[Prev][Next][Index]

Yucks Digest V1 #72



Yucks Digest                Fri, 16 Aug 91       Volume 1 : Issue  72 

Today's Topics:
                            administrivia
                        From Creative Loafing
                  I can weird you if you want to...
                      Institute of Fuzzy Science
                          How big *is* a mo?
             Little known provisions of the START treaty
                          Purple Applesauce!
                          Quantum Mechanics
                           Roseanne's Baby
                         Stanford honor code
           What are the diffs between super and transputer?

The "Yucks" digest is a moderated list of the bizarre, the unusual, the
possibly insane, and the (usually) humorous.  It is issued on a
semi-regular basis, as the whim and time present themselves.

Back issues may be ftp'd from arthur.cs.purdue.edu from
the ~ftp/pub/spaf/yucks directory.  Material in archives
Mail.1--Mail.4 is not in digest format.

Back issues may also be obtained through a mail server.  Send mail to
"yucks-request@uther.cs.purdue.edu" with a "Subject:" line of the
single word "help".  You may also use this server to join or leave the
list, or to obtain an index of past issues.

Submissions and subscription requests should be sent to
spaf@cs.purdue.edu or yucks@uther.cs.purdue.edu

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Fri Aug 16 22:04:07 EST 1991
From: spaf
Subject: administrivia
To: yucks

Well, I'm back again after 3 weeks of travel -- two weeks of
much-needed vacation in Hawaii with family, and one fascinating week
at the first National Conference on Computing and Values.  However,
nothing much occurred at those that is appropriate to report here
(except I've found that some of you pass along Yucks to all sorts of
interesting people!).

My mailbox is stuffed, and I have over 50 pending submissions to
Yucks.  I've filtered a few out -- thank you all for the copies of the
"Jeffrey Dahmer Cookbook and BBQ Guide", and all the "Buddhist Monks
Shot and Not Shot" stories -- but I think I'll pass on those.

Enclosed you will find a few I yanked off the top of the heap.  More will
follow as time and energy permits.

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 15 Aug 91 8:04:47 EDT
From: ccastmg@prism.gatech.edu (Michael G. Goldsman)
Subject: From Creative Loafing
To: spaf

BATTERED WOMEN'S ASSOCIATION of Clayton County will hold auditions
for "Sleuth" by Anthony Shaffer. Need 2 men ages 30-60. Aug 10-11, 1-5 pm 
at North Clayton Center, 4880 Riverdale Road., College Park. Call
996-4156 for directions

Hmmm I wonder what the audition comprises of?

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 12 Aug 91 08:51:11 PDT
From: kds@mipos2.intel.com (Ken Shoemaker)
Subject: I can weird you if you want to...
To: rsk@chestnut.circ.upenn.edu, spaf, katz@iilfs6.intel.com

July 14, 1991

AND YOU THINK YOU'RE STRESSED OUT

In March, Florence Schreiber Powers, 44, a Ewing, N.J., administrative law
judge on trial for shoplifting two watches, called her psychiatrist to
testify that she was under stress at the time of the incidents.  The doctor
said Powers did not know what she was doing "from one minute to the next,"
for the following 19 reasons: a recent auto accident, a traffic ticket, a
new-car purchase, overwork, husband's kidney stones, husband's asthma (and
breathing machine that occupies their bedroom), menopausal hot flashes, an
"ungodly vaginal itch, a bad rash, fear of breast and anal cancer, fear of
dental surgery, son's need for an asthma breathing machine, mother's and
aunt's illnesses, need to organize her parents' 50th wedding anniversary,
need to cook Thanksgiving dinner for 20 relatives, purchase of 200 gifts for
Christmas and Hanukkah, attempt to sell her house without a real estate
agent, lawsuit against wallpaper cleaners, purchase of furniture that had to
be returned, and a toilet in her house that was constantly running.  She was
convicted

FETISHES ON PARADE

Wendell Ray Bryant, 35, was arrested in January in Spokane, Wash., after
police (with a search warrant) found 100 women's high-heeled shoes in his
apartment.  He had been in court several years ago regarding 662 such shoes -
162 at home and 500 in a commercial self-storage unit he had rented.

