Supreme Court just reverse the residency address
requirement?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Before you walked away, even though you couldn't quote the statute, you
said that it was a State of California requirement to have a residence
address listed on the form. Now apparently there isn't. What changed?"
"Nothing changed."
"So what you're telling me is that you wasted half an hour of my time playing
twenty questions because of your personal interpretation of the regulations?"
"You don't understand."
"You're fucking well right I don't understand! I have gone through this before.
I even had the old drivers license with the PO box on it. But no, that wasn't
good enough. You've wasted 30 minutes of my life because you're an incompetent
civil servant (and I use the term servant loosely) who for the simple reason
that you're behind the counter, you feel that you can make up the rules where
and how you see fit. You're lucky that someone hasn't gotten pissed off enough
to come over the counter and beat you to death. Thank you for your assistance."
Get into the line to have my photograph taken.
I just love going to the California Department of Motor Vehicles.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 93 17:02:54 -0500
From: John Robinson <jr@ksr.com>
Subject: Channeling Barbie
To: Lots of forwards
[lifted from the Skeptical Inquirer, v17n2, Winter 93, Robert
Sheaffer's column "Psychic Vibrations", p 138:]
We've all heard about people who channel the spirits of Cro-Magnon
warriors and Indian princesses, but a recent New Age breakthrough
apparently makes it possible to receive messages from entities that
never had spirits in the first place. Fromn San Anselmo,
California, not far from San Francisco, the _Barbie Channeling
Nesletter_ celebrates this feat. "I channel Barbie, archetypical
feminine plastic essence who embodies that stereotypical wisdom of
the 60s and 70s," writes the editor, Barbara, who withholds her last
name. "Since childhood I have been gifted with an intensely
personal, growth-oriented relationship with Barbie, the polyethelene
essence who is 700 million teaching essences. Her influence has
transformed and guided many of my peers through pre-puberty to fully
realized maturity. Her truths are too important to be pre-packaged.
My sincere hope is to let the voice of Barbie, my Inner name-twin,
come through. Barbie's messages are offered in love." No word yet
on whether anything has been heard from Barbie's plastic boyfriend,
Ken.
------------------------------
Date: 20 Jan 93 04:22:57 GMT
From: Robert A. Morris <ram@cs.umb.edu>
Subject: Computer games may endanger your health (Russell, RISKS-14.27)
Newsgroups: comp.risks
> EPILEPSY WARNING: READ BEFORE USING YOUR NES OR SUPER NES
> Consult your physician if you experience any of the following symptoms while
> playing video games: altered vision, muscle twitching, other involuntary
> movements, loss of awareness of your surroundings, mental confusion, and/or
> convulsions.
Of course, the search for most of these conditions are among the _goals_ of
video game players....
------------------------------
Date: 21 Jan 1993 09:53:56 -0500 (EST)
From: art deco biochemist <EGLI_PAUL_A@LILLY.COM>
Subject: dilbert
To: eniac
"how to build a better life by stealing office supplies",
by scott adams. it lives right next to my copy of
"einstein simplified" by ed harris. check it out.
dilbert: i need five minutes next week
with the boss.
evil secretary: first you must defeat me in a
battle to the death in the pit
of the fire-breathing lizards.
[Sounds like a situation some of us can relate to.
Scott used to subscribe to "Yucks" but unsubscribed shortly after he
printed his net address in his comic strip and asked readers to send
their comments. Methinks he may have overloaded his mailbox. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 19 Jan 1993 00:26:34 GMT
From: middleto@poincare.ucsd.edu (Tom Middleton ; System Manager)
Subject: Field trip and rec.nude BOF at Usenix
Newsgroups: comp.org.usenix,rec.nude
Well, this rain is going to end and we will have warm and sunny weather
for a pre-conference field trip on Sunday, January 24. Those interested
will meet for breakfast at 9 a.m. Sunday morning and then we will
carpool it out to a local nudist resort called The SWALLOWS. This is a
family oriented place with swimming pool, jacuzzi, tennis courts, sauna
and a snack bar which does serve hot sandwiches. Entrance fee is $10 per
person but all you need to bring is a couple of towels and maybe a small
cooler with liquid refreshments if you so desire, and some money for lunch.
