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Yucks Digest V4 #25
Yucks Digest Tue, 6 Sep 94 Volume 4 : Issue 25
Today's Topics:
... we could tell you, but then we'd have to shoot you.
Airline seating policy
a man of the cloth
And the Funky Hostname Award for this week goes to:
Computer books and detergent
Computer books and detergent and bodice-rippers, oh my
fun german words...
Getta Loada This!
Get the toad off the ship.
Good communal coffee (was burned McLady)
How I stopped worrying and learned to love C++
It's been nice knowing you.
More strange inquiries from AOL....
Nah, it was just some sort of strange fetish
Quote of the day
some people have entirely too much time on their hands
Spooked yet?
Talking Toilet Seats
yucks
Yucks Digest V4 #22 (shorts) (2 msgs)
Yucks Digest V4 #23 (3 long ones)
The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual,
the sometimes risque, the possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.
It is issued on a semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present
themselves.
Back issues and subscriptions can be obtained using a mail server. Send
mail to "yucks-request@cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the single
word "help" for instructions.
Submissions and problem reports should be sent to spaf@cs.purdue.edu
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Sun, 4 Sep 1994 21:06:19 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: ... we could tell you, but then we'd have to shoot you.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: Wendell Craig Baker <wbaker@splat.baker.com>
From: http://www.microsoft.com/chicago/ms-www/ms-intro.htm
> The "Chicago" Project
>
> Here you will find the latest and greatest information on Microsoft's
> Windows "Chicago" project. Windows "Chicago", the newest member of the
> Windows family, is due to release... well - we could tell you, but then
> we'd have to shoot you. Anyway, check this out to find out how the latest
> breaking news on this exciting technology.
Willya now.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 4 Sep 1994 10:42:25 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Airline seating policy
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Peter Langston <psl@acm.org>
Forwarded-by: Doug Rudoff <doug.rudoff@mccaw.com>
From: duwamish@halcyon.com (Gary Teter)
In article <341srp$89f@rztsun.tu-harburg.de>,
et3pl@tuhhco.rz.tu-harburg.de (Paul Linden) wrote:
>Does anyone know if airlines have a policy for where on a plane
>they seat passengers?
Yes. Tall people must fly coach. Fat people get the window seat (and are
served a diuretic). Mothers with small children sit together in a group,
as far from the toilet as possible. Lonely salespeople sit next to people
carrying either books or pillows. Dead people go with the checked
baggage. Cremated dead people go with the carry-on luggage. Vultures go
with the carryon as well.
[Yeah, and I get to sit between the very nervous guy clutching the rosary and
Bible, and the somewhat unkempt individual reeking of gin and holding the
airsickness bag at the ready. However, I recite lines from old Yucks digests
and get them to ask the flight attendant if they can move. Muttering "I must
find a more suitable host body" seems to work well. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 31 Aug 1994 10:45:39 -0700
From: brian@nothing.ucsd.edu (Brian Kantor)
Subject: a man of the cloth
To: yucks, yucks@ucsd.UCSD.EDU
Path: network.ucsd.edu!ihnp4.ucsd.edu!agate!agate!satin.hell!lucifer
From: lucifer@satin.hell (Lucifer)
Newsgroups: alt.hackers
Subject: 666 DEATH 666
Organization: Death
Approved: but of course
I AM SATIN!!!
DIE!!!! hahahah
[Dan Quayle posts to alt.hackers? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 1 Sep 1994 16:26:37 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: And the Funky Hostname Award for this week goes to:
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Sean Eric Fagan <sef@kithrup.com>
From: Egotists Anonymous (koreth@spud.Hyperion.COM)
Subject: And the Funky Hostname Award for this week goes to:
129_179_75_12.cdc.com
Now, I've heard of uncreative host naming, but that's ridiculous.
[At least they didn't use the Ethernet address. -spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 3 Sep 1994 12:23:29 -0400
From: Patrick Tufts <zippy@cs.brandeis.edu>
Subject: Computer books and detergent
When did computer how-to books come to be colored and lettered like
detergent boxes? (Come to think of it, WiReD bears a strong
resemblance to Whisk.)
I was in Wordsworth's the other day and there was *row* after *row* of
orange and black striped book spines with titles like "New Improved
DOS for Dummies!" and "Perfume Free SQL+ with Bleach!".