In April, Maryland officials sent a shoe fetish suspect to a hospital for
treatment after he threatened harm to three people unless they would let him
sniff their shoes, but while he was under observation, another sniffer turned
up elsewhere in the state.  A man tricked a woman into offering him her shoe,
telling her that it might contain a valuable ticket.  When she handed over
the shoe, he lifted it to his nose, peeled back the padding, inhaled deeply,
and then asked for her other shoe.

Jacqueline R. Edwards was arrested in May in Troy, N.Y., for burglary of a
bakery after she broke in and gorged herself with several dozen
liquor-flavored cookies from a display case.  At her arraignment, she
clutched her stomach, swayed back and forth and moaned.

Todd Mason, 23, former high school football star in Brownsville, Ind., was
convicted of attempted manslaughter in January.  He had beaten up the father
of his former girlfriend (and set his house on fire) after the father
discovered him rummaging through the daughter's room filling a bag with her
underwear.

COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS

A Montana State University chemistry professor claimed in March that he was
wrongfully accused of being drunk after an accident that occurred while he
was on work-release for a previous drunken-driving sentence.  Although a
state trooper found him "highly intoxicated," the professor said a chemical
explosion in his lab caused him to smell and act drunk and that his statement
to the trooper about having consumed a six-pack of beer was merely
"incoherent babbling," because of the trauma of the accident.

In March, gourmet Howard Schaeffer, 46, received a $1.1 million award from a
New York City jury, which believed that a traffic accident had caused him to
lose his senses of smell and taste.  Asked why he continues to weigh more
than 200 pounds, Schaeffer said he has found other ways to enjoy food: "It's
amazing how quickly you can get into texture."

Arkansas Secretary of State Bill McCuen, questioned in November for poor
judgment in taking two female employees on what he called a "business trip"
to Las Vegas, said he took two to avoid the appearance of impropriety that
would have resulted if he had taken only one.  (He justified the two women,
also, by pointing out that three could travel as cheaply as one, and indeed,
the three shared one motel room en route, in Gallup, N.M.)

July 21, 1991

GOING BALLISTIC ON NON-NUCLEAR POLICY

Army Sgt. Perry Mitchell was given a bad conduct discharge and sent to jail 
in April after he refused orders to go to the Persian Gulf with his unit in
Germany because the military was unwilling to use nuclear weapons.  He said
he had a "conscientious objection" to serving in a ground war in the nuclear
age.  "One nuclear blast would send Saddam the message that he obviously
hasn't gotten," said Mitchell, who volunteered to launch the first one.

GOVERNMENT IN ACTION

The Canadian government revealed in January it was abandoning plans to make
bicycle helmet manufacturers meet safety standards.  A consumer official said
the standards are no longer a priority because so few cyclists wear helmets.

The city of Portland, Ore., announced in February that the highest-paid
municipal worker last year was a 911 operator, who made $64,869 in overtime
on top of a $30,000 salary.  The mayor makes $72,592.

Arizona state Rep. Bobby Raymond, videotaped in a sting operation, pleaded
guilty to five felony counts in February.  Among his words on the tape: "My
favorite line is 'What's in it for me?'" and "I feel better now (after having
just been handed $1000).  We've all committed felonies," and "I'll do anything
for (the briber) short of sticking ice picks up people's noses or things like
that."

The 1990 U.S. Census reported in February that the Onodaga Indian reservation
south of Syracuse, N.Y., was home to 771 people, 759 of them white and two
Native American.  The chief of the Iroquois confederacy on the reservation
said no whites live there.  A census official said, "There appears to be some
inconsistency here."

A 14-year-old schoolgirl was struck by a car in December in Stoughton, Mass.,
and suffered a broken ankle.  Crossing guard Joanne Petrucci was on duty but
declined to help the girl cross the street because, she said, the girl was a
seventh-grader and Petrucci's job description calls for her to watch over
only elementary school students.