For details please send me email. I will provide you with a meeting
location for Sunday morning and info on how to recognize the group
(yes, we will be wearing clothes for the breakfast). I can also provide
directions to The SWALLOWS if you would like to meet us there.
ALSO, we will have a rec.nude BOF sometime during the conference. The
location of the rec.nude BOF will be the hot tub/jacuzzi/spa at the
Town and Country Hotel. Send me email for the exact time and day.
[I'm curious about something. If they bring "some money for lunch"
with them to the nudist camp, where do they keep it, and who would
want to take it thereafter? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 1993 11:08:15 -0600
From: jzimm@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Joann Zimmerman)
Subject: Full Moon
To: eniac
[This is a report of the "Moon the Klan" event reported previously in
Yucks. --spaf]
Well, Saturday came and went, and with it the 75 Bares. The Klan showed up,
sans sheets, to protest Martin Luther King's Birthday, only to be greeted
by about 5000 counter-protesters of various denominations, including the
drum-bangers, the chanters, and the egg-throwers. They were also met by
about 75 people who had answered Steve Fromholz's call for a mass mooning.
As the local paper put it, some lowered their jeans to show bare skin,
while others only bared their boxers (cowards). The evening news was sort
of interesting. The event in general made ABC, but not the mooning part.
The local news showed one chap mooning from the bed of a pickup truck, but
the bared portion got treated to the digital blurring effect. It was not at
all clear if the action had any effect on the sensibilities of the Klan,
who claimed to be simply "right-wing Christians," lord help us all.
Note: late Saturday afternoon I ran into a friend who'd been down to the
Capitol. He noted that he'd missed the mooning, being on the wrong side of
the rather large building, and that according to a mutual acquaintance
who'd taken part in the event, the press had managed to miss it too, so
that they'd had to repeat the show for benefit of the media. Needless to
say, neither TV nor newspapers brought this up.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 1993 01:33:52 -0500
From: bzs@world.std.com (Barry Shein)
Subject: Inauguration festivities
I think Iraq or someone like that will attack the inauguration thus
precipitating WWIII and the "allies" suddenly decide they really do
want to march across 400 miles of desert into baghdad and libya uses
this as an excuse to invade sudan and someone bombs tel aviv and
something no doubt horrible happens in bosnia and environs because
they figure everyone else is too busy to make a fuss and basically
most of azerbaijan and georgia and so forth go nuts so the red army
(do they still call them that?) moves in thru that region having given
up on everyone else maintaining the peace (hah!) which invites a flank
attack from the chinese on the eastern half of russia then pakistan
and india finally have it out not to mention that the south of india
secedes declaring bombay their new capital and most of north africa
basically unites to declare war against some rhetorical element and
john majors blames it all on mitterand who in turn blames it all on
kohl who in turn blames it all on the us who in turn blames it all on
the japanese so I'd suggest getting a lot of canned goods and watch it
all on TV.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 30 Nov 92 12:51:19 PST
From: 0028017@msgate.emis.hac.com (Douglas M. Kavner)
Subject: Laser Printer Sucks up Cat
Newsgroups: comp.risks
Danger from personal computers? Most people think of electromagnetic fields
or getting zapped while monkeying around inside the box. Nothing immediately
threatening could happen while just printing a spreadsheet. Right?
