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Yucks Digest V1 #99
Yucks Digest Mon, 4 Nov 91 Volume 1 : Issue 99
Today's Topics:
ABDUCTED BAT IS BACK, BUT MYSTERY LINGERS
A few students comments....
Another Nifty Catalog
Big Science
computer virus ^2
dump terminal for sale
N.Y. Calls Liquor Ads `False'
Paper of Color
Scientific Marxism
Sig of the week
Squatters `Hijack' Stores
THE CHEQUE IS IN THE POST, NO SWEAT
THE STAGES OF COMPILATION
Town Throws Open Its Outhouses
Video Killed the Ovens
yuck
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----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 31 Oct 91 13:35:11 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: ABDUCTED BAT IS BACK, BUT MYSTERY LINGERS
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
ABDUCTED BAT IS BACK, BUT MYSTERY LINGERS
By Stephen Hunt, Salt Lake Tribune
Last year, shortly after Kris and Tyler Walton noticed an inflatable black
Halloween bat was missing from their porch, the Salt Lake couple began
receiving postcards from around the world signed by "Matt the Bat."
The cards -- usually indicating Matt was "having a good time" -- were
postmarked from New York, Florida, Mexico, Hawaii and Paris.
Mrs. Walton initially thought she was receiving the postcards by mistake.
But after reading a few of them carefully, she decided they must be linked to
her missing inflatable bat.
Some postcards promised Matt would return in time for Halloween.
Sunday night it happened, with Matt returning as mysteriously as he
disappeared. He was delivered at 11:30 p.m. by a neighbor claiming three
people she met on the street asked her to deliver the package.
The Waltons are still puzzling over that. But a dozen photos in the
package with Matt left no doubt the intrepid bat had been seeing the world.
The snapshots show Matt relaxing on a sandy beach, snorkeling in the ocean,
cooling off in a Virgin Islands hotel swimming pool and hanging out in front
of a Honolulu police station.
Though various pepole appear in the photos with Matt, there is no one the
Waltons recognize. "We're baffled," Mrs. Walton said.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 31 Oct 91 15:27:12 EST
From: Rich Boccuzzi <rboccuzz@cs.ulowell.edu>
Subject: A few students comments....
To: spaf
A friend of mine goes to Brown University. They have a
publication there called "The Critical Review." A section has
student comments on a class. Here are some of the more humorous:
Insights from Student Surveys
"He spoke, I had no clue, it was as mutal relationship."
"The book was written in some cryptographic jumbo."
"It (the course) made me realize that the universe is truly evil -- This
course is evil incarnate. I believe the professor may have been Satan
himself!"
"If our section was 'Romper Room', our TA would have been great. I'm
just surprised she didn't threaten to take recess away from us."
"When people start taking up all our class time with inane comments
and/or questions, (the professor) should puul out a bat and hit them."
"This professor was as dry as a dustbuster. (bad metaphor--bad
professor--bad class)."
"Today is May 1. Today is the first time I understood his lecture.
Need I say more?"
"6000 years of history in one semester! 10000 years of history in two
semesters!! If all I took at Brown were survey courses in ancient
cultures, I would have 132,000 years of history in 4 years."
"Time commitment--eternity."
"I think he thought he was running a discussion, however, I think it was
more of an entertainment program (starring him)."
"...the readings were like the meringue on a Baked Alaska - all fluff
and no satisfaction."
"Purpose--to drive you to insanity."
"[The professor] Always has these wonderful juice boxes each class that
make me thirsty."
"My TA was about as kind and helpful as a pit-bull on speed."
"His lectures could have substituted for by a tape of someone reading
the textbook (although I would have preferred Deep Purple)."
"[Professor was] zombie-like in appearance and style. I sort of wishhed
he would do something crazy in class just to prove he was alive."
"He couldn't have been less energetic unless he had a stroke."
"[Professor] is about as stimulating as watching corn grow. His only
talent is the ability to wear sexy purple shirts left over from the
70's."
"Sure you learned a lot but after studying you wanted to stick a lead
pipe up the prof's butt."
"The TA was sort of wishy-washy, kind of like Charlie Brown leading a
picnic or something."
"This course required some desire to read and a lot of desire to
bullshit."
"This class made me realize that I never want to be involved with the
humanities again. I am a biology major, because science matters , and
the humanities don't matter."