The Louisiana legislature recently rewrote its anti-narcotics law but somehow
failed to include a criminal penalty for part of it, including the part
governing the possession of cocaine.  Hundreds of potential convictions were
in jeopardy.

In October, the Department of Agriculture's Animal and Plant Health
Inspection Service revised a regulation to allow the importing of honeybee
semen from New Zealand for any reason, not just for research.

Funded by a $100 million federal grant, an Ottawa child welfare organization
mailed instruction kits to about 7000 day care workers in March, telling them
elaborately, with glossy pamphlets, how to teach hand washing to kids.  Each
kit cost the government about $30.

The Village Voice reported in February that New York City tax abatement on a
Times Square project would last 100 years and cost the city more that $4
billion.  (Typical city tax breaks run for 10 years and cost no more than $10
million).

REACTIONARY BEHAVIOR

Matthew P. Dukes, 26, sentenced to 30 days in jail in 1989 following his
sixth drunken-driving conviction, tried for 15 months (through December 1990)
to get into jail in Ravenna, Ohio, but each time was turned away because the
jail was full.  In December, Dukes filed a lawsuit in federal court claiming
that his constitutional rights are being violated by the jail's refusal to
admit him.

A Farmington, Minn., convenience store clerk was robbed at sword point in
March.  The police chief said the robber walked into the store, pointed his
sword at the clerk's chest, and demanded money.  The clerk said, "You gotta
be kidding."  The robber said, "No."

In October, Salt Lake City police spotted a 28-year-old man who was
loitering, and asked for identification.  The man then absent-mindedly offered
an ID a demand note that had been used in two recent robberies, and was
arrested.

In February, a homeless Orlando, Fla., man, Darrel Teel, found $29,200 in
several envelopes, and, he said later, began having thoughts of buying a new
suit and other things.  Then he had second thoughts, telling himself, "It
would have been wrong" to keep the money.  he turned it in to the local
sheriff, who returned it to the elderly woman who lost it (her life's
savings).

July 28, 1991

BOYS WRAP THEMSELVES IN FLAGPOLE

Two teen-age boys, being driven to juvenile court by police officers in
Reading, Pa., in March, escaped by dashing away when the car stopped for a
light.  However, the boys were handcuffed together and failed to communicate
as they approached a flagpole.  One went left, one went right, and they
collided, stunning themselves momentairly until two nearby firefighters could
hold them down for the police to catch up.

Rhonda Jean Merryman, 33, wound up in a intensive care at an Inola, Okla.,
hospital in April after being thrown from a trash truck she was driving one
night.  She was thrown because she was attempting simultaneously to drive at
30 mph and fix the truck's headlights.  She had one foot on the gas pedal and
the other on the running board, bracing herself as she reached in front of
the windshield to tug on the electrical wires running to the headlights.

The latest stuck-in-the-exhaust-vent burglar: Jeffrey Powell, 27, while
attempting to enter a Chinese restaurant in Chicago in January.  His coat
caught on some pipes and twisted around his neck, strangling him to death.
Two years earlier, Powell had tried to enter a liquor store through a vent
and triggered a burglar alarm.

A patient, "Andre L.,"  sued a Montreal hospital in March because his
buttocks had caught fire.  He claimed that while undergoing surgery to remove
growths, the sterilizing alcohol was ignited by a cauterizing instrument,
causing second-degree burns.

A worker at the Coors brewing plant in Golden, Colo., turned the wrong valve
in May and sent at least 155,000 gallons of beer into adjacent Clear Creek,
killing 3000 fish.

In the English soccer championship game in May (seen by 80,000 people in
Wembly Stadium and on television by 600 million people in 100 countries), the
winning goal was scored in sudden-death overtime by Des Walker of the
Nottingham Forest team, who headed the ball past his own goalie into his own
net to gave Tottenham the title.