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 03 Sep 94 17:53:36 EDT
From: SEFisher@aol.com
Subject: Computer books and detergent and bodice-rippers, oh my
To: eniac
> When did computer how-to books come to be colored and lettered like
> detergent boxes? [. . .] I was in Wordsworth's the other day and there
> was *row* after *row* of orange and black striped book spines with
> titles like "New Improved DOS for Dummies!"
IDG's "* for Dummies" series has to take much of the blame for this.
It's been wildly successful, with the original DOS for Dummies having
spawned not only a vast legion of IDG books with increasingly
ungraceful titles ("Word for Windows for Dummies" springs to mind),
but also whole copycat series from other publishers who want to cash
in on the trend. There is, for example, a "Big Dummy's Guide to..." series;
I saw "Big Dummy's Guide to the Internet" last week.
Has anyone on this list read one of the "...for Dummies" books? (And would
one of us admit it if we had?) Recently, a friend at Ziff-Davis press --
who publish their own fair share of series, but no "Dummies" ripoffs --
was talking with me about the Dummies phenomenon. "Would you buy a
book titled for dummies?" she asked. Those of us around the table
couldn't imagine it. And I would be even LESS likely to buy a book titled
"Big Dummy's Guide to Anything." A book written BY a dummy is even less
appealing than one written FOR them.
It may not remain confined to computer books, however. My representative
(I'm sorry, I moved OUT of L.A., I can't get used to saying "my agent")
talked
with me recently about the Dummies craze and mentioned that IDG was
thinking of expanding the series into non-computer-related topics -- car
repair, home improvement, other do-it-yourself projects. The mind reels.
But it *definitely* calls for a list of potential titles. (No, Chris, not
"F1
for Dummies.") My own thoughts on the matter range from the serious
(I'll bet you could buy a small Caribbean island with the royalties from
"VCRs for Dummies") to self-parody ("Toast for Dummies"). We could
combine popular software titles with the black-and-yellow covers and
end up with things like "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing for Dummies." And
of course eventually we have to go from the ridiculous ("Arbitrage and
Leveraged Buyouts for Dummies") to the sublime ("Ventriloquism for
Dummies").
And of course, the political arena is a natural. Democrats can howl over
the antics of Dan Quayle's contributions to "Speling for Dummies" (sic, of
course). And Republicans can overwhelm the U.S. Postal Service by
mailing copies of "Decision-Making for Dummies" to 1600 Pennsylvania
Avenue. Finally -- not to wish anyone ill, of course -- given the advanced
years of the author, someone should arrange for ex-President Reagan to
begin work soon on what would be his magnum opus, "Dozing for Dummies."
Oh, and if anyone is interested in a serious discussion of the competition
for shelf space in the computer sections of nationwide bookstores, I heard
a panel made up of the chief buyers from Ingram's, Barnes & Noble, and
Border's Books last March. The basic cut there is that B & N usually has
more than 40,000 square feet of floor space, so they try to make a point
of having one of everything. If this means there are 45 books on Word for
Windows on the market, they'll have 45 books on Word for Windows -- maybe
not in every store, but at least in crucial areas. Same for Borders, only
they
are trying to have one of everything everywhere. (The Borders in Rochester,
I understand, has a copy of my book, for instance...) Combine this with the
disproportionate sales and profitability of computer books -- they make up
something like 5% of the titles and 18% to 20% of the revenue for many
vendors -- and you have a fierce desire on the part of the publishers to make
the books visible from the street while stacked on the back shelves.
(Ingram,
of course, doesn't care -- they're a distributor, but they're the reason you
can order a book and get it in two days instead of three weeks. They have
several cases of just about everything in each of their, um, five warehouses
across the country. Or maybe three warehouses. Anyway.)
With CD-ROMs and software titles increasingly being marketed as though
they were books, or in many cases along with books, small bookstores are
starting to wonder where they'll find the room to put new titles on the
shelves. The whole thing leads to doing anything possible -- including
marketing books as though they were soap -- to try to catch the consumer's
attention. Hence high-contrast covers, interminable series from hell that
leverage off mindshare from the previous 25 titles in the series, and of
course, that stalwart fallback position of Madison Avenue since time
immemorial, shameless, slavish imitation of others' success.