"The TA was very useful. He set up the slide projector every day and
turned out the lights."
"Each lecture was like a film production--I felt like I was spending an
hour a day in EPCOt every MWF."
"Any mention of a piece of concrete information was met with a sigh of
relief."
"My TA wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer--overall, I'd say she's a
few fries short of a Happy Meal."
"If Jesus want to Brown, he would take this course. (So would Buddha
and a few other really hip religious figures.)"
"[Professor was like Dr. Seuss with a physics degress."
"Soften up the lab technician with a Club Med vacation."
"My TA's big brown eyes and soft touch _definitely_ helped facilitate
understanding."
"Overall, he makes my All-Professor Team!"
"[Professor] is extremely intelligent, but drier then a [cafeteria] bagel."
"He's the pits! He actually said 'Anyone...anyone?' like that guy in
Ferris Bueller."
"Unbelieveable. It was like _Stand_ _and_ _Deliver_."
"He doesn't say things are definites; he will say somethings is timid,
yet bold, loud, yet quiet, etc... This is not necessarily bad, nor is it
necessarily good..."
"Nice wardrobe--the guy's got more clothes than I got brain cells."
"[Professor]'s speaking style was so fluid that his entire lecture
seemed to be comprised of one sentence; indeed, I often found myself
perched on the edge of my seat, waiting for an elusive verb to emanate
from his mouth."
"If he [the professor] was any more enthusiastic, he'd hae a heart
attack."
"[The sections] were about as useful as a sandbox in a desert."
"This class really made me think. Think about what I had for lunch, my
mail for the day, the Tetris I could be playing..."
"[Professor] has the annoying habit of starting at 9:55 and ending at
11:10 because 'the clocks in here are fast.' Is there a time warp in
here?"
"I must say though that _all_ of the TA's were very attractive womyn."
"Though sometimes the class was frustrating and hysteria-provoking, I
and my classmates bonded closely in this Vietnam-like experience."
How Did this course contibute to your educational experience?
Was this course intellectually satisfying, and if so, how?
"It was my educational experience this semester."
"Oh, stop it!"
"I've always hated this question. I abstain."
"Very much so, but it should be taken into account that I have an
intellectual level comparable to that of a mushroom."
"The students were so uniformly idiotic and obtuse that the intellectual
stimulation was little and far between."
"Seeing as I'm a senior, I'm less and less interested in things
academic."
"I don't really know what was missing, but somethings was. Maybe it was
me."
Describe possible ways for improving this course in the future:
"...make it 50 minutes long. No, better yet, 25 or 30 min."
"Coffee on I.V. -- the lectures could cause spontaneous narcolepsy."
"Remove [professor] from his catatonic trance."
"Reduce volume of material--don't try to create the world in sven days!!
That's God's job!!"
"Prof. could wear funny hats and dance the Mazurka."
"Less ecology, more beer."
"Change the prof. or force him to teach it differently (maybe tie him
down and beat him with our textbook until he acquiesces."
"Not enough emphasis on sex."
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 04 Nov 91 09:00:51 CST
From: Joe Wiggins <JWIGG@UAFSYSB.UARK.EDU>
Subject: Another Nifty Catalog
To: yucks
If you are in need of one or more of the following:
Giant deluxe cockroach, book on 'The Art of Kissing', potato gun,
ladybug magnifier, designer pocket protector, pygmy hippo mask,
elf shoes, bone-thru-head, umbrella hat, Hell Banknotes, outer
space passport, whining-cicada-with-blinking-eyes keyring, pink
lawn flamingo, rubber chicken, rubber brain (and other organs),
glow-in-the-dark squid, giant komodo dragon lizard, bug gun (bugs
as ammo not as target), Chinese ghost punching puppet, potato
or corn phone, bag o' nuns, voodoo doll, monkey clock, wooden
armadillo, or similar needs, then look no farther than:
The Collector's Edition #21 of Archie McPhee's catalog.
Archie McPhee
Outfitters of Popular Culture
P.O. Box 30852
Seattle, WA 98103
206-782-2344
(The catalog has a cover price of $2, but I imagine they'll
send you one free if you call or write.)
[Gee, who ISN'T in need of those things! I can't tell you what life
would be like without a wooden armadillo, a glow-in-the-dark squid, and
a rubber brain.... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 91 18:11:59 -0500
From: cromwell@ecn.purdue.edu (Bob Cromwell)
Subject: Big Science
For those new to this mailing list, the validity of the following
statement was tested:
"If you submerge a human tooth in Coca-cola overnight, it will dissolve."