In May in Ho Chi Minh City, about 50 people crowded onto a rickety bridge to
peer at a girl who had jumped into the river below to commit suicide.  The
bridge collapsed, killing nine.  The girl was rescued.

WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER

>From the classified section of the Albuquerque Journal, Feb. 1, 1991: "Lost
since March 1983, tortise shell female cat, reward."

According to New Orleans police, Gregory Doster, 28, was shot in April by an
irate drug dealer after Doster declined to buy cocaine from him.  Police said
Doster had just purchased cocaine from another dealer when the second dealer
jumped in Doster's truck as he was driving away and pleaded with Doster to
buy more before shooting him.

In May, Maxcy Dean Filer, 60, of Compton finally passed the California bar
exam.  He graduated from law school in 1966 but had failed the exam in his
previous 47 tries.

Bobbi Jo Shinsky, 14, relieved of her part in a Uniontown, Pa., high school
play in May because she had lied about missing rehearsals, stood up in her
audience seat on opening night and recited her lines anyway, competing for
attention with her replacement.  Security guards hustled her to the
principal's office, and she was suspended for three days.

CHUTZPAH

Boxer Thomas Hearns recently hired as his chief financial advisor Harold
Rossfield Smith, who had just been released from prison after serving five
years for embezzling $21 million from the Wells Fargo Bank.

Last fall, Houston Lighting & Power Co requested a $40 million rate increase
to cover anticipated fuel cost rises associated with the Persian Gulf war,
but at the same time acknowledged it had recently overcharged consumers $53
million.  The two events could not cancel each other, said the company,
because that would give "contradictory price signals and an unnecessary
fluctuation in consumers' energy costs."

August 4, 1991

INDIANIANS HAD THE TITLE ALL LOCKED UP

Included in last year's edition of "Outstanding Young Men of America" were
five inmates of the Indiana State Prison, including a man serving 110 years
for murder, named for his "outstanding civic and professional contributions."
He had been nominated by another murderer.

Neal Bush, son of the president, was disqualified from a Denver tennis
tournament in May for cheating - after he and his partner improperly signed
up for a match against opponents far below their own skill level so that they
would get an easy victory.

In May, 19 members of the Michigan House of Representatives (led by the
chairman of the Judiciary Committee) introduced a resolution designed to deal
with obnoxious social problems without creating expensive regulatory
programs.  The resolution would establish, at the State Archives, a "Registry
of Bothersome Practices," on which people could express complaints about such
things as elevator music and those annoying subscription cards that always
fall out of magazines.

The Centers for Disease Control reported last August that the leading cause
of on-the-job death for female workers is not accidents but murder - at a
rate of 3 1/2 times that for male workers.

The biggest traffic jam in Japan's history occurred last Aug. 12 - 15,000
vehicles, extending over 94 miles, brought on by a typhoon that forced the
closing of several roads.

Four South Korean men were arrested in October for making customers at a
hotel sauna "disgusted" by their tattoos of dragons and other animals.
Authorities charged them with "causing other bathers to have bad feelings."

A November Gallup Poll revealed that 78 percent of Americans believe in
heaven and 60 percent in hell, the highest such figures in about 40 years.
Only 4 percent thought they, personally, were going to hell, and 78 percent
thought they had a good shot at heaven.

Police in Thousand Oaks endured a rash of incidents in February and March of
teen-agers rolling bowling balls and tires down a sloping street.  One
resident said he saw one ball reach a speed of 50 to 60 mph.  The president
of a neighborhood association said, "Something is very, very wrong."

In Japan, electronic "eyes" have been installed on curbs to be activated when
people attempt to cross where there is no crosswalk.  A voice scolds them
harshly.  Authorities say signs alone don't work, because of the Japanese's
creeping Western-like disrespect for authority.

Romanian farmer Calin Florea, finally convinced in March that communism was
dead in his country, dug up the tractor that he'd kept buried in his yard for
35 years.  The engine still runs, but he couldn't find many of the parts he
had seperatly buried.  He said he could use a good metal detector to find
them.