BTW, another friend mentioned the newest trend in socially-acceptable
romance novel covers. Demographically, buyers of romance novels tend
to be overwhelmingly female, but with more and more of said women taking
professional positions, the publishers were seeing resistance to covers
with the traditional look -- that is, shirtless dark-haired man hefts
breathless bosomy woman in bare sinewy arms while regency/antebellum
mansion burns merrily in the background. So apparently the new signal is
to put flowers on the cover. "No guy is gonna buy a book with flowers on
the cover," Shel tells me, "but a woman in a suit won't be embarrassed to
be seen reading it in business class on a flight to New York, or carrying
it under her arm as she checks into a hotel for a trade show." An excellent
piece of self-selecting user-interface design, that, and a valuable lesson.
Obviously, this leaves the bodice-ripper cover type available for computer
books (though the diversity of genders and orientations in the computer
world present some interesting problems to the art director). I'll mention
it to my editor when cover design comes up on my current project...
--Scott "Sweet Savage QuickTime for Windows for Dummies" Fisher
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 30 Aug 1994 23:28:19 -0500 (CDT)
From: REX_BLACK@ACM.ORG
Subject: fun german words...
To: SPAF
On a recent trip to Germany (to test Solaris 2.4), I learned the following
fun German words:
Mietwagen means "rental car." Pronounced the way it would be in English,
it has interesting connotations when getting on the autobahn.
Ausfahrt means "exit." Given the amount of sauerkraut I ate while I was
there, I thought of that word a lot.
Flughafen means "airport." I don't know why, but I found that funny
as well.
Finally, in the "joke's on you" category, "sprechen zie english" means
"I am a stupid foreigner lost in your country, so please give me wrong
directions."
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 18 Aug 1994 10:50:04 +0500
From: gatti@knoxdist.East.Sun.COM (Linda Gatti - Knoxville TN SE)
Subject: Getta Loada This!
To: spaf
[Normally, I only include odd, bizarre, or funny stuff in the digest,
but Linda evidently thought this serious and thought-provoking
piece might be appropriate. So, as a favor to her, here it is. --spaf]
Date: Wed, 17 Aug 94 08:15:02 -0400
From: dalton@marcam.com (John Dalton)
Subject: Leave it to Beaver-land
My wife forwarded this to me. Thought you might enjoy some
thoughts from the land of "Ozzie and Harriet" and
"Leave It To Beaver".
This is actual text from a Home Economics guide used in Ontario,
Canada during the 1950's. This segment is titled :
"THE FASCINATING WOMANHOOD WAY TO WELCOME A MAN WHEN HE COMES HOME FROM
WORK"
GET YOUR WORK DONE: Plan your tasks with an eye of the clock.
Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your
anguished cry, "Are you home already?" is not exactly a warm
welcome.
HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before to have a
delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that
you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.
Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good
meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
PREPARE YOURSELF: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed
when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead
of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive
and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are
resting you can be thinking about your F.W. assignment and all you
can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you
arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a
ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a
lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more
interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last trip through the main part of
the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school
books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in
the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the
tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and
order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order
is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned
for this homecoming.
PREPARE THE CHILDREN: Take just a few minutes to wash the
children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and
if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and
he would like to see them look the part.
MINIMIZE ALL NOISE: Especially give heed to this if your husband
has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate
noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the
children to be quiet at the time of their father's arrival. Let
them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system.
BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM: Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to
see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make
his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs
it now.
SOME DON'TS: Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Solve
the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must
discuss with him until later in the evening. Also, don't complain
if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when
compared with what he might have gone through that day. Don't
allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow
them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later.
MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Have him lean back into a comfortable chair
or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink
ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck
and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this
however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a
soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.
LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the
moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he
will be a more responsive listener later.
MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out
to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to
understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home
and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back.
Again, try to understand his world of strain.
THE GOAL: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where
your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to
this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood
and your husband **will want to come home** (that's in italics) He
will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will
spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all
of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is
the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure,
persuasion or moral obligation.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 31 Aug 1994 10:10:22 -0400
From: someone
Subject: Get the toad off the ship.
To: postmaster@starfleet.org
This would be mildly amusing if you could manage to keep the toads off the
ship. Usenet-obsessed techno-nerds do not belong on a starship.