Experimental apparatus and material:
Matt's powder scale, with an accuracy of 0.1 grains (1 grain
is 64.79891 mg, assuming that the "units" program uses the
version of grains used for gunpowder....)
Two human teeth, molars; one of them a rather large wisdom
tooth with large filling (from a man in his 50's!).
The teeth were autoclaved after removal, and thoroughly dried. Each
tooth was weighed, and then placed in a glass container with 6 fluid
ounces of Classic Coke for a period of approximately 72 hours. They
were removed, briefly soaked in water, and allowed to air-dry for 48
hours. They were then weighed again. The results:
Tooth Original weight Post-soaking weight
small 20.9 grains 20.3 grains (-2.87%)
large 55.4 grains 54.5 grains (-1.62%)
However, a piece of what appeared to be connective tissue attached to
the root of the larger tooth was observed to break away after the
initial soak, so a significant amount of change for that tooth may
be due to that loss.
I discussed these results with my dad, who provided the experimental
teeth. Oddly enough, this was a topic not covered in dental school.
He asked me if we used a diet variety, saying that he would expect
significantly increased erosion with diet drinks. His experience has
shown that people with high intake of particular diet carbonated beverages
have remarkable erosion of their teeth. One patient reported consuming
10-12 such beverages every day, and another person consumed one or two
2-liter bottles every day. At such high intake levels, the palatal
surfaces of their teeth may be etched like those of bulemia patients,
who periodically expose theirs to stomach acid. I have no idea about
the effects on the kidneys or bladder....
So far, all we have verified is:
"If you submerge a human tooth in Coca-cola overnight, it will turn
a really dark shade of brown."
However, it has raised another interesting question:
"Just how much carbonated beverage can a human consume regularly?"
So, if you, or someone you know, consumes more than 12 individual beverages
or more than two 2-liter bottles on a typical day, please let me know.
I'll summarize the results for the group. Meanwhile, we'll repeat the
experiment with Diet Coke.
Scientifically,
Bob
------------------------------
Date: Mon Nov 4 19:42:56 EST 1991
From: spaf
Subject: computer virus ^2
We've heard all about the usual stealth computer viruses and "armored"
viruses that are being written these days. It seems that in some
places the writing of nasty viruses has become a national pasttime.
Some of these authors delight in finding new methods of damage and
camouflage. The problem has mainly been for IBM PCs, and the most
sophisticated virus-writing has been in Bulgaria and the USSR.
Now, however, we have a new and far worse problem from South America,
according to the November 12th issue of the "Weekly World News."
[This is the "newspaper" you may find at supermarket checkout lines
with the kind of headlines you don't see in the more mainstream media.
Obviously, a conspiracy by the mainstream media. The November 12th issue
is headlined with "Ohio Woman has a 3rd Eye -- in the back of her head!"]
On page 7, there is an article by one Sally O'Day, "special to the WWN,"
and entitled: "Demon Computer Kills 2 Workers!" It is subtitled "Exorcist
called in after experts discover virus-bred evil spirit!"
The article goes on to explain how a computer system installed in a bank in
Valparaiso, Chile is possessed by a demon. A consultant from the computer
company that installed the system claims that it must be the result of a
virus installing an evil demon that has caused:
* observers to see a hideous horned demon appear on the screen
* anyone who tries to turn off the machine to black out and fall to the
floor
* Carmen de la Fuente to have a fatal heart attack within 2 minutes of
sitting down at the terminal
* Maria Catalan to be found sitting at the terminal with her head in her
lap [decapitated, I presume, rather than a contortionist]
* a computer expert to began babbling like a madman when he got within
10 feet of the terminal
This brings up many interesting questions:
-- How long before commercial anti-virus vendors start advertising
that their products work against this type of virus?
-- Does the exorcism ritual end with extinguishing the candle, closing
the book, and sounding the BEL?
-- Could this actually be the result of using Ada rather than a virus?
-- Do you know any computer experts who don't begin to babble when
within 10 feet of a computer?
-- Does normal business insurance cover an exorcism?
-- Maybe it's a Unix system and this is the first time they've seen
the sendmail daemon?
