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you won't get your pudding if you don't read your wierd...

------- Forwarded Message

From: kds@blabla.intel.com (Ken Shoemaker)
Date: Tue, 28 Aug 90 08:19:12 PDT

August 19, 1990

HIS LEGAL TROUBLES ARE MULTIPLYING

Smyrna, Tenn., lawyer John Kersey pleaded guilty to assault in July and
agreed to get counseling and give up his law license for five years.  A
divorce client had accused him in May of locking her in his office,
demanding that she answer questions based on schoolbook multiplication
tables and spanking her.  Since May, 11 other clients have come forward with
similar tales.

THAT'LL TEACH THEM

James Murphy, 40, was arrested for criminal mischief in Ronan, Mont., in
March after he came upon a motorcycle parked outside the home of a former
girlfriend and assumed it belonged to her new male friend.  Murphy, on
horseback and wearing a full ammunition belt, roped the bike, dragged it
onto the lawn, shot it several times with a .30-.30 rifle and galloped away.

After a 14-year-old girl argued with her older sister in Vaughan, Ontario,
in February over the relative merits of two figure skaters performing on
television, she went to the garage, loaded a .22-caliber rifle and peppered
the family home with seven shots.

The wedding of Belinda Mansell and John Robert in rural Napoleon, Mo., in
March was abruptly halted when Mansell's father demanded that his daughter
be married in a dress and not the pants and blouse she was wearing.  The
father, the groom and the bride's brother continued to fight outside the
church until the brother was wounded by gunshot.

AM I BLUE?

In April, Kirsten Madsen and her husband sued a Nashville hospital for $4
million for causing her emotional distress by referring to her just-born
baby, who was covered in a harmless blue dye used in a medical test, as
"Smurfette."

Lonnie and Karen Boozer files a $1 million lawsuit against Disneyland for
several incidents last October.  They charge that guards hassled them for
allegedly shoplifting an item for which they had a receipt (which the guards
for several hours refused to look at) and for having dried-fruit bar in a
knapsack ("no outside food allowed").  While they were being detained, they
saw several actors dressed as Mickey Mouse and other Disney characters
apparently leave work for a break and remove the heads on their costumes,
thus traumatizing their 4-year-old daughter so that she needed psychotherapy
for three months afterward.

BE A SPORT

Stan Fox won $108,000 for finishing last in this year's Indianapolis 500.
He drove only 10 laps before a gear box problem forced him out.

Basketball player Scott Skiles, the Orlando Magic's ninth-leading scorer
last season, won a fans' poll in April as the most valuable player on the
team.  Skiles is white; the top eight scorers are black.

In balloting at a hockey tournament sponsored by the Hartland (New
Brunswick) Evangel Assembly earlier this year, Gary Adams was presented the
plaque as "Most Christ-Like Player."

St. Paul, Minn., adult basketball programs were canceled in February because
some players were taking the game too seriously, according to a spokesman.
The final incident saw Albert Simmons, 24, wounded by gunfire after a
disputed foul call.

August 26, 1990

BOUNCY BALL BRINGS $2 MILLION SUIT

Michael Rubin, a Los Angeles lawyer specializing in personal-injury cases,
filed a $2 million lawsuit in June against his neighbor, tax lawyer Kenneth
Schild, whose basketball was making too much noise bouncing on his backyard
court.  Schild said Rubin threatened to trespass to forcibly prevent him
from playing and once squirted Schild and his son with a hose to get them to
stop.  Rubin's lawsuit named as defendants Schild, his two kids, his lawyer
and his psychologist, and he filed separately against the maker of the
backyard basketball hoop.

LATEST TESTOSTERONE SURGES

Howard DeYoung, owner of a Dorr, Mich., Radio Shack, was arrested in July on
charges that he had secretly videotaped his young female employees' sexual
activities after first encouraging them to use the store after hours for
meeting their boyfriends.  DeYoung was contemplating selling his store
because, he said, "It's pretty hard to get somebody to come work for me
right now."

A London minister and police chaplain, described as a "gifted preacher," was
sentenced to 18 months in jail in June.  He was convicted of luring young
girls into posing naked for him by telling them that they would be
illustrating "kidnap and rescue" stories for the church magazine.

CHUTZPAH

Daniel R. Wyman had just been found guilty of driving with a suspended
license and had been released from the courtroom in Kenosha, Wis., in
February.  The judge walked outside to see if Wyman would drive away from
the courthouse, which he did, whereupon the judge had him arrested again.

Glynn "Scotty" Wolfe, 81, a Baptist minister in Blythe, Calif., announced in
July that he would soon divorce his 27th wife, Daisy, 19, after five years
together, in order to marry her 15-year-old sister.

Authorities at the Guilford County, N.C., jail admitted prisoner Robert Roy
Goines was able to smuggle a .25-caliber pistol into the jail on June 30
despite having been searched twice by officers.  He said he hid it between
the cheeks of his buttocks.

Stanley Adams, unsuccessful candidate for governor in Texas this year and
implicated by the government (but not charged) in a fraud conspiracy, listed
his occupation in campaign filing papers as "alleged white-collar
racketeer."

Rev. W.N. Otwell, another Texas gubernatorial candidate, declared in May
that the floods and other natural disasters that have bedeviled Texas since
1986 are the Lord's retribution for all the attacks on Otwell.  Said Otwell,
"We've been keeping stats on this."

GRUDGES

Doug Pearson, 47, shot himself to death in Melbourne Beach, Fla., in May
after taking a hostage inside the church for which he was building committee
chairman.  He was upset that the committee outvoted him to add trim to the
copper steeple and to remove the baseboards inside, which he had personally
installed.

John Otis Jones, 37, smashed windows of six police cars in Aurora, Colo., in
March and explained to police when they arrested him that he was still angry
at having been wrongfully jailed for 40 days in 1987 because of a mistaken
identity.

In a front-page editorial last Dec. 7, 48 years after Pearl Harbor, the
Everett (Mass.) Leader took the time to wish "the Japanese people the
greeting of the season and wish them a catastrophic earthquake.  They bombed
us when most of our fellows were on their knees praying (on a Sunday
morning)."

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