================================================================
finger @starfleet.org
[STARFLEET.ORG]
Login Name Tty Login Date Office Location
picard Jean-Luc Picard co 41153.7 NCC-1701-D Bridge [suspended]
picard Jean-Luc Picard co 41153.7 NCC-1701-D Crusher's room.
riker William T. Riker no1 41154.9 NCC-1701-D Holodek-3 [troi.hpg]
Q Q all 00000.0 all all
geordie Geordie LaForge engr 41357.4 NCC-1701-D Port Nacelle
beverly Beverly Crusher sbay 41154.9 NCC-1701-D Medlab [suspended]
beverly Beverly Crusher sbay 41154.9 NCC-1701-D Crusher's room.
troi Deanna Troi cslr 41153.7 NCC-1701-D Holodek-5 [riker.hpg]
spaf Gene Spafford yuks 34575.3 128-1021-A Infobahn Toll Booth
data Data ops 41153.7 NCC-1701-D Holodek-2 [tasha.hpg]
odo Odo sect 46582.6 DS9 Bucket in corner.
wesley Weasley Crusher helm 41263.8 NCC-1701-D Holodek-1 [motss.hpg]
["Usenet-obsessed?" Obviously, someone who is behind the times a bit.
But not far enough behind the times to remember when I was the net's
resident extra-terrestrial. :-) --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: 25 Aug 94 04:37:51 GMT
From: sbeckman@iastate.edu (Scott P Beckman)
Subject: Good communal coffee (was burned McLady)
Newsgroups: rec.food.drink.coffee
At my work the guy on the other shift cooks his sausage in the company
coffee maker. He puts the sausage in the pot and fills it with hot
water. After it has sat on the burner for 20 min. he takes them out and
replaces the pot.
When I first started working here I thought the coffee was terrible
quality so I tried bringing my own from home, but that tasted just as
bad. After sucking down the slime offered me for 1.5 months I finally
found out what I was drinking out of.
[As Yucks readers know, it could be worse. --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 4 Sep 1994 11:05:44 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: How I stopped worrying and learned to love C++
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: Margo Seltzer <margo@das.harvard.edu>
Forwarded-by: Mike Smith <smith@das.harvard.edu>
Two part article in IEEE Computer, June/July 1994.
Quote: "After years of using C++, I still can't decide
whether to admire it or walk away in disgust."
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 6 Sep 1994 15:32:00 -0359
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: It's been nice knowing you.
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: hitz@netapp.com (Dave Hitz)
Today (September 6th, 1994) is the final day of the Tribulation, and the
end of the world should be here by the end of September, according to Dr.
Harold Camping who has a talk show on KEAR Radio (106.9 in San Francisco)
every night around 7:00.
There will be obvious signs in the stars some time today, to indicate that
the end is coming. Camping explains that these will not be some obscure
signs, but something flashy that will cause anguish around the world as
everyone realizes that the end is near. He's not sure exactly what form
the signs will take, and he's also not sure whether they'll take place at
the same time around the world, or whether each area will see the signs
at the same time in its own timezone.
Camping has been predicting this for quite some time, and as of last night
he still hadn't backed down. Last night's show was interesting because
when people asked questions, Camping would say things like:
We've got a pamphlet on that we can send you, uh, but -- of course --
it won't reach you in time, so you'd better just pray. May we take
our next call now.
Goodbye.
[Maybe a big sign saying his show has been cancelled? --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 6 Sep 1994 09:40:55 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: More strange inquiries from AOL....
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: Tom.Kessler@Eng.Sun.COM (Tom Kessler, Internet Dude)
I can hardly wait for the prodigy people. The beauty of it is that there
is some grain of truth behind here somewhere. Either this is some out of
control AI program browsing the Internet or he's reading a very strange
collection of netnews and Web pages. One of these days I'm going to have
to re-register the administrative contact for sun.com to be John D. Sun,
or something like that.
From: TheronThor@aol.com
To: kessler@Eng
Subject: information on the "Sun Sparc" ?