-- Will Fred Cohen allow this to be entered in his virus-writing contest?
Or, it could be that Ms. O'Day has recently seen the movie
"Evilspeak"?
[If you have yet to see the movie, rush right out and rent it. Lay in
a supply of beer and pizza, and invite the neighbors over. It is a
classic wherein a nerdy Ken Howard (Ron's little brother -- the one who
used to hang out with Gentle Ben) summons up the devil on an Apple II
computer. He should have guessed something was amiss when he started
getting Stardent-level graphics on his little Apple, and when it
started demanding blood sacrifices. The credits include mention of the
"stunt demons" and "Satan's Sows." Not to be missed.]
Hey, it must be true if they printed it, right? :-)
------------------------------
Date: 1 Nov 91 14:53:44 GMT
From: yeung@en.ecn.purdue.edu (Augustus W Yeung)
Subject: dump terminal for sale
Newsgroups: purdue.forsale
a dump terminal for sale. $100 firm with modem.
email gus at yeung@en.ecn
gus
[Hmmm, I guess any terminal made by a $100 firm with a modem is
bound to be a dump terminal, eh? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 1 Nov 91 21:18:55 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: N.Y. Calls Liquor Ads `False'
To: yucks-request
NEW YORK (AP)
A California malt liquor company, already under fire from rap star
Chuck D over its ad campaign, was ripped Friday by New York State
officials who want its "false, misleading and obscene" advertisements
pulled.
"The messages in these ads are clear. Claims are made that men who
drink malt liquor will have success in seducing women," state
Consumer Protection Board head Richard M. Kessel said.
"The lyrics, performed by popular rap artists, clearly demean the
black community, women and society as a whole," he said.
The offensive ads cited by Kessel feature rapper Ice Cube, and
promise St. Ides Malt Liquor will "put hair on your chest," "get your
girl in the mood quicker," and improve sexual prowess.
A second ad promised St. Ides was "guaranteed" to get women
undressed and "make her talk about the birds and the bees." Malt
liquor is generally about 8 percent alcohol, nearly double the
alcohol content of beer.
Kessel, joined by state Division of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse
Director Marguerite T. Saunders, wrote the federal Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco and Firearms about the ad campaign for St. Ides.
"The explicit language ... encourages youthful drinking and casual
sex and glamorizes street life. This irresponsible marketing strategy
must be stopped," they wrote. The letter derided the "false,
misleading, obscene or indecent representations" in the ads.
St. Ides' parent company, the McKenzie River Corp. of San
Francisco, had no immediate comment on the ad flap. The only person
authorized to speak to the media was out of the office Friday, the
company said.
Earlier this year, Chuck D of the rap group Public Enemy sued
McKenzie River over its alleged use of his voice in one of its ads.
He has repeatedly condemned malt liquor companies for marketing the
high alcohol drink exclusively to blacks.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 4 Nov 91 09:55:44 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Paper of Color
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
Reported in the November 1991 *Harper's Magazine*:
>From an announcement by the Harvard Divinity School's Recycling
Coordinator in the February 16-22 issue of *The Nave*, the school's
weekly newsletter. Soon after the notice was published, the school's
recycling bins were relabeled "bleached paper" and "dyed paper."
Someone changed the recycling sign in Rock entryway from "colored
paper" to "paper of color." If this was meant as a joke, I don't
think it's funny. If it was done because of a legitimate concern
about language usage, please let me know by leaving a note in my
mailbox.
-- Ellen Jennings, Recycling Coordinator
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 4 Nov 91 09:54:29 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Scientific Marxism
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
>From an article in this week's *SF Weekly* on Cuba:
"They call this scientific Marxism," said one, bitter at the
lack of opportunities and angry at the government. "But if it
were really scientific, they would have tried it out on rats
first."
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 1 Nov 91 12:20:42 est
From: Patrick Tufts <zippy@filbert.cs.brandeis.edu>
Subject: Sig of the week
To: spaf, d.rhee@csi.compuserve.com, waterman@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu
Return-Path: <rissa@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us>
From: Lazlo Nibble <lazlo@triton.unm.edu>
Date: Wed, 30 Oct 91 9:33:14 MST
--
Lazlo (lazlo@triton.unm.edu)
"Conan! What is best in life?"
"Krraash yor animees. See dam driffen bafore you,
ant heer da lamentations uff deir wimmen."