In February, the New Song Baptist Church held a christening at the
Puddingstone Hot Tub Resort in a suburb of Los Angeles.  A representative
called the church (the average age of whose members is 27) "the flock that
likes to rock."

Ella Hartley, 53, a psychiatric patient on whose behalf a lawsuit was filed
in 1982 by a public advocacy group to win more freedom for mentally ill
people in West Virginia, drowned in November near Huntington.  She had
wandered off during a visit to her doctor to go swimming in the Ohio River.

City officials in Anchorage held a "Scoop the Poop Day" in April to clean up
the 8 million pounds of dog poop that had been deposited in the city during
the six-month freeze.  The organization that scooped the most received a
trophy.

Brazil's Supreme Court struck down the "legitimate defense of honor" excuse
in March, which historically had allowed men a legitimate excuse for
murdering their unfaithful wives or the wives lovers.

------------------------------

Date: 9 Aug 91 23:30:06 GMT
From: brun@tybalt.caltech.edu (Todd A. Brun)
Subject: Institute of Fuzzy Science
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny

Last year I founded the Institute of Fuzzy Science here at Caltech, as a public
service for scientists everywhere.  This was my original announcement.  I
thought it might be of more general interest; there are several other bulletins
if this one is successful.

	-- Todd Brun
	   brun@tybalt.caltech.edu

			New IFS Option

A new interdisciplinary option for graduate students has been 
instituted, in collaboration with the nearby Institute of Fuzzy 
Science.  IFS, for those who are not aware, is an institution to 
promote research in "unusual, spooky, or just plain off-the-wall" 
areas of modern science, generally not accepted by the mainstream 
of the academic community.  "We don't believe in discouraging a 
researcher," IFS president C.P. Diem commented in a recent 
interview, "just because 99% of the anal-retentive scientists in 
this country believe that conservation of energy holds, or that 
natural gas is a fossil fuel, or that antigravity is impossible.  It 
really annoys me when people invoke buzzwords like General 
Relativity or Quantum Mechanics,"  he added.  "Accepting things 
just because there is experimental evidence for them is poor 
science.  After all, tomorrow we might all fall off the surface of 
the earth into space.  Isn't it better to study what would happen if 
we did?  IFS is here," he declared, "to handle the 'if's."

Until quite recently, IFS was a pure research institution, staffed 
mainly by scientists who are extremely reluctant to give their 
names to reporters.  "We like to keep a low profile," said one IFS 
scientist, Dr. Mindy E. Mouse.  "We've got funding here, we do 
essentially anything we want to,  and nobody bothers us.  Why rock 
the boat?"  Due to this general philosophy, the decision to accept 
students was a controversial one.  The doubters were convinced, 
however, by a recent sociology study performed by an Institute 
physicist.  A handful of students were admitted, and fears that 
they would bring unwelcome publicity were quickly put to rest.  
Indeed, most of the students refused to admit that they'd gone to 
IFS at all, even when confronted with copies of their diplomas.

The Institute of Fuzzy Science is not organized on a traditional 
basis.  "We don't like to divide things up by fields of study, here," 
Diem explained.  "After all, half of us don't really know what field 
we're working in, most of the time.  One of our best researchers 
recently thought he'd developed a new cosmological model that had 
no need to invoke the concept of gravity.  Unfortunately, the model 
did not actually work; but with slight modifications, he was able 
to present it as a new Computer Science algorithm.  Serendipitous 
finds like that are extremely common here."  IFS is therefore 
divided into three departments based on degree of fuzziness.  The 
largest department, holding around half of the Institute scientists, 
is the Department of Slightly Fuzzy Science.  It is staffed mainly 
by scientists attempting to prove unpopular or dated theories, or 
trying to reproduce results observed once, late at night.  Another 
large group in the department are known as the SWOTS, or 
Scientists Working Outside Their Specialties.  "This is a time-
honored tradition, precedented by many famous scientists," laughed 
Diem.  "If a physical chemist wants to perform medical testing, or 
a physicist to dabble in eugenics, who are we to say no?"