Date: Tue, 06 Sep 94 00:04:38 EDT
To whom it may concern,
I am interested in becoming a reflector site for the internet
meaning i can see and hear people live on my computer from around the wrold
on my computer through the internet. while i was retriving information on
this particular subject one of the requirements was the need of a "Sun
Sparc" chip??. I contacted a member on American online, the service I am part
of, that a "sun Sparc" is a chip distributed by the "Sun" corporation or
industry. In my Gopher and Wais database searching I came across you as the
most logical industry that would probably produce or sell this "chip" as the
"Sun Microsystem's incorporated. If you are not the company that produces
this particular chip can you refer me to the company that possibly sells this
particular chip. An e-mail address would be preffered or if you do not have
there e-maill address then a mailling address or telephone number would do
fine.
all information to be sent to this e-mail address: theronthor@aol.com
thank you.
from your fellow "cyberpunk"
Theron G. Gouzoulis.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 31 Aug 1994 09:48:02 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Nah, it was just some sort of strange fetish
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: guy@netapp.com (Guy Harris)
Forwarded-by: beepy@supernova (Brian Pawlowski)
Forwarded-by: dana@tread.engr.sgi.com Tue Aug 30 15:22:29 1994
Forwarded-by: sw@flatcat (Steve Whitney)
From: stantz@sybase.com (Mark Stantz)
Subject: Fun with giraffes
------------------
This reminded me of my favorite giraffe story. In the summer of 1993
two of my friends, Rob and Jason, worked in a Tarzan (tm) show at Silver
Springs (an attraction in Florida). The show was near a "petting zoo"
area which house goats, deer, and giraffes. The giraffes aways leaning
over the fence to eat goodies that the tourists held-up for the giraffes
to get. One day Rob and Jason heard this screaming noise over in the
petting area.
Apparently a man was walking away from the giraffes and he dropped
something. When he bent over to retrieve it two things happened: 1) he
exposed a portion of his backside (commonly called "plumber's butt")
and 2) one of the giraffes decided this was some sort of food offering
and bent down to lick it up. When the man felt the giraffe's long wet
tongue sliding down his crack, he stood up and started screaming. This
caused his cheeks to pinch the giraffe's tongue. This caused the giraffe
to panic and it started screaming (sort of) also. Rob and Jason heard
the noise and looked over to see the man standing with the giraffe's
tongue coming out of the back of his pants.
Several people rushed over and eventually freed both man and giraffe.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 31 Aug 1994 04:20:02 -0600
From: qotd-request@ensu.ucalgary.ca (Quote of the day)
Subject: Quote of the day
To: qotd@ensu.ucalgary.ca
"Women's magazines always seem to me to be instructing aliens on how to
act like women. It's as though the people reading know nothing: what
to wear at a picnic, what to eat when you get to the picnic. It's for
pods who want to impersonate humans. On the other hand, there's very
little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot
they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know
what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'"
- comic Jerry Seinfeld, in Esquire
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 1 Sep 94 21:00:15 MDT
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Subject: some people have entirely too much time on their hands
To: spaf
From: ccarr@onramp.net (Jerry Hatfield)
When I was in Junior High School, all I wanted was a girl with BIG TITS.
In High School, I finally DATED a girl with big tits!
But there was no EMOTION. I wanted all that romance stuff like in the movies!
In Colege, I went with a REAL romantic girl. But she was way TOO emotional.
Cried over everything. Got kinda scary. I decided I wanted someone stable.
My girlfriend after College was VERY stable. THAT got boring awfully fast.
I wanted someone with AMBITIONS.
Then I lived with an ambitious woman. NEUROTIC like you wouldn't BELIEVE!
I finally realized what I wanted was a woman with SELF-CONFIDENCE!
So I found a woman who was self-confident, and I MARRIED her!
And when we got divorced, she was so self-confident, she cleaned me out and
left me with nothing.
Now all I want is a girl with big tits.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 6 Sep 1994 15:32:55 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Spooked yet?
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
Forwarded-by: tale@uunet.uu.net (David C Lawrence)
From: earle@uunet.uu.net (Earle Ady)
Whois: org nsa
National Security Agency (NSA)
Attn: R532
Fort George G. Meade, MD 20755
Record last updated on 15-Feb-92.
Would you like to see the registered members of this organization? y
No known members of this organization.
------------------------------
Date: Sun, 4 Sep 1994 21:07:10 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Talking Toilet Seats
To: /dev/null@python.bostic.com
From: Wendell Craig Baker <wbaker@splat.baker.com>
http://educom.edu/edupage.old/edupage.94/edupage-04.21.94
> TALKING INVENTORY
> A wireless tracking program will be used by the Department of
> Defense to find the location of items in inventory. Each lot in a warehouse
> will be tagged with a tiny radio transmitter. For example, if you were to
> call all toilet seats, they would call back and tell you where they are.