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 3 Nov 91 20:31:53 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Squatters `Hijack' Stores
To: yucks-request
LONDON (AP)
When Martin Barnett tried to open his Sofa Sleepers shop one
weekend morning, he said he couldn't get in. He said squatters had
moved in during the night, renamed the store the Madhouse Superstore,
and began selling cheap T-shirts, women's underwear and videos.
"It's aggravation, sickening and disgusting," said Barnett, who
had two weeks left on his lease and was running a clearance sale when
his shop was hijacked a couple of months ago.
Barnett's plight is hardly unique. Professional squatters have
taken over empty or closing shops in places like Oxford Street,
London's main shopping street; the fashionable King's Road in
Chelsea; and Edgeware Road, where Barnett's shop was located.
And because of a legal loophole such a practice is not considered
criminal.
Allan Sayers, chief executive of the British Shops and Stores
Association, says there have been as many as 30 professional squats
at a time in London.
On a broader scale, the government's Home Office believes there
could be 60,000 residential and professional squats in England and
Wales, according to a spokeswoman, who wasn't identified in
accordance with government practice. She said she couldn't break out
the number of professional squats.
Under a law enacted in 1977, squatting is criminal only if
violence is used to take over a premises, or if legitimate residents
are prevented from living in their own home. Otherwise squatting is a
civil matter, and professional squatters can stay in business for
weeks while victims obtain a court injunction. Then they move on to
their next squat.
In the United States, police could move quickly to evict and
prosecute squatters under criminal trespass laws.
"The time has come for the law to be strengthened," Home Secretary
Kenneth Baker told the House of Commons recently. "The present law is
not adequate to deal with this."
The government is currently considering making more types of
squatting criminal, punishable by six months in prison and an $8,600
fine.
The Property Managers Association, however, advocates speeding up
the civil cases as a quicker solution, according to Peter Young, the
group's president.
To keep out squatters, the Boots drug store chain loans its empty
premises to charities that sell second-hand clothing, said spokesman
Martin Wakeling.
Squatters normally go after empty stores, and Britain's recession
has given them a wide choice. Small independent shops in high traffic
areas are the most vulnerable.
Believed to be operating in gangs, squatters break into premises
under the cover of darkness and change the locks.
If there is stock in the store, the squatters move it to the back
room, and quickly bring in their owns goods, said Sally Collinson, a
spokeswoman for the Oxford Street Association.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 31 Oct 91 13:50:11 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: THE CHEQUE IS IN THE POST, NO SWEAT
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
From the Irish Times, Saturday 26th October 1991...
THE CHEQUE IS IN THE POST, NO SWEAT
The smell of sweat from men's armpits is being used to prduce bills that
really get up your nose - and are more likely to be paid on time.
The British company which discovered and patented the technique is offering
the substance to respectable debt-collection agencies.
The secret lies in the sweat men produce from their armpits and groins. It
contains a pheromone called adrostenone, also found in animals,
which gives off a chemical "aggresion" message.
Sprayed on to the paper used for bills or mixed in the printer's ink, it can
have a subconcious effect on the recipient - making him or her more likely
to pay up, the company says.
Mr David Chaddock, managing director of Bodywise, which markets the
substance under the name Aeolus 7, said yesterday : "It's the subconcious
equivalent of red print. It says: `This letter comes from a person who
means business, who is not to be messed with'."
Pheremones are chemical substances animals use for communicating with one
another, but they are also present in humans.
Bodywise obtained its patent after setting up a trial in Australia in which
a firm selling mail-order cosmetics sent out 1,000 bills, half of which were
treated with Aeolus 7. It was found that 17 per cent more people receiving
treated bills paid up than those who were sent odour-free bills. - (PA)
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 4 Nov 91 09:59:38 -0800
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: THE STAGES OF COMPILATION
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU
From: Mateo.Burtch@Eng.Sun.COM (Room 101)
Subject: YADFH (Yet Another Damn Friday Hack)
Hi. This isn't exactly a hack, and thus probably doesn't deserve to be
called a "Friday Hack," but SOOOOO many people have been coming up to me
in the shower, saying, Please, tell us the secrets of how the compilation
process works, that I finally decided to share with you the old family
recipe for:
THE STAGES OF COMPILATION
SOURCE FILE: This is the basic "code" that the engineer writes. The
compiler will take code such as
dweeble(flab, krimjaw)
sneet flab *(**smicknat[])(blugnut);
blook krimjaw;
{
blark snapdaddle liederhosen ;
if (fleb <= OAK_TREE)
while (trousers(liederhosen))
thud;
else
brick(flab);
}
and turn it into output that means, roughly, "point the hose away from
yourself while watering."