That's what I thought until last week when my wife was severely bitten by our
kitten as it was hanging in mid-air by the tip of its tail. It all started so
innocently. Our 8-month-old kitten likes to lie on top of our Apple Personal
LaserWriter LS. We have tried to get him off, but he keeps getting back up on
it. He must like the hum. My wife was printing a few pages in the
background. While she was talking on the phone, there suddenly was a shriek
from the kitten. The printer was only about 2 feet away from her, luckily
turned the opposite direction. The kitten was sprawled stiff on top of the
printer, like he had been stuffed. We just had him declawed, but his teeth
were grabbing at anything in sight, including my wife's arm as she tried to
turn off the printer. The party on the other end of the phone thought that
both the kitten and my wife were being murdered.
After a few deep bites, the printer was off, but the tail was still stuck in
the top roller that ejects the paper from the printer. Apparently, the hair
on the tip of his tail had gotten inside the roller and was sucked in as the
paper was being fed out. While my wife was getting a towel to prevent further
injury, the kitten jumped off the side of the printer. The top of the desk is
slightly waxed and the printer nearly slid off. It would have landed on top
of him. Can you imagine how hard it is to figure out how to open a printer
under these conditions? Before she got the towel around him, the kitten took
a few more deep bites out of my wife's leg through her bluejeans! After what
must have seemed like an eternity, my wife got the printer open and freed the
kitten.
A $27 trip to the vet informed us that we had a real lucky kitten. If he had
been a little older and heavier, the tail would have separated and required
amputation. If he still had claws, my wife would have had to have been
stitched back together. What if it had been a child's long hair?
So Apple, how about a Kitty Guard? Unfortunately, Cats don't read the generic
warnings that came with the printer. I really like the quality and value of
the printer. How much extra would I pay for more safety? At least $27. I
knew I was cutting corners when I bought the printer since it did not include
PostScript, but I really didn't expect this.
Several other companies also use the same type of printer case. They all have
a max speed of 4 pages/minute and a cut-out in the top for the paper to
reverse stack or innocent kitties to take a nap. Some have different paper
feed mechanisms, so the eject roller may also vary.
In case you were wondering, the kitten has been avoiding the printer the
last few days, but was seen standing on it once while it was off.
[Should we really have guards to prevent "cat > /dev/lpr" ?? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 18 Jan 93 22:17:10 GMT
From: drw@euclid.mit.edu (Dale R. Worley)
Subject: Mail handler
Newsgroups: comp.lang.perl
[The (elided) message itself is not of interest here. The signature
block, below, is the bizarre part. --spaf]
--
Shamelessly stolen from Elf's .signature file:
Through a bureaucratic error, you are made county coroner.
You seriously consider the job because it gives you:
(1) Lots of unclaimed wedding rings and watches.
(2) Lots of gold fillings and bridges.
(3) Free blood.
(4) A constantly changing array of new friends who aren't
at all stuffy about what happens to their genitalia.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 28 Dec 92 19:30:20 EST
From: SCHANG@pitzer.claremont.edu
Subject: Missionary Position
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
This is a true story that happened to me only a few years ago...
I'm a 3rd generation Cantonese-American and have pretty much
forgotten the language. Hey, I wasn't even raised with it spoken in
my household, but I live in a predominantly Asian neighborhood anyway.
Well, Mormons, whom we all know and love(*cough*), have to save their
money during childhood so that they may go on missionary expeditions
when they hit seventeen years of age or so. Some even become Urban
Mormons, where they trek to distant(?) parts of Suburbia, seeking
converts.
So, one day, there was a knock at my door. So upon answering,
Lo! And Behold! Who should be standing there, but two young, aspiring
Jehovah's Witn-... I mean, Mormon Missionaries. Both were Caucasian,
and one was holding a copy of Halston's Mandarin/English Dictionary.
The Mormon holding the dictionary greeted me in a foreign language,
presumably Mandarin, which I didn't understand. However, I chose to
say nothing; I merely furrowed my brow and intensified my gaze.
Astute, as they were, the missionaries were quick to realize that I
had not comprehended a single word they said, so they squabbled:
Missionary #1: I told you he wasn't Mandarin.
Missionary #2: Apparently not. He's probably wondering what
we're trying to say.
Missionary #1: Maybe he's Vietnamese.