> (Atlanta Journal-Constitution 4/21/94 F2)
Now lessee here, a toilet seat costs $500 per each. And a radio
transciever-ping-thing could probably be built (on a rad-hard mil-spec
cost-plus-basis using domestic-only fab and assembly) for about ~$25,000
each. How many toilet seats fit on a palette again?
Be neat if you could buy them at consumer prices for your household stuff
though.
[I can see the movie now: "Calling All Toilet Seats" --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 2 Sep 1994 12:21:20 -0400 (EDT)
From: gregh@cc.gatech.edu (Greg Hankins)
Subject: yucks
To: spaf
Found this, thought you might like it for yucks:
AURORA, Ill. (AP) -- A man who admitted making up a story about seeing a
5-year-old girl kidnapped so he could get a day off from work has been sentenced
to two years' probation.
Richard Nieves' heart-wrenching story of seeing a leather-clad man carrying a
bound and gagged girl in the back of a van on June 3 prompted a massive police
hunt for the girl and her abductor.
"People say you can speak with your eyes," a somber Nieves told reporters at
the time, "and hers seemed to be saying, `Help me. Get me out of here. Do
something for me.'"
Nieves, 21, flunked a polygraph test four days later and admitted he
concocted the story so he could skip a day of work as a machine operator at
DuPage Precision Products.
Thursday, Nieves called the hoax "the most stupid, foolish thing I've ever
done in my life."
In addition to probation, Nieves was ordered to serve 500 hours of community
service. He pleaded guilty last month to a charge of disorderly conduct.
[I almost wish he had wanted a long weekend off -- it would have been
interesting to hear *that* story... "So Bigfoot and Elvis dragged the kids
into the UFO, see, and..." --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 31 Aug 94 09:41:04 MDT
From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
Subject: Yucks Digest V4 #22 (shorts)
To: spaf
> Date: Tue, 30 Aug 94 23:59:25 EST
> From: spaf@cs.purdue.edu (Gene "Chief Yuckster" Spafford)
> Subject: Yucks Digest V4 #22 (shorts)
> To: yucks@cs.purdue.edu
>
>
> Yucks Digest Tue, 30 Aug 94 Volume 4 : Issue 22
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Date: Mon, 29 Aug 94 21:43:33 MDT
> From: cdash@ludell.uccs.edu (Charlie Shub)
> Subject: supercalifragilistic
> To: spaf
>
> lurking in alt.sex...
>
........ oh damn, the From line got deleted.
> This is a little something a friend and I worked up in '92...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
this is the forwarder
>
>
> [Charlie obviously has too much time on his hands.... --spaf]
>
> ------------------------------
time to read, but NOT time to compose. Besides, if I were creative
enough to have written the above, I'd be rich!
[I think it's more amusing imagining you writing it! --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 31 Aug 1994 10:53:06 -0500 (CDT)
From: kinyon@next3.corp.mot.com (John J. Kinyon)
Subject: Yucks Digest V4 #22 (shorts)
To: spaf (spaf)
> ------------------------------
>
> Date: Tue, 23 Aug 1994 12:09:29 +0100
> From: (null)
> Subject: Trek
> To: eniac
>
> For those who haven't tried it yet, finger @starfleet.org
>
> [Pretty funny, actually. I dunno if it every changes, but... --spaf]
>
> ------------------------------
kinyon@mot.com% finger @starfleet.org
[starfleet.org]
Can't connect to port 79 on 129.234.24.22
First Pizza Hut, now Star Fleet.
Gene, is your "sabbatical" on a huge metal cube near Pluto?
[Drat -- you found out. Now I'll have to "fix" motorola.com... --spaf]
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 1 Sep 1994 15:00:21 +0800
From: Bradford.Wetmore@EBay.Sun.COM (Brad R. Wetmore)
Subject: Yucks Digest V4 #23 (3 long ones)
To: spaf
> Proudly sponsored by:
>
> Exposure & Nexus Magazines
>
> [I've been going to the wrong conferences... --spaf]
Hey, all our work in Intrusion Detection is helping to repress all this
UFO information! :)
I'll be if you wrote and made a claim that you wrote the protection
software but backdoor'd it, and now you had all kinds of files with
incredible "revelations," they'd put you on the program. Heck,
they might even fly you out there. Free trip anyone?
[I'm concerned about what they would use to fly me out. Could I
arrange it through starfleet.org? --spaf]
------------------------------
End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------