Obviously, the compiler is a lot smarter than we are.
PREPROCESSOR: The preprocessor takes all sorts of special directives,
like #ifdefs, and converts them into conditional statements (known as
"#ifdefs") that the compiler uses to prepare the file (or "#ifdef") for
processing. (This is a technical simplification that is in most, if not
all, aspects wrong.)
The preprocessor also strips the source file of comments (not to be
confused with #ifdefs), leaving it a shaken husk of its former self.
These comments are then pieced together by a separate function and used
for insulation in Building 12.
COMPILER: The heart of the whole process. The compiler takes the
language words, such as "if," "for," and "help!" and turns it into the
bits, bytes, and subroutines that give employment to a whole host of
socially challenged people.
OPTIMIZATION: This stage makes the generated code as efficient as
possible. The optimizer does this by carefully trimming the odd and
dangly parts off of numerals like "5" and "9" until all the numbers are
either "1"s or "0"s.
ASSEMBLER: The assembler takes "machine code" (low-level instructions
done by poorly-paid workers in windowless sweatshops called "assembler
lines") and does something with it.
LINKER: Before we're done, we must link together all the various object
files with libraries containing macros and canned routines. Don't ask
why--it's like salmon swimming upstream to spawn. You just do it.
These libraries perform a special job in the grand pageant known as
programming. The pre-written macros and functions they contain allow the
programmer to save valuable time when writing a program, while the arcane
linker options and obscure environment variables slow the programmer down
just as much. This is known as "run-time equilibrium" and is rather
similar to horizontal bungee-jumping.
EXECUTABLE: This is the final product, the finished masterpiece,
the piece de resistance of the whole process. This file is what
the engineer had in mind when he or she started out.
It's called "core."
--Mateo
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 4 Nov 91 12:02:08 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Town Throws Open Its Outhouses
To: yucks-request
ANNVILLE, Pa. (AP)
Doors shut for most of their existence flew open as scores of
sightseers were made privy to outhouse history.
Participants in Lebanon County's First Outhouse Talk and Walk
ventured into back yards and alleys Sunday to peek at what folks used
before modern sewers came to Annville in the 1960s.
"I didn't know there was so much interest in our subject," said
Tanya Richter, a member of the preservation group that organized the
commode confab.
The group brought in Gus Hickok of Dillsburg, who shot pictures of
latrines for a recent book on outhouse history.
Hickok, a former employee of the Pennsylvania Historical Museum
Commission and a font of bathroom humor, said the outhouse in its
prime rarely lent itself to levity.
"In our grandparents' day, there was no outhouse humor. And if
there was, it wouldn't come in the house," he said.
Many of Annville's outhouses have fallen into disrepair or have
been converted into garden sheds.
Some, such as the 58-year-old specimen in 94-year-old Herman
Gebhart's yard, have been preserved, seats and all. Gebhart hasn't
used his outhouse in years.
The outhouse doors bear the symbols of a time when many could not
read. A half-moon meant an outhouse for women; males entered through
a star-emblazoned door.
During a slide show, Hickok lamented the passing of what he called
a piece of Americana. His last slide showed a portable toilet of the
variety seen at concerts and fairs.
"This is what we've come to," he said. "A Johnny-on-the-Spot.
That's what's left of the outhouse."
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 1 Nov 91 18:18:22 PST
From: one of our correspondents
Subject: Video Killed the Ovens
To: yucks-request
Video Closes A Crematorium
NEW YORK (AP)
The videotape featured no sound, no characters and no action
except smoke rising from a stack. However minimalist, it helped close
a Manhattan crematorium that neighbors accused of emitting smoke, ash
and the odor of burnt human flesh and hair.
"It smelled like someone was grilling on a barbecue," said
Jeanette Perry, who shot the video. "Grilling flesh."
The 47-year-old telephone company employee lives across from
Trinity Church Cemetery on a hill overlooking the Hudson River.
Several years ago, Mrs. Perry noticed dark smoke pouring from the
squat stack of the cemetery's crematorium. Ashes blew in her
apartment windows, clouding her television screen and turning her
white curtains grey.