Missionary #2: (Pulls out Vietnamese/English Dict.) Perhaps.
The Word of God was meant to reach all tongues.
So the second Missionary repeated his greeting in Vietnamese.
I only shrugged my shoulders. The other Mormon pulled out a Japanese
Dictionary, assuming that I might have been the same. Again, I merely
shrugged, and we ran the same gauntlet for the Korean language. I
had to admit, though, that I began to tire of this game. Taking a
deep breath, I shouted,
"YOU DAMN FOREIGNERS! WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME
FROM AND STOP TAKING OUR JOBS?!?"
With that, I slammed the door in a grandoise fashion and
couldn't stop laughing for two hours afterward.
T.S. Elliot(who wrote the book that Cats was based on) had a
more novel method of dealing with door-to-door missionaries. One day,
some Jehovah's Witnesses showed up on his doorstep with a can and
said, "Money for Jehovah?" To which Elliot responded, "Great! I'm
Jehovah! How much have you gathered for me?"
They left in a huff.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 15:23:51 -0800
From: Andrew Glassner <glassner>
Subject: Oedipus, the King (of the Road)
To: fishkin
Those crazy califonians....
OEDIPUS THE KING (OF THE ROAD)
by Daniel Nussbaum. Nussbaum has retold the story of Oedipus
using 154 of the more than 1 million California personalized
license plates registered with the state's Motor Vehicles
Bureau. This story is one of thirteen that Nussbaum has
compiled in Literary License, a collection that includes
retellings of the Book of Genesis, The Metamorphosis, and
The Joy of Sex. Nussbaum, a movie-location scout and free-
lance writer, lives in Los Angeles.
ONCEPON ATIME LONG AGO IN THEBES IMKING.
OEDIPUS DAKING. LVMYMRS. LVMYKIDS.
THEBENS THINK OEDDY ISCOOL. NOPROBS.
OKAY MAYBE THEREZZ 1LITL1. MOTHER WHERERU?
WHEREAT MYDAD? NOCALLZ NEVER. HAVENOT ACLUE.
INMYMND IWNDER WHOAMI? IMUST FINDEM.
JO MYWIFE GOES, "OED DONT USEE? WERHAPI NOW LETITB."
IGO "NOWAY. IAMBOSS. DONTU TELLME MYLIFE.
INEED MYMOM. II WILLL FINDHER. FIND BOTHOF THEM."
SOI START SEEKING DATRUTH ABOUT WHO IAM.
ITGOEZ ULTRAAA SLOWE. THE SPHYNXS RIDDLE
WAS ACINCH BUT NOTTHIZ.
SUDNLEE WEHEAR SHOCKING NEWS. WHEN IWASA TINY1
THISGR8 4SEER SED IWOOD OFF MY ROYAL OLDMAN
THEN MARREE MYMAMA. SICKO RUBBISH, NESTPAS?
WHOWHO COUDBE SOGONE? STIL MOMNDAD
SENT MEEEEE AWAY. MEE ABABI AWAAAY.
NOWWWWW GETTHIZ. MANY MOONS GOBY.
I MEET THISGUY ONATRIP. WEDOO RUMBLE.
WHOKNEW? ILEFTMY POP ONE DEDMAN.
UGET DAFOTO. MAJR TSURIS. JOJO MYHONEE, MYSQEEZ,
MYLAMBY, MIAMOR, MYCUTEE.
JOJOY IZZ MYMOMMY.
YEGODS WHYMEE? YMEYYME? LIFSUX.
IAMBAD, IAMBADD, IMSOBAD.
STOPNOW THISS HEDAKE. THIS FLESH DUZ STINK.
ITZ 2MUCH PAYNE 4ONE2C.
TAKEGOD MYEYES!
AIEEEEE!
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 93 21:42:40 -0500
From: Gene Spafford <spaf@uther.cs.purdue.edu>
Subject: Quick thinking
To: mja
So, these three CS professors all escape from prison together. They
run off into the forest, pursued by guards and bloodhounds. Each
climbs a tree to hide.
