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[richard welty: classic humor from the net]

Some people are even weirder than we are....

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Date:    Mon, 10 Dec 90 15:50:00 -0500 
From:    richard welty <welty@lewis.crd.ge.com>
To:      eniac@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
Subject: classic humor from the net

i've recently started putting together a collection
of the writings of one of the most important writers
of rec.autos for all time, Freddie "Waste-o" Wojiekowicz.
these have been placed in the rec.autos archive, here
on lewis.crd.ge.com

while those of you who hang out in rec.autos have no doubt
seen these, many eniac types have probably never encountered
Waste-o, and so i thought i'd pass along a sample.  the
remainder may be fetched via email from the rec.autos
archive server.

cheers,
  richard
- -----------

>From Shasta!labrea!decwrl!decvax!ucbvax!ucbcad!ames!ptsfa!ihnp4!ihlpa!fish Wed
 Mar 25 08:57:39 PST 1987
Article 1125 of rec.autos:
Path: Shasta!labrea!decwrl!decvax!ucbvax!ucbcad!ames!ptsfa!ihnp4!ihlpa!fish
>From: fish@ihlpa.ATT.COM (Waste-o Wojiekowicz)
Newsgroups: rec.autos
Subject: Waste-o Meets Bigfoot
Message-ID: <3386@ihlpa.ATT.COM>
Date: 24 Mar 87 18:41:43 GMT
Organization: Stumpy's Janitor Service
Lines: 64
Keywords: 4WD Mayhem

Hey guys I'm back and 55 sucks and all that.  Sorry I haven't been around for a
while but like Fish never lets me in here any more cause he says his boss wants
him to do all this boring engineering crap and like he wouldn't even give me  h
is
password for a while but I fixed him up with Jimmys mom she's like a nymphomani
ac
and that loosened him up a little bit even though he had to sneak out of Jimmys
house in his underwear cause Jimmys dad came home.  So anyway I been havin a gr
eat
time all winter we like went to the mud races at the Rosemont and saw all these
tractors and trucks and sh*t makin all kinds a noise and smokin the place up
pullin these sleds but like the star of the show was this Bigfoot thing its lik
e
a pickup truck except its got these big ass tires and the headers shootin fire
out the sides and everything and they was drivin it all over the mud and then
they brought out a bunch of new cars and like they even had a new Trans Am and
it was real sharp lookin except it wouldn't touch  my '73 but  like they lined
them all up and drove this Bigfoot thing over the top of them and smashed them
all up and it was real neat except when they smashed up the Trans Am it like
pissed me off a little.  So like we went and got some beer after the show and
we was drivin around drinkin it and it was like snowin real bad and we was
slidin all over the place doin donuts and stuff and thats real easy cause like
my tires are bald but we like skidded up to this stop light about 1:30 in the
morning and what do ya know heres a truck like the Bigfoot thing except the
tires wasn't as big but it was still all jacked up and everything and there
was this redneck drivin it he  like had on this cowboy hat  and one of them
sheepskin jackets and he got real pissed off when we slid into him even though
we just hit his goddam tires and that didn't do anything but he like gets
out of the cab and climbs down on to my  hood with his sh*tkicker boots
and bangs on the window so I like rolls it down and he grabs me by the
collar and says Looks Like Ah Just Found Mah Self A Dead Hippie and he's fixin
to like punch me out except Jimmy got out of the car and busted a Southern
Comfort bottle over his head and that laid him out cold but Phil got mad then
cause the bottle was half full but it was like an emergency and everything
and besides we still had three six packs of Old Style anyway.  So like we
picked up the redneck and threw him in the back of his truck and that took
all three of us cause he was kind a fat and the bed was real high but like
the cab was open and the motor was running  and everything and I like got this
idea so I went and parked the Trans Am  a couple of blocks away and we like
piled into the Bigfoot thing and took off.  Like it was real neat it went
right through the snow like it wasn't even there and like we drove it over
a bunch of mailboxes and stuff and took out a picket fence in some guys yard
and wiped out his bird bath and we was laughin about that for a while but then
I see this used car lot up on the corner and it gave me an idea.  I drove the
Bigfoot thing up to the back of this Toyota and put it in 4WD and like tried to
drive up over the top of it but the tires really wasn't big enough and I just
pushed the Toyota into the car in front of it but there was this ramp thing
at the end of the lot that they like used to put up cars they wanted everybody
to see and it was like empty so I pushed it over to the Toyota and then I like
got back about a hundred feet and headed for the ramp and sure enough we went 
up over the top and Bigfoot comes down on the Toyota and crushes it like an
eggshell.  The only trouble is that we like can't get moving again cause we
landed square on top of the Toyota and all four wheels was off the ground
and the redneck was starting to stir in the back anyway so we like jumped
out of the cab and ran off but we left him half a sixpack in the front seat
just cause we felt kind of bad about stealin  his truck but we had a good
time anyway.  So we walked back to the Trans Am and started her up and then
we drove back to where the used car lot was to see if the redneck got his truck
out of there and like the cops was there and  they had  him in handcuffs like
I guess  they thought  he was drunk cause of them three beers we left him and
the Southern Comfort that got spilled all over him when the bottle busted.
Oh well it serves him right I mean they never shoulda busted up that Trans Am
at the Rosemont. Like Fish says Ain't Nothing Sacred?
- -- 
  o.        ___
 o.oo..   _/T/A\_-__		Waste-o Wojiekowicz
  o..ooo.)-O-----O--`		ihnp4!ihlpa!fish

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