She developed postnasal drip, and sometimes felt nauseous.
The bucolic final resting place of naturalist John J. Audubon,
"Night Before Christmas" author Clement C. Moore and assorted Astors,
Trinity Cemetery today finds itself surrounded by impoverished west
Harlem. It's Manhattan's largest cemetery, and its last active one.
But the graveyard is almost full, and now only church members can
be buried there. Members of the public are lodged in a mausoleum.
Since ashes cost less to store, cremation became increasingly popular.
Trinity's was the last human crematorium in Manhattan one of four
in the city and its ovens were kept busy.
Edward McGowan, a retired Methodist preacher, would sit in the
study of his apartment across the street as smoke flowed from the
granite-clad smokestack. He suffers from emphysema, but could not
close the window last summer because of the heat.
On the sixth floor, Dr. Susan Williams' asthma got worse, and her
roommate developed the condition. Other residents complained of
respiratory problems and nausea.
Mrs. Perry, meanwhile, wrote to the mayor, the district Democratic
leader, the community planning board and a television station all to
no avail.
Trinity Church is one of New York's oldest, richest and most
influential churches, and its officials insisted the crematorium
fumes were doing no harm.
Finally, a neighborhood environmental group took up Mrs. Perry's
cause.
Trinity officials "thought they'd ignore a bunch of black folks,"
charged Ann Rocker, the group's chairwoman. "That just made us work
harder."
At the group's behest, city and state experts visited the
crematorium. They found its stack was too low and its ovens could not
maintain the legally required temperature of 1,400 degrees it takes
to cremate a corpse.
But inspectors were never around when the smoke rose which gave
Mrs. Perry an idea: "I figured we have this video camera, let's put
it to good use."
She'd sit in her bedroom, waiting for smoke, feeling like someone
in St. Peter's Square after a pope's death. She'd shoot for 15
minutes at a time, zooming in for effect.
The video nailed the crematorium's coffin.
The state and city concluded it was substandard, and cemetery
executives decided the cost of an upgrade was prohibitive. Last month
they closed it.
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 1 Nov 91 10:38:33 -0800
From: brian@UCSD.EDU (Brian Kantor)
Subject: yuck
To: spaf
"Moose do not have the vote so as far as most politicians are concerned
they do not count. The silent majority rarely attends public meetings and
never writes letters to the editor. They do not demand jobs or housing.
Regardless, I am one legislator who thinks that not only do moose deserve
a hearing, but that specific moose questions deserve more consideration
in our political forums." - Yukon Premier Tony Penikett, from _Another
Lost Whole Moose Catalog_
[Courtesy Robert_Broughton@mindlink.bc.ca]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 31 Oct 91 16:24 EST
From: rutgers!pdn.paradyne.com!reggie (George Leach)
To: spaf
>From the St Petersburg Times (10/31/91)
"Do the crime; face the (bad) music"
Associated Press
KEY WEST - The crime: playing reggae too loudly.
The punishment: inescapable elevator music.
A man charged with violating a local noise ordinance must subject
himself to two hours of easy-listening music as punishment for playing his
Jamaican Jam tape too loudly on a downtown corner during the wee hours, a
judge has ruled.
After Monroe County Judge Wayne Miller found Zachary Brown guilty
of the second-degree misdemeanor Tuesday, he set out to learn what type of
music Brown didn't like.
First, he asked the office who wrote Brown up what sounds she enjoyed.
Kathy Daniels is from Texas, and she mentioned a popular country artist. "I
prefer Garth Brooks."
So the judge tried out a few country singers on the dreadlocked Brown,
who told him he didn't mind them.
The judge tried again. Jimi Hendrix?
"I told him of course I like Jimi Hendrix," Brown said afterward.
"Everyone who knows me knows I like Jimi Hendrix. Jimi's like my spiritual
brother."
Lawrence Welk?
"I said I could listen to him, but it doesn't necessarily mean I
would purchase his music."
Ultimately, Miller settled on 101 Strings (my parents like this - gwl),
an orchestra known for its all-strings instrumental versions of pop songs.
(Old folks don't even know they are popular tunes - gwl)
Miller withheld adjudication of guilt, giving Brown 30 days to complete
his sentence. Brown must listen to the music at the public library and get a
note from a librarian as proof.
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------