The second department is the Department of Fairly Fuzzy Science.  
Here, Flat Earth proponents rub shoulders with conspiracy 
theorists and parapsychologists, each working on their various 
research projects.  "It gives us a real feeling of freedom," 
mentioned one worker in the department.  "I mean, mainstream 
science is just a result of the axioms that you choose.  If you 
choose different axioms, it's amazing what you can prove."  Another 
researcher agreed:  "Basically, we just chuck out modern theory and 
start over."  However, both the Departments of Slightly and Fairly 
Fuzzy Science tend to be cautious in assessing the results of the 
third and smallest department, the Department of Extremely Fuzzy 
Science, which is dominated by creation scientists and supply-side 
economists.  "Frankly, they're so fuzzy even we don't believe it," 
admitted President Diem.   "We don't let our students come into 
contact with the extremely fuzzy scientists.  At least, not at first.  
Young students tend to be very impressionable; early exposure to 
extremely fuzzy studies tends to make them what we call FTF:  Far 
Too Fuzzy."

Though IFS supplies consultants both for Hollywood moviemakers 
and the Department of Defense, many scientists feel that their 
work does not receive the recognition it deserves.  "Take all this 
controversy over the existence of magnetic monopoles," complained 
one IFS biologist.  "Why, we've had half-a-dozen detections here, 
but no one has taken any notice.  I myself detected two last week."  
A conspiracy theorist offered his explanation:  "I think it's 
essentially because the Communist party controls the government.  
Since they depend on federal grants, most universities lack the 
courage to accept results not dictated by the party line."  His 
colleagues agreed, though they differed on whether is was 
Communists, Fascists, Jews, or Catholics, or possibly an alliance 
of all four.

The new graduate option includes both a Master's program and a 
Doctorate of Advanced Fuzzy Studies.  All interested students 
should contact the Institute of Fuzzy Science directly, at their 
main office on Hollywood and Vine.  Further bulletins on progress 
in the Fuzzy Sciences may be forthcoming as new results are 
obtained.

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 12 Aug 91 14:30:19 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: How big *is* a mo?
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU

From: kalsow@sun.com (Bill Kalsow)
Subject: how big is a mo?

  With the advent of 64-bit machines there are some new numbers
  to get acquainted with.  For example, the new LAST(INTEGER) is

	     9223372036854775807

	       (2 ^ 63 - 1)

      nine quintillion two hundred twenty three
      quadrillion three hundred seventy two
      trillion thirty six billion eight hundred
      fifty four million seven hundred seventy
      five thousand eight hundred seven

  Its name is a bit awkward to utter, so for the rest of this discussion
  let's adopt the following shorter name:

      mo
      (mo), n., pl. -s, (as after a numeral) -mo
      1. a cardinal number, two raised to the sixty third power minus one.
      2. a symbol for this number, as MO.
      3. a set of this many persons or things: a mo of men.
      4. a very great number or amount. (slang)
      [1980's American slang, computer sci. jargon]

  Finally, to help internalize how big a mo really is, here's a few
  interesting relationships:

      MO millimeters      0.975 light-years

      MO square inches    0.95 x surface area of Neptune
      MO square yards     1.27 x surface area of the sun

      MO cubic feet       1.05 x volume of Ceres
      MO cubic yards      5.18 x volume of water on Earth
      MO cubic miles      27.2 x volume of the sun

      MO seconds          20 x age of the universe
      MO nanoseconds      292 years (1970 - 2262)
      MO vibrations       1.003 billion seconds
	 of cesium 133         (31.8 years)

      MO pounds           0.8 x weight of Earth's atm.
      MO M&M's            9 trillion tons

      MO dollars          public debt in 2096

      MO electrons        1.48 coulombs (amp seconds)

      MO molecules of H2  .031 milligrams
      MO atoms of C12     .181 milligrams

      MO hertz            .325 angstrom wavelength

      If everyone on the planet (5 billion) each lived 70 years
      and ate an M&M every 1.25 seconds for their entire life,
      we'd consume 1 mo of M&M's.