The dogs come running up to the first tree, baying and howling. The
database expert hiding in the tree realizes he has to do something to
fool the guards, so he starts going "Whoooo Whoooo...."
The guards pull the dogs away, going "It's just an owl you foolish
dogs! Find the prisoners!"
The dogs then run under the tree where the software engineer is hiding
and they howl. The professor starts going "Chirp chirp chirp...."
The guards pull the dogs away, going "It's just a robin you dumb dogs!
Find the prisoners!"
The dogs then congregate under the third tree. The theoretician in
the third tree has noticed how his two colleagues have escaped
detection and decides to extrapolate from two observed datapoints:
"Moooo Moooooo....."
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 93 15:28:54 -0500
From: Patrick Tufts <zippy@berry.cs.brandeis.edu>
Subject: scientific americans
To: eniac
A friend of mine just got a letter from her H.S. English teacher.
Said teacher has a bunch of college age science-whiz children. She
came home the other day to find a petri dish on her stove, gently
warmed by the pilot light. The label read:
"Mom, please do not touch. Salmonella"
Kids these days.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1993 18:56:20 -0600
From: chk@cs.rice.edu (Chuck Koelbel)
Subject: Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology
To: spaf
Forwarded by a friend of a friend of a friend of ...
Courtesy of Mathias Parlinski @ATY:
Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology
-- or --
The world of computer terms as seen from
a Marketing point of view
ALL NEW .................... The software is not compatible
with previous versions
ADVANCED DESIGN ............ Upper management doesn't
understand it
BREAKTHROUGH ............... It nearly booted on the first
try
NEW ........................ Different colours from previous
version
DESIGN SIMPLICITY .......... Developed on a shoe string
budget
EXCLUSIVE .................. We're the only ones who have the
documentation
FIELD TESTED ............... Manufacturing doesn't have a
test system
FOOLPROOF OPERATION ........ All parameters are hard coded
FUTURISTIC ................. It will only run on the next
generation super-computer
HIGH ACCURACY .............. All the directories compare
IT'S HERE AT LAST .......... We've released a 26 week project
in 48 weeks
MAINTENANCE FREE ........... Impossible to fix
MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS .... It compiles without errors
PERFORMANCE PROVEN ......... Works through Beta Test
REVOLUTIONARY .............. Disk drives go round and round
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED .... We'll send you another copy if
it fails
STOCK ITEM ................. We shipped it once before, and
we can do it again, probably
UNMATCHED .................. Almost as good as the
competition
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE .. Nothing ever ran this slow
before
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT ....... We finally got one to work
------------------------------
Date: 21 Jan 93 21:02:14 GMT
From: dlytle@OAVAX.CSUCHICO.EDU (Don Lytle)
Subject: The Association for the Study of Play conference
Newsgroups: talk.rumors
***** ANNOUNCEMENT AND CALL FOR PAPERS *****
TASP 1993 - St. Paul, MN
The Association for the Study of Play
April 22 - 24, 1993 * The St. Paul Hotel * St. Paul, Minnesota
The Association For The Study of Play (TASP) will hold its 1993
annual meetings in St. Paul, Minnesota. The conference will begin
Thursday and continue until Saturday, April 24. There will be featured
speakers, playshops, and forums for the discussion and presentation of
research papers on all aspects of play research, theory, performance
and behavior.
For the past twenty years TASP conferences have provided a
mechanism by which researchers in diverse fields have the opportunity
to share ideas and interact in a friendly and collegial atmosphere.
Papers and proposals for panel sessions or tutorials related to the
broad study of play are invited. Sessions include, but are not
limited to:
- Humor, laughter
- Computer and cyperspace play
- Folklore
- Children's play behavior
- Cross-cultural play
- Body work and play art
- Performance
- Anthropology of festive play
- Sport
- Literary playfulness
Deadline for submission of abstracts is February 5, 1993.