  The above is based on data found in the 1987 Information Please
  Almanac and an empirical sample of one 1 lb. bag of M&M's.

[Hmmm, I wonder if Bill did the at this Institute for Fuzzy Science? --spaf]

------------------------------

Date: Tue, 13 Aug 91 08:38:08 -0700
From: bostic@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Subject: Little known provisions of the START treaty
To: /dev/null@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU

The dangerous Lego Bomb, which targets shag rugs and scatters pieces of 
plastic that hurt like hell when you step on them is banned entirely....
Hiring David Copperfield to pretend to saw the missiles in half will not
be permitted... In order to reduce risk of accidental war, both sides agree
to ban the popular but dangerous 'Simon Says' training drill at nuclear 
launch sites... Under no circumstances will either side reveal that it 
hammered out the treaty in one afternoon, but spent the last nine years 
arguing the Monty Hall and the three doors problem.
	-- Little known provisions of the START treaty by James Lileks

------------------------------

Date: Thu, 15 Aug 91 10:39:25 EDT
From: rocsoft!rdb@cs.rochester.edu (Robert D. Baden)
Subject: Purple Applesauce!
To: spaf

Scott McNealy's most recent quip, reported in Fortune magazine, notes that
the recent IBM - Apple alliance is likely to result in "Purple Applesauce"
because that's what you get when Big Blue squeezes Red Apple!

------------------------------

Date: 10 Aug 91 10:30:04 GMT
From: shoulson@ctr.columbia.edu (Mark Shoulson)
Subject: Quantum Mechanics
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny

I heard this from a friend, David Kra.  He says it's original:

Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an auto mechanic?

A: A quantum mechanic can get his car into the garage without opening the
   door.

------------------------------

Date: 7 Aug 91 16:20:06 GMT
From: FIN13@msu.edu (Mary Nelson)
Subject: Roseanne's Baby
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny

The other morning on a local radio station, the DJ read a story about how
Roseanne Barr and her husband, Tom Arnold, would like to have a baby in the
near future.  After pausing for a moment, he said that he was grateful for the
warning so that he could be out of town when *that* issue of Vanity Fair came
out.

------------------------------

From: fruitbat@leland.stanford.edu (Thomas Fruchterman)
Subject: Stanford honor code

I was taking a take-home exam in a class at Stanford.  The instructions
said "You are expected to abide by the Stanford Code in your actions."
So I billed the federal government for remodeling my house.

------------------------------

Date: Mon, 12 Aug 91 18:22:20 CDT
From: ssanbeg@visual.spk.wa.us (Scott Sanbeg)
Subject: What are the diffs between super and transputer?
Newsgroups: comp.sys.super,comp.sys.transputer

[This could best be filed under "Unclear on the Concept"  --spaf]

Gawd, I hate showing I'm a novice at some things. Don't you? Anyhoo I'll
close my eyes to type this... :)

My question is what are the differences between a "super" computer and
a "transputer"? At some point in the future I'd like to purchase a bigger
machine than the PC. In my novice understanding of them, so far, the
NeXt, Cray, Sequent, have each caught my attention.

I am supposing that at such time in the future when I do decide to buy, I
would want a machine that handles several different sorts of functions.
Such as: a variety of animation/video functions, development functions in
AI and probably C (and the addition of any machine dependent language(s) ),
and running a multi-line BBS with some unusually heavy requirements such
as displaying art images to remote users. This is all I can think of at the
moment. Oh, TCP/IP or SLIP, PPP, et.al, cisco, ...; they will be a consider-
ation also.

In truth? This is not a call for marketing reps to devote a lot of time
to me right now, because I will remain relatively poor until I finish my
major at a local university. I would like to know how the various machines
"fit" into these classifications, though, as well as what is a "mini" in
relation to all. Then I can pursue further information from this point.
Thanx,
Scott

[We can only hope he isn't doing a CS major....  --spaf]

------------------------------

End of Yucks Digest
------------------------------