Send abstracts (100 word maximum), audio-visual needs, and
registration fees ($60 professional and $20 student made payable to
TASP) to:
Dr. Don Lytle
Department of Physical Education
California State University, Chico 95929-0330.
Bitnet/E-Mail: DLYTLE@OAVAX.CSUCHICO.EDU; FAX: 916 898-4932;
Phone: {916} 898-6617 or 898-6373 {message}
[I wonder if they'd like a panel sesion on the Yucks Digest? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 21 Jan 93 22:17:48
From: GEOFF@wwg3.uovs.ac.za
Subject: you know its a bad day when...
To: spaf
[Some of these are quite old, but a few are new and some of you may
not have seen the whole list. --spaf]
You know that it is going to be a bad day when:
1. ...you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
2. ...the sun comes up in the west.
3. ...your horn gets stuck on the freeway, while you are riding
behind a group of Hells Angels.
4. ...the bluebird of happiness sitting outside your window is a
vulture.
5. ...the same pizza delivery truck has been parked on the opposite
side of the street for the past two weeks.
6. ...you get out of bed and you miss the floor.
7. ...your breakfast talks back to you.
8. ...all the television stations are broadcasting emergency exits
out of the city.
9. ...the morning news is giving live broacasts of mutiple
stories of thermo-nuclear detonations world-wide.
10. ...you go to sleep a man and you wake up a woman.
11. ...you go to sleep a woman and you wake up a man.
12. ...you wake up and there is a severed horse's head at the foot of
your bed.
13. ...there is a bunny rabbit in your stewpot.
14. ...Guns and Roses hold a charity concert in your backyard.
15. ...you wake up and your dead.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 1993 14:49:08 -0600
From: cdash@herky.cs.uiowa.edu (Charles M. Shub)
Subject: Yucks Digest V3 #3 (always mount a scratch zamboni)
To: spaf
> Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1993 13:25:24 -0800
> From: John R Mudd <jrm@pgroup.com>
> Subject: yucks submission
> To: spaf
>
> Seen in the Jan. 15, 1993 edition of the Oregonian (almost certainly off
> a--probably AP--news wire):
>
> Zamboni wrecking proves popular with Denver college hockey fans
>
as one of the witnesses to the above (yes, I DO get around) I can
report the following conversation with an unnamed official shortly
after the incident...
Me: Do you know why the second period is delayed?
Ref: yes
Me: Did you see it?
Ref: no, was it a penalty?
Me: I certainly thought so, but you wouldn't have called it!
These comments are more for hockey fans than yucksters, but you may
be bizarre enough to include them.
[I try to be as bizarre as possible --spaf]
By the way, the damage to the zamboni was minor. A piece of the RC
car jammed an auger, and the zamboni was fixed for the next
intermission.
------------------------------
From: theobald@duke.cs.mcgill.ca (Kevin THEOBALD)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: It's everywhere you want to be
Date: 21 Jan 93 08:20:03 GMT
[Footage of bombings in Sarajevo, gun battles, etc.:]
"Bosnia-Herzegovina continues to be ravaged by the worst fighting
in Europe since World War II. Rebel forces besieging Sarajevo
are mercilessly bombing the city to rubble as the terrified
population faces the prospect of mass starvation. In areas under
Serbian control, soldiers ruthlessly sweep through neighborhoods
and kill or expel all Muslims under the policy known as "ethnic
cleansing." The less-fortunate Bosnians are sent to Nazi-like
concentration camps, where they are tortured and starved. Many of
the women in these camps are gang-raped daily by Serbian soldiers."
[Shot of angry-looking gunman at checkpoint pointing rifle at camera,
shaking his head:]
"But if you think THIS is bad, just wait 'til you see what happens to
you if you don't have your VISA card. Because in Yugoslavia, they
don't tolerate ethnic diversity, and they DON'T take American Express!